Earn Her Submission

My blog for all things BDSM, roleplay, and kink. Here I promote healthy D/s content, and general BDSM lifestyle discussion // 18+ only // 27 // Dominant+Rigger // Married and loyal to my Kitten.

[algophilatreia]

I adore how in kink we call intimacy “playing.” I can go up to someone and say, “Would you like to play with me?” The same as when we were children. This dark obsession of ours is pure and bright, like when we forget ourselves pretending to have superpowers in the schoolyard or when we grow so enamored with a book we tenderly sew it up inside our hearts and spend hours over laptop screens and notebooks spiraling into its universe. We design our own toys and research different ways to make someone scream or pose properly on our knees, and we realize we never left those days escaping into our fantasy dimensions. Those who did not understand branded us odd, and that hasn’t changed either. As we graduate from playgrounds and swings, we isolate ourselves too much in our own strangeness; in our own imaginations. We must reach out and teach ourselves to play again. Playing is giddiness and enthusiasm and innocence. Will you play with me? Will you share this love of mine and laugh it across our bodies in bruises, cum, and blood? Will you hold up your hand to slap my face as if you are a candle in a dark attic between two grade school friends sharing secrets when their parents think they are sleeping? Help me arrange my pain and pleasure alphabet blocks. You are a knight and I am a warrior. Your flogger is your stick sword, my skin is my cardboard shield. I am a dragon and you are a princess. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, I’ll leave scorch marks and pull your hair. In our taboo corner, we seek safety under shadow. Our fantasies and longings stir inside us misunderstood and denied like the desperation with which we waved wands and secretly believed we were wizards. We sometimes find someone like us. Someone who knows magic and that other world one can’t put into words; the one that feels like fireflies in your belly. And in an excited, hushed encounter like two am at summer camp under the covers with comic books and flashlights, the only right way to ask is, “Do you want to play?”

[secretshelf]

Love love love this

[masters-pet66]

Oh my god, this is amazing

[prettylittlelo]

This is so freaking beautiful, I can’t stop smiling. Thank you very much for this

[cuddleswithrope]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[the-faculty]

Hi!! Um, I have Zane question. What makes a Dominant proud of their submissive? I've asked my Daddy to tell me he's proud of me and that I'm a good girl as aftercare, but he'll only say things like "kind of" or "a little." I really want to hear it, so what can I do?

144 here. To be blunt, your Daddy sounds like a bit of a dick who’s using “withholding” as a tool of manipulation at best, abuse at worse. A good girl who works hard and obeys her Daddy should be getting praised to the skies. It’s what good girls live for, to bask in their Daddy’s pride and praise. I’ve been told more than once that I actually overdo it a bit with praise, but that’s got to be better than whatever bullshit this douchelord is doing.

Now, how to address it: a serious meta talk about this issue, and have him explain the reasons for his reticence to give you the praise that you need and have earned.

—–

[pseudooliver]

hey little ones ~

if you see a dom who says bullshit like “aftercare is a privilege that you earn” or “safe spaces are a privilege that you earn”

ignore them. block them. delete them. eject them from the planet.

they are dangerous, not a dom.

your well being is ALWAYS the most important thing. aftercare is a MUST.

[lovemysub-deactivated20250527]

Easiest way to explain healthy BDSM to a vanilla person who thinks it's wrong?

Imagine that you have a goal of getting in shape. After trying different diets and exercise programs, you find that you keep straying from them and inevitably you find yourself back at square 1.

You want it to be different this time, so you finally take the plunge: you hire a personal trainer.

You tell your trainer “ok, I have a goal to be able to run the Boston marathon by next year.”

“Ok”, says your trainer, “how much time do you have every week to devote to this, and are there any types of exercise you are unwilling or unable to do?”

“Well, I have an hour a day on weekdays and can make 3 hours on Saturdays and Sundays, and I have some shoulder problems so I can’t do too much upper body work and I’m unwilling to do stairs because I want to keep my knees healthy”.

So your trainer, working within those limits, draws you up a diet and exercise program, says “this is what I need you to do at minimum, and we’re going to start here work our way up”.

You start your program, and your trainer keeps you accountable. When you slip, your trainer reminds you of your goals and tells you how to make up for the missed exercise or the extra calories.

Now, the most important part of all of this is that even though the personal trainer may be the one giving the orders, ultimately that trainer works for you, not the other way around. And if that trainer steps out of line, you take your business elsewhere. You hold ultimate power, even if it doesn’t look like it in the moment.

Congrats, anon. You just described a power exchange relationship in completely vanilla terms!

Hope this helps!

-LMS

[princesstingles]

HOW LOUDLY DO I HAVE TO SCREAM FOR YOU TO HEAR ME

I AM A REAL PERSON. I AM A REAL PERSON. I AM A REAL PERSON.

I am not a robot. I am not a sex doll. I am not a porno. I am not a sex worker. I am not yours. I am not yours. I am not yours.

You do not own me. I do not owe you anything. Just because I choose to share my kinks, does not mean you are entitled to my body. Just because I am submissive does not mean that I submit to you.

[mr-growly-pants]

Coffee Thoughts

I believe that being a dominant in a D/s dynamic is about much more than giving affection and enforcing bedtimes. Make sure that there are plenty pads/tampons under the sink before her period starts. Buy her favorite, but expensive, shampoo and conditioner for her, so that she doesn’t have to stress over the cost, and she never runs out. The same goes for her makeup and skin care products. Take her shopping for bras and panties when you notice that her are getting worn out. Your job, as her dominant, is to make her life easier in her submission to you, not harder. If you truly take care of her, she will take care of you.

[acpuma-nsfw-deactivated20180808]

💞

[asubmissiveview]

Mama-bear submissive

If there is such a thing, I definitely fall in to that category. I just saw a posting from a young lady who identifies as a slave who was asking for a D-type to “escort” her for her first visit to a local dungeon. My personal opinion is that asking dungeon staff might have been a better choice - but assuming it’s someone she meets on location where actions can be monitored, not bad. But then a D-type responded and said “May I contact you.” Her response? “I’m a slave, my opinion doesn’t matter. Why would you ask.” I would very much like to meet up with this young lady and lecture her into next Tuesday. Being submissive (or slave or little or whatever) doesn’t equate to “take leave of your senses.” Boogeymen don’t wear Freddy Kruger masks to let you know what they are and it frightens me to see posts like this where subs and slaves go straight to the end game. Giving up total control is earned. Giving up common sense should never be an option.

[acpuma-nsfw-deactivated20180808]

😖 Argh! I second this…TPE requires trust, commitment, deep knowledge of your partner…it takes TIME. I too am frightened and scared for the people who post such things. When I see them, I hope it’s for “Tumblr show”, but deep down I suspect not.

[princesstingles]

Actual thing someone said to me:

Them: I don’t mean to judge you for being into all these fetishes or whatever…but don’t you miss having a good old fashioned normal relationship? Like dates and kissing and slow sweet love making?

……..I mean……..

Just because sometimes our dates are in dungeons doesn’t mean we don’t still go to dinner and a movie. Just because we sometimes kiss each other’s assholes doesn’t mean we don’t also kiss each other’s lips. Just because we sometimes fuck like primal beasts doesn’t mean we don’t also take our time passionately worshiping each other’s bodies.

BDSM & kink doesn’t mean we can’t have vanilla too. It means that instead of one little scoop of vanilla, we get a giant sundae of all our favorite flavors.

[thepoeticsir-deactivated2024071]

Here’s to the girls that love to be barefoot in the rain… Treat them well They may seem rough and tumble Fiercely independent and wild spirited But they are fragile at heart, and need much tenderness And firm embraces when the storms come, and they’ll come They like pretty things, draw girly hearts on letters and dance in cotton dresses They need passion, need even more to fuel your passion Their fires burn beneath the winsome smiles and sterling eyes They beg for the crush of your body, the heft of you, musk and firm hands They have soft centers and tangy nectar that will lure you to your undoing Like sirens on the shore on hot summer nights you’ll be drawn to them They curl up like kittens on your chest, leaving blankets behind So you can always see the fineness of their delicate body on you Unkempt they are still porcelain and jasmine sleeping Awake they are vanilla and lace, all wrapped up in your loving embrace Treat them well

Original writing © ThePoeticSir 2015 (via thepoeticsir) @bewarethesirenskiss

[submissivebluebird]

I’ve had the most amazing Sunday. He woke me really early this morning by taking what He needed from me. My treat? Being His holes. And His cum in my tummy! (The orgasms weren’t bad either!)

Back to sleep for just a bit for me as He enjoyed the quiet morning as I slept! (I’m quiet that way!)

I brought Him breakfast in bed and there we have stayed! Only to get up for lunch. Kids in and out… laughter… snuggles…. pajamas and love.

I adore my life.

[my-breathless-soul-deactivated2]

This is for the men who give all the fucks.

The men who show up without being asked, who stay up even when they’re exhausted; the men who put the seat back down when they’re finished.

The men who have fierce respect for their mothers, and wouldn’t be caught dead having her do their laundry - or paying their bills.

This is for the men who know that choosing a strong woman full of magic can sometimes mean choosing a challenging life but they do it anyway, because there is no greater gift than to partner with a daring, courageous heart.

The men who believe in inspiration as well as integrity.

The men who tell their friends, their family, and their children that no one will disrespect their partner.

The men who can love with great power - and great vulnerability.

Who aren’t afraid to take off their clothes in front of a woman and be naked, in body and in soul; who can stand and take in their partner and say “we are perfect together”.

The men who believe that starting the conversation is the gateway to everything. Who would rather disappear alone to the mountains than sit at a bar or in front of a television.

The men who see with their souls and not just their eyes.

For the men who can stand in the uncomfortable places, and be asked the hard questions, and not run away or turn to bullying and name-calling.

The ones who are willing to say a resounding ‘”no” to sexism, racism, and hate while standing in a circle of their peers.

For the men who give up what society says is normal to support a woman while she climbs the ladder or launches a business and takes care of the children and do the dishes - because being a partner is more important than being a breadwinner.

This is for the men who believe in serving something greater than themselves.

This is for the men who were born to create things - and refuse to be silenced. They create because they must; with their minds, their hands and their words.

Who are warriors for love.

This is for the men who believe in imagination and dance parties in the living room.

For the men who believe in hard work and harder play: in relationships, in parenting, in business, and in the bedroom.

This is for the men who aren’t afraid to create something from nothing and go wildly in a new direction where there are no guarantees - except that of a great adventure.

This is for the men who give all the fucks.

The men who are loving strong, living fully, and daring greatly.

May we know them. May we raise them. May you be one.

[hellovagirl]

🖤

[the-quiet-dominant]

Good girls get sick...

…just like anyone else. It’s common sense, isn’t it?

And yet often a submissive will struggle when they are sick and unable to serve in the manner they are used to. Many of us have a structure, a routine, our usual that takes us from one week to the next. But the reality of life is that outside and uncontrollable factors will always come into play.

Kraska is sick right now and she’s apologised multiple times for it. There’s no need.

It may be physical or mental sickness, it may work pressures. It could be a family issue that needs attention. Whatever it may be it’s important to recognise that dealing with these things, and changing the way you serve, doesn’t change your submission.

We as Dominants need you to serve us, but that service isn’t purely about immediate and direct pleasure. Most Dominants also need to care for your wellbeing, and your part in that is one of the ways you serve us.

So when you’re sick, we want you to take the rest and remedies that will help you get better. When troubled by something we want you to take the time out to give it enough attention that it doesn’t overwhelm.

Kraska being the fighter she is, pushes through her sickness to continue to serve. She’s continued to drain me, still been caring for the kids, still been cooking and making preparations for Christmas. But I always try to be clear that she needs to take care of herself and her body. That’s my primary concern.

Most mature Dominants are in it for the long haul. They want you by their side and at their feet for a long time. As much as those Sadists amongst us may break and bruise you, it’s always knowing we can build you back up again. We help you recover from our actions, just as we’ll help you recover from sickness or distress.

Good girls get sick…and they take care of themselves when they do.

~QD

[submissivebluebird]

My Master,

I adore You. Thank You for taking care of me in all ways… always. I love You so very much.

Kraska

[toodomforyou]

Hey, I have a question. Is a D/s relationship still valid if your dom is a gentle/benevolent dom? Because I was telling my friend about my boyfriend and I, and he said that my boyfriend was not an actual dom because he was 'too nice' to me.

Hi anon!

On behalf of gentle and benevolent doms everywhere, I can tell you for sure that your d/s relationship is still very much valid.

The whole “doms shouldn’t be too nice” trope is a whole bunch of bullshit.

Dominants enforce structure. There are a WHOLE lot of ways to do that, and “punishments and stern words” is just one way. It’s also not the way I choose, most of the time.

See, my submissive, @belovedsangi, is freaking awesome. She’s intelligent, gifted, capable, and formidable. I’m not mean to her because I don’t have to be. She doesn’t give me cause to punish often, and frankly I’d rather give positive reinforcement to the million things she does right than constantly harp on the very few negatives. So a kind but stern reminder when she slips is all she really needs in the vast majority of situations. I can tell you right now that she receives ten-thousand words of praise from me for every one word of criticism.

Doms who are obsessed with punishment and negative words come off as insecure to me, honestly. I know that kind of mentality works for some people, but it’s not the majority.

I’ve said before that a good dominant is, at their core, a good leader. And good leaders aren’t always yelling or griping or finding fault. Good leaders build people up and make them feel like they can accomplish anything, and a good dominant can do the same.

Again, some submissives love that “cruel taskmaster” type of dominant, and that’s cool if that’s genuinely what they want. I’m not going to belittle anyone else’s d/s, even if it’s very much unlike my own. But don’t ever let anyone tell you that it’s the only way. And never, ever let anyone tell you that your d/s is not valid.

Anon, your friend’s line of reasoning reminds me of something I wrote a little over a year ago when someone accused me of being too loving to be a dom. I will reblog it here so you can read over what I had to say to that person in hopes that it will help you understand this a bit more.

-LMS

[stealing-your-virtue-deactivate]

[volcanicunt]

[sapiosexual-girl]

[sins-of-the-devil]

Let's take a minute for some sincere facts.

Traditional Dominance and submission is driven by ownership and control. That’s not compatible with polyamory.

There is nothing wrong with polyamory. There is nothing wrong with topping, switching, bottoming or sadomasochism in a polyamorous relationship.

But you can not call someone your property, object, kept, mine, owned or any such possessive and allow them to cultivate their own relationships outside of yours. A ship without a sailor to guide don’t sail. If the ship chooses its own direction it ceases to be a object.

Be real with yourself. You can’t have it both ways. She isn’t your object if you own her Sunday night and then Wednesday she hands herself over to another. Don’t bullshit yourself.

[floatingcrownythingz]

I hate to be the one to break this to you, buddy, but all that stuff we do is actually make-believe.

You don’t and cannot legally own human beings in this world we inhabit, so this “property” thing is a fun consensual activity played between adults. It’s kayfabe, kemosabe. Pro-wrestling style bullshit.

So to come out to tumblr dot com and tell other people “you can’t have it both ways” is a fucking ridiculous standpoint. My “ownership” of my partners is 100% as legitimate as yours, because none of it is real anyway. It’s like having a fantasy world with elves and dwarves, but having black people in it would “be unrealistic!”

It’s myopic and self-centered; a catastrophic failure of empathy and imagination to assume people can only PROPERLY do things the way you do.

People fail to empathize all the time, and we usually overlook it. But you decided to broadcast this out loud and try to tell people that their lifestyle and choices are both invalid and inferior; sounds a lot like the religious right proclaiming gay marriage “not real because my religion doesn’t believe in it.” Pal, we don’t need you to believe in us.

You can dress it up with as many caveats as you want, but this is unquestionably trying to invalidate others’ experiences. Then you hang around in the notes repeating the same bad points and pretend like this is some civil back and forth. My guy, this ain’t discourse: it’s a dick move.

And I didn’t even touch on all your heteronormativity bullshit.

[seducingsirens]

A really good point to make.

I own my submissive...but not really. There's nothing binding her to me out there in the"real world" except for her constant consent...which can be revoked at any time. To me that seems far more meaningful than having "claimed" her in whatever way the *Alpha Male* fuckboys envision.

That's the thing about owning submissives: we only own them as long as they allow us to. Subs can 100% participate in poly relationships and still be subs. They can also be both, because why not? Some people are naturally submissive but dominate a select few or vice versa, because that's what works for them. And it's all good, because folks - it's all still play.

A Dom who genuinely believes they OWN their sub, and that their sub is just an object with no rights, isn't a part of our community - they're a sociopath.

[sacredexchange]

Hey Love Your Blog! Mrs and I Are Exploring Our Darker Side And We're Wondering How Do We Learn To Tie Rope Like You Do. Thanks Mr

Hey! I’m excited that you two are exploring new things, for sure. As for learning, I’ve spent the better part of the past decade learning how to do the things that I do. It’s been a combination of really intense practice sessions (3-5 hours, daily for months on end), going to rope/bondage/kink conferences (there are lots all over the US), taking private instruction from various rope educators, and lots and lots and lots of conversation and lab time with other rope practitioners. 

I’d advise against learning from videos online or purchased, as a lot of what is put up simply cannot focus on the minutiae of what is required to really delve deeply into the technique of tying. Sure, you can learn a pattern from a well made video, but there is a lot of nuance in how the patterns are tied, both as a matter of tension and as a matter of flow. My best suggestion would be to try and get in contact with whatever local groups there are in your area and see if you can start learning that way. fetlife.com is a great resource for finding these local groups as well as bigger rope conferences. 

Going to rope cons is probably the most efficient way of going about it, as you can attend the classes offered as well as book privates with the instructors. MOST of the rope educators I know (myself included) will offer private instruction on an hourly basis, and usually for prices that are commensurate with the type of technique offered or the skill of the educator. The best way of learning is definitely one-on-one with someone of greater skill. 

Good luck! If there is anything more I can do to assist, please don’t hesitate to contact me! I can be found on fetlife as Aeolis_Est, and on twitter @aeolis