The weaponization of this concept is talked about a lot by transfemmes, but I'd like to share my own perspective.
The term, as I've seen it used, refers to how trans women are frequently raised as boys with the expectations of fitting into male society. The expectation, therefore, is that trans women have an inherent difference from cis women that effectively makes us socially male and therefore unfit/unsafe for women only spaces. Now, much has been said about how this is ultimately just an excuse for transmysoginy and most who use it as an argument wouldn't care if a trans woman actually was socialized female (something that does happen); but I want to address "male socialization" for those who actually are well meaning and misled by the twerfs.
Some aspects of "male socialization" are genuinely true. I was raised as a boy. I was expected to become a man. I was expected to fit in with other men. As such, I learned early on to shun femininity and mirror the ways that other boys behaved. I wasn't the nicest to girls, lest I myself be accused of being a girl (or gay). It was agony. I tried to look and act the part I was told to play. I had my girlhood robbed from me by a world that expected me to be something I wasn't.
Masculinity never made sense to me. My maleness was a costume I constructed myself to fit into the role I was forced into. I thought that someday I would grow into it, that I'd figure out the secret to being a man, not just acting like one. That day never came. Eventually I let myself lean into femininity and found that it just came naturally. All of the feelings I had repressed came to the forefront. The times I'd imagined what I'd look like as a girl, the dreams of what I would wear, how I would style my hair, the friendships I would have, they all hit me like a truck. Even as I'd been "socialized" to be a man, I'd been shaping an identity as a woman in the background. Being feminine was so much easier than masculinity. I hated being a man, but I love being a woman.
I mourn the girlhood I missed out on. I never had many of the experiences that are often seen as ubiquitous for girls growing up. I hate that I was forced into acting like a boy instead of experiencing a childhood that actually felt natural to me.
When you talk about trans women being "socialized male," you are ultimately saying three things: 1) You don't care about her struggle with being forced into a role that she could never fill. 2) You don't care about the woman she has become in spite of society's efforts to force her into a male role. 3) You don't really see her as a woman because of circumstances outside of her control.
Being "socialized male" is painful to trans girls. We didn't have a choice in the matter. We were forced into a life we never wanted at the expense of our girlhoods. We had to learn femininity on our own while being told we aren't supposed to be feminine. We had to try to fit in with men who we were never comfortable with. Now, when we've broken free of all of that, when we're trying to make up for lost time, when we're trying to find spaces where we can actually be ourselves, we're being excluded because of the past that was painfully forced on us.
If you truly care about being good to trans women, then just treat us like women. Sometimes we might not know something or have an experience that you imagine to be universal to women, but we're still women. If it helps, you could think of us as survivors of a cult that controlled our lives and kept us from having normal life experiences (as a cult survivor myself, I can say that it's a very similar experience). Don't bring up our pasts attempting to be men, we'll talk to you about that if we want to and are comfortable with you. The gender we were forced into in the past is not who we are. Engage with the women you see in front of you, not whatever you imagine we used to be. Please just be kind. The world is cruel enough to us as it is.
gummygunk
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theartofmadeline
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