my thoughts ♡

my inside thoughts

[selwiththedrpepper]

"I would live for you" this, "I would die for you" that. Its okay its whatever.

Would you learn for me? Learn to speak my language, learn to cook my favorite foods, learn to hold me in all the ways that make me feel whole? Would you listen to me ramble about something and remember it afterwards just because you know I care about it? Would you learn my favorite date ideas and everything on my Pinterest boards that I wish I would have some day? Would you learn my common typos so you could always decipher my texts?

Would you learn to hold me just right at night so im comfortable in your arms? Would you kiss my forehead and whisper reassurances because you know I overthink? Would you learn to take me to quiet places for dates because you know too many voices at once give me headaches? Would you learn to carry scrunchies on your wrists because you know I always forget them? Would you learn to read my facial expressions so.you know when im hurting or uncomfortable?

Would you learn to love me, to know who I am, or would you only love me the way you see me?

[selwiththedrpepper]

I like to be in control. I can't help it. My hands ache to mold clay, to smooth out imperfections and shape it into something I can love. My lips tingle with the urge to form words that are poetic and perfect and persuasive. My thoughts linger in moments of creation, where I am in charge of these small things that cannot hurt me, cannot leave me, cannot change without me.

I wish i could do the same to myself. Shape a new body from clay, a purer soul from words, a sharper mind from thoughts. I do not control these things, and I cannot run from them. Cannot run from myself.

Perhaps that is why I love my shadow more, for I can twist and contort it with light and movement until it looks how I wish I could. But like these shadows, control is still untouchable.

[selwiththedrpepper]

The difference in my behaviors in when im interested in a man and a woman is so funny to me because when its a girl, by the wnd of rhe first day wirh her I have a google doc with the name of her siblings, pets, parents, school, hwr favorite locations, her hobbies, her dating history and her starsign, but when its a guy Im not even sure what his name is.

[selwiththedrpepper]

Jason todd with bpd

[selwiththedrpepper]

Dudes my mom came in to yell at me this morning and asked why I was already crying before she even got in here and I couldnt just say thar I was reading fanfiction that was like soul crushing enough that I was crying so I looked her in the eyes and told her i was just sick

[selwiththedrpepper]

NOBODY is ready for the lock in im about to have

[selwiththedrpepper]

You're stalking his Instagram, im stalking his court and property records, we are not the same

[selwiththedrpepper]

Give me Polites!Jaybin immediately

[selwiththedrpepper]

100 men vs taking a hint

[selwiththedrpepper]

Why the hell are all of my friends allergic to answering their phones

[selwiththedrpepper]

Gang, im getting like, little flashes of like a past lover or something. Every so often, I can smell something really distinct, and its definitely like a really soft cologne or something. Its got like a hint of leather on it, and then something comfortingly warm. Is it weird to think I could recognize my soulmate by their scent?

[selwiththedrpepper]

Need to date someone who looks at me the way I look at my phone

[selwiththedrpepper]

My bra is more supportive than most people in my life smh

[selwiththedrpepper]

"Are you man enough" but its my dad telling me not to worry about the state of politics when I told him the people who made project 2025 released another plan saying they were going to try to force women into pregnancy

[selwiththedrpepper]

Maybe the reason time seems shorter as when get older is because we spend all of it looking back

[selwiththedrpepper]

Friendly reminder to everyone getting the snowstorm to charge your phones in case power goes out

[selwiththedrpepper]

One of my friends told me today that "my kind of gay" was the reason queer people are hated on my bus ride home today.

I dont want to be friends with him anymore