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Not today Justin

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祝日 / Permanent Vacation

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trying on a metaphor
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Claire Keane

#extradirty
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@seaaofbloom
One day you’ll have whatever it is you’re now so confusedly seeking. That kind of calm that comes from knowing oneself and others. But you can’t rush the arrival of that state of mind. There are things you only learn when no one teaches them. And that’s how it is with life. There’s even more beauty in discovering it for yourself, in spite of the suffering.
Clarice Lispector, from "Gertrudes Asks for Advice" in The Complete Stories
unfolding into another spring
mahmood darwish, sylvia plath, v.e. schwab, ana mendieta
on love arriving unannounced
so overwhelmed by the love my little poem received, i wanna cry
good poetry makes me want to kill myself but by staying alive
On Seatbelts and Sunsets - Hanif Abdurraqib
The fact that Everything Everywhere All at Once has the main character see that if she hadn’t gone to America with the man that would be her husband she would’ve lived a glamorous life of fame and fortune and her husband would’ve gone off and gotten very rich on his own rather than living together in an apartment over a laundromat struggling with finances every day and where so many movies would’ve framed that choice to go off together as a mistake, shown their alternative lives as some sort of “see? It wasn’t worth it” and had them “escape” to that “better” universe in the end, it instead all culminates in the line “Just so you know, in another life, I would’ve been really glad to just do laundry and taxes with you” changed my wholeass life
The flowers are burning and the leaves are falling. The sun will set sooner and I will wait for spring again and then again. Life as the first bloom of spring. Life as a reel of memories and emotions. Life as the first fall. Life; a never ending longing for spring .
Flashes of a feeling. Panels 2 and 4.
been thinking a lot about anticipatory grief lately. i love you so much that i know losing you will devastate me. i haven't lost you yet but i already miss you. we still have time, but it won't be enough. i think about what i would say at your funeral, and say some of it to you now cause i need you to know how loved you are before you go. you will go where i cannot follow, but you will never really leave me. it won't make it hurt less but it is a part of healing somehow.
When rilke said, "Go within yourself and scale the depths of your being from which your very life springs forth", and when rilke said, "The fact that something is difficult is one more reason to do it", and when rilke said, " Did not this great sadness rather pass through you?", and when rilke said, "You must believe that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand. It shall not let you fall and, "Life is right in all cases" and when rilke said.........
A Litany for Survival: The Life and Work of Audre Lorde (1996) dir. by Ada Gay Griffin and Michelle Parkerson
Rewatched The Good Place for the first time since s4 dropped and. Oh my god. The Good Place said "people are a result of their environment but we always have a moral responsibility to be better" and The Good Place said "every day the world gets a little more complicated and it gets a little harder to be good" and The Good Place said "even in the face of total nihilism, when nothing you do will matter, you still have to at least try. Because trying is better than the alternative" and The Good Place said "if you have bills to pay and shit to deal with you don't have time or energy to become a better person" and then The Good Place really said "people get better when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don't " and THEN The Good Place really said "no one is irredeemable. Everyone can try to be better today than they were yesterday" AND THEN! The Good Place said "Heaven is just enough time with the people that you love" OH MY FUCKING GOD.
e.e. cummings, from “in time of daffodils(who know” (in 95 Poems), Complete Poems: 1904-1962
[Text ID: “In time of daffodils(who know the goal of living is to grow)”]
“It seems to me that the secret of life is to accept life. Question it as much as you live after, but first accept it. People to-day stand on the outskirts of the city wondering if they are for or against Life – is Life worth living – dare they risk it – what is Life – do they hate it or love it – but these cursed questions keep them on the outskirts of the city forever. It’s only by risking losing yourself, giving yourself up to Life, that you can ever find out the answer. Don’t think I’m sentimental. You know and I know how much evil there is, but all the same let’s live to the very uttermost, let’s live all our lives.”
— Katherine Mansfield, from a letter to J.M. Murry written c. January 1920 (via violentwavesofemotion)
at times when hope is too big of a thing to have, curiosity (even clinical or small) is a very good placeholder
asking myself "why continue" & finding the answer is always, in some form, "i want to know what happens next", even if that want is tired or detached or outright morbid