Scrunchie On the Doorknob

r! and B, two roommates who actually like each other.

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The bottom side of our fridge is that annoying white girl that "only shops at Whole Food because that have the BEST kale in the city." -r!/B

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Love this video/totally freaked out by it. -B

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Yea, downstairs neighbors! It WAS me that just called security on your asses. I'm tired of being woken up by the stench of your cheap weed and fat voices. It's 4 in the fucking morning. Like, good for you that you have the late shift at Target but be considerate of those who have 8-5 jobs. Fuckers. -B

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So..

I just came home after being gone for a few days and S is holding my dog checking him for "termites." I just spent 30 minutes trying to explain to her drunk/high/whatever ass that she was only seeing two of me, but in actuality there was only one. I wish my bedroom door had a lock.

-B

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Surprised B with somuch Nutella this weekend.... -r!

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I've never had to label things in the fridge before because B and I understand each other's food habits. With S being around more, some boundaries need to be made a little more obvious. -r!

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No amount of yoga will ever make me flexible enough to easily paint my toes to match my fingernail polish. -B

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Last fat kid post: Philippines hot pocket...pan de sal with Adobo baked inside. -r!

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Whole wheat pan de sal. Cuz we're healthy. u"hh...Miss? yo bread burnt." "No no...that's whole wheat..." "Waa?" -r!

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"Is that new M.I.A. song about having sex in a car? I feel like you would know.. How are you btw? Going to the Aztec game tonight? -Text from an ex.

-B

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I accidentally bought another thing of milk and when I got home to unpack my groceries I almost had a growing up poor break down.

No one else drinks milk (and I really only use it for hot chocolates) so it will most likely expire and I will feel terrible throwing it out because my mom would lecture us growing up about how it was a sin to throw away spoiled milk. I'm so messed up :(

-B

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Ever tell someone things aren't working out after they sent you an edible arrangement?

I felt like that c word Jenny. Forrest was so good to her :(

I hope r! likes pineapple. 

-B

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I think about this song like, three times a week.

When he flips the pizza over, that’s real sad.

If I was the girl Eman was singing about, I’d be like, “Yeah, I kissed another guy, but you don’t need to be disrespectful to the restaurant. We live in New York City, a homeless man saw you flip that pizza over. Don’t you think that was disrespectful to throw food on the concrete in front of a homeless person because I decided that I was over your broke ass? Your presents? They sucked. But what sucks more is that you felt the need to order pizza for four, a delicious looking pizza that was clearly meant for more than two people, and throw it on the ground. Just ‘cause we hate each other doesn’t mean I’m not hungry. Like, maybe we could have boxed it up and you could throw the waters on the ground. That’s disrespectful, but it’s not as serious. You know what? I made the right choice by fucking around behind your back because you’re a child. All that sensitivity you claim makes you some sort of superhero of a man? Please. You’re just a child. A rude, pizza-throwing child. Frankly? I’m glad that I don’t fuck with you ass no more. Thanks for the good times.”

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Augh, this is why I love Molls. 

-B

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If it wasn't for you and r! to help me during this breakup I would have been on a plane back to North Carolina. * :( she's kinda crazy, but S has a huge heart.

-S

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frozen yogurt > gym -B

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I'm going to watch "For Colored Girls" on Netflix before bed..

I hope r! can sleep between my muffled cries and sobbing.

-B