Seeking Uncertainty

I post items for worship, meditation, inspiration, service, and education. I'm an MDiv candidate at Pacific School of Religion (seminary) trying to build a whole life, control my ripples, and develop spiritual acumen. I'm a heretical, panentheistic Christian trying to build Eden on the inside and Kingdom on the outside with the help of a God of Process. Let's be better people. Right now.

[spinachandmushrooms]

@Regrann from @tdubtx - this #Christmas (#Repost @dfa73) #christmas (at Austin, Texas)

[flyingfreakflag-blog]

NoH8 Photo Shoot.

[victoria-dankenstein]

[spinachandmushrooms]

at St. John’s Cemetery

[spinachandmushrooms]

So this was amazing. Jeff Chang uses graceful, artful language to capture and elucidate race relations, systemic injustices (historic and current), and some of the lived experiences of People of Color in America. It might not be an easy read for those who are unfamiliar with perspectives offered by justice movements or non-Eurocentric/Euro-sympathetic tellings on history. I highly recommend this, though. If you want to tackle this but think you may need more context before beginning, I’d be happy to recommend some reading (Kelly Brown Douglas and Ronald Takaki are good places to start). Now I need to buy his other books! #postgrad #books #whilethebabysleeps

[spinachandmushrooms]

Next #postgrad book down. I’ll borrow (some of) Toni Morrison’s apt description from the back: “The language of ‘Between the World and Me,’ like Coates’s journey, is visceral, eloquent, and beautifully redemptive. And its examination of the hazards and hopes of black male life is as profound as it is revelatory. This is required reading.” Yep, that just about says it. #books

[spinachandmushrooms]

View of the peninsula from 35 on our way back from house hunting with Mom and Dad. Send good thoughts (or cash 😜) our way. Caleb and I are likely placing a bid this weekend. 🤞🙏

[spinachandmushrooms]

Lady bug infestation! (at Sunset District, San Francisco)

[bi-gays-blog]

Ellen DeGeneres takes Caitlyn Jenner to task for her hypocritical comments on gay marriage

[rainbow-ginger-butterfly]

[spinachandmushrooms]

So this was amazing. Jeff Chang uses graceful, artful language to capture and elucidate race relations, systemic injustices (historic and current), and some of the lived experiences of People of Color in America. It might not be an easy read for those who are unfamiliar with perspectives offered by justice movements or non-Eurocentric/Euro-sympathetic tellings on history. I highly recommend this, though. If you want to tackle this but think you may need more context before beginning, I’d be happy to recommend some reading (Kelly Brown Douglas and Ronald Takaki are good places to start). Now I need to buy his other books! #postgrad #books #whilethebabysleeps

[buffyayz]

[churchofbuffy]

Life sometimes.

[churchofjoss-blog]

What does it feel like to fail to meet our own expectations of ourselves?  To compromise with our own sense of self?  To work a menial job because it is what needs to be done?  

I think there are two important lessons here.  

1.  Buffy is not “too good” for this.  I know people who refuse work to the detriment of others (like their children) because they feel a job is “beneath them.”  What does that say?  Does that mean that the barista at Starbucks is “less than” you?  Because maybe you need to check your ego.  It is important to maintain a sense of self that does not start constructing hierarchical understandings of our place in the world.  You may have different skills than someone else or a particular educational background or financial privilege that has allowed you opportunities that others lack.  I know someone with a Masters degree who works as a checker in a grocery chain because her degree is from another country and the U.S. does not recognize her.  I know Masters students who work retail to help get them through college.  I know people who care for their parents and need to work a job like retail so they can have the flexibility to be there for their family when they need to be.  

2.  Moments like these can feel like defeat.  I worked retail during undergrad and was treated like crap by people who assumed I as some kind of failure or lesser human being.  I worked that same job in high school and was often embarrassed to run into high school peers because I was “still” working that job.  Sometimes others’ opinions of us can be hard not to absorb.  

But there is also a feeling that can develop in us about who we want to be vs. who we are. Sometimes it can be easy to forgive others for not being Rocket-Scientist-Philanthropists, but it can be hard to forgive ourselves.  Sometimes finding a way to forgive ourselves is in letting our situation be what it is.  That can be harder than it sounds and can take a lot of practice, but sometimes we need to let ourselves FEEL what we need to feel.  Sometimes we need to work a fast food job because that’s where we are.  

Sometimes we don’t get into the school we want.  Maybe we need to do something “in the meantime,” while we discern where we belong in the world and re-evaluate what we strive for and the futures we try to create.

Buffy had to drop out of school.  

Buffy didn’t get the acceptance letter she wanted.

Buffy worked in a Fast Food restaurant for a period of time because she had mounting expenses and a person she was responsible for.

Buffy is my hero.

Ultimately, Buffy finds a better opportunity.  But that doesn’t negate the reality that existed for her for a long time.  

Sometimes we struggle. That is okay.  We can still be heroes to others, even when we aren’t our own.

[jasminekor]

This is the most nakedly and utterly horrifying moment in all seven seasons of “Buffy”.  Season 6 had, up until this point, been the heroes dealing with the harsh realities of adult life, with the gritty humanity of the season exemplified by the fact that the “big bad”, the villain of the entire season, appeared to be three pathetic nerdy boys.  Sure, they had enough magickal and technical know-how to do things like summon demons and create laser guns, but they were also incompetent, immature, squabbling, and above all, human.  Nothing like the vampires, cyborgs, and immortal demons that had featured in the previous seasons.  They were a joke.  Comical.  

And then came “Dead Things”.  The “cerebral dampener”.  The idea to hypnotise “any woman we desire into our willing sex slave”.  And when Katrina, the girl they initially hypnotise, breaks free, this is her reaction.

And the most hideous thing about it, the thing that makes my stomach turn every time, isn’t Katrina’s words.  It’s not her fury and horror at her near-violation.  It’s the reaction of two of the trio.  Because they’re not angry, they’re not sulky, or petulant, or amused…they’re shocked.  Hell, they’re horrified.  

Because it never even occurred to them that what they were doing was rape.

We’ve seen it so many times in so many mediums.  “I will use this spell to enchant the prince!”  “I will use this potion to cause the queen to fall in love with me!”  Lois Lane and Lana Lang try to program Superman to marry them.  Bowser enchants Princess Peach to be enamoured of him.  Rimmer infects himself with a virus that makes him irresistible to women.  Oberon uses a love potion to make the dickish Demtrius fall for obsessed Helena.  It’s played for laughs.  It’s seen as cute comedic fun.  It can even be seen as a character’s way to express his/her true and honest love.  Hell these, kind of products, whether they be pills, colognes, or hypnotic glasses, are still sold around the world.

It’s still comedic here.  We giggle as the three boys squabble over which woman to entrance first, as they babble about “bazoombas” and snigger like twelve-year-olds.  It’s even funny to see sarcastic, vitriolic Katrina in her ludicrous maid’s outfit.  And when she says the words above, the audience is as horrified as the boys are.  Because we realise we have been complicit in her violation.  And, just as the boys honestly didn’t realise that what they were about to do was rape, part of us didn’t realise either.

That is rape culture.

And that is the horror.

[churchofbuffy]

Can I get an “Amen”?

[cat-tully]

Buffy Summers Appreciation Week ♕ Day 6: Favorite Season 

“I think that people who don’t like season 6 of Buffy have never been really depressed. I suffer from depression, and I watched the show while being at a particularly low point, so this season was some of the most raw and real television I’ve ever seen. Buffy may come off as whiny and mopey to some, but to me it’s one of the best depictions of clinical depression on television.” (source)

[spinachandmushrooms]

The worst thing about grad school was probably that A-s aren’t worth 4 points. #perfectionistproblems #butnotsomuchthatistudiedharder

[thelovejournals]

I love myself.’the quietest. simplest. most powerful. revolution. ever.

Nayyirah Waheed  (via thelovejournals)

[spinachandmushrooms]

What the actual… #bds #endapartheid #freepalestine