Notebook1

The inner thoughts of me.

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illywaters13, a user on Spotify

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The True Peace Pt. 2

What I wrote at work:

To every individual that doesn’t already know this, or to those who tend to forget, I have a small something that may help you. Now, you may feel like you don’t need help, well... just hear me out, please.

For as long as you and I have been here, we know the world runs on currency and credit. We require these things to live good--if not--comfortable lives. Tell me if I’m wrong, please. Okay, so imagine life today, but without using money or credit cards. Could you? What do you imagine we would replace those things with? Would we even need to?

These questions, among countless others, when it comes to the imaginings of things of this sort, only scratches the surface of what life for the average Joe or Jane could be. Now some might say, thinking about “what could be” is a waste of time. I say, if it could be better, then why not strive to obtain that better life? If you and I can be less stressed everyday, less distracted, and less complicated when dealing with our every day lives, why not try?

Money is an item in which our ancestors made to provide a well-organized system to which they control. The cost of producing money was created to keep us in debt. We use it for everything now, but not so long ago, many -people had little need for it. They were self-providing, self-sustaining, honest, hard working, proud and seemed to be happier with how they spent their lives--more complete and comfortable with themselves. Can you say the same for yourself? When your life ends, will you be happy with what you’ve done and how you lived? If not, what would you change if you could? Why/Why not?

Happiness is something we should be free to strive for, so what would REALLY make you happy? Don’t answer right away. Take time to think deeply about yourself, your life, your future and how you want to feel about yourself when you die. Think of all the things you wish you could do, be, accomplish, achieve, and then at the end proudly say, :”I loved my life, but I’m ready to move on.”

This world CAN be better. It starts with all of us as individuals and as a whole.

[selenewaters-blog]

The True Peace Pt. 1

Notation From me:

I wrote this after thinking about how much I don’t want to be in this kind of society, due to everything that has happened to me in my life. All of the things I love have been mislead to blindness or physically ruined by pain known as “dealing with it” moments. My original thought was a statement told to me by many voices that I care deeply for. “Do what you wanna do. Do what makes you happy.” My return thought was, “Yeah, but what if what you want to do and what makes you happy collides with what another individual’s wants and happiness? Who gets it?” I wondered if it would be who wants it more, but who’s to say the amount in the first place? How could you know that you want happiness more than I do or vice versa? One might say by the actions you make, well... what if your actions didn’t quiet show how you felt or what you were thinking? You’d have to be inside of my head-part of my body-part of my whole being to understand. So who could measure such a thing? No, it can’t be desire. So, maybe stronger, but the same could be said about stronger. One could be mentally strong, emotionally strong, but not physically or spiritually, or other. Another person could be just opposite or even close to similar. One could be gifted in all places--and i suppose you could believe that they would be the victor, but that too, would have it’s downsides, i’m sure. Like an RPG game that you distribute a set amount of points into your character. either they know a little of a lot of things or a lot of a few things or somewhere in between. No, i think we would need to have longer lifespans to acquire such talents--in order to learn more we need time to do so--something i believe the soul does (and/or consciousness) as we live and when we die. Then, eventually, we reach a different place--somewhere higher (more advanced). So, no, it couldn’t be strength. Then, I realized that it was me who decides who gets it. But not only me, it was the other person, too. I decide to keep trying or give in or give up. Keep trying--to continue my pursuit of happiness and want. Give in--to submit my brain into one in which runs on the things around me--to become a person of society. Give up--to stop trying to be happy or content and skip to restart so that I could wipe the slate clean and try again.

Let me share something with you: I hate what some of us are doing to our planet over greed. Purposely, over greed. Ruining what our lives could really be, just so they can continue feeling kings of the world. I hate that there are so many secrets between us and our governments. The people who are supposed to represent us as a whole... how could they do such terrible things to our images? Not all of us are the way they show us to be. I hate that we are being careless with technology and science. Somethings we need to develop, but others we should know better not to meddle with at this time, or perhaps ever, depending on the subject. I get that science and technology are experimental in nature, but even still, some things must not be done.

Power blinds thee. Greed corrupts thee. Injudicious kills thee.

So I decided to speak/write about how I feel about greed, for it’s what many would wish for had they been asked the question, “If you could have three wishes what would the first one be? Answer: Gold/Money. Many believe that money will bring you power, freedom, happiness and whatever else. I believe that, for some, it can, but for me it never could. I have a space inside of me that has been empty for as long as I can remember. The only thing that has ever come close to filling it is the love for a certain individual(s). No other item has ever come close. Not money, not my games, not my stories, not my phone, or my computer, not my books or my movies, not my t.v. or the radio... not one. I don’t know about other people, but I know I can’t be happy with a piece of the inside of me is missing--constantly empty--constantly painful. Yet, i feel like the people try to fill their holes with objects that they shouldn’t put in there, in turn we are losing humanity slowly. More confused about life and each other, and more confused about ourselves due to all of these things we have tired to make matter. The only thing that matters is you, me, him, her, them, they, us, and we; each other; the cycle of life.

Can we change the world? Yes we can.

Care more, hate less.

Practice patience--do your best.

Remember the golden rule in all situations.

Practice placing your mind in other’s perspectives to better understand one another.

Compromise first--fight less.

[selenewaters-blog]

The Black Boat

Take this picture and examine it close

Know that once upon a time I was a ghost

Young and weak I drifted along the coast

Hoping to find a light, a sign or post

But float I did, alone, on a black sea, in a black boat.

 Years crawl by and by, showing me little hope

I take a glass bottle and put in it a paper note

Words written in blood from my heart, which spoke

“I hope you find this message before I croak,

Come find me, Love, and save me from this boat.”

 I sent it out and set it adrift in the black sea

In hopes that another would come back to me

But more years passed by and to God I did plea,

“Save me, lord, from all this dark—I cannot see.

I am lost here, drifting in this misery.”

 God did not speak, but sent me back a bottle

The message inside was hard to swallow,

But Its’ message I did truly follow.

“Be patient, be silent, yet do not wallow

For your savior will come—wait for tomorrow.”

 For tomorrow I did wait, but my savior did not come

I still drift alone, but in the darkness I found Numb

I settled in my black boat to wait and hum

A gentle song of comfort until the day was done

Still floating in what my savior did not save me from

 The next sunrise brought to me a false king

Teaching me I should wish for not a thing

What I have is what I am to sing

To the people along the coast in a dream

“Loneliness is the ultimate sting.”

 And from the false king I did depart

He fell in the ocean and swam ashore to restart

Leaving me alone with my broken heart

I then decided I was tired of all this dark

And in the black boat I did fall apart

 I spoke with God in several breaths

Tears from my eyes wishing for death

“God help me get away from all this mess,

I need help with this pain in my chest.”

After the storm had gone, I did lie and rest.

 God did not reply for many days.

I stopped praying and fell into a craze.

The next morning I woke up in a haze

To see a light that filled me in many ways

My savior had come with love and I hoped it stays.

 The love did stay but my savior had gone

Forcing me to step ashore and move on

He opened my eyes and showed me Wrong

Only to come back and show me Strong

Now I only hope he remembers our song.

[selenewaters-blog]

The Conversationalists Podcast interview with wrapper Jacob Machine

Link to The Conversationalists Podcast Page Link: http://www.conversationalistspodcast.com/episodes

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A Piece Of The Heroes’ Heart:

Prologue:

Eliza, Texas 1862 6:28 P.M.

                 Self-appointed Sherriff Peters, the law in this small town of Eliza, writes a letter on his desk with intense focus. I, Deputy Marshal Louis Coits, continue to pace around the Sherriff’s desk holding my chin between my fingers as I think. The holding cell doors were busted open this mornin’ by an unknown creature described only as a monster with lots of hair and yellow eyes. Could it really be a monster? Peggy Ann Darcy said she saw its eyes when the creature ran past her several days ago, near her hen house. She described them as “bright yellow, like the shinin’ sun”. She also described the rest of its body as being covered by its own long dark hair. The creature ate some of Peggy Ann’s chickens and killed her watch dog, Mumpsey. As for the creature’s most recent attack, it tore off the holding cell door to get to Benny Whitstone, who was securely resting after having enough of the local saloon for the night. The Sheriff says he left him for thirty minutes—tops, after locking Benny in the cell. He left Benny alone here to go deal with some local drunkards brawling in the same saloon. When he returned, ol’ Benny was gone and so was the metal door. Accordin’ to the locals nearby, none of them heard a sound from the sheriff’s office or from Benny durin’ the attack. Before findin’ Benny gone, the sheriff requested professional help from the Union days ago and they sent me to investigate. After my arrival here, I spoke with the sheriff for any clues, but he had little. I decided to search the scenes for myself. Durin’ my investigation on the Bassett’s land, the third attack took place. A letter from the sheriff brought me back early. The sheriff told me what had happened and I sent word to my partner, requesting a second hand. Awaiting her arrival, I did happen to locate the missing metal door many yards away from the sheriff’s office, out toward the farmland. There were no signs of Benny or the creature that supposedly took him. No hair, cloth, footprints or  trails to follow. Interestingly enough—

               “Deputy Marshal Coits, what did Peggy Ann say the monster had? Yella’ eyes and black hair?” The sheriff’s scrunched face questions me as he scratches his ear. I stop pacing to face him.

               “Long dark hair, Sheriff Peters; it had long dark hair.” The sheriff nods to me and looks down at his paper again to continue his letter. I cock a brow at him. Interestingly enough, the Sheriff seems to be quite distracted from the matter at hand. Taken that this is a very strange and serious matter, his focus is misplaced. What could be so odd and colorful enough to take his mind away from such a bizarre situation? The sound of hooves in the distance catches my ear. “Ah, that must be my partner now.” I announce as I turn toward the office door. The sheriff continues to scribble his note as he replies to me. I respectfully remove my hat from my head and fiddle with my hair to make it more presentable for the Marshal.

[psych-facts]

[selenewaters-blog]

King’s Cook

People dance when I sing, they dream when I dream

How many can this soul bring… with love, hope and happy things?

Watch me now as I talk to the king

Hold his hand and whisper wondrous scenes

He comes to say, “I am Machine.”

He leaves today and will be back for spring.

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A Hero Am I?

A hero—could I be a hero?

A hero hidden behind these glasses like Superman?

A hero behind this sweet smile like Peter Pan?

A hero am I?

A child surrounded by family, yet alone—out of place.

Young and full of thought—silenced and abused by every face.

The trees, the breeze—they listen to me sing and cry.

I wished for death—for freedom from this dark—yet years passed by.

One night—out of my mind—I cried and begged the Lord to take me.

The moon peered down and hugged me with her light—her baby.

I looked to her and saw her words: “I’m here, be good—fly with the birds.

“Don’t give up because of hurt; doing that will keep you in the dirt.”

I picked up a pen and started to write my pains and wishes.

My mother told me I would be better off washing dishes.

I wrote, I sang, I drew, I tried, but I couldn’t be good enough—I asked them “Why?”

They laughed and criticized—made me feel like I wasn’t meant to touch the sky.

With these eyes I’ve cried rivers—oceans of tears,

Thinking I could never get away from here. How could I prove that I’m more than ears?

The moon, she told me “Don’t you cry.” I looked to her and asked her “Why am I still alive?”

The trees stood up to whisper with the wind, “Pay no mind to the bees and their kin.

They don’t see your heart, they don’t hear your wise.

Your love is bright and true to light the way for many lives.

Don’t give up—fight—we hear your cries. You’re worth so much more than the look in your eyes.”

I look to the stars—they glitter, they sparkle.

I decide right then that I’m here to help the people.

I know every sting and cut of worthlessness.

I know the dark and the cold of loneliness.

I know the empty void of hopelessness.

You are worth my time, my effort, my light, my thought.

You are worthy of my heart, body, soul, and tears.

I will give you hope,

Show you the light,

Take your pains,

And protect you with all my might.

I’m here—for you—a hero in disguise.