So, my freshman year of college, I met this girl. I thought she was super hot and I really wanted to get to know her. Well, turned out that she thought I was cute too, so we started talking. I could go into more detail on how it all happened, but I don’t wanna get too mushy about it. Anywho, we started dating and fell in love with each other and everything was great. Then, we started having problems. I couldn’t talk about my feelings to her because I struggle with putting my burden on someone else, and she hated that. Well, after our second year in college, we couldn’t go back. She moved in back with her parents and I moved in with mine. Problem with that was the fact that she lived 2 and a half hours away. I’m not the best at texting or replying back all the time, so everything got really shaky between us. Not only that, but I was also going through really bad depression at that time in my life and didn’t think I was good enough for anyone or anything. So, I broke it off with her. I did it in a shitty way and I know that I did, but I did it so she could move on faster and find someone better for her than myself. The thing is, I still loved her with everything I had in me at that time, but I didn’t want to drag her down. Well, turns out she did find someone better than myself, and they were together for a few years. In the mean time, I had my own relationships and they were great, but I could never seem to get it right. Fast forward a little further, I’m going to this concert. And guess the fuck what? I message her to see if she was going to be there too because it was in her hometown and she liked the bands as well. She replied and said that she was. So, while we were at the concert, we met up and stood together because we knew each other and we both went to the concert alone. Afterwards, we talked and caught up and everything and then we went our separate ways. I woke up the next morning and told my parents about what happened. They said I haven’t smiled that much in a long time. And I realized at that exact moment that my feelings for her had never gone away and that they were just as strong as they ever were. I realized that I had found the love of my life, the second half, the “one”, and I let her get away because I mentally couldn’t handle myself or handle giving myself up to her. And I also realized that I was probably too late to do anything about it. So, to continue on with the story, her and I had been texting after the concert and it wasn’t consistent. She has her own life going on and everything, and I’m stuck on the other side of the phone, just waiting for a response. Then, the responses stopped for a while, so I gave up, knowing that what I had thought about was true, that my time had pass. Then, she would message me at random to talk, and I leaped at every chance that I could to talk to her. Yet, every time, it ended with me waiting on a response that would not come. So, today, I realized that I’m dumb because more than likely I’ll never be with her again. But, I’m dumb because even if that’s never going to happen, it’s not going to change how I feel about her or how I’ll wake up at 3:56 in the morning to answer her text or calls when she needs me. I’m dumb because I should mean nothing to this woman, but I’m trying to be everything for her. And that breaks me every single day when I get my hopes and feelings up when I get a message from her and then no reply to my answers. C’est la vie
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