Hades: I have to take the Underworld. I was fine with that, living down there I preferred it. Could wear black all day and look cool. Had to fight tooth and nail to get with Persophone, and got possessed by our dad... was not a fun 10 years.
Poseidon: I was in a coma during that and Zeus was the reason for all of that happening to you.
Zeus smacks Poseidon on the back of the head.
Hades: Thank you, Poseidon. Don't fucking talk until I'm done.
Poseidon nods.
Hades: I got my wife, happy life, we live down there had to compromise with her mother, we worked it out she visits in the spring... works for me. The war happened. Not a fun time... stupid apple! Stupid nieces!
Zeus: Sorry... about that.
Hades: Mm-hm, mm-hm. Men died, I did intake. Thought the war was over and I'd just handle normal intake of people dying in their 40s... then that fucker!
Poseidon tenses as Hades pointed at him.
Hades: Killed over 500 or so of one guy's men because that one guy stabbed his son who he never fucking visited and why? Not because he was mad his child got stabbed, it's because you wanted him killed!
Zeus (deflecting blame): So awful.
Poseidon: I do care about... what's his face. I do. I can fix his eyes, yes, but do you know what shame he has to go through being blinded in his one eye by a human man who was a coward? I know I sung Ruthleeness is mercy upon ourselves, great song by the way-
Zeus: Thunder Bringer was better.
Poseidon: Point is, at least with a mercy killing he'd have some respect and a nice place in Elysium. When he got blinded all the other Cyclops made fun of him. I may have overreacted a tad, but... he's my son. I care about him most of the time. When I remember him. Like all my kids. I'm sorry... to you I am sorry.
Hades: That intake took me a year, many breaks, no sex for a long while, but... I hate that I agree with you for the most part. You went way too hard on Odysseus, the guy is a dumb human at the end of the day, but I get it.
Poseidon (perking up): Really? Awesome, thanks, big bro. Okay, now Zeus.
Zeus: Now me?
Hera: Hold on!
Hera enters with popcorn for her and Poseidon. She hands him his snack and sits down.
Hera: Proceed.
Zeus: We can end this early. I flubbed a little-
Hades: You told him to kill a baby, you sat on your ass for decades, when you appeared giving him an ultimatum of him or his crew because his moron crew killed Helios's stupid cow and I had to deal with crying and screaming members of his crew after letting him sail through the underworld and talk to a ghost breaching so many codes that I had to take Hectates shift for three months! Those three months are when PERSOPHONE WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH ME!
Hera: Naughty Zeus.
Zeus: Um... you want an apology I see that now.
Zeus goes silent crossing his legs.
Hera: That's it.
Hades: Yup, yup, yup. As someone who was blue balled for 10 years, this is for Odysseus!
Hades yanks Zeus and tosses him across the room then beats him up like any big brother would and like any man who lost his love for years.
Hera (to Poseidon): How's Polyphemus, the cyclops whose name you can't remember.
Poseidon: He's better. I paired him with a cyclops lady.
Hera: Good for him.
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