@thefunnygreenisonthescreen
Yo man, I just bought a copy of Top Wit of Tapa: The Funnygreens, and I gotta post a transcription for you all– it has some classic jobname patter. Man, Sinusi Hafuthes is the beeeest.
“So he says his jobname is Pocket, and I think, gee, a tailor.”
“Then later, I check my back pocket and my wallet’s gone.”
“So this grey, he says his jobname is Finger! And I think, well yeah, he can pull it off, he’s pretty good looking!”
“And then I find out later he does hand dance.”
“So I meet this grey named Tumble! And I think, cool, a gymnast!” “And then I see their picture on Silver Nights.”
“I’m told their jobname is Horsehair, and here I think I’m going to meet a veterinarian, or a stablemaster.”
“But no, I get there, and I hear music. And there’s this green, playing a violin.”
“I tell ‘em Slow seems like an awkward name for a runner.” “He says, ‘Sex work is grey in my country.’”
“Then I tell ‘em Fast seems like an awkward name for a escort.” “And she says, 'Sex work is orange in my country.’”
“So I’m talking online, and I say to them, 'Hey, that’s a pretty good name for an executioner.’” “And they’re like, 'I’m a judge.’”
“I meet this purple named Butterfingers, and he tells me this story about his three friends, all of whom have seemingly-unflattering names that actually show off their skills.
So I’m like, ah, this guy can cook! What’s your job, man?”
“And he says to me, 'Construction.’”
“So they tell me their cousin’s jobname, it’s Lined Up. And I think, what a nice name for a yellow!” “And then I visit, and there’s this orange, telling the kids to, 'Line up!’”
“So you meet this girl online, her name is Luscious. You talk for a bit, she asks if you’re buying what she’s selling, you send her the money, she sends you an address.”
“And then you arrive. It’s a winery. The girl is purple.”
“So I’m talking to this green. Jobname Stem. And they tell me they wanna show me their stuff, so let’s go meet up with Root. And I think, gee, visiting the greenhouse and seeing whatever kooky things the botanists are working on sounds dandy! So I say, “Yeah, man!’”
“And then I get there. They pull out a grammatical chart and start lecturing.”
“So they say to me their jobname is Blade. And I think, woah! Do they make weapons? Do I need to be afraid of this guy?” “And then I see them later, tending someblue’s lawn.”
“So he says to me, 'My jobname is Bite! You don’t wanna mess with me, man!’ And I’m thinking, what, is he gonna cook me to death?”
“And I’m still standing there like a putz when he sics the dogs he trains on me.”
[Writing credit goes to Lindsey (Ailinos), Sophus, and megasilverfist on the Discord]
