Self Improvement by Attrition.

New year, new stronger, faster, healthier, more hostile me. Blog to track how I'll live or die in 2017.

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Been thinking a lot about killing myself, but probably won't. Sorry i haven't posted in a while.

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Mental health

It’s like there isn’t any way to get all the pressure and stress. No health ways. No acceptable ways. So all I have is to just keep piling more and more pressure and stress on top of more and more pressure and stress, until it eventually explodes.

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OHP, shoulder accessories, pull ups, and dips. Good pump.

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Still don’t feel remotely good, or stable about anything. But here’s two pictures of me with dogs that would almost make you think I wasn’t a disaster.

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7, june

First real deal suicidal thoughts of the year.

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Week 14, week 23. Wider, way stronger, but not as toned in some ways? Idk. Feeling ok.

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Look like shit, but was a good workout today.

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Look like shit, but was a good workout today.

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All the will, all the energy, no objective.

I know it's probably the murder drugs, but I really want to just, climb a mountain, or go on the longest drive I've ever been. Need to go do something physical, dangerous, or overwhelming asap.

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This happened today.

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Did inclined dumb bell press today, and hit 60 for 7 boyyyyyy

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Gym was closed today cos holiday, so didn't get to lift. Also showered for the first time since Thursday cos when you're in the sad fog you kind of don't care. I'm 27 today. Feels just as pointless as 26. Oh well.

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We came, we riff'd, we conquered. Good weekend with good friends. My birthday is tomorrow.

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Gaining weight more slowly this time around, which I guess means more quality mass, but I just wanna be a heavy bitch already. Put carpet in my van yesterday and didn't wear a shirt, and got even more mosquito bites.

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Feeling stronger. Abs are still clinging to life.

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Been an aggressively sad/weird few days. Sorry haven't posted.

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It isn't congruent to my well being.