It is by grace that you have been saved. (My testimony)
I spent the first 15 years of my life searching for answers, a place of belonging, and comfort. All I wanted was to be loved. I was desperate to be accepted, I looked everywhere for an identity that I felt satisfied with, but I could never find it. Jesus sought me when he did for the sake of his glory- no longer can I be ashamed, embarrassed, or mortified of my past- because Jesus became sin [who knew no sin] so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. He did this not because of anything special I had to offer, but for the sake of His own glory, and because of this I praise Him.
I was raised in a Catholic family- I went through the typical routine of going to church weekly, attending Sunday school classes, and reading bible stories; however, none of this affected my life. I had a hard, stubborn heart and refused to listen to any of what God had to offer.
Just as the majority of people would say: I liked the idea of Heaven. I believed that if I followed the list of rules (and did what was good), then I would surely be there after I died. I wanted nothing to do with Christ, however, and my idea of Christianity was extremely messed up.
As I grew older (along with my siblings), church became less of a commitment in my family. Going weekly and being “actively” involved turned into being a Chr-Easter (only going on Christmas and Easter). Around this time, then I was in 7th grade I joined the “popular crowd” and became extremely rebellious at such a young age. I had this idea that everyone needed to like me, so I did EVERYTHING so that my peers would admire me. Unfortunately, I tried finding my identity in all the wrong places. My freshman year of high school, my rebellion ruled my life. I made some very dumb decisions and felt empty inside with nothing filling me up. This same year, my sister (who is also my best friend) became a Christian. I was able to see the light of Christ in her life and questioned how she had changed so much on her own (not acknowledging the fact that it would be completely impossible for her to change according to her own will).
I remember one day in particular when her and I had a conversation about her “new” life. In this conversation she told me that I couldn’t get to Heaven just for being a “good person.” This terrified me, so I did just the opposite of what I should have.
I began to do all the things that would make me look like a Christian on the outside. I began going to church, read the bible that my sister had given me, and listened to only Christian music. I lived as if I could earn my salvation- I had this idea that good works would define my place with Christ. My sophomore year of high school, I was studying through John and in the eighth chapter I became stuck and demanded answers. In John 8:31, Jesus says “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” I questioned whether or not I was truly a disciple, I thought that if I would surrender my life to Christ and place my faith in Him, then I would live a life of burden.
A couple days after reading this I had a conversation with my youth pastor; I explained to him my fear of following Jesus. I wanted parts of him, but not all of him. In this conversation, my pastor, went through a couple passages with me, and in him doing this, the gospel hit me hard. Never before had it made sense to me- He was the propitiation for my sins, Christ became a curse, was hung on a tree all in my place. It is only by grace that one can attain salvation- not because of works, not by anything I can boast in- but for the sake of the glory of God. At this moment, I understood my complete depravity- my desperate need to follow Christ and to place this gift of faith in him. There would never be day that I would choose Christ on my own, but by the work of the Spirit and the regeneration of my soul, I now follow Jesus.
My life since this day has not been simple, I have faced many trials, had doubts, and have given into the desires of my flesh, but no one can ever snatch me from the hand of my Father. Praise Jesus.
