Scene: Holy Hydration & Triage Diplomacy
—Hospital Clinic, Rome, late morning
The ER doors slid open as Kathy marched in with the force of an entire nursing union, her eyes sharp, steps precise, clipboard in hand before anyone could hand her one.
Aldo followed behind, steady as ever, Thomas nestled in his arms like a collapsing saint, radiant and nauseous.
“Vitals are borderline, antiemetics failed at home, four episodes in two hours, zero intake today, two days post chemo,” Kathy informed the stunned triage nurse before she could finish her sentence. “Chart’s been uploaded. He needs a bed, IV fluids, and Ondansetron now.”
“He’s delirious,” Aldo said to the nurse, utterly professional, as if his husband wasn’t just comparing him to ecclesiastical pastry and political deity.
“I’m romantic, not delirious,” Thomas muttered, then winced as the nurse set up the IV. “OW—betrayal!”
“That’s a butterfly needle,” Kathy said, voice dry. “Stop being dramatic.”
“I’ve literally been martyred.”
“You stubbed your toe on the baseboard yesterday.” Aldo countered.
“It was suffering unto the Lord!”
Aldo perched beside the recliner, undoing the top button of Thomas’ shirt and rubbing gentle circles on his shoulder as fluids began to drip. The color was already returning to Thomas’ face. He sighed and leaned into his husband.
“You stayed on the call while I was vomiting. That’s love. That’s diplomacy. That’s multitasking for the Kingdom. It’s quite attractive.”
“That’s what marriage looks like, Thomas.”
“Then the Kingdom is well cared for. Also more of that rubbing. It’s helping.”
Thomas groaned again less from pain, more from the theatrics of his revival. Kathy handed Aldo a folded hospital blanket with a smirk.
“Wrap your ecclesial demigod in this. He’s shivering.”
Aldo tucked it around Thomas’ legs, brushing a kiss to his forehead.
“Anything else, Your Eminence?”
“Yes. Could someone please fetch a pudding cup, or I shall perish from lack of nourishment and ecclesial neglect.”
The triage nurse, by now fully caught between awe and amusement, blinked.
“We’ll… see what we can do.”
Kathy squeezed Aldo’s shoulder.
“Well done, Mr. Secretary. You didn’t let him pass out or negotiate a papal envoy while retching. You’re officially one of us.”
“Thank you,” Aldo said, adjusting Thomas’ IV. “He’s the easiest hard thing I’ve ever done.”
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