do you have any tips on how i can explain a QPR to my boyfriend? thanks in advance! âď¸
Hey! Iâm gonna break this down into some paragraph blocks of explanation/FAQs and then some elaboration on the examples. So:
Whatâs a QPR?
âQPR stands for queer or quasiplatonic relationship. It refers to a relationship which does not fit within the norm of romantic or platonic relationships in our society. QPRs most commonly are found among Aromantics, but anyone can be in them; the structure of the relationship is what makes it queer/quasiplatonic, not the people.â
This is, in a sense, the most important part; the basic definition of a QPR and who can have them. It can be very hard to explain to people outside the aroace community, and the larger LGBT+ community, concepts weâve formed to understand ourselves and models weâve built to describe our relationships; whether your bf is within those groups or not, Iâm assuming he may need a little background info. So, next section!
Whatâs an aromantic? Is this like⌠a vegan steak version of romance? What do these words mean?
Someone who is aromantic does not feel romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is one component of what we tend to simply term attraction; it is the desire to form a romantic relationship or engage with romantic activities with a specific person. Aromantic people may not want to have a romantic relationship with anyone. They may also choose to have QPRs in addition to, instead of, or alongside romantic relationships.
Yeah, Iâm starting to sound like an English teacher, I know. Anyway, the second section is background; you have a better handle than me on your bfâs knowledge level, so adapt to fit.
The key points here are that qprs arenât a replacement for romance, but an additional form that relationships can take.
Thereâs no hierarchy - no âmore than friends, less than loversâ - no hard lines for how many qprs you can have, or who can have them. Answer any vocab questions as they come up.
So what does a QPR look like in practice?
A QPR can look like a lot of things. It can seem like a romantic relationship from the outside, or like a friendship. What makes a QPR is the mutual agreement of the people in it.
Think of it this way; sometimes you go out to eat with a friend and then catch a movie. âDinner and a movieâ is a quintessential date format. What makes you and your friend not a date? Youâve both agreed - usually without having to actually say it - that it isnât one.
QPRs can include any or none of the activities you may find in a traditional romantic relationship.
Use metaphor liberally. Itâs honestly the best way to communicate.
Use some examples if youâd like - fiction or real life. The dinner with a friend example is a good one. Another one I often turn to is the relationship between Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson. (pick whatever adaptation you like, I prefer the books myself). Theyâre sometimes read as romantic, but as a rule theyâre agreed to be platonic; although Watson has other relationships (and two marriages), his friendship with Holmes isnât relegated to second place; he and Holmes remain close their whole lives, living together, sharing their lives, and showing great devotion beyond merely âjust friendsâ.
Ultimately, qprs are pretty nebulous, and thatâs by design. Theyâre intended as a catch all term for relationships outside of our social construction of what relationships can be.
Think of it as similar to the way nonbinary encompasses all genders outside of the two forms society expects - thereâs a myriad of different ways to fall outside those boundaries, but to society itâs a the same.
What do you call someone in a QPR?
Their name.
No, thereâs as many answers to this as their are qprs; some people like boyfriend/girlfriend language, some people marry and call each other spouses or husbands or wives⌠The most common and generic is QPP, or queer platonic partner. Some people also call them zucchinis, and Iâve no idea how that started but itâs adorable. A lot of people in qprs are nonbinary, so thereâs not as many gendered terms around, but everyoneâs different.
And anyone can be in a QPR?
Anyone at all. Aromantic people coined the term, but anyone can use it. You can have a QPR with one person and be dating another; you can have a QPR with several people in; a QPR can mimic the structures of poly romantic relationships or monogamous ones; you can be poly and in a QPR, or even several - the aim of the game is to step outside the boxes society has built for us and live lives on our terms.
The key takeaways from the end of your explanation should be pretty simple:
Anybody can have a QPR or be in a QPR.
QPRs are not just friendships, nor are they more or less than any other type of relationship, because they are an entirely new way of relating to each other.
Every QPR is as different as the people in it. It may include sex, kissing, hugging, raising children, cohabiting, financial partnership (joint bank accounts ect), marriage, taxes, owning property together, date nights, sharing food, cooking for each other, touching, talking, emotionally supporting - anything you can do with another person can be part of your QPR if you want.
So, I hoped that helped! I tried to be comprehensive and break it down into a fairly simple structure, but Iâm still woozy from some medication so please let me know if I made any mistakes or omissions :) good luck explaining anon!
