unfortunately i Do feel better when i clean my living space and eat enough fruits and veggies and go outside and generally remember i am a mammal :| real pity that knowing this does not make it easier to do those things

tannertan36

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if i look back, i am lost
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@self-harm-recovery
unfortunately i Do feel better when i clean my living space and eat enough fruits and veggies and go outside and generally remember i am a mammal :| real pity that knowing this does not make it easier to do those things
before i agree to 2024 i wanna read the terms & conditions
practice forgiving yourself as often as possible. it does wonders once you really learn to move past things you dislike about your past actions that cannot be redone.
I relapsed.
Found a bill from when I was hospitalized years ago. It cost so much back then, I can’t even imagine what it costs now. Sometimes I want to go back just to get a break from life, but there’s no way I could ever afford it.
I thrive on routine. I work best when things are planned out and expected. Right now life feels so chaotic, so out of the norm. It’s wearing me out.
I'm trying really hard to stay clean, to hit my current standard for at least three weeks between relapses, but it feels like torture. it's been so hard the last few days and I cannot do this anymore, I want to relapse so bad. I don't know how others go clean, if they just go through the same torment as me and are just stronger than me, or if it's somehow been easier for them. I don't know.
I think it’s part of the process for a lot, if not, the majority. Recovery is hard, especially at the start. Three weeks between relapses is such an accomplishment and I’m proud of you for making it that long. Take it one day at a time, make it 3 weeks and a day if you can, and remind yourself that relapses are not permanent failure, just part of recovery. Someone suggested freezing the harming tool in a glass of water, that way when the urge comes along, you have to wait until it thaws in order to access the tool. Haven’t tried that before, but it sounds helpful.
trying to get better. it’s hard :/ life sucks sending luv for all of you
Funny story, years ago, I disclosed to my therapist that I SH and it did not go well. Strangely, she seemed to get upset, made me promise to never to it again, and we never spoke of it ever. I still don’t understand her reaction and wish I did.
We need like a month where nothing happens and there's no repercussions we all just stay in bed and hibernate and nothing goes wrong
Feeling this right now.
I’m stuck in the space between acceptance and denial.
sylvia plath
for your own sanity, let things be.
Just because you’ve done something once does not mean you are obligated to do it again. You can say no. You can set boundaries. Do not push yourself until you break.
Will it get better? Will my urges and cravings leave, will I get peace again? Right now I can't manage staying clean for more than two weeks, and most days are so hard to get through
I believe it will. It has for me. At one point I was SI’ing multiple times a day and that’s what consumed my thoughts. It took a while, but I can now rest for months at a time without the thoughts. 2 weeks is already an accomplishment; maybe next time try going 2 weeks and 1 day, or even 2 weeks and 1 hr. It will get better 💜
Found an entry where I talk about the incessant urge to SI. I made it to today, where the urge hardly ever crosses my mind.