[ampervadasz]

[blackpyrefly]

the bath bomb drifting toward my penus in the tub trying to give me a uti:

[chilewithcarnage]

shawty got that...*covers phone receiver* are you sure this is what I'm supposed to say? are you positive? yes? okay. *continues* shawty got that lobster bisque pussy.

[vergak]

Goddamn. Okay

[theweatherchannel]

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

[postnuclearophelia]

he got raptured

[memewhore]

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[vintageblr]

ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK (1988) dir. James Signorelli

[normal-horoscopes]

Everything in American history is like "The fruit roll up was invented in 1866 by Joseph Gusher. He started the fruit roll up company in 1868 with his brother Edward Gusher to fund his lifelong dream of constructing a cathedral out of human shit and racism."

[normal-horoscopes]

"Edward Gusher would go on to become one of the worlds richest men, serving eight consecutive terms as senator before dying of exposure in the woods in an ill-fated attempt to start a war with Quebec."

[normal-horoscopes]

One biography:

"Joseph Gusher was a good, honest, hardworking, protestant man who loved his second and fourth wives and most of his children :) "

Another biography:

"On his deathbed, Joseph Gusher stated that his only regret in life was that he never got to own slaves."

[gimmeblood]

fedex trying to say my package will be here by the end of the day when the package is still like 4 states away. that driver must be doing like 150 all the way here

[spookymooks]

[fernlom]

I scrolled past then I though “wait that’s funny” and I reblogged

[superfam]

Flirting with your wife on public social media may be a bad idea, mostly because everyone will misinterpret your inside jokes and sense of humour.

[Image IDs in alt text!]

[dillyt]

well the horrors may be beyond YOUR comprehension, but I comprehend them perfectly

[wizard-email]

[toonomon]

He’s on his way to a job interview and he’s very nervous.

[horrorofthebeast]

Hired and then i immidiately fire him. I love hating.

[mistons]

THE THING

You’ll never forget it

1967 / Mark

[undeadhousewife]

Me when I insist I don’t need to write it down

[mockwa]

☻unmute☻

[armadillo-dreaming]

[Video: a construction worker shoveling dirt as children on the other side of the fence yell “YAY!” every time dirt is moved.]

[ayellowbirds]

these kids have the right priorities in life and i hope nothing ever shakes that.

[tygermama]

that guy has probably never had that much fun at his job

[superfam]

Why do the weirdest things always happen while Clark is busy in space? [Image IDs in alt text!]

(Part One)

[spacehunter-m]