#3 Shane Hollander Fan

NEEDED somewhere to let out my heated rivalry thoughts

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

fully projecting here but i think myshane hides his stims in visually ordinary movements. that boy is chewing his molars like he has gum in his mouth as he sits idle reviewing tape with hayden and when hayden finally goes “oh good idea can i have a piece of gum, i ran out last week :/“ shane just stops the movement and is like “gum? wdym gum? i haven’t had gum in years?”

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

people talking about hollanov like shane is the only one from a rich household like let’s get a grip actually

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

me in my humble middle class abode

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

people talking about hollanov like shane is the only one from a rich household like let’s get a grip actually

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

idk the thing with ai in fanfic is just that ai truly does not fully sit in my mind ever, and for the like 3 months that it did where i was constantly worried that my writing sounded like ai i became so paranoid with myself and others that it was genuinely better to just give a kinda of endless benefit of the doubt to whatever i saw unless its deeply undeniable and so sometimes i see fic that’s choppy and weirdly written and i just leave because im not having a good time.

when people suggest i use ai i never actually take it in as a real recommendation or when people talk about how something we’re looking at might be ai i just get annoyed and sad, but with fandom it’s such a display of the way fandom has been commodified as anything else. the feeling of no longer doing something because you truly love it and want to work through the struggles and thorns of it through practice so that you can express that love as purely as possible and making it into a dopamine rush of wanting the kudos and the comments and the feeling of a praising community without putting in the work that a community requires. it’s just sad. using ai for your education is selling yourself short but you’re the one still paying or going to school and brute forcing a necessity, similar thing with using ai for work, but for fandom? from fan fiction? for something that since it’s inception up until maybe a year ago was whispered and hidden? that’s where we need to seek attention now? that’s just sad.

and also like, the writing was on the walls. when i saw a tiktok a few months ago of someone being upset their fanfic had been posted a week ago and they had barely any interaction, or when there was the fiasco of that guy using ao3 tags in the same ‘interaction bait’ way that hashtags are used on instagram i was like oh this is what brain rot is. like people being so consumed by the way predatory and pushy algorithms work that they decide that those define the worth of something, which in this case is — in the best way possible way and an intrinsically part of it’s value — worthless. and should remain that way. it’s something for fun and for community and for passion but we’ve so deeply lost the plot on how to have that without being weirdly competitive or without following the capitalist idea that ‘if you’re not the best, why be there at all.’

like using ai in fanfic is something that i believe you can come back from. just make a new account and stop. it’s so deeply, easily fixable, but i know almost for a fact they won’t because then they need to actually make the mistakes that getting good at fics require and that you can’t cheat your way out of and that’s embarrassing, a kind of embarrassment that they decided was more humiliating than using ai to make a high quantity of a middling work. because publishing a lot and having a lot of tags is the closest thing to really ‘gaming’ the ao3 results in the same way people do with social media because it’s just being in the results more often for more tags and they didn’t actually want to be a part of the community, they just wanted the praise of the community, that’s also partly why they left so quickly.

like i’m sorry that the ai writers will never laugh with their friends about an embarrassing fanfic the wrote at 13 with crazy cliches and awful pacing. i’m sorry that they’ll never be dming or in the comments of a post with other fanfic writers bouncing ideas off each other until you were both laughing or foaming at the mouth to write more of this world you two created. they missed out, and it’s no one’s fault but their own, but trying to skip past the jagged edges of creating and learning will only cheat you out in the future. and pretty critically, i don’t think anyone that used ai for fic was actually upset about the fact the used ai, i think they were only ever upset when 1) people assumed that they couldn’t write how they did without ai and 2) those people being right, and them getting caught.

[mymultifandomhell]

munchin' on him monday

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

how the hungry caterpillar was moving on the delicious leaf

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

i think ilya lays on shane’s lap a lot more than shane lays on ilyas lap because ilyas stomach always sounds like someone threw rocks in the dryer and set it on high and shane just constantly sits back up to ask if he’s okay

[dailyhudsonwilliams]

via ofbecomingus

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

if shanebug was a real bug he would either be a lady bug (cute option) or a leaf katydid (fav option) but if ilya was a bug he’d be a loud as fuck grasshopper

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

WAIT OR EITHER OF THEM WOULD BE MOTHS THAT CANT STOP FLYING TO EACH OTHERS LIGHTS

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

if shanebug was a real bug he would either be a lady bug (cute option) or a leaf katydid (fav option) but if ilya was a bug he’d be a loud as fuck grasshopper

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

shaneing out!!! (panic attack)

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

i think shane was terrified that y2k was going to happen (yes he watched the news with his parents in the morning before elementary school) and prepped water bottles and like a box of granola bars and his parents had dragged him to a new year’s eve party and he huddled in a powder room during the countdown scared that a plane would fall on the house and that his parents would die because they won’t listen to him.

anyway that doesn’t happen and he eats a whole bowl of ketchup chips when he re-emerges but his eyes are still so red from crying his parents think he’s allergic to the chips and that finally gets them to go home

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

swear i’m still here i’m just busy 💔 yeah it’s fully my fault but i also can’t stop now

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

it’s pretty common for autistic people to lose their mask a little bit and still be comfortable in themselves when they’re drunk and i think shane is NO exception, we get the soft and melty doped up side but with all the laughter and chattiness that he has bottled up which the concussion had prevented. he’s talking about hockey stats for hoursss and gets a little sad but very informative about the montreal real estate market and when he’s with ilya he’ll trace his muscles and tell him the anatomical names and how to work them out and then press his face into them and melt over how much he likes them as ilya realizes he needs to be sooo much more sober ASAP to keep this safe

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

“were there no good men in montreal” rings in shane’s head after he comes out to his team and they turn on him btw. like shane used to think there were at least these guys, maybe not nice in the way david had meant but still, nice. good fathers and some decent to good husbands who played good hockey and trusted shane’s leadership with minimal fuss. but now he’s just not so sure

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

shane likes athletic wear sets because they can always be trusted and socially understood to go together and they always come in basic enough colours he can put a white t shirt on with the bottoms and have it be fine without needing to think about it

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

an important part of shane’s character is that if he was able to he’d love to be in a lab as both the scientist and the subject. same study.

[gaynehollander]

I absolutely do not thing Ilya slept at all during their nap in Boston. He did not want to miss a moment that could be spent holding Shane in his arms, being allowed to feel Shane's steady breaths, getting to watch his profile while unobserved himself. He would have been content to stay there for hours. Just getting to have this, for the first time.

[semiconductiveshanehollander]

i think also ilya devoted a lot of the nap to keeping shane asleep!! i think he was making small adjustments to where his arms were whenever shane would shuffle so that he could be more comfortable, i think a car alarm went off down the road and shane made a small noise and ilya got to shush him so close to his ear that he was louder than the siren and stroked his stomach until shane’s breathing settled again. i think maybe shane twitched and kicked out his leg just a little too far off the bed that he started to tilt out of ilyas grasp and ilya used his foot to pull shane’s leg back under the covers and into the tangle of their calves. he gets to watch shane’s face scrunch up a little at his dream and then soothe him until it goes back into a blank slate. yeah no way he’s giving that up!!