a wreck

idk my body and brain ain't doing so good he/him

[sentientworm]

Since more people follow me

Hi!

Im a trans aro bi person and this is my side blog. I might talk about medical or queer stuff.

It's been a long journey to finally start me on the right path.

I’m 23

I've been professionally diagnosed with adhd, generalized anxiety, autism, ptsd, bipolar 2, and ehler danlos syndrome. There is more on my "problems" list, but these are the ones I struggle with the most

All my posts are free to reblog unless tagged otherwise

Dni: terfs,swerfs, any form of bigotry, ED accounts(I'm recovering kindly fuck off)

Feel free to message me!

[bairetro]

[sentientworm]

Call me Ehlers the way I go Danlos on this Syndrome

[sentientworm]

It's always "take care of yourself first" "don't put others before yourself" "you need to put energy into yourself"

But taking care of yourself with the little energy you have means you basically isolate from everyone but a couple. You don't want to expose them to this, you don't have energy to give them without it being bad

Then you are filled with guilt, then you lose friendships, then you get subtweeted about and how bad you are at communicating and made to feel like you have never done anything dor them, then your family starts to already mourn your existence, you start missing work, crying before everyshift. You think about asking for a leave of absence.

you are starting to push the ones that have stayed. You put in the effort to keep them, but it isn't working. Things are getting worse. It will be better if they just leave. They do not deserve to deal with this. They can't help. It's better for them not to put the effort in. I will figure it out myself.

[sentientworm]

Shout out to Eduardo Gonzalez for being a subpar doctor, that made me feel awful.

I wanted to get top surgery revisions. I got my initial surgery with a doctor who did not have a BMI limit. This changed the course of my life. I love my topsurgery results, other than the "dog ears". They still don't bother me a bunch anyway.

I decided I would ask my insurance if they would be able to cover revisions. I am no longer struggling from my eating disorder, so I was completely ready to lose weight for this surgery. Cuz whatever, I'm happy with my body no matter. I wouldn't be losing weight for anything else but this.

WELL! If only he just said that I needed to lose weight. I sit there for 10+ minutes waiting for him. He comes in. I tell him everything. My nipples didn't heal like the best and my scar was large bc my EDS, but I am happy with my surgery other than the "dog ears". I only wanted the revisions bc it causes me some distress and through my insurance it would be EXTREMELY affordable.

He leaves me to put on a gown. Takes 5 mins to get a camera. Takes pics of my chest and examines it. I put my shirt back on and wait for him to say something.

This is where it starts. He proceeds to call my nipples and scar just "okay" and makes a face i an see even under his mask. Knowing he will not be operating on them. He then proceeds to tell me, almost guilting me, "This is why we don't operate on high BMI's. Those who have the surgery ALWAYS need revisions. It's not worth it." He continues to go on and on and on about this. He talks to me like I have no idea what he's talking about. Proceeds to call me buddy a bunch of times in such a shitty tone. Then says the surgery shouldn't be covered bc there is no breast tissue left over. He then says he will still take care of me like he is doing me a favor. But does not talk more about it actually being covered. He ends the appointment by saying, " in his professional opinion, you had a pretty okay surgery and results". And that I need to get my weight fluctuations under control.

Lmao huh? You know how much easier it would've been to just say.

" Hey so, through this insurance we cover surgeries who have left over breast tissue as well as people's bmi who is less than 35"

"I'm glad that you are happy with your results other than your "dog ears", I would be happy to work with you further on that concern"

"When you get your weight fluctuations under control it will be easier to see where we are at"

The appointment left me feeling gross. I am not that sensitve of a person especially now and when it comes to medical things. The comments about the body that I have taken so long to love being called "okay" was icky. I felt so upset. I went in knowing weight would be apart of the discussion. I was fine with that!. But not knowing he would shame all surgeons who operate on high BMIs and their patients. Getting a life Changing surgery shouldnt be a bad thing. It was not a failed surgery. So ick. I'm not going back.

[sentientworm]

I simply refuse to be diagnosed with anything else unless another ailment goes away.

#selfunndiagnosing

[sentientworm]

How do you get your therapist to stop from thinking you have OCD and/or have your doctor remove BPD off your conditions list???

[sentientworm]

That feeling when you go from being a brown girl who is treated as an adult from the age of 11 and gets catcalled at 13, to an adult brown man who is followed around stores, been told he is scary, and profiled in your own neighborhood

[sentientworm]

Genuine question. Can sex be just platonic? Like any old thing you do with a friend? Cuz I kinda want it to be. I don't think I'm physically capable of attaching any other emotion to it. Like genuinely just friends having fun??

[thingsfromthedirt]

[sentientworm]

I simply refuse to be diagnosed with anything else unless another ailment goes away.

#selfunndiagnosing

[sentientworm]

"Being poly is all about communicating your needs and boundries! Etc, etc, etc."

- every poly person I've been with who doesn't make time and who also don't fuck with how I, an autistic person, need to communicate. Mind you how I need to communicate it isn't that bad

I just. AHH. Idk make time for me? Maybe? But maybe I don't even like them that much. Maybe I'm just clinging on for validation. I just. Shit is silly and goofy, and I already have enough going on, but I of course have to over complicate things. So yknow. Like at this point I need to say something. Am I gonna? Probably not cuz all it does is make it worse. And I know that's my fucking answer. I'm a part of perpetuating the problem, will I stop??? Maybe when I get a therapist.

[sentientworm]

Shout out to the bitches who take Lithium AND Lamictal

We are simply too hot and sexy to be contained by just one mood stabilizer

[sentientworm]

How the fuck did my student clock my MEDICATED ADHD, but in k-12 grown adults didn't catch it

I just said, "uhhhh" and he said, "it can go undiagnosed sometimes"

[sentientworm]

The autistic experience is miss using emojis with facial expressions

[sentientworm]

Like the literal YEARS I used this 😬 as if it was just someone smiling

[sentientworm]

The autistic experience is miss using emojis with facial expressions

[sentientworm]

Who wants to play the game of

Is it genuine premonitions and different spiritual shit

Or

Hypomania

Is me pushing it off as hypomania denying my Mexican family's history of what little spirituality that was left after the Spanish came? I highly doubt they are all bipol- Oh. Wait. I. I have a lot to think about.

[sentientworm]

I will physically attack the next person who comments on my weight