Shut up, Computer.

You may know me as the best Bang since the Big One, the inventor of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, and the President of the Galactic Government. All of which are true. This obviously means I'm important. Which I am. ((RP blog for Zaphod Beeblebrox from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books and BBC's television show.))

[semihalfcousin]

there are RPers who have drafts piling up and then there's me

[latefrequencies]

Urgent inquiry.

You know those Tumblr humor valentines?

Are there any for The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

[semihalfcousin]

i got ur back covered man

[semihalfcousin]

an apology for being inactive

[nipsus]

im secretly zaphod beeblebrox’s second head shh dont tell

[semihalfcousin]

dude ur hogging our bandwidth

[vinestand]

i doodled the character i relate the most toooo and wow i should maybe draw a nice picture of him but no not now

[yourcutestories]

People will stop showing you pictures of their kids if you whisper “oh fuck yea” under your breath when you look at their photos.

[bru-xaria-deactivated20170226]

i swear to god if i had enough patience to make a comic i’d make one about  the adventures of Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple breasted whore of Eroticon Six

[semihalfcousin]

i would read that

[scarecrow542]

Finally finished another of my hitchhikers animations. Starring everyone’s favourite ex galactic president 

[thewould-beking-offline-blog]

"Would you rather take it while I rip out your throat?" the lion smirked, showing his sharp teeth.

[semihalfcousin]

"That… that was a death threat! I can call the police now. Or animal control."

[thewould-beking-offline-blog]

"Ooooh, I quiver with fear… the police or animal control, how terrifying!” the lion laughed, rolling his shoulders. “Please, don’t call them… I just couldn’t take jail or the pound.”

[semihalfcousin]

They didn't have sarcasm on Betelgeuse, and while Zaphod learned how to put it in his own words, he was a tad slow on picking it up from others. "Any way to get you off my ship is a good one. What do you want with it, anyways?"

[thefloorisholdingeverythingup]

"Yeah but… You’re that guy!" Wheatley continued to stare. It had been a very long, very annoying stretch of time listening to the stereo snoring of the improbable ship’s captain, having lost his proper body and being stuck in a core again, unable to move. Wheatley had, eventually, however, inexplicably vanished from the ship just as strangely as he had appeared, turning up in a wheat field with his body very thankfully back.

It was clear the man before him remembered none of this, and yet he was sure it was the same person.

He finally came back to his senses and managed not to stare quite so badly. “Uh, sorry? Oh. Yeah. Your drink. Erm… I don’t have any money, actually… Bit of a problem… Otherwise I’d be happy to get you another one. What is it, anyway? It looks quite impressive. Well, looked. Shirt-stains aren’t all that impressive. Just looks sloppy, really. Nothing looks good after its been spilled on your clothes.”

[semihalfcousin]

Wheatley was mostly right- Zaphod had been there.

He had called him a soccer ball, threatened to kick him across the room, and then flat-out ignored him as he made him watch Zaphod fall asleep.

But where Wheatley’s accuracy began to falter out was thinking that he hadn’t remembered it. Zaphod could recall it happening, he just didn’t recognize the android due to the unfamiliar form. 

While one head controlled three arms carrying napkins, trying to save his shirt, the second-and less talkative- head decided to carry on the conversation himself.

"You just wasted a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, and our shirt. I’m sorry, do we know you?"

[thefloorisholdingeverythingup]

Wheatley was more than a little surprised that the seemingly spaced-out head actually talked, though he didn’t show it all that much. He supposed it was perfectly normal, for a head to talk, in most cases anyway, but seeing as Zaphod already had one that did and this one just usually… Stared off, he hadn’t though that much about it’s speech abilities.

"Wasted?" Asked Wheatley. "I just wasted a… Pan Ga-… Thingy? Well, I mean, technichally, I wasn’t the one who spilled it, am I? I was just… Y’know… Part of the chain of events that led to it spilling. Actually, you could probably track that to my inventors, or whoever decided to make this restaurant, or whoever came up with the drink. So, really, saying that it was ME would be a bit of a stretch, wouldn’t it?"

"Do you know me? Well er, there was a bit of an incident, while back, you probably don’t remember it. You sort of slept through most of it. But yeah, does a little metal ball landing on your ship ring any bells? Name of Wheatley?"

[semihalfcousin]

All three arms gave up the futile attempt of drying out the shirt. The thick yellow liquid certainly wasn't going to come out with napkins, so he would have to deal with it later. His second head took up almost no personality when it talked, sounding reminiscent of a translator program that some of the aliens in the restaurant didn't use. The man slowly lifted his first head when Wheatley began rambling. This time, however, he seemed to pay attention.

"Don't give me that spiritual crap, man. You gotta step up. Take responsibility." He paused, hearing the name and description. "The soccer ball?"

[semihalfcousin]

((i still love this blog ok i just don't have any replies or asks to do ;-;))

[do-not-ingest]

@semihalfcousin

[semihalfcousin]

"Oh, well, say it to my face, would you. Apparently your manners didn’t transfer over.

[do-not-ingest]

"Manners, nothing. That was one of the first sensations I felt as a human. You try braining an infant with a rock and see how he reacts."

[semihalfcousin]

He pauses, blinking repeatedly. "Marvin, I couldn't understand what you said, but I'm very concerned."

[thenerdisout]

Good evening,” it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, “I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body?

(via hitchhikersguidetothegalaxy)

[showmethehotpods-deactivated201]

CASUAL REMINDER;

THAT I TEND NOT TO DO A STARTER FOR EVERY NEW FOLLOWER ‘CAUSE I JUST SUCK LIKE THAT, AND IF YOU WANT TO RP WITH ME, NEVER BE AFRAID TO JUST TOTALLY JUMP RIGHT IN MY ASK BOX OR RESPOND TO AN OPEN OR JUST LIKE GO FOR IT RUN STRAIGHT AT ME IF I DON’T DO THE THING FIRST I’M ALWAYS UP FOR ANYTHING I’M JUST A SLOW LAZY DUMB BUTT OF DUMB HOW DO STARTER HELLO WHAT

[hitchhikersguidetothegalaxy]

On the way back they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life and the obliteration of all other life forms.

Douglas Adams: Life, the Universe, and Everything (via hitchhikersguidetothegalaxy)

[eggwitch]

stop making every alien species u create sexually dimorphic humanoids u uncreative nerds

[thewould-beking-offline-blog]

"Not a chance," Taka chuckled, smirking. "This place is incredible. I see oh so much potential."

[semihalfcousin]

His expression remains unchanged, but it’s easy to see he’s quickly unimpressed. “Potential? I’m not taking this from a giant cat.”

[thewould-beking-offline-blog]

"Would you rather take it while I rip out your throat?" the lion smirked, showing his sharp teeth.

[semihalfcousin]

"That... that was a death threat! I can call the police now. Or animal control."