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@seongjesdoll
Welcome to the Apothecary...
The cauldron is currently open for requests.
this is an 18+ blog, mdni. please have your age somewhere. i will ocassionally post dark content. mind tags and proceed with caution.
rules | masterlist | guide
I agree with the no eliminations! I like that its not all of the guys so there doesn't feel a need to do eliminations.
OKAY i think what i’m gonna do is just leave everyone in and then i need to work out the logistics of how a paternity test woukd work once the smut picks up but 👀 stay tuned
in the midst of finals rn and i start a new internship next week so updates for the next 2 months might be kinda sporadic BUT! i do have stuff planned, i just can’t make any promises on when anything is coming out yet since idk what my internship schedule will look like. full term ofc is in the works, and a few other one shots that are bouncing around in my brain that i have yet to finish
this internship is beating my ass.
NO ELIMINATIONS PLEASEEEEEE single inferno’s style y/n gotta choose 1 out of 5 by the beach at the end of the show or smthg like that tbh maybe towards the middle or the end it’s probably a lot more one on one time more than games/scenarios hehe or if like if it’s not so important to the plot like just say y/n didn’t really notice so&so member’s turn of the game SNSJALkamakmMa i think either sunghoon/jay are gonna win tbh personal prediction
OKAY NOTED 🫡
i think ep 2 and maayybe the beginning of ep 3 may still be games/challenges since we're still setting things up (don't quote me on that) and afterwards we'd move onto more individual scenes. everything is still in the works, i'm trying to figure out how to get through everyone without dragging it on too much which is what i've mostly been struggling with. ep 1 was originally 25k words before i cut out most of it because it felt like filler. sigh.
I LOVE FULL TERM! I'm so happy I found it when I did as I'm watching Love Island for the first time this season!
YAYYY i'm so glad! is this a safe space to say i've never watched a love island ep tho...
like i've seen enough clips of it on social media to get a general idea of what's going on but tbh reality tv has never been my thing 😭
hi! 🩷 i wanted to ask if you write for enhypen ni-ki? i’ve seen you write from him before but your rules don’t say you do so i just wanted to ask!! tysm!
hi! i do write for him and have included him in my multi member fics before. i don't have any solo fics/drabbles up for him atm tho bc i can't really think of something that suits him ><
i do take requests tho if you have smth in mind!
already obsessed with full term i literally got so absorbed i almost missed my train stop super excited i mean i always know who i want but also excited to see who wins
firstly i hope you got to wherever you were going anon 😭😭 but on another note im glad you enjoyed it! i was actually super nervous putting it out there bc i didn’t know if ppl would like the idea but it makes me happy to know that there are people who do enjoy it yippieee
also, i actually have not thought that far out yet so i haven’t decided who wins yet erm.. but if you wanna share your thoughts/predictions im always all ears! I’ve lowkey also thought abt adding in eliminations just bc it’s a bit difficult to write scenes w all 5 of them in one place but yk.. it’s all up to the public like how most reality shows are 🤷♀️
im ngl my least favorite part of writing is proofreading sometimes i wanna skip it all together but then again my first drafts are always so messy 😭 it just gets tiring esp for longer fics bc ive mulled over the scenes so many times in my head already before writing it out
in the midst of finals rn and i start a new internship next week so updates for the next 2 months might be kinda sporadic BUT! i do have stuff planned, i just can’t make any promises on when anything is coming out yet since idk what my internship schedule will look like. full term ofc is in the works, and a few other one shots that are bouncing around in my brain that i have yet to finish
full term: episode one
FULL TERM. reality tv ✦ 1 season ✦ 7 episodes ✦ TV-R
episode guide episode runtime: 15.3k cast: LEE HEESEUNG, PARK JONGSEONG (JAY), SIM JAEYUN (JAKE), PARK SUNGHOON, YANG JUNGWON, FEM READER
summary: you arrive at the full term villa and meet the five men competing for the chance to start a family with you. between a questionable icebreaker, an unsolicited home-cooked meal, and a compatibility game that reveals more than anyone planned, it becomes clear that nobody in this house is playing fair.
content warnings: a bit of teasing touches and innuendos, kink discussions and sexual humor, banter, mutual masturbation, exhibitionist themes, reader has nipple piercings, cuddling and general intimacy
⏔⏔⏔ ꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔
March 16 | 4:47 PM | Villa Entrance, Jeju Island
The car door opens before your hand even reaches the handle, and for a moment you sit there, caught between the instinct to do it yourself and the reality of the camera already pointed at your face.
Outside, a production assistant in a headset stands holding a clipboard. You step out. The gravel path leading up to the villa stretches long and pale ahead of you. Your heels press slightly into it with each step while two cameras track you from either side, their lenses adjusting with a faint mechanical sound that you feel more than hear.
The villa rises at the edge of a cliff above open water, all white stone and dark timber and floor to ceiling glass that collects the late afternoon light and pushes it back outward in broad sheets. Bougainvillea climbs the left side of the entrance in dense, trailing clusters, arranged to suggest wildness while clearly being nothing of the kind. Someone planted it to look as though no one had.
“Whenever you’re ready,” the production assistant says, gesturing toward the front door.
You are not ready. The thought arrives plainly, without panic, and you walk through the door anyway.
Inside, a producer named Chaerin meets you near the entrance. She’s in her early thirties, with a lanyard and the bearing of someone who has been managing seventeen simultaneous problems for long enough that it no longer reads as stress but simply as her face. She moves quickly through the space and you follow, a camera operator trailing at a short distance behind you both. You become aware of the sound of your own breathing in a way you have never been before.
The common area runs the length of the ground floor. Two long sofas face each other across a coffee table holding a fruit arrangement so geometrically precise it borders on unsettling. The kitchen opens directly into the dining space, marble countertops and pendant lighting and a refrigerator already stocked with things you never requested. Tucked beside the staircase, cordoned off with a velvet rope, sits a confessional booth: a single chair, a ring light, a small camera on a tripod. It has the quality of something meant to be taken seriously.
“Confessionals are available twenty-four hours,” Chaerin says, still not looking at you. “We encourage frequent use.”
“Of course you do,” you say.
She doesn’t respond to that.
Your room is on the second floor, third door on the left. It overlooks the water, which you notice before you notice anything else about it. The bed has been made with a level of precision that makes you feel preemptively apologetic about sleeping in it, and on the dresser sits a welcome basket with your name written on a card placed exactly in the center. You sit on the edge of the bed for four seconds before a camera operator materializes in the doorway and you stand back up.
Chaerin gives you twenty minutes before they need you downstairs. You spend three of them at the window watching the water move. Six more unpacking things you will not need until tomorrow. The last eleven you spend sitting on the bathroom floor with your back against the tub, which is, as far as you can tell, the only room without cameras.
It is quieter here. You let yourself exist in it for a moment.
You think about the intake form you filled out eight weeks ago. One of the questions asked, on a scale of one to ten, how ready you are to start a family. You wrote seven. You meant four. You have spent some time since then suspecting that the distance between those two numbers is exactly what got you cast.
You think, also, that there is a reasonable chance none of them will interest you at all, and that this would be the funniest possible outcome. You’ve read their profiles, but there were no pictures attached. The staff had explained that your first reactions should be caught on camera. You let yourself laugh at it quietly in the bathroom, just for a moment, before you wash your hands and check your reflection and walk back downstairs.
The front porch faces the road. Two cameras are already positioned along the entrance path, and a third is mounted above the door frame angled outward. Chaerin hands you a glass of something sparkling and nods toward the top of the path.
“First candidate in four minutes.”
You take a sip. The bubbles go up your nose. “Great,” you say.
The sun has dropped to just above the treeline, and the light it casts at this angle makes everything appear warmer than it actually is. You stand with both your hands wrapped around the glass. From somewhere beyond the trees, a car door closes. Then another. Gravel shifts under the weight of footsteps before anyone comes into view, and your stomach does something involuntary that you would prefer it not to.
You take another sip and wait.
He comes up the path the way some people move through rooms they have never been in before, the performance of a first impression. Lee Heeseung has clearly done something like this enough times that the doing of it no longer costs him anything.
You are still holding your glass with both hands when he clears the top of the path. The first thing you register, before anything else, is that he is taller than you built him to be in your head. Six weeks of a name in your inbox and a production profile and somehow your imagination still got it wrong. He finds you at the top of the steps and something in his posture shifts.
The camera to your left closes in. You had almost forgotten about it. You remember now.
He stops two feet in front of you and says hi, and you say it back. For a moment the two of you are just standing there in the golden late afternoon light and the entire production crew pretending to be invisible.
He holds out his hand. You transfer your glass to one hand and shake it, and his grip is confident without making a point of being confident, and then he says his own name like a formal introduction, easy and unhurried.
“I know,” you say, and then you hear yourself. “They briefed us. On all of you.” You gesture in the general direction of Chaerin and the crew. “It was not weird.”
The corner of his mouth shifts. “Sure.”
Chaerin steps forward from behind you, which is your cue to move into the icebreaker portion. You had been told about it during the walkthrough earlier, delivered in the same brisk, clipboard-adjacent tone Chaerin uses for everything. Each candidate, she had explained, was asked ahead of time to bring a flavored condom that they felt represented them in some way. The production team’s framing had been something about intimacy and communication and starting a family requiring honesty about who you are, but you had stopped fully listening around the third euphemism.
You turn back to Heeseung and nod toward his jacket pocket. “I think you have something for me.”
He reaches in and produces a small box, presenting it with both hands and a completely level expression. Pasante. Strawberry. Pink foil with a ribbon around it that you are almost certain one of the production assistants tied there and not him, though you cannot prove that.
You look at it for a moment. “Strawberry.”
“There’s something about strawberry,” he says. “It sounds simple and uncomplicated until you realize it is actually the one you keep coming back to.” He tilts his head slightly. “That is my pitch. I’m not complicated. I’m just the kind of thing that stays.”
You look at the box and back at him. “You put a lot of weight on a strawberry.”
“I had the whole drive from the airport to figure out what I was going to say.”
The laugh comes out before you get the chance to decide about it, short and slightly undignified. You press your lips together right after like you can retroactively contain it. A camera operator steps to the side to get your face and you develop a sudden intense interest in the ribbon on the box.
“You can wait at the end of the porch,” you tell him, nodding toward where a production assistant is already stationed with a second glass. “Until everyone else has arrived.”
He takes a step back, unhurried about it, and does not immediately look away from you. “Good start, though.”
You say nothing. You turn back toward the road, where the car that pulls into the driveway arrives at the exact minute it was supposed to. Heeseung had shown up two minutes ahead of schedule and there is something fundamentally different about the way Jay’s timing lands.
When he emerges from the vehicle and starts up the walkway, his hands rest deep in the pockets of his coat and his posture holds a kind of controlled formality that makes him seem older than he probably is. He acknowledges the cameras with the same detached awareness you might give to a coat rack or a potted plant, noting their existence without allowing them to influence his behavior. His attractiveness registers immediately. Everything from the cut of his coat to the measured rhythm of his stride communicates that he has already mapped out this interaction in his head and knows precisely how he wants it to unfold.
He comes to a stop directly in front of you and offers his hand with the kind of smooth formality that belongs in a business meeting rather than a reality show introduction.
“Park Jay,” he says. His voice carries no inflection that might betray nervousness or excitement. It is steady and deliberate, the voice of someone who has learned to control the pace of a conversation by controlling the pace of his own speech.
You take his hand and return the greeting. “Nice to meet you.”
His gaze stays locked on yours for a beat longer than casual politeness requires. “Likewise.”
Chaerin shifts her weight beside you and clears her throat in a way that suggests the cameras have captured enough of this particular moment.
Jay reaches into his coat without hesitation, and the box he withdraws appears in his hand with such fluidity that you suspect he has been holding it in a specific position this entire time. The packaging is plain and elegant, vanilla printed across the label in simple lettering. There is no ribbon or decorative flourish.
“Vanilla,” you say, because it seems like the kind of observation that should be spoken aloud.
“Most people hear that and think boring,” he replies. “That’s because most people are wrong. There is no pastry without it. No base, no depth, nothing worth building on top of. Every serious kitchen in the world keeps it in stock because without it everything else falls apart.”
His eyes return to yours with the same measured intensity as before. “I’m not the most exciting thing in the room. I’m the thing that makes the room work.”
You let it sit there for a moment, weighing the sincerity of the speech against the obvious rehearsal that preceded it.
“You practiced that,” you say finally.
“I refined it,” he corrects without missing a beat. “There’s a difference.”
From somewhere behind you comes a sound that resembles a stifled laugh, and you recognize it as Heeseung’s voice breaking through whatever composure he has been maintaining on the porch. Jay does not turn toward the noise. He doesn’t acknowledge that anyone else exists in this moment except the two of you. He extends the box toward you with both hands, the gesture clean and final, as though he is closing a deal rather than introducing himself to a stranger.
You accept it and gesture toward the spot on the porch where you need him to stand. He follows the direction without comment, moving with the same unhurried precision that brought him up the walkway.
The third car arrives and the door swings open. Before you see anything else, you hear his voice carrying across the driveway as he thanks the driver. The words are not projected for the cameras, not staged for effect. They’re quiet and genuine, delivered with the kind of direct eye contact that suggests he means them. You watch this exchange unfold from your position on the porch and feel something small and uncomfortable tighten in your chest. You make an immediate decision not to think about what that feeling means or why it appeared in the first place.
Jake Sim walks toward you with his arms hanging naturally at his sides, no tension in his shoulders or performative awareness of the cameras tracking his approach. His eyes find yours before he has even crossed half the distance. He looks at you the way someone looks at a person they are simply happy to see. His clothes are casual and understated, the kind of outfit that could have been thrown together without much thought, though you suspect he put more effort into appearing effortless than he would ever admit. You appreciate the illusion anyway.
He comes to a stop directly in front of you and his face breaks into a smile that does not stay contained in his mouth. It spreads into his eyes. His entire expression softens and opens.
“Jaeyun,” he says, and then adds quickly, as though worried you might actually use the full version, “But Jake is fine.”
You test the name aloud, letting it sit in your mouth for a moment. “Jake.”
“Yeah.” He says it with a kind of quiet satisfaction, as though you have just confirmed something he was hoping to hear.
Chaerin shifts beside you and clears her throat in the same pointed way she did with Jay, a reminder that the cameras are recording and the moment needs to move forward. Jake’s eyes widen slightly as the awareness returns to him. He reaches into his jacket with a sudden urgency that suggests he has been mildly anxious about this specific part of the process and is relieved to finally get it over with.
The box he pulls free is cradled carefully in both hands. Honey. The packaging glows a soft, warm gold.
“Honey,” you say, naming it the same way you had with the others.
“It’s—okay, so.” He takes a breath, steadying himself, and you watch his chest rise and fall as he gathers his thoughts. “Honey doesn’t expire, like ever. They’ve found it in Egyptian tombs and it’s still good.”
His eyes meet yours again and hold there, earnest and unguarded. “And it makes everything better without overpowering it. It just brings out what’s already there. I think I do that. I think I’m pretty good at making people feel like the best version of themselves without them noticing I’m doing it.”
“That was genuinely good,” you tell him, and you mean it.
The relief that floods his face is so immediate and so transparent that it almost hurts to witness. “Yeah?”
“Don’t push it.”
His laugh bursts out of him without restraint, loud and completely unselfconscious. You lift your hand and gesture toward the spot on the porch where he needs to stand. He goes willingly, still smiling, and you turn your attention back toward the empty road and raise your drink to your lips, taking a long, deliberate sip that gives you an excuse not to look at anyone.
The fourth car arrives and settles at the base of the driveway, but the door doesn’t open immediately. You stare at it from your position on the porch, aware that the cameras are doing the same, all of you waiting for movement that does not come. Chaerin glances down at her clipboard, scanning whatever notes or schedule she has written there, and then looks up again as though expecting the information to have changed. It has not. She checks a second time anyway. At the far end of the porch, Heeseung shifts his weight from one foot to the other, a small restless motion that suggests he has noticed the unusual pause. Jay remains perfectly still, his posture unchanged.
Then the door finally swings open.
Park Sunghoon emerges from the backseat, slow and unhurried. He takes his time, rising to his full height and adjusting the line of his jacket with a brief tug at the hem. His gaze travels up the walkway, pausing first on the cameras positioned to capture his arrival, and then shifting to you. His expression remains neutral through both observations, offering no reaction that might distinguish one subject from the other.
“Park Sunghoon,” he says. His voice is lower than you expected. You offer your name in return, keeping your tone even to match his.
He nods once, reaching into his jacket and withdrawing the box he has been carrying. The packaging is matte black, sleek and unadorned.
“Dark chocolate,” you say, giving voice to the obvious.
“It’s an acquired taste,” he replies. “Most people think they don’t like it until they’ve actually tried it and they realize what they’d been settling for. I’m not easy to know. I’m aware of that. But I don’t think easy and worthwhile are the same thing.”
“That sounds like something you’d put in a press release,” you say, not bothering to soften the observation with a smile.
Something shifts in his face, a barely noticeable movement at the corner of his mouth that might have become a smile if he had allowed it to fully form. “Maybe.”
“Was it?”
He takes a small step backward, creating distance without breaking eye contact. “You’ll have to find out.”
The box changes hands smoothly, passing from his palm to yours with the same clean finality that Jay had employed earlier. Sunghoon turns his head toward the far end of the porch where the others are standing and then looks back at you, waiting for instruction without asking for it. The assumption that you will direct him feels more audacious somehow than if he had simply walked to his spot without prompting.
You raise your hand and point. He goes, his stride as measured and deliberate as it had been on his approach.
The final car that pulls into the driveway is noticeably smaller than the ones that preceded it. The door opens. Yang Jungwon steps out onto the gravel, and the first thing you notice is that he looks genuinely happy to be here. After the cool reserve of Sunghoon’s arrival and the meticulous control of Jay’s entire presentation, the uncomplicated warmth radiating from Jungwon feels like permission to exhale.
He catches sight of you from the bottom of the walkway and his hand goes up in a wave, casual and entirely genuine.
Your hand rises in response before your brain has a chance to consider whether the gesture is professional or whatever it is supposed to be. You just wave back.
Jungwon starts up the path with a quick, buoyant stride. He moves with the slightly heightened energy of someone who has been confined in a small space for longer than is comfortable. When he reaches you and comes to a stop, you notice immediately that he is shorter than the others, his features softer and more youthful, and when he looks at you he does so with the kind of complete, undivided attention that suggests he was taught early in life to listen before speaking.
“Yang Jungwon,” he says, and then adds quickly, as though suddenly aware that he might have caused an inconvenience, “I’m the last one, right? Sorry if the wait was-“
“You’re on time,” you tell him, cutting off the apology before it can fully form.
“Oh good.” The relief in his voice is immediate and transparent. He lets out a small breath, his shoulders dropping slightly. “I kept thinking the driver was going too slow but I didn’t want to say anything.”
Behind you, Jake makes a sound that could be an exhale of amusement. You keep your expression carefully neutral and do not turn around.
Chaerin’s familiar throat clearing signals the next required step, and Jungwon reaches into his jacket with both hands, withdrawing the box with a carefulness that borders on excessive. You get the impression that he has been holding it throughout the entire car ride, unwilling to set it down on the seat beside him in case it got crushed or otherwise damaged.
The packaging is a soft, pale orange that reminds you of early morning light filtering through thin curtains.
“Peach,” you say, completing the pattern you have established with each arrival.
“Okay so-“ He straightens his posture slightly, gathering himself for the explanation he has clearly prepared. “My kids, my students, when they’re really little, they’re still figuring out what they like. I give them options sometimes, snacks and stuff, and they almost always pick peach flavored things.”
“It just makes people feel safe, I think. It’s gentle but it’s still there, you know? It doesn’t disappear.” His eyes search yours, checking to see if you understand what he is trying to convey. “I think I’m like that. I’m not going to be the most intense person here. But I don’t think you’ll ever wonder where I stand.”
“That’s-” you begin, but the words catch slightly and you have to pause.
His expression shifts immediately into concern. “Too much?”
“No,” you say firmly, recovering your voice. “It was good.”
The smile that breaks across his face is warm in the way that suggests it has been deployed countless times in difficult conversations with worried parents and anxious administrators. It is a smile designed to put people at ease, and it works. You lift your hand and gesture toward the end of the porch where the other four men are standing in a loose cluster. Jungwon moves toward them without hesitation, and you watch as he approaches Jake first, his hand already extending. Jake accepts it and pulls him into a brief one armed embrace, clapping him on the shoulder with easy familiarity. Jungwon turns next to Heeseung, who greets him with a nod and a few words you cannot hear from this distance. Then Jungwon’s attention shifts to Sunghoon, and there is a moment where the two of them simply look at each other, an assessment taking place in the silence. Sunghoon offers a single nod, minimal but deliberate, and Jungwon seems to accept this as an adequate gesture of welcome.
You turn away from the group, gaze droping to the porch railing where the five boxes have been arranged in the order they were received. Strawberry, vanilla, honey, dark chocolate, peach. A collection of small, absurd, earnest objects that five different men carried up this walkway because a television producer decided it would create compelling content. You feel the exhaustion beginning to pool at the base of your skull, the kind that comes not from physical effort but from the sustained performance of remaining present and engaged through interaction after interaction. You are going to need to call your therapist after this. That much is certain.
────୨ৎ───
March 16 | 7:34 PM | Villa Main Common Area
The fruit arrangement has been relocated, which means that at some point during the last hour a producer stood in this room and made a deliberate choice about camera angles and visual composition. You register this observation and store it as your first piece of concrete evidence that nothing in this environment will happen by accident. Every object and every angle has been considered and positioned with intent.
The common area feels warmer now that night has fully settled over the villa. The enormous windows that span the length of the room have transformed into sheets of reflective black glass, the light outside having disappeared completely. Music drifts through the space at a volume carefully calibrated to be unobtrusive but present enough to fill the silence that would otherwise gather in the gaps between words. The five men are already arranged throughout the seating area when you descend the stairs and enter the room.
Heeseung has established himself at the left end of the longer sofa, body angled into the corner with one arm stretched along the top of the cushions behind him and his legs crossed at the ankle in a pose of calculated ease. Jay has taken the armchair positioned to the right of the main sofa arrangement. The chair sits at a slight remove from the other furniture, angled toward the room in a way that frames its occupant as observer rather than participant. You suspect he selected it for precisely this reason.
Jake occupies the center of the longer sofa, his body leaning forward with his elbows braced against his knees, angled toward Jungwon who sits beside him. They are already deep in conversation when you enter, the kind of exchange that forms quickly between people who share an instinct for openness and connection. Jungwon says something you cannot hear and then laughs, lifting the back of his hand to partially cover his mouth as his shoulders shake.
Jake notices your arrival first. His hand rises in a small wave, the same gesture he offered you from the bottom of the walkway hours earlier, and then his attention returns to whatever he was saying to Jungwon without pausing to see if you will respond.
Jungwon has drawn his legs up onto the cushion, not fully crossing them but pulling them in enough that his posture reads as settled and comfortable. He manages to appear the most at ease, which strikes you as both endearing and strategically significant.
Sunghoon has claimed the far end of the second sofa, occupying it alone despite the fact that it could easily accommodate two or three people. One ankle rests on the opposite knee and his body is angled slightly away from the rest of the group.
You lower yourself onto the second sofa, deliberately leaving an empty cushion between yourself and Sunghoon. The thought arrives fully formed in your mind, clear and unhelpful. They are all very attractive and very much your type and this is genuinely the worst possible outcome for your composure and you are going to be fine.
You are probably going to be fine.
A production assistant emerges from the hallway, and the room responds immediately to the arrival. Shoulders straighten, conversations taper off mid sentence, glasses are lifted and then set down on various surfaces. Chaerin follows close behind with her tablet tucked beneath one arm and an expression on her face that suggests she is about to derive significant enjoyment from whatever is about to unfold.
“Before dinner,” she announces, coming to a stop at the center of the room where all sight lines converge, “we have an icebreaker.”
“Oh no,” Jake says immediately, his voice rising slightly in pitch. He sits up straight, abandoning his forward lean.
“Before filming began, each of you completed a standardized behavioral assessment.” Chaerin raises the tablet without glancing at its screen. “We will be reading the top three results from each person’s test. The group will guess whose results are whose.”
“Wonderful,” Jay says, and his tone makes it abundantly clear that he finds nothing about this situation wonderful.
Chaerin taps the surface of the tablet. “We’ll go in random order. No names until the group guesses.” She nods at the production assistant, who clicks a small remote. A motorized screen begins to descend from a recessed panel above the fireplace that you had not previously noticed. It hums softly as it unfurls, the sound filling the silence. Every person in the room watches its descent as though it might display something worse than they are currently imagining.
When the screen finishes lowering and the image stabilizes, the text reads: Switch. Collaring. Edging.
The mechanical hum of the screen locking into position is the only sound for several seconds.
“Thoughts?” Chaerin prompts, her tone light and expectant.
“Heeseung.” Jungwon delivers the name with immediate confidence, his arm already rising to point across the coffee table before the syllables have fully left his mouth.
Heeseung rotates his head to regard Jungwon with an expression that registers more curiosity than offense. “Me?”
“You just-” Jungwon’s hand moves in a vague circular motion that seems intended to encompass the entirety of Heeseung’s presence. “You have that energy.”
“I’m going to say Y/N,” Sunghoon says from his position at the far end of the sofa. You turn to look at him, suddenly acutely aware that the cushion separating you feels wholly inadequate. He is already looking at you, has been looking at you for some indeterminate amount of time.
“Interesting guess,” you say carefully.
“Is it wrong?”
The camera positioned to your left executes a small adjustment in angle. You become hyperaware of your own facial muscles and the effort required to control them.
“It’s Jake,” Jay announces from the armchair, his voice carrying flat certainty. The entire room pivots to look at Jay.
“Jake?” Chaerin prompts, redirecting attention.
Jake straightens against the sofa cushions. He smooths both palms against his knees in a brief, nervous gesture. “Yeah,” he confirms. “That’s me.”
Jungwon rotates on the cushion to face Jake directly, the leather producing a small squeaking sound under the movement. “Collaring.”
“It’s a commitment thing,” Jake explains, his tone earnest as he leans slightly toward Jungwon. “It’s actually very meaningful if you look into the history of it-”
“I’m not looking into it,” Jungwon says firmly.
“It’s about-”
“Next set,” Chaerin interrupts.
The screen transitions to new text. Dom. Humiliation. Roleplay.
A different quality of silence descends over the room, heavier and more deliberate. The amber light from the pendant fixtures catches the rim of Heeseung’s glass as he tilts it slightly. Across the coffee table, Jungwon has gone completely motionless in the particular way people freeze when they are hoping to avoid being noticed.
“Sunghoon,” Heeseung says without hesitation.
Sunghoon shifts his gaze from the screen to Heeseung. The look he delivers is not hostile. “Why?”
“You just-” Heeseung begins the vague hand gesture again.
“If you do that hand thing at me I’m going to need you to explain what it means,” Sunghoon says, his voice level and expressionless.
Heeseung lowers his hand.
“I think Jay,” Jake offers from his position in the middle of the sofa.
“You’re both wrong,” Jay states from the armchair without altering his posture.
“You can’t tell us if we’re wrong,” Chaerin points out.
“I just did,” Jay replies, and lifts his water glass to his lips.
“Sunghoon,” you say. “Final answer.”
“Sure,” he says.
Chaerin consults her tablet. “Correct. Sunghoon.”
“Roleplay makes sense though,” Heeseung observes, settling back against the arm of the sofa with genuine thoughtfulness in his expression. “You’re literally an actor. That’s practically research.”
“That’s not why,” Sunghoon says.
“Then what’s-“
“Next set,” Sunghoon interrupts. He turns his head to look at Chaerin. The screen changes again.
Switch. Humiliation. Spanking.
You feel the shift in attention before you see it, the sensation of five separate gazes arriving at the same conclusion simultaneously and redirecting toward you as their common destination. You locate a fixed point on the coffee table, and you direct all of your focus toward it while keeping your face as neutral as possible.
“Y/N,” Jake says from two cushions away. His voice is gentle.
“You don’t know that,” you tell the coffee table.
“I mean the switch thing specifically,” He pauses, considering his words.
Chaerin looks down at her tablet. “Correct. Y/N.”
Beside you, separated by a single cushion that suddenly feels wholly insufficient, you feel the sofa shift slightly as Sunghoon adjusts his position against the armrest. You do not turn to look at him. You keep your eyes fixed on the circular mark in the coffee table and breathe slowly through your nose.
“Humiliation,” Heeseung says after a moment has passed, his tone carrying the careful quality of someone who wants to ask a follow up question but has accurately assessed the room and decided against it.
“Moving on,” you say firmly.
By the time the next set of results appear on the screen, the atmosphere in the room has undergone a subtle but unmistakable transformation.
The icebreaker has accomplished what icebreakers accomplish when they function as intended, which is to distribute mild embarrassment so evenly across all participants that the shared experience of discomfort becomes a foundation for something resembling collective ease.
When Jay’s results appear on the screen, they register in the room not as a surprise but as a confirmation of something everyone had already suspected.
Power exchange. Dom. Bondage.
No one speaks immediately. The text glows against the white background. Jay remains seated in the armchair with his elbow resting on the padded arm, his expression unchanged, simply waiting for the room to process what has been displayed.
“Obviously,” Jake says finally, breaking the silence.
“Obviously,” Jay agrees.
The production assistant triggers the remote and the screen transitions to display new text. Chaerin reads it aloud with the careful neutrality of someone exerting considerable effort not to smile.
Dom. Praise. High protocol.
The room stares at the words in collective silence. Then, as a single unified entity, everyone turns to look at Jungwon.
Jungwon is already looking at the screen, his expression having shifted into intense focus, trying to determine the least damaging response to what has just been made public.
“High protocol,” Heeseung says slowly, enunciating each syllable with the deliberate care of someone sounding out unfamiliar vocabulary in a foreign language.
“I contain multitudes,” Jungwon announces to the middle distance, his voice flat.
Jake has pressed his hand against his mouth in an attempt to contain himself, but his shoulders have begun to shake with suppressed laughter.
“That’s-“ you begin.
“Please,” Jungwon interrupts, placing one hand flat on his knee in a gesture that suggests he is physically anchoring himself. “Please stop. I understand what I put. I understand what it looks like. I’m asking everyone in this room as a professional to-”
“Last one,” Chaerin says, cutting through his plea. Jungwon exhales audibly, his shoulders dropping with relief.
The screen displays new text: Begging. Praise. Switch.
“Before anyone says anything,” Heeseung starts, raising one hand.
Jay interrupts from the armchair. “You spend the end of every video asking people to like and subscribe. It is, functionally, begging.”
The room breaks apart. The collapse happens all at once, as though some invisible supporting structure has suddenly given way. Jake tips backward into the sofa cushions, surrendering completely to his laughter. Jungwon’s hand falls away from his mouth as he joins in, his relief at no longer being the focus combining with genuine amusement. Your own laugh emerges before you can prevent it, real and unguarded. Even Sunghoon’s mouth curves into something that unmistakably qualifies as a smile, and it remains visible on his face for several seconds before he redirects his attention to his drink.
Heeseung covers his face with both hands. His shoulders rise once in a deep breath and then fall.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 8:19 PM | Villa Dining Area
The dining table is designed to accommodate eight people.
With only six occupants it feels almost extravagant, all pale blonde wood and minimalist design. A production assistant has prepared the table during the time you spent in the common area, laying out linen napkins folded into precise thirds, filling water glasses to identical levels, and arranging a low centerpiece of green foliage that runs the length of the table. The overhead lighting has been adjusted downward to cast everything in warmer tones. Beyond the window, the cliff face drops away into complete darkness, and somewhere far below the invisible water continues its perpetual movement.
The catered dinner materializes in a series of covered dishes that members of the production staff carry out and position in the center of the table. There is enough food for everyone, prepared to a standard of competent blandness that characterizes most catered meals.
Jay is not at the table.
He had vanished at some point between the conclusion of the icebreaker exercise and the general migration toward the dining room, departing quietly without announcement or explanation. You had registered his absence and then immediately lost track of it when Heeseung pulled out the chair beside him with a pointed look in your direction.
You select the seat directly across from Heeseung instead. Jungwon claims the chair to your left. Jake settles into the seat across from Jungwon and immediately reaches for the water pitcher, proceeding to refill the glasses of everyone within arm’s reach before attending to his own. No one requests this service and everyone accepts it without verbal acknowledgment. Sunghoon takes the chair at the far end of the table, maintaining a buffer of one empty seat between himself and the main cluster of diners. You are beginning to understand that this spatial relationship is not accidental but rather represents his default positioning in group settings.
“Should we wait for-” Jungwon begins, glancing toward the kitchen entrance.
“He’ll be out,” Jake says with the confidence of someone who has already formed accurate conclusions about Jay’s character.
From the direction of the kitchen comes the distinct sound of something making contact with a pan. The gas range ignites with its characteristic click and whoosh. Then a smell begins to drift into the dining room, butter heated to the edge of browning combined with something sharper beneath it. The scent moves through the space and transforms the covered catered dishes on the table into something that suddenly feels incidental and inadequate.
Heeseung turns his head toward the kitchen. “He’s cooking.”
“Obviously,” Sunghoon says from his position at the end.
“For all of us?” Jungwon asks, his tone hovering between hope and uncertainty.
The sounds from the kitchen cease for a moment. Then the range clicks off with finality.
“Probably not,” Jake says, and reaches for the serving spoon to begin distributing the catered food.
The conversation establishes itself gradually and then gains momentum all at once. Jungwon asks you about Roots & Rights with the concentrated attention of someone who has already conducted independent research. You find yourself talking about the foundation’s early history. You describe the grant application you rewrote three separate times, the cramped shared office space located above a dry cleaning business in Mapo, the first family you successfully placed with a fertility clinic who contacted you eight months later with news. Your voice does something when you reach that part of the story, develops a slight catch that you cannot fully smooth away, and Jungwon notices the shift but does not comment on it or draw attention to it. Across the table, Heeseung is also listening, though he manages to do so while maintaining the appearance of focusing primarily on his food.
Jake has angled his body toward Sunghoon and they have become engaged in a companionable argument about one of Jake’s patients. The patient is apparently a cat experiencing some form of behavioral issue that Sunghoon insists presents as anxiety while Jake maintains is simply an expression of personality.
You are in the middle of a sentence, explaining something about the foundation’s expansion efforts into Busan, when the kitchen door swings open.
Jay emerges from the kitchen carrying a plate in each hand with a clean dish towel draped over his forearm. He sets one plate down at his empty chair. The other he carries the full length of the table. He comes to a stop directly behind your chair.
The plate appears over your shoulder and descends to the table in front of you. What sits on the plate is not what everyone else is eating.
Pan seared halibut occupies the center, its skin crisped to a golden brown. The fish rests in a shallow pool of brown butter scattered with capers and an impossibly fine distribution of fresh herbs that look as though they may have been positioned individually with tweezers. A wedge of lemon sits beside it. The aroma reaches you a fraction of a second after the visual registration, and you stop speaking mid sentence.
“Jay,” you say, because his name is the only word that arrives in your mind.
“It looked like you hadn’t touched the other dish,” he says from his position behind you, his tone pleasant and conversational.
You look down at your untouched catered plate, which has been pushed slightly to the side to create space for this new arrival. He noticed that. You cannot determine when during the evening he would have had the opportunity to notice that.
You pick up your fork, cutting into the fish and taking the first bite.
The butter carries the deep nutty complexity that comes from being heated to precisely the right temperature. The fish separates cleanly under the pressure of your fork. The capers provide a sharp brightness that cuts through the richness of the butter, creating balance. You close your eyes for exactly one second before you can prevent yourself from doing so.
When you open them again, Jay’s hand is resting on your shoulder. His other hand is gathering your hair. He does this with careful deliberation, using two fingers to collect the loose pieces that have fallen forward around your face and escaped from behind your neck, drawing them back and to the side. His knuckles make contact with the nape of your neck, moving slowly across the sensitive skin in the half second before he releases all of the gathered hair to fall over your opposite shoulder.
The entire interaction lasts four seconds.
“So it doesn’t fall in the food,” he says from behind you. Then he straightens to his full height and walks back around the perimeter of the table, lowering himself into his chair. He places his napkin across his lap, picks up his fork, and begins eating.
The table maintains its silence for an extended moment.
Jake is staring at his plate with his lips pressed into a thin line, clearly working to control his expression. Jungwon has raised his water glass to a position halfway between the table and his mouth, where it has remained suspended without him taking a drink. Heeseung is looking at Jay with an expression that manages to be evaluating and slightly impressed all at once. At the far end of the table, Sunghoon continues cutting his food without looking up, but the movement of his knife has become noticeably slower than it was before.
Jay lifts a forkful of his own food to his mouth, chews thoughtfully, and then says to the table at large, “The halibut was fresh. The catered fish wasn’t.”
You take another bite of the fish he prepared.
You do not look in his direction.
Gradually, the conversation around the table begins to resume its previous rhythm.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 9:47 PM | Confessional Booth
The confessional booth is small in a way that feels deliberate rather than accidental.
One chair faces one ring light and one camera mounted on a tripod, with walls positioned on either side. The velvet rope that normally blocks the entrance has been unclipped and pulled aside. The ring light casts everything positioned in front of it in tones that are flat and bright.
Heeseung sits with one leg crossed over the other, his elbow resting on the armrest, two fingers pressed lightly against his jaw. His posture belongs to someone who has spent sufficient time in front of cameras that their presence no longer alters his behavior. Something in his eyes appears more alert than it did during dinner. He looks directly into the lens for several seconds without speaking.
“I should have seen that coming,” he says finally. “The cooking thing. The hair. l was sitting right there and I watched it happen and I thought—yeah. Okay. I should have seen that coming.”
“Jay is good,” he says, and the statement carries the particular weight of respect from someone who does not distribute that respect casually.
From somewhere just beyond the visible frame, a producer’s voice enters the space, kept low and barely rising above a murmur. “So what’s your plan?”
Heeseung redirects his attention toward the source of the voice. Then he looks back at the camera.
He smiles.
The expression is nothing like the smile he offered on the porch, nothing like the warm and easy thing he gave you at the top of the walkway during his arrival. This smile is quieter, more deliberate.
He uncrosses his leg and leans forward slightly, bringing himself closer to the lens.
He says nothing.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 10:20 PM | Lead Bedroom
Inside your room, you lie on your back in the tangle of sheets, the lavender scent from the diffuser doing little to calm the static in your veins. You’d heard the floorboard creak outside her door. You held your breath, waiting for a knock that never came. Now, you stare at the ceiling, at the long shadow of a tree branch cast by the moonlight through the sheer curtains.
Your phone lights up on the bedside table, a stark blue rectangle in the dark.
It’s a tag from a fan account. Her thumb swipes it open. It’s Heeseung, on stage somewhere in Milan, six months ago. The audio is the roar of a crowd, a sea of light sticks washing over him in a cyan wave. He’s finishing a cover, the final, aching note of a song you know too well hanging in the air. He’s dripping with sweat, chest heaving, one hand clutching the microphone, the other raised to shield his eyes from the stadium lights as he scans the endless faces. The video zooms in, shaky and passionate, on his expression in that exact second after the music ends and before the screams fully register.
He isn’t smiling. He looks utterly, completely alone.
The clip loops. You watch it three times. Then you lock your phone and throw it beside you on the bed. Your hand slips under the waistband of your shorts, a reflex seeking a familiar, momentary peace.
The image of him, covered in sweat, is burned into the back of your eyelids. You close your eyes and there he is. The curve of his throat as he tilted his head back. The tense line of his shoulders. The utter isolation in a crowd of thousands.
Your fingertips find the heat between your legs. Your breath hitches, syncing with the memory of the music, your own rhythm starting slow before deepening. The lavender in the air mixes with the sharp scent of your own arousal. Your other hand fists in the cotton, anchoring you as you lets the fantasy unspool: a green room with just the two of you.
A low, muffled groan seeps through the wall.
Your eyes fly open. Your hand stills.
It’s not from your phone. It’s present, leaching through the plaster and drywall that separates your room from his. Then another, louder this time.
He was there, just on the other side of the wall. He was listening. He had to be listening. Your heart hammered against your ribs. Shame, hot and immediate, flushed your skin. But beneath it, a darker satisfaction he’d heard the soft, wet sounds you couldn’t fully silence formed.
Another groan, this one lower, gritted through teeth.
Your resumed touch is urgent, fueled by a reckless curiosity. The video was forgotten. The real thing was just on the other side of the wall. You pictured him, not under stadium lights, but in the dimness of his borrowed room. Back against that same wall, perhaps, head tipped back and closed. One hand moving over himself, driven by the same illicit knowledge that drove her.
The sounds from next door grew less guarded. There was a sharp, ragged inhale, the creak of a bedframe, and a breathy curse swallowed halfway.
It coiled the tension in your gut tighter and tighter. Your heels dug into the mattress, back arching off the bed as you chased the invisible thread of mutual recognition that vibrated through the dividing wall. It was the most intimate and most anonymous thing you’d ever experienced.
When the peak broke over you, you bit down on your own wrist to keep the cry inside, body shuddering through the waves. A moment later, from the other side of the wall, a final, guttural sound was cut short. Then, absolute quiet.
You waited, straining to hear any movement. Just as you were about to turn over, and succumb to the dizzying shame, a new sound came.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Three deliberate knocks on the wall, right where your headboard rested. After a pause long enough to make you doubt you’d heard it at all, his voice came through, low and rough-edged with sleep or satisfaction or both.
“Goodnight, neighbor.”
────୨ৎ────
March 17 | 7:52 AM | Second Floor Hallway
The villa exists in a state of relative quiet during the morning hours.
The ocean has become more audible somehow, and from somewhere on the lower level a coffee machine is working through its brewing cycle. A production assistant is moving around downstairs, their footsteps careful and measured in an attempt to avoid waking the sleeping occupants.
You emerge from your room, wearing an oversized sleep shirt that provides minimal coverage. You turn in the direction of the bathroom and nearly collide directly with Jake.
He registers the near collision first, one hand shooting out to brace against the doorframe while the other presses flat against his chest.
“Sorry-” you begin.
“No, I wasn’t-” he says simultaneously.
You both stop speaking.
He’s wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants that sit low on his hips, his hair soft and unstyled from sleep. He looks noticeably younger than he appeared last night. The warmth that seems to be his baseline quality radiates from him without any of the effort. He looks genuinely happy to encounter you.
“Morning,” he says.
“Morning,” you reply.
“Sleep okay?”
“Better than I expected.” You shift your weight from one foot to the other. “You?”
“Yeah, the mattress is-” He stops mid-sentence. His eyes drop.
He’s looking at your chest very intensely. His mouth has frozen in whatever shape it was forming around his unfinished sentence. The plastic water bottle in his hand produces a small crackling sound as his grip tightens and then loosens.
You wait. Three complete seconds elapse.
“Jake,” you say.
His eyes snap upward. Color floods his face with remarkable speed. He opens his mouth and then closes it.
“I wasn’t- ” he begins. “I’m going to go.”
“You were mid-sentence.”
“I know.” He is already stepping backward, creating distance. “The mattress is really good. Great mattress. Very supportive.” He gestures vaguely in the direction of his room. “I’m going to-”
“Okay,” you say.
“Sorry,” he says, addressing this apology to the middle distance rather than to you directly. He turns and retreats down the hallway. You watch his departure and listen to the soft click of his door closing before going to the restroom.
You examine your reflection in the bathroom mirror. The thin fabric of your sleep shirt does little to hide the two small barbells that sit plainly visible beneath the material. Yes. Okay. That explains the reaction.
You think the specific sequence of emotions that traveled across Jake’s features in the span of approximately four seconds. Interest, followed by realization, followed by horror at having experienced the interest, followed by a catastrophically unsuccessful attempt at recovery.
You press your lips together.
You turn on the tap and let the water run.
────୨ৎ────
March 17 | 8:34 AM | Villa Kitchen
The kitchen contains more activity than the hallway did.
Jake occupies the far end of the kitchen island with a bowl of something. His phone is held in front of his face and he looks like he’s trying very hard to suppress any reaction when you enter the room. You pour yourself a cup of coffee and offer no greeting. He offers none in return.
Jungwon has already stationed himself at the dining table, both hands wrapped around a mug, engaged in conversation with a production assistant about something that prompts him to nod with serious attention before breaking into laughter. Heeseung leans against the counter near the range with a plate of toast, still wearing his sleep clothes. He raises his chin in acknowledgment when you enter. You lift your coffee mug in response.
Jay is not present in the kitchen. From the direction of the dining room comes the faint sound of a chair shifting position, which indicates that he has already positioned himself at the table, which suggests he has already eaten, which means he rose before anyone else. You find this simultaneously impressive and mildly exhausting.
You are not a breakfast person.
You locate the shelf containing lighter options, a row of small items that the production team has stocked for precisely this purpose. You select a granola bar and a small container of yogurt and stand there reading the text printed on the back of the yogurt container without processing any of the information.
You hear him before you register his visual presence. There’s the small sound of someone reaching upward, the subtle shift of fabric moving against itself. Then he is there, positioned directly behind you, close enough that the warmth radiating from his body arrives before any other sensory information registers.
Sunghoon extends his arm past you and upward, reaching for the shelf positioned above the one you’re currently examining. His chest makes contact with your shoulder as he moves. He remains pressed against your back for the duration of time required to locate whatever he came to retrieve. Three seconds, perhaps four. Then he straightens to his full height and steps backward, creating distance. You become aware that you have been gripping the yogurt container with both hands.
“Oops,” he says from his position behind you. His voice carries the roughness of morning grogginess. “Sorry. I’m very hungry.”
You turn around to face him.
He’s staring very intensely at the nutritional information of the protein bar in one hand. His hair remains damp from the shower. The tips of his ears have taken on the faintest shade of pink, which could reasonably be attributed to the temperature of his recent shower.
“There’s a whole chef in the kitchen,” you point out.
“This is faster,” he says, directing this response to the protein bar rather than to you.
“You couldn’t have reached around me?”
He lifts his gaze from the bar and looks at you directly.
“The angle was wrong,” he says with pleasant neutrality, and proceeds to peel the wrapper open and take a bite before moving past you toward the counter.
You remain standing at the shelf for several seconds, still holding your yogurt.
From his position at the island, Jake produces a small sound into his bowl that he rapidly converts into a cough. You look in his direction. He looks at his phone. The coffee machine releases another drip.
You peel the foil lid from your yogurt container and go in search of a place to sit.
────୨ৎ────
March 17 | 2:14 PM | Villa Main Common Area
Someone has rearranged the common area during the time since breakfast ended.
The coffee table has been relocated to a position against the wall, and two chairs have been positioned in the center of the room facing each other. The wide brimmed hat from earlier in the day rests on a small side table with a stack of folded paper slips nested inside it. A whiteboard mounted on an easel stands off to one side. Chaerin stands at the front of the room with her tablet held against her body.
"Each of you draws a scenario from the hat," she announces. "You have ten seconds to read it. Then you act it out with Y/N. The scenario will become obvious as you go. What Y/N needs to guess is the specific emotion or relationship dynamic you're portraying. If she guesses correctly within one minute, you both get a point. Whoever has the most points at the end wins a prize."
"What prize?" Jake asks immediately, his tone urgent.
"Revealed at the end," Chaerin replies.
Jake, Jungwon, and Heeseung occupy the sofa in a loose arrangement. Jay has claimed his usual armchair, one leg crossed over the other. Sunghoon stands near the window with his arms folded loosely across his chest.
"Sunghoon," Chaerin says. "You're first. To demonstrate."
He crosses the room with measured steps and reaches into the hat to extract a folded slip of paper. He reads whatever is written there. His expression undergoes no visible change. He folds the paper once and holds it at his side and looks at you.
"Ready?" he asks.
You occupy the chair that has been designated as yours, and you straighten your posture slightly. "Sure," you say.
Something fundamental shifts inside him. His weight transfers forward. His posture opens by several degrees. The permanent neutrality that characterizes his resting face gives way to something animated. When his gaze returns to you it carries the expression of someone arriving home to receive news they did not want to hear.
He pulls the second chair closer and lowers himself into it with his body angled toward you, bracing his elbows on his knees. He positions himself near enough that you can observe the specific details of his eyes, speaking quietly. "I just got off the phone with the school."
Your brain scrambles to catch up. School. Something happened at school. You have no other context. "Okay," you say carefully, watching his face.
"The principal called about twenty minutes ago." He pauses. "There was a fight during lunch."
"Is he okay?" you ask, taking a guess at the most logical question.
"His nose is bleeding and his lip is split." Sunghoon's hand moves across the space between you and finds yours where it rests on the armrest. "The other kid's parents are already there. The principal said we need to come get him."
You are starting to see the shape of the scenario now. A child. Their child got into a fight and was injured. But Chaerin said to guess the emotion, the dynamic. You watch the way Sunghoon is holding himself, voice steady even despite the concerning news.
"Did they say what happened?" you ask.
"They think he started it." His thumb presses once against your knuckles, a small anchoring gesture. "He's been coming home upset for weeks, saying things weren't okay. I should have-" He stops himself, looking at the floor briefly before returning his gaze to you. "We should have pushed harder to find out what was going on."
There is guilt there, you realize. But it’s contained, channeled into action rather than spiraling. He’s not panicking or angry. He’s steady, and trying to keep you steady too. The hand on yours is reassuring.
"I'm going to go pick him up now." He stands, and for one extended moment he remains there with his hand still holding yours. "I'll bring him home and we'll sit down together tonight. All three of us. Okay?"
"Okay," you say.
He releases your hand and steps backward. His face returns to its usual resting state with the smooth inevitability of tide pulling away from shore.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
"Reassurance," you say, thinking about the way he held your hand, the steadiness in his voice, and the promise to handle it together. "He was keeping me grounded when something went wrong."
"Correct," Chaerin says, making a notation on her tablet. "The card said: providing calm reassurance during a crisis. One point each."
"Oh come on," Jake says immediately from the sofa. "He's literally an actor. This is his job."
"Exactly," Heeseung adds, gesturing toward Sunghoon. "The rest of us are going to look like children in a school play after that."
Chaerin marks the whiteboard with a tally and smiles. "Next."
Heeseung reaches into the hat and reads the slip of paper. His eyes track across it twice before he places it face down on the side table.
He looks at you, and then he surveys the room, and then he pulls the second chair closer and lowers himself into it and leans forward with his elbows braced on his knees and the expression of someone preparing to deliver news he has been carrying all day.
"I got the call this afternoon," he says.
"From who?" you ask.
"Kim Seojun." He allows a pause. "The agent."
"And?" you prompt, trying to read where this is going.
Heeseung looks down at his hands. The pause he takes carries the correct duration, long enough to convey significance, short enough to avoid performative excess. "They took it," he says. "The other buyers. They went ten over asking and they took it this morning."
The room falls into silence.
You look at him. The disappointment manifests clearly in the set of his shoulders, in the way his hands have loosened their grip between his knees.
"That was our house," you say, voice becoming small.
"I know."
"Heeseung, we looked for eight months-"
"I know." He lifts his gaze to meet yours. His expression attempts to provide reassurance but reads mostly as exhaustion. "We'll find another one."
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true." He extends his hand and it finds your knee, the contact warm and solid. "It's not that house or nothing. It's that house or the next one."
"I really wanted that house," you say.
"I know you did." His thumb moves against your knee in a single deliberate stroke. "Me too."
The minute expires.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
You think about the way he delivered the bad news and the hand on your knee. "Trying to stay optimistic.”
"Close," Chaerin says. "The card said: shared disappointment but choosing hope together. Half point each."
Heeseung makes a sound. "Half point?"
"You got her disappointed," Chaerin says. "But the hope part didn't fully land."
"I said we'd find another one," Heeseung protests.
"You said it," Sunghoon interjects. "But you didn't sell it."
"I felt it," you offer.
"Half point stands," Chaerin says, marking the board.
Jake reaches into the hat and reads his slip and becomes completely motionless.
You watch his face. He reads the text again. He folds the paper and sets it down and stands before you with his hands pushed into his pockets.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey," you respond.
He withdraws his hands from his pockets. He crosses the small distance between you and crouches down in front of your chair, bringing himself to your eye level. His hands find your knees, settling there with warm, solid weight. He looks at you with the open, unguarded expression that is simply his default face, the one he cannot fully suppress even when doing so would probably serve him better. "I messed up.”
"I know what today is," he continues. "I've known all week. And then this morning I had the early call at the clinic and Mrs. Park's dog was in for the second time this month and I just-" He stops. One of his hands leaves your knee to reach for your hand, threading his fingers through yours. "I'm not making an excuse. I'm just telling you what happened."
"How long have you known?" you ask.
"Since Monday."
"Jake."
"I know."
"You had five days."
"I know." He maintains steady eye contact, not flinching away from the reality of what he has done. His thumb moves across your knuckles in a slow, apologetic stroke. "I don't have anything planned. I don't have a reservation or flowers or anything and I'm not going to pretend I do."
He pauses. His free hand comes up to cup the side of your face, gentle and deliberate. "But I'm here right now and I want to fix it if you'll let me."
"What did you have in mind?" you say, your tone careful and measured.
Something in his face relaxes by a small but noticeable degree. "Whatever you want," he says with simple directness. His hand is still on your face, his thumb brushing once across your cheekbone. "Tonight. All of it. Whatever you want to do."
The minute expires.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
You look at Jake, still crouched in front of you, still holding your hand, still touching your face with the kind of tenderness that makes the apology feel physical rather than just verbal. "Apologizing," you say. "Genuine remorse. Asking for forgiveness."
"Correct," Chaerin says. "The card said: delivering a sincere apology for something you forgot. One point each."
Jake releases a breath and his entire body seems to relax. He squeezes your hand once before standing and returning to the sofa. The smile that breaks across his face is bright and relieved, transforming his features completely. Jungwon reaches over and pats him twice on the knee with the approving gesture of a coach acknowledging good performance.
"Still think Sunghoon has an unfair advantage?" Jay asks from the armchair, his tone dry.
"Yes," Jake says immediately. "But I'll allow that I didn't embarrass myself."
Jungwon reaches into the hat and reads his slip and his face undergoes a transformation that moves through alarm, resignation, and determination in the span of approximately three seconds.
He places the slip down on the side table.
"Before you say anything," he begins.
"I haven't said anything," you point out.
"I know but before you do." He pulls the chair close and sits in it with his knees pressed together "It was already like that when I got home. The corner part, that was already-"
"Jungwon."
"The main body of it was me," he says rapidly, accelerating through the words. His hands come up now, gesturing to illustrate his points. "I'll be honest about that. That was him and I wasn't watching closely enough and that was my fault. But the leg, the leg was already-it had a crack, you've said it yourself, you said last month that it had a crack."
"How bad is it?" you interrupt.
He stops speaking. He raises both hands and positions them in the air with approximately two feet of space between them. You make a sound.
"He got the whole corner," Jungwon says, his voice carrying the quality of someone reporting a natural disaster. "And then I think he sat on it. To finish."
"Where is he now?" you ask.
"In his crate," Jungwon says.
"And the table?”
"In several pieces." He pauses. "I kept them. In case, I don't know. In case that helped."
You look at him for an extended moment. His face radiates such earnest guilt and such genuine remorse on behalf of a dog that you have to press your lips together very firmly to maintain control.
"It was my grandmother's table," you say.
Jungwon closes his eyes.
The minute expires.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
You look at Jungwon, still sitting with his eyes closed, bracing for judgment. "Preemptive defense," you say. "Trying to soften the blow before I can get angry. Guilty but also trying to explain why it's not entirely his fault."
"Correct," Chaerin says. "The card said: breaking bad news while deflecting blame. One point each."
Jungwon opens his eyes. "The grandmother detail was too much," he says, covering his face with both hands.
Jay is the final participant.
He reaches into the hat and reads the slip and sets it down on the side table with the same economical movement he applies to every action.
"I need you to sit down," he says.
You are already sitting but you straighten your spine, which serves as an adequate substitute.
He does not sit. He remains standing in front of you with his hands hanging loose at his sides.
"They called this morning," he says. "From the clinic."
You become completely still.
"The results came back." He pauses. "It's two."
You look at him. "Two," you repeat.
"Twins," he confirms.
"Jay," you say.
"I know." He crosses the distance to you then, and lowers himself into a crouch in front of your chair the way Sunghoon did at the very beginning of this exercise. His voice remains even. "It changes the timeline. The space, the finances, all of it. But I've run the numbers and it's manageable and-" He stops. Something in his face becomes briefly unguarded. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know yet," you answer with complete honesty.
His hand rises and covers yours where it rests on the armrest. "That's okay," he says quietly. "We don't have to know yet."
The minute reaches its conclusion.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
"Processing something overwhelming together," you say, thinking of the way he moved immediately into problem solving mode.
"Close," Chaerin says. "The card said: delivering life-changing news with composure. Half point each."
Jay stands and tilts his head slightly. "Half point?"
"You got the composure," Chaerin says. "But the life-changing part didn't register as clearly as the planning part."
"The news was that it's twins," Jay says.
"And you spent most of the time talking about timelines and finances," Chaerin counters.
From the sofa, Heeseung says, "She's not wrong."
Jay looks at him. "I was providing reassurance through practical solutions."
"You were reassuring yourself," Jake says, not unkindly.
"There will be a bonus round.” Chaerin raises her hand. “Everyone participates. Winner takes all."
The energy in the room shifts immediately.
"All of us?" Jungwon asks.
"Anyone who answers correctly," Chaerin confirms, tapping the surface of her tablet. "Before filming began, Y/N completed an intake form. One of the questions asked: what is the one thing you need most in a partner? You each have thirty seconds to write your answer on your board. No discussion."
Thirty seconds represents a brief amount of time in which to write something true about a person you have known for less than forty-eight hours. You are conscious of this fact. You are also conscious of the sound of markers moving across boards. Jake writing quickly, Jay taking his time, Jungwon chewing on the cap of his marker before committing to something, Heeseung writing and then erasing and writing again, Sunghoon who completes his response early and studies it with his head tilted at a slight angle.
"Boards up," Chaerin instructs.
Jake's board reads: Someone who shows up. Consistent, warm, doesn't make her feel like she has to explain herself to be understood.
Jay's board reads: Someone who takes her seriously. Doesn't reduce her or her work to a contradiction.
Sunghoon's board reads: Understanding. Specifically—someone who doesn't use what she's been through against her.
Heeseung's board reads: Someone who sees her completely. Who doesn't make her choose between being soft and being strong.
Jungwon's board reads: Someone steady. Who doesn't treat her independence like a problem to solve.
Chaerin consults her tablet. She takes considerable time with this evaluation, which represents either genuine deliberation or television production strategy, and at this point you cannot determine whether a meaningful difference exists between those two things.
"The answer on Y/N's intake form," Chaerin says, "was support and understanding. Specifically someone who can see her point of view without turning it against her."
"Jake's answer speaks to consistency and not needing to explain herself," Chaerin continues. "Jay's speaks to being taken seriously and not being reduced to a contradiction. Heeseung's speaks to being seen completely without having to choose between softness and strength. Jungwon's speaks to steadiness that doesn't treat independence as a problem. Sunghoon's speaks to understanding, and specifically to someone who doesn't use what she's been through against her."
No one moves.
"Jay and Sunghoon are closest to the specific language," Chaerin says. "But Sunghoon's answer reflects the context behind it. Sunghoon wins."
"Oh come on," Jake gestures toward Sunghoon with one hand. "He's an actor. Of course he won."
"Literally his job," Heeseung adds from the sofa, his tone carrying more amusement than accusation. "He gets paid to say the right thing at the right time."
"I didn't write it in character," Sunghoon says, still looking at his board.
"That's exactly what someone in character would say," Jake counters.
Jungwon cuts in from the sofa. "So it's rigged is what you're saying."
"I'm saying he has an unfair advantage," Heeseung clarifies, gesturing with his whiteboard. "The rest of us are working with normal human perception. He's been trained."
"Congratulations," Jay says from the armchair, his tone even and measured.
"Thanks," Sunghoon says to the room at large.
From the sofa, Heeseung says to Jungwon, his voice pitched low but still audible in the quiet space, "He wrote that in ten seconds."
Jungwon says nothing initially. He is looking at Sunghoon with an expression that resists interpretation, something hovering between assessment and resignation, and then he shifts his attention to you and the expression becomes significantly easier to read. You look away first, redirecting your gaze to the window and the water beyond it.
Chaerin makes a notation on her tablet, her fingers moving across the screen with practiced efficiency. She looks up with the expression of someone about to deliver information she has been waiting all afternoon to share, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.
"The prize," she says, and allows the word to sit in the air for a beat longer than necessary. "The winner will spend tonight in Y/N's room."
Everyone starts talking at once.
"Absolutely not," Heeseung says, sitting forward on the sofa so abruptly that the leather makes a sound beneath him. His hands come off the armrest and plant on his knees as though he is preparing to stand and lodge a formal protest.
"That's-" Jake stops mid sentence, his mouth still open, visibly recalibrating his thoughts in real time. He starts again. "That seems like a significant escalation."
"I'm sorry, what?" Jungwon says, his voice climbing slightly in pitch, his eyes wide and fixed on Chaerin as though she might suddenly announce this was a joke and produce the actual, reasonable prize.
Jay sets his water glass down on the armrest with a quiet click that cuts through the overlapping voices. He says nothing, which is somehow more pointed than anything the others are saying. Sunghoon has gone very still near the window. He is looking at Chaerin, then at you, then back at Chaerin.
"You can't be serious," Heeseung says, and there is genuine disbelief in his voice, as though the possibility that this was always going to be part of the show had simply not occurred to him until this exact moment.
"Completely serious," Chaerin replies, her tone pleasant and unbothered, as though she has just announced the dinner menu rather than sleeping arrangements.
"That's-" Jake gestures vaguely with both hands, trying to articulate something that his brain has not yet fully formed into words. "That's a lot."
"It's a reality show where the first one of you to get her pregnant wins," Chaerin says, her voice taking on the patient quality of someone explaining something obvious to someone who should already understand it. "I'm not sure what you thought the progression was going to be."
"Slower than this," Jake says immediately, with the conviction of someone who has just realized he made several incorrect assumptions about the timeline of events he agreed to participate in.
Heeseung is looking at you now, his gaze direct and searching. So is Jungwon, his expression softer but no less intent, carrying a question he is not asking aloud. Jay's gaze has also traveled in your direction, measuring and quiet. Sunghoon has not looked away from you since Chaerin made the announcement.
Your heart is beating hard enough that you are certain everyone in the room can see it moving beneath your shirt. You focus on your breathing, on keeping it even and controlled, on not allowing any visible reaction to escape.
"Y/N," Chaerin says, drawing the attention of the room even more fully in your direction. "Any objections?"
Every person in the room is looking at you now. The weight of six separate gazes lands on you simultaneously and you feel it as a physical pressure, as though the air in the room has become denser.
You think about the contract you signed three weeks ago in a conference room in Seoul, the pages of legal language you read carefully before putting your name at the bottom. You think about the fact that you are here because you want a family and this is the mechanism you chose to pursue that goal, and escalation was always going to be part of the structure. You knew this. You agreed to this.
"No objections," you say, and your voice comes out steadier than you feel, clear and firm and leaving no room for misinterpretation.
"Well," Heeseung says after a long moment, leaning back into the sofa cushions with a kind of resigned acceptance. "Congratulations Sunghoon."
"This is still rigged," Jake mutters.
"Completely rigged," Jungwon agrees, slumping back into the sofa cushions beside Jake.
Chaerin caps her pen with a decisive click.
"Dinner is at seven. Please take time to regulate yourselves. Tomorrow’s activity will be even more intense," she says before exiting the room. The production assistant follows in her wake, the door closing behind them with a soft sound that seems to mark the end of something.
The six of you remain in the common area with the afternoon light streaming through the windows, lower now than it was an hour ago, casting longer shadows across the floor. Heeseung is the first to move. He stretches his arms above his head with an audible sound of joints settling and announces to no one in particular that he is going to take a nap. The declaration feels like permission for everyone else to leave.
The room is empty except for you and Sunghoon. You rise from your chair, your legs slightly unsteady beneath you in a way you hope is not visible. You do not look at him.
You walk to the kitchen with measured steps, focusing on the simple mechanics of movement, one foot in front of the other. You pour yourself a glass of water from the pitcher on the counter and drink half of it. When you turn around, he’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed.
"You okay?" he asks. His voice is quieter than it was in the common area, pitched just for you in the empty kitchen.
"Fine," you say. The word comes out more automatic than honest.
You get the distinct impression that he does not believe you but has decided not to press the issue, that he is allowing you the fiction of being fine because challenging it right now would serve no purpose. "See you at dinner," he says.
"See you at dinner," you reply, your voice steadier now, matching his tone.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 3:24 PM | Confessional Booth
Sunghoon sits in the confessional chair the way he sits everywhere, one ankle crossed over his knee and back straight. The ring light flattens everything it touches and he allows this to happen. He looks at the camera for a moment without speaking.
This is normal for him. The production team has already learned this about his rhythm.
“I’ve done a lot of press,” he says eventually. “Since I was nineteen. Interviews, profiles, the late night stuff. There’s always a version of a question that sounds like it’s about your work but it’s actually about your personal life. And you learn fast how to answer it without answering it.”
His thumb moves against his knee in a single stroke. “You say something that sounds true. Something that has the shape of honesty without the substance of it. People accept it because it sounds right and because they want to move on to the next question. I’ve gotten very good at that.”
“The question today was easy,” he continues. “There’s a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from being perceived incorrectly for a long time. Where people look at you and see something that is technically made of true things but assembled wrong. You spend so much energy either correcting it or deciding not to bother correcting it that eventually you stop being able to tell which one you’re doing.”
“She built something that fights for people who can’t have children, and she’s here because she is one of those people. Somewhere along the way those two things became a punchline for someone. I know what it looks like when a person is tired of being the punchline of their own life.”
“I’ve been that person, for different reasons of course, but I know what it looks like.”
From just beyond the visible frame, the producer’s voice enters the space, kept low. “Did you mean what you wrote, or were you playing to win?”
Sunghoon shifts his gaze toward the source of the voice. Then he returns his attention to the lens.
“Both,” he says. “And I don’t think that makes it less true.”
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 11:47 PM | Your Bedroom
The room is quieter than the rest of the house. Sunghoon sets his things down on the chair by the window.
“Nice room,” he says.
“Same as yours probably,” you say.
You are suddenly aware of the singular bed, of the fact that you are alone with him in a room with a bed and no cameras and the entire premise of this show sitting between you like a third presence.
“You can use the bathroom first,” You suggest. He nods once, collects his things, and leaves. The moment the door closes you release a breath you were not aware you were holding.
You move to your suitcase and pull out your sleep set, soft shorts, and a loose top. You are halfway through the familiar routine of the end of the day when you stop.
You think about Jake’s face this morning. The barbells on your chest catch the lamplight the same way they did in the hallway mirror.
You consider the alternative, which is sleeping in a bra, which you have not voluntarily done since university when you fell asleep studying and woke up at three in the morning feeling like you got stabbed in the ribcage.
This is not a decision you should have to make. This is your room. You should be able to sleep however you sleep.
You put the bra on the chair. Sunghoon is simply going to have to manage whatever reaction he has like an adult.
You pull the top on and get into bed, arranging yourself under the blanket. He comes back a few minutes later with his hair slightly damp at the temples from washing his face.
“Which side do you prefer?” he asks.
“I’m already on a side,” you point out.
“So you are.”
He pulls back the other side without ceremony and gets in, and the mattress dips with his weight. The bed feels significantly smaller than it did thirty seconds ago. He reaches over and turns off the lamp on his side. You are acutely aware of the careful six inches of mattress neither of you is occupying.
Then Sunghoon says, to the ceiling: “I can’t sleep without holding something.”
You turn your head to look at him. In the dark his profile is all clean lines, and he is looking at the ceiling with the expression of someone making a completely reasonable observation.
“Is that so,” you say, and your voice comes out steadier than you expected.
“It’s a thing,” he says. “I’ve always been like that.”
“There’s a spare pillow,” you say. “On the chair.”
“I saw it. It’s not really the same.”
You look back at the ceiling. Outside the water moves. Somewhere down the hall a door closes softly. Your heart is beating in your throat and you do not know if this is a terrible one or simply inevitable.
“Fine,” you say.
You turn onto your side facing the window. There is a brief pause , just long enough for you to wonder if he was actually flirting or actually just stating a preference, and then the mattress shifts and his arm comes around your waist as he settles behind you.
The warmth of him is immediate and overwhelming. His chest presses against your back, his knees find the space behind yours and his chin finds the top of your head. You can feel him breathing.
“You’re tense,” he observes, his voice low and close to your ear.
“I’m fine,” you lie.
“You feel like you’re about to take a test.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His arm around your waist tightens slightly, drawing you back into him with gentle insistence, and the deliberateness of it does something to your breathing that you hope he doesn’t notice. “Relax,” he says quietly.
“I am relaxed.”
“You’re warmer than a pillow,” he says into your hair.
“Glad to be of service,” you manage.
He makes a low sound that is almost a laugh and his arm relaxes further. You feel the exact moment he starts to fall asleep, the way his breathing evens and deepens. You are almost there yourself, your body finally beginning to loosen, when his hand shifts.
The slow unconscious drift of someone reaching for warmth in their sleep, fingers spreading and resettling, and his palm curves and lands directly over your breast and stays. He goes completely still. Your heart stops.
His hand doesn’t move. “You have piercings.”
“Mm,” you say to the pillow, because your throat has forgotten how to produce actual words.
His palm is still there, warm and solid, and you are acutely aware of the metal under the thin fabric.
“So that’s why Jake was so embarrassed this morning,” he hums.
“Go to sleep Sunghoon,”
He is quiet for a moment. His hand still hasn’t moved. You don’t know if you want it to move or if you want it to stay exactly where it is.
“He really should have said something,” he says.
“Sunghoon.”
“As a matter of basic-”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” he says, hand sliding back to safer territory at your waist.
You fall asleep to the sound of him breathing slow and even behind you, and the ghost of where his hand was.
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@lilllslayswanderwoodsan
full term: episode one
FULL TERM. reality tv ✦ 1 season ✦ 7 episodes ✦ TV-R
episode guide episode runtime: 15.3k cast: LEE HEESEUNG, PARK JONGSEONG (JAY), SIM JAEYUN (JAKE), PARK SUNGHOON, YANG JUNGWON, FEM READER
summary: you arrive at the full term villa and meet the five men competing for the chance to start a family with you. between a questionable icebreaker, an unsolicited home-cooked meal, and a compatibility game that reveals more than anyone planned, it becomes clear that nobody in this house is playing fair.
content warnings: a bit of teasing touches and innuendos, kink discussions and sexual humor, banter, mutual masturbation, exhibitionist themes, reader has nipple piercings, cuddling and general intimacy
⏔⏔⏔ ꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔
March 16 | 4:47 PM | Villa Entrance, Jeju Island
The car door opens before your hand even reaches the handle, and for a moment you sit there, caught between the instinct to do it yourself and the reality of the camera already pointed at your face.
Outside, a production assistant in a headset stands holding a clipboard. You step out. The gravel path leading up to the villa stretches long and pale ahead of you. Your heels press slightly into it with each step while two cameras track you from either side, their lenses adjusting with a faint mechanical sound that you feel more than hear.
The villa rises at the edge of a cliff above open water, all white stone and dark timber and floor to ceiling glass that collects the late afternoon light and pushes it back outward in broad sheets. Bougainvillea climbs the left side of the entrance in dense, trailing clusters, arranged to suggest wildness while clearly being nothing of the kind. Someone planted it to look as though no one had.
“Whenever you’re ready,” the production assistant says, gesturing toward the front door.
You are not ready. The thought arrives plainly, without panic, and you walk through the door anyway.
Inside, a producer named Chaerin meets you near the entrance. She’s in her early thirties, with a lanyard and the bearing of someone who has been managing seventeen simultaneous problems for long enough that it no longer reads as stress but simply as her face. She moves quickly through the space and you follow, a camera operator trailing at a short distance behind you both. You become aware of the sound of your own breathing in a way you have never been before.
The common area runs the length of the ground floor. Two long sofas face each other across a coffee table holding a fruit arrangement so geometrically precise it borders on unsettling. The kitchen opens directly into the dining space, marble countertops and pendant lighting and a refrigerator already stocked with things you never requested. Tucked beside the staircase, cordoned off with a velvet rope, sits a confessional booth: a single chair, a ring light, a small camera on a tripod. It has the quality of something meant to be taken seriously.
“Confessionals are available twenty-four hours,” Chaerin says, still not looking at you. “We encourage frequent use.”
“Of course you do,” you say.
She doesn’t respond to that.
Your room is on the second floor, third door on the left. It overlooks the water, which you notice before you notice anything else about it. The bed has been made with a level of precision that makes you feel preemptively apologetic about sleeping in it, and on the dresser sits a welcome basket with your name written on a card placed exactly in the center. You sit on the edge of the bed for four seconds before a camera operator materializes in the doorway and you stand back up.
Chaerin gives you twenty minutes before they need you downstairs. You spend three of them at the window watching the water move. Six more unpacking things you will not need until tomorrow. The last eleven you spend sitting on the bathroom floor with your back against the tub, which is, as far as you can tell, the only room without cameras.
It is quieter here. You let yourself exist in it for a moment.
You think about the intake form you filled out eight weeks ago. One of the questions asked, on a scale of one to ten, how ready you are to start a family. You wrote seven. You meant four. You have spent some time since then suspecting that the distance between those two numbers is exactly what got you cast.
You think, also, that there is a reasonable chance none of them will interest you at all, and that this would be the funniest possible outcome. You’ve read their profiles, but there were no pictures attached. The staff had explained that your first reactions should be caught on camera. You let yourself laugh at it quietly in the bathroom, just for a moment, before you wash your hands and check your reflection and walk back downstairs.
The front porch faces the road. Two cameras are already positioned along the entrance path, and a third is mounted above the door frame angled outward. Chaerin hands you a glass of something sparkling and nods toward the top of the path.
“First candidate in four minutes.”
You take a sip. The bubbles go up your nose. “Great,” you say.
The sun has dropped to just above the treeline, and the light it casts at this angle makes everything appear warmer than it actually is. You stand with both your hands wrapped around the glass. From somewhere beyond the trees, a car door closes. Then another. Gravel shifts under the weight of footsteps before anyone comes into view, and your stomach does something involuntary that you would prefer it not to.
You take another sip and wait.
He comes up the path the way some people move through rooms they have never been in before, the performance of a first impression. Lee Heeseung has clearly done something like this enough times that the doing of it no longer costs him anything.
You are still holding your glass with both hands when he clears the top of the path. The first thing you register, before anything else, is that he is taller than you built him to be in your head. Six weeks of a name in your inbox and a production profile and somehow your imagination still got it wrong. He finds you at the top of the steps and something in his posture shifts.
The camera to your left closes in. You had almost forgotten about it. You remember now.
He stops two feet in front of you and says hi, and you say it back. For a moment the two of you are just standing there in the golden late afternoon light and the entire production crew pretending to be invisible.
He holds out his hand. You transfer your glass to one hand and shake it, and his grip is confident without making a point of being confident, and then he says his own name like a formal introduction, easy and unhurried.
“I know,” you say, and then you hear yourself. “They briefed us. On all of you.” You gesture in the general direction of Chaerin and the crew. “It was not weird.”
The corner of his mouth shifts. “Sure.”
Chaerin steps forward from behind you, which is your cue to move into the icebreaker portion. You had been told about it during the walkthrough earlier, delivered in the same brisk, clipboard-adjacent tone Chaerin uses for everything. Each candidate, she had explained, was asked ahead of time to bring a flavored condom that they felt represented them in some way. The production team’s framing had been something about intimacy and communication and starting a family requiring honesty about who you are, but you had stopped fully listening around the third euphemism.
You turn back to Heeseung and nod toward his jacket pocket. “I think you have something for me.”
He reaches in and produces a small box, presenting it with both hands and a completely level expression. Pasante. Strawberry. Pink foil with a ribbon around it that you are almost certain one of the production assistants tied there and not him, though you cannot prove that.
You look at it for a moment. “Strawberry.”
“There’s something about strawberry,” he says. “It sounds simple and uncomplicated until you realize it is actually the one you keep coming back to.” He tilts his head slightly. “That is my pitch. I’m not complicated. I’m just the kind of thing that stays.”
You look at the box and back at him. “You put a lot of weight on a strawberry.”
“I had the whole drive from the airport to figure out what I was going to say.”
The laugh comes out before you get the chance to decide about it, short and slightly undignified. You press your lips together right after like you can retroactively contain it. A camera operator steps to the side to get your face and you develop a sudden intense interest in the ribbon on the box.
“You can wait at the end of the porch,” you tell him, nodding toward where a production assistant is already stationed with a second glass. “Until everyone else has arrived.”
He takes a step back, unhurried about it, and does not immediately look away from you. “Good start, though.”
You say nothing. You turn back toward the road, where the car that pulls into the driveway arrives at the exact minute it was supposed to. Heeseung had shown up two minutes ahead of schedule and there is something fundamentally different about the way Jay’s timing lands.
When he emerges from the vehicle and starts up the walkway, his hands rest deep in the pockets of his coat and his posture holds a kind of controlled formality that makes him seem older than he probably is. He acknowledges the cameras with the same detached awareness you might give to a coat rack or a potted plant, noting their existence without allowing them to influence his behavior. His attractiveness registers immediately. Everything from the cut of his coat to the measured rhythm of his stride communicates that he has already mapped out this interaction in his head and knows precisely how he wants it to unfold.
He comes to a stop directly in front of you and offers his hand with the kind of smooth formality that belongs in a business meeting rather than a reality show introduction.
“Park Jay,” he says. His voice carries no inflection that might betray nervousness or excitement. It is steady and deliberate, the voice of someone who has learned to control the pace of a conversation by controlling the pace of his own speech.
You take his hand and return the greeting. “Nice to meet you.”
His gaze stays locked on yours for a beat longer than casual politeness requires. “Likewise.”
Chaerin shifts her weight beside you and clears her throat in a way that suggests the cameras have captured enough of this particular moment.
Jay reaches into his coat without hesitation, and the box he withdraws appears in his hand with such fluidity that you suspect he has been holding it in a specific position this entire time. The packaging is plain and elegant, vanilla printed across the label in simple lettering. There is no ribbon or decorative flourish.
“Vanilla,” you say, because it seems like the kind of observation that should be spoken aloud.
“Most people hear that and think boring,” he replies. “That’s because most people are wrong. There is no pastry without it. No base, no depth, nothing worth building on top of. Every serious kitchen in the world keeps it in stock because without it everything else falls apart.”
His eyes return to yours with the same measured intensity as before. “I’m not the most exciting thing in the room. I’m the thing that makes the room work.”
You let it sit there for a moment, weighing the sincerity of the speech against the obvious rehearsal that preceded it.
“You practiced that,” you say finally.
“I refined it,” he corrects without missing a beat. “There’s a difference.”
From somewhere behind you comes a sound that resembles a stifled laugh, and you recognize it as Heeseung’s voice breaking through whatever composure he has been maintaining on the porch. Jay does not turn toward the noise. He doesn’t acknowledge that anyone else exists in this moment except the two of you. He extends the box toward you with both hands, the gesture clean and final, as though he is closing a deal rather than introducing himself to a stranger.
You accept it and gesture toward the spot on the porch where you need him to stand. He follows the direction without comment, moving with the same unhurried precision that brought him up the walkway.
The third car arrives and the door swings open. Before you see anything else, you hear his voice carrying across the driveway as he thanks the driver. The words are not projected for the cameras, not staged for effect. They’re quiet and genuine, delivered with the kind of direct eye contact that suggests he means them. You watch this exchange unfold from your position on the porch and feel something small and uncomfortable tighten in your chest. You make an immediate decision not to think about what that feeling means or why it appeared in the first place.
Jake Sim walks toward you with his arms hanging naturally at his sides, no tension in his shoulders or performative awareness of the cameras tracking his approach. His eyes find yours before he has even crossed half the distance. He looks at you the way someone looks at a person they are simply happy to see. His clothes are casual and understated, the kind of outfit that could have been thrown together without much thought, though you suspect he put more effort into appearing effortless than he would ever admit. You appreciate the illusion anyway.
He comes to a stop directly in front of you and his face breaks into a smile that does not stay contained in his mouth. It spreads into his eyes. His entire expression softens and opens.
“Jaeyun,” he says, and then adds quickly, as though worried you might actually use the full version, “But Jake is fine.”
You test the name aloud, letting it sit in your mouth for a moment. “Jake.”
“Yeah.” He says it with a kind of quiet satisfaction, as though you have just confirmed something he was hoping to hear.
Chaerin shifts beside you and clears her throat in the same pointed way she did with Jay, a reminder that the cameras are recording and the moment needs to move forward. Jake’s eyes widen slightly as the awareness returns to him. He reaches into his jacket with a sudden urgency that suggests he has been mildly anxious about this specific part of the process and is relieved to finally get it over with.
The box he pulls free is cradled carefully in both hands. Honey. The packaging glows a soft, warm gold.
“Honey,” you say, naming it the same way you had with the others.
“It’s—okay, so.” He takes a breath, steadying himself, and you watch his chest rise and fall as he gathers his thoughts. “Honey doesn’t expire, like ever. They’ve found it in Egyptian tombs and it’s still good.”
His eyes meet yours again and hold there, earnest and unguarded. “And it makes everything better without overpowering it. It just brings out what’s already there. I think I do that. I think I’m pretty good at making people feel like the best version of themselves without them noticing I’m doing it.”
“That was genuinely good,” you tell him, and you mean it.
The relief that floods his face is so immediate and so transparent that it almost hurts to witness. “Yeah?”
“Don’t push it.”
His laugh bursts out of him without restraint, loud and completely unselfconscious. You lift your hand and gesture toward the spot on the porch where he needs to stand. He goes willingly, still smiling, and you turn your attention back toward the empty road and raise your drink to your lips, taking a long, deliberate sip that gives you an excuse not to look at anyone.
The fourth car arrives and settles at the base of the driveway, but the door doesn’t open immediately. You stare at it from your position on the porch, aware that the cameras are doing the same, all of you waiting for movement that does not come. Chaerin glances down at her clipboard, scanning whatever notes or schedule she has written there, and then looks up again as though expecting the information to have changed. It has not. She checks a second time anyway. At the far end of the porch, Heeseung shifts his weight from one foot to the other, a small restless motion that suggests he has noticed the unusual pause. Jay remains perfectly still, his posture unchanged.
Then the door finally swings open.
Park Sunghoon emerges from the backseat, slow and unhurried. He takes his time, rising to his full height and adjusting the line of his jacket with a brief tug at the hem. His gaze travels up the walkway, pausing first on the cameras positioned to capture his arrival, and then shifting to you. His expression remains neutral through both observations, offering no reaction that might distinguish one subject from the other.
“Park Sunghoon,” he says. His voice is lower than you expected. You offer your name in return, keeping your tone even to match his.
He nods once, reaching into his jacket and withdrawing the box he has been carrying. The packaging is matte black, sleek and unadorned.
“Dark chocolate,” you say, giving voice to the obvious.
“It’s an acquired taste,” he replies. “Most people think they don’t like it until they’ve actually tried it and they realize what they’d been settling for. I’m not easy to know. I’m aware of that. But I don’t think easy and worthwhile are the same thing.”
“That sounds like something you’d put in a press release,” you say, not bothering to soften the observation with a smile.
Something shifts in his face, a barely noticeable movement at the corner of his mouth that might have become a smile if he had allowed it to fully form. “Maybe.”
“Was it?”
He takes a small step backward, creating distance without breaking eye contact. “You’ll have to find out.”
The box changes hands smoothly, passing from his palm to yours with the same clean finality that Jay had employed earlier. Sunghoon turns his head toward the far end of the porch where the others are standing and then looks back at you, waiting for instruction without asking for it. The assumption that you will direct him feels more audacious somehow than if he had simply walked to his spot without prompting.
You raise your hand and point. He goes, his stride as measured and deliberate as it had been on his approach.
The final car that pulls into the driveway is noticeably smaller than the ones that preceded it. The door opens. Yang Jungwon steps out onto the gravel, and the first thing you notice is that he looks genuinely happy to be here. After the cool reserve of Sunghoon’s arrival and the meticulous control of Jay’s entire presentation, the uncomplicated warmth radiating from Jungwon feels like permission to exhale.
He catches sight of you from the bottom of the walkway and his hand goes up in a wave, casual and entirely genuine.
Your hand rises in response before your brain has a chance to consider whether the gesture is professional or whatever it is supposed to be. You just wave back.
Jungwon starts up the path with a quick, buoyant stride. He moves with the slightly heightened energy of someone who has been confined in a small space for longer than is comfortable. When he reaches you and comes to a stop, you notice immediately that he is shorter than the others, his features softer and more youthful, and when he looks at you he does so with the kind of complete, undivided attention that suggests he was taught early in life to listen before speaking.
“Yang Jungwon,” he says, and then adds quickly, as though suddenly aware that he might have caused an inconvenience, “I’m the last one, right? Sorry if the wait was-“
“You’re on time,” you tell him, cutting off the apology before it can fully form.
“Oh good.” The relief in his voice is immediate and transparent. He lets out a small breath, his shoulders dropping slightly. “I kept thinking the driver was going too slow but I didn’t want to say anything.”
Behind you, Jake makes a sound that could be an exhale of amusement. You keep your expression carefully neutral and do not turn around.
Chaerin’s familiar throat clearing signals the next required step, and Jungwon reaches into his jacket with both hands, withdrawing the box with a carefulness that borders on excessive. You get the impression that he has been holding it throughout the entire car ride, unwilling to set it down on the seat beside him in case it got crushed or otherwise damaged.
The packaging is a soft, pale orange that reminds you of early morning light filtering through thin curtains.
“Peach,” you say, completing the pattern you have established with each arrival.
“Okay so-“ He straightens his posture slightly, gathering himself for the explanation he has clearly prepared. “My kids, my students, when they’re really little, they’re still figuring out what they like. I give them options sometimes, snacks and stuff, and they almost always pick peach flavored things.”
“It just makes people feel safe, I think. It’s gentle but it’s still there, you know? It doesn’t disappear.” His eyes search yours, checking to see if you understand what he is trying to convey. “I think I’m like that. I’m not going to be the most intense person here. But I don’t think you’ll ever wonder where I stand.”
“That’s-” you begin, but the words catch slightly and you have to pause.
His expression shifts immediately into concern. “Too much?”
“No,” you say firmly, recovering your voice. “It was good.”
The smile that breaks across his face is warm in the way that suggests it has been deployed countless times in difficult conversations with worried parents and anxious administrators. It is a smile designed to put people at ease, and it works. You lift your hand and gesture toward the end of the porch where the other four men are standing in a loose cluster. Jungwon moves toward them without hesitation, and you watch as he approaches Jake first, his hand already extending. Jake accepts it and pulls him into a brief one armed embrace, clapping him on the shoulder with easy familiarity. Jungwon turns next to Heeseung, who greets him with a nod and a few words you cannot hear from this distance. Then Jungwon’s attention shifts to Sunghoon, and there is a moment where the two of them simply look at each other, an assessment taking place in the silence. Sunghoon offers a single nod, minimal but deliberate, and Jungwon seems to accept this as an adequate gesture of welcome.
You turn away from the group, gaze droping to the porch railing where the five boxes have been arranged in the order they were received. Strawberry, vanilla, honey, dark chocolate, peach. A collection of small, absurd, earnest objects that five different men carried up this walkway because a television producer decided it would create compelling content. You feel the exhaustion beginning to pool at the base of your skull, the kind that comes not from physical effort but from the sustained performance of remaining present and engaged through interaction after interaction. You are going to need to call your therapist after this. That much is certain.
────୨ৎ───
March 16 | 7:34 PM | Villa Main Common Area
The fruit arrangement has been relocated, which means that at some point during the last hour a producer stood in this room and made a deliberate choice about camera angles and visual composition. You register this observation and store it as your first piece of concrete evidence that nothing in this environment will happen by accident. Every object and every angle has been considered and positioned with intent.
The common area feels warmer now that night has fully settled over the villa. The enormous windows that span the length of the room have transformed into sheets of reflective black glass, the light outside having disappeared completely. Music drifts through the space at a volume carefully calibrated to be unobtrusive but present enough to fill the silence that would otherwise gather in the gaps between words. The five men are already arranged throughout the seating area when you descend the stairs and enter the room.
Heeseung has established himself at the left end of the longer sofa, body angled into the corner with one arm stretched along the top of the cushions behind him and his legs crossed at the ankle in a pose of calculated ease. Jay has taken the armchair positioned to the right of the main sofa arrangement. The chair sits at a slight remove from the other furniture, angled toward the room in a way that frames its occupant as observer rather than participant. You suspect he selected it for precisely this reason.
Jake occupies the center of the longer sofa, his body leaning forward with his elbows braced against his knees, angled toward Jungwon who sits beside him. They are already deep in conversation when you enter, the kind of exchange that forms quickly between people who share an instinct for openness and connection. Jungwon says something you cannot hear and then laughs, lifting the back of his hand to partially cover his mouth as his shoulders shake.
Jake notices your arrival first. His hand rises in a small wave, the same gesture he offered you from the bottom of the walkway hours earlier, and then his attention returns to whatever he was saying to Jungwon without pausing to see if you will respond.
Jungwon has drawn his legs up onto the cushion, not fully crossing them but pulling them in enough that his posture reads as settled and comfortable. He manages to appear the most at ease, which strikes you as both endearing and strategically significant.
Sunghoon has claimed the far end of the second sofa, occupying it alone despite the fact that it could easily accommodate two or three people. One ankle rests on the opposite knee and his body is angled slightly away from the rest of the group.
You lower yourself onto the second sofa, deliberately leaving an empty cushion between yourself and Sunghoon. The thought arrives fully formed in your mind, clear and unhelpful. They are all very attractive and very much your type and this is genuinely the worst possible outcome for your composure and you are going to be fine.
You are probably going to be fine.
A production assistant emerges from the hallway, and the room responds immediately to the arrival. Shoulders straighten, conversations taper off mid sentence, glasses are lifted and then set down on various surfaces. Chaerin follows close behind with her tablet tucked beneath one arm and an expression on her face that suggests she is about to derive significant enjoyment from whatever is about to unfold.
“Before dinner,” she announces, coming to a stop at the center of the room where all sight lines converge, “we have an icebreaker.”
“Oh no,” Jake says immediately, his voice rising slightly in pitch. He sits up straight, abandoning his forward lean.
“Before filming began, each of you completed a standardized behavioral assessment.” Chaerin raises the tablet without glancing at its screen. “We will be reading the top three results from each person’s test. The group will guess whose results are whose.”
“Wonderful,” Jay says, and his tone makes it abundantly clear that he finds nothing about this situation wonderful.
Chaerin taps the surface of the tablet. “We’ll go in random order. No names until the group guesses.” She nods at the production assistant, who clicks a small remote. A motorized screen begins to descend from a recessed panel above the fireplace that you had not previously noticed. It hums softly as it unfurls, the sound filling the silence. Every person in the room watches its descent as though it might display something worse than they are currently imagining.
When the screen finishes lowering and the image stabilizes, the text reads: Switch. Collaring. Edging.
The mechanical hum of the screen locking into position is the only sound for several seconds.
“Thoughts?” Chaerin prompts, her tone light and expectant.
“Heeseung.” Jungwon delivers the name with immediate confidence, his arm already rising to point across the coffee table before the syllables have fully left his mouth.
Heeseung rotates his head to regard Jungwon with an expression that registers more curiosity than offense. “Me?”
“You just-” Jungwon’s hand moves in a vague circular motion that seems intended to encompass the entirety of Heeseung’s presence. “You have that energy.”
“I’m going to say Y/N,” Sunghoon says from his position at the far end of the sofa. You turn to look at him, suddenly acutely aware that the cushion separating you feels wholly inadequate. He is already looking at you, has been looking at you for some indeterminate amount of time.
“Interesting guess,” you say carefully.
“Is it wrong?”
The camera positioned to your left executes a small adjustment in angle. You become hyperaware of your own facial muscles and the effort required to control them.
“It’s Jake,” Jay announces from the armchair, his voice carrying flat certainty. The entire room pivots to look at Jay.
“Jake?” Chaerin prompts, redirecting attention.
Jake straightens against the sofa cushions. He smooths both palms against his knees in a brief, nervous gesture. “Yeah,” he confirms. “That’s me.”
Jungwon rotates on the cushion to face Jake directly, the leather producing a small squeaking sound under the movement. “Collaring.”
“It’s a commitment thing,” Jake explains, his tone earnest as he leans slightly toward Jungwon. “It’s actually very meaningful if you look into the history of it-”
“I’m not looking into it,” Jungwon says firmly.
“It’s about-”
“Next set,” Chaerin interrupts.
The screen transitions to new text. Dom. Humiliation. Roleplay.
A different quality of silence descends over the room, heavier and more deliberate. The amber light from the pendant fixtures catches the rim of Heeseung’s glass as he tilts it slightly. Across the coffee table, Jungwon has gone completely motionless in the particular way people freeze when they are hoping to avoid being noticed.
“Sunghoon,” Heeseung says without hesitation.
Sunghoon shifts his gaze from the screen to Heeseung. The look he delivers is not hostile. “Why?”
“You just-” Heeseung begins the vague hand gesture again.
“If you do that hand thing at me I’m going to need you to explain what it means,” Sunghoon says, his voice level and expressionless.
Heeseung lowers his hand.
“I think Jay,” Jake offers from his position in the middle of the sofa.
“You’re both wrong,” Jay states from the armchair without altering his posture.
“You can’t tell us if we’re wrong,” Chaerin points out.
“I just did,” Jay replies, and lifts his water glass to his lips.
“Sunghoon,” you say. “Final answer.”
“Sure,” he says.
Chaerin consults her tablet. “Correct. Sunghoon.”
“Roleplay makes sense though,” Heeseung observes, settling back against the arm of the sofa with genuine thoughtfulness in his expression. “You’re literally an actor. That’s practically research.”
“That’s not why,” Sunghoon says.
“Then what’s-“
“Next set,” Sunghoon interrupts. He turns his head to look at Chaerin. The screen changes again.
Switch. Humiliation. Spanking.
You feel the shift in attention before you see it, the sensation of five separate gazes arriving at the same conclusion simultaneously and redirecting toward you as their common destination. You locate a fixed point on the coffee table, and you direct all of your focus toward it while keeping your face as neutral as possible.
“Y/N,” Jake says from two cushions away. His voice is gentle.
“You don’t know that,” you tell the coffee table.
“I mean the switch thing specifically,” He pauses, considering his words.
Chaerin looks down at her tablet. “Correct. Y/N.”
Beside you, separated by a single cushion that suddenly feels wholly insufficient, you feel the sofa shift slightly as Sunghoon adjusts his position against the armrest. You do not turn to look at him. You keep your eyes fixed on the circular mark in the coffee table and breathe slowly through your nose.
“Humiliation,” Heeseung says after a moment has passed, his tone carrying the careful quality of someone who wants to ask a follow up question but has accurately assessed the room and decided against it.
“Moving on,” you say firmly.
By the time the next set of results appear on the screen, the atmosphere in the room has undergone a subtle but unmistakable transformation.
The icebreaker has accomplished what icebreakers accomplish when they function as intended, which is to distribute mild embarrassment so evenly across all participants that the shared experience of discomfort becomes a foundation for something resembling collective ease.
When Jay’s results appear on the screen, they register in the room not as a surprise but as a confirmation of something everyone had already suspected.
Power exchange. Dom. Bondage.
No one speaks immediately. The text glows against the white background. Jay remains seated in the armchair with his elbow resting on the padded arm, his expression unchanged, simply waiting for the room to process what has been displayed.
“Obviously,” Jake says finally, breaking the silence.
“Obviously,” Jay agrees.
The production assistant triggers the remote and the screen transitions to display new text. Chaerin reads it aloud with the careful neutrality of someone exerting considerable effort not to smile.
Dom. Praise. High protocol.
The room stares at the words in collective silence. Then, as a single unified entity, everyone turns to look at Jungwon.
Jungwon is already looking at the screen, his expression having shifted into intense focus, trying to determine the least damaging response to what has just been made public.
“High protocol,” Heeseung says slowly, enunciating each syllable with the deliberate care of someone sounding out unfamiliar vocabulary in a foreign language.
“I contain multitudes,” Jungwon announces to the middle distance, his voice flat.
Jake has pressed his hand against his mouth in an attempt to contain himself, but his shoulders have begun to shake with suppressed laughter.
“That’s-“ you begin.
“Please,” Jungwon interrupts, placing one hand flat on his knee in a gesture that suggests he is physically anchoring himself. “Please stop. I understand what I put. I understand what it looks like. I’m asking everyone in this room as a professional to-”
“Last one,” Chaerin says, cutting through his plea. Jungwon exhales audibly, his shoulders dropping with relief.
The screen displays new text: Begging. Praise. Switch.
“Before anyone says anything,” Heeseung starts, raising one hand.
Jay interrupts from the armchair. “You spend the end of every video asking people to like and subscribe. It is, functionally, begging.”
The room breaks apart. The collapse happens all at once, as though some invisible supporting structure has suddenly given way. Jake tips backward into the sofa cushions, surrendering completely to his laughter. Jungwon’s hand falls away from his mouth as he joins in, his relief at no longer being the focus combining with genuine amusement. Your own laugh emerges before you can prevent it, real and unguarded. Even Sunghoon’s mouth curves into something that unmistakably qualifies as a smile, and it remains visible on his face for several seconds before he redirects his attention to his drink.
Heeseung covers his face with both hands. His shoulders rise once in a deep breath and then fall.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 8:19 PM | Villa Dining Area
The dining table is designed to accommodate eight people.
With only six occupants it feels almost extravagant, all pale blonde wood and minimalist design. A production assistant has prepared the table during the time you spent in the common area, laying out linen napkins folded into precise thirds, filling water glasses to identical levels, and arranging a low centerpiece of green foliage that runs the length of the table. The overhead lighting has been adjusted downward to cast everything in warmer tones. Beyond the window, the cliff face drops away into complete darkness, and somewhere far below the invisible water continues its perpetual movement.
The catered dinner materializes in a series of covered dishes that members of the production staff carry out and position in the center of the table. There is enough food for everyone, prepared to a standard of competent blandness that characterizes most catered meals.
Jay is not at the table.
He had vanished at some point between the conclusion of the icebreaker exercise and the general migration toward the dining room, departing quietly without announcement or explanation. You had registered his absence and then immediately lost track of it when Heeseung pulled out the chair beside him with a pointed look in your direction.
You select the seat directly across from Heeseung instead. Jungwon claims the chair to your left. Jake settles into the seat across from Jungwon and immediately reaches for the water pitcher, proceeding to refill the glasses of everyone within arm’s reach before attending to his own. No one requests this service and everyone accepts it without verbal acknowledgment. Sunghoon takes the chair at the far end of the table, maintaining a buffer of one empty seat between himself and the main cluster of diners. You are beginning to understand that this spatial relationship is not accidental but rather represents his default positioning in group settings.
“Should we wait for-” Jungwon begins, glancing toward the kitchen entrance.
“He’ll be out,” Jake says with the confidence of someone who has already formed accurate conclusions about Jay’s character.
From the direction of the kitchen comes the distinct sound of something making contact with a pan. The gas range ignites with its characteristic click and whoosh. Then a smell begins to drift into the dining room, butter heated to the edge of browning combined with something sharper beneath it. The scent moves through the space and transforms the covered catered dishes on the table into something that suddenly feels incidental and inadequate.
Heeseung turns his head toward the kitchen. “He’s cooking.”
“Obviously,” Sunghoon says from his position at the end.
“For all of us?” Jungwon asks, his tone hovering between hope and uncertainty.
The sounds from the kitchen cease for a moment. Then the range clicks off with finality.
“Probably not,” Jake says, and reaches for the serving spoon to begin distributing the catered food.
The conversation establishes itself gradually and then gains momentum all at once. Jungwon asks you about Roots & Rights with the concentrated attention of someone who has already conducted independent research. You find yourself talking about the foundation’s early history. You describe the grant application you rewrote three separate times, the cramped shared office space located above a dry cleaning business in Mapo, the first family you successfully placed with a fertility clinic who contacted you eight months later with news. Your voice does something when you reach that part of the story, develops a slight catch that you cannot fully smooth away, and Jungwon notices the shift but does not comment on it or draw attention to it. Across the table, Heeseung is also listening, though he manages to do so while maintaining the appearance of focusing primarily on his food.
Jake has angled his body toward Sunghoon and they have become engaged in a companionable argument about one of Jake’s patients. The patient is apparently a cat experiencing some form of behavioral issue that Sunghoon insists presents as anxiety while Jake maintains is simply an expression of personality.
You are in the middle of a sentence, explaining something about the foundation’s expansion efforts into Busan, when the kitchen door swings open.
Jay emerges from the kitchen carrying a plate in each hand with a clean dish towel draped over his forearm. He sets one plate down at his empty chair. The other he carries the full length of the table. He comes to a stop directly behind your chair.
The plate appears over your shoulder and descends to the table in front of you. What sits on the plate is not what everyone else is eating.
Pan seared halibut occupies the center, its skin crisped to a golden brown. The fish rests in a shallow pool of brown butter scattered with capers and an impossibly fine distribution of fresh herbs that look as though they may have been positioned individually with tweezers. A wedge of lemon sits beside it. The aroma reaches you a fraction of a second after the visual registration, and you stop speaking mid sentence.
“Jay,” you say, because his name is the only word that arrives in your mind.
“It looked like you hadn’t touched the other dish,” he says from his position behind you, his tone pleasant and conversational.
You look down at your untouched catered plate, which has been pushed slightly to the side to create space for this new arrival. He noticed that. You cannot determine when during the evening he would have had the opportunity to notice that.
You pick up your fork, cutting into the fish and taking the first bite.
The butter carries the deep nutty complexity that comes from being heated to precisely the right temperature. The fish separates cleanly under the pressure of your fork. The capers provide a sharp brightness that cuts through the richness of the butter, creating balance. You close your eyes for exactly one second before you can prevent yourself from doing so.
When you open them again, Jay’s hand is resting on your shoulder. His other hand is gathering your hair. He does this with careful deliberation, using two fingers to collect the loose pieces that have fallen forward around your face and escaped from behind your neck, drawing them back and to the side. His knuckles make contact with the nape of your neck, moving slowly across the sensitive skin in the half second before he releases all of the gathered hair to fall over your opposite shoulder.
The entire interaction lasts four seconds.
“So it doesn’t fall in the food,” he says from behind you. Then he straightens to his full height and walks back around the perimeter of the table, lowering himself into his chair. He places his napkin across his lap, picks up his fork, and begins eating.
The table maintains its silence for an extended moment.
Jake is staring at his plate with his lips pressed into a thin line, clearly working to control his expression. Jungwon has raised his water glass to a position halfway between the table and his mouth, where it has remained suspended without him taking a drink. Heeseung is looking at Jay with an expression that manages to be evaluating and slightly impressed all at once. At the far end of the table, Sunghoon continues cutting his food without looking up, but the movement of his knife has become noticeably slower than it was before.
Jay lifts a forkful of his own food to his mouth, chews thoughtfully, and then says to the table at large, “The halibut was fresh. The catered fish wasn’t.”
You take another bite of the fish he prepared.
You do not look in his direction.
Gradually, the conversation around the table begins to resume its previous rhythm.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 9:47 PM | Confessional Booth
The confessional booth is small in a way that feels deliberate rather than accidental.
One chair faces one ring light and one camera mounted on a tripod, with walls positioned on either side. The velvet rope that normally blocks the entrance has been unclipped and pulled aside. The ring light casts everything positioned in front of it in tones that are flat and bright.
Heeseung sits with one leg crossed over the other, his elbow resting on the armrest, two fingers pressed lightly against his jaw. His posture belongs to someone who has spent sufficient time in front of cameras that their presence no longer alters his behavior. Something in his eyes appears more alert than it did during dinner. He looks directly into the lens for several seconds without speaking.
“I should have seen that coming,” he says finally. “The cooking thing. The hair. l was sitting right there and I watched it happen and I thought—yeah. Okay. I should have seen that coming.”
“Jay is good,” he says, and the statement carries the particular weight of respect from someone who does not distribute that respect casually.
From somewhere just beyond the visible frame, a producer’s voice enters the space, kept low and barely rising above a murmur. “So what’s your plan?”
Heeseung redirects his attention toward the source of the voice. Then he looks back at the camera.
He smiles.
The expression is nothing like the smile he offered on the porch, nothing like the warm and easy thing he gave you at the top of the walkway during his arrival. This smile is quieter, more deliberate.
He uncrosses his leg and leans forward slightly, bringing himself closer to the lens.
He says nothing.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 10:20 PM | Lead Bedroom
Inside your room, you lie on your back in the tangle of sheets, the lavender scent from the diffuser doing little to calm the static in your veins. You’d heard the floorboard creak outside her door. You held your breath, waiting for a knock that never came. Now, you stare at the ceiling, at the long shadow of a tree branch cast by the moonlight through the sheer curtains.
Your phone lights up on the bedside table, a stark blue rectangle in the dark.
It’s a tag from a fan account. Her thumb swipes it open. It’s Heeseung, on stage somewhere in Milan, six months ago. The audio is the roar of a crowd, a sea of light sticks washing over him in a cyan wave. He’s finishing a cover, the final, aching note of a song you know too well hanging in the air. He’s dripping with sweat, chest heaving, one hand clutching the microphone, the other raised to shield his eyes from the stadium lights as he scans the endless faces. The video zooms in, shaky and passionate, on his expression in that exact second after the music ends and before the screams fully register.
He isn’t smiling. He looks utterly, completely alone.
The clip loops. You watch it three times. Then you lock your phone and throw it beside you on the bed. Your hand slips under the waistband of your shorts, a reflex seeking a familiar, momentary peace.
The image of him, covered in sweat, is burned into the back of your eyelids. You close your eyes and there he is. The curve of his throat as he tilted his head back. The tense line of his shoulders. The utter isolation in a crowd of thousands.
Your fingertips find the heat between your legs. Your breath hitches, syncing with the memory of the music, your own rhythm starting slow before deepening. The lavender in the air mixes with the sharp scent of your own arousal. Your other hand fists in the cotton, anchoring you as you lets the fantasy unspool: a green room with just the two of you.
A low, muffled groan seeps through the wall.
Your eyes fly open. Your hand stills.
It’s not from your phone. It’s present, leaching through the plaster and drywall that separates your room from his. Then another, louder this time.
He was there, just on the other side of the wall. He was listening. He had to be listening. Your heart hammered against your ribs. Shame, hot and immediate, flushed your skin. But beneath it, a darker satisfaction he’d heard the soft, wet sounds you couldn’t fully silence formed.
Another groan, this one lower, gritted through teeth.
Your resumed touch is urgent, fueled by a reckless curiosity. The video was forgotten. The real thing was just on the other side of the wall. You pictured him, not under stadium lights, but in the dimness of his borrowed room. Back against that same wall, perhaps, head tipped back and closed. One hand moving over himself, driven by the same illicit knowledge that drove her.
The sounds from next door grew less guarded. There was a sharp, ragged inhale, the creak of a bedframe, and a breathy curse swallowed halfway.
It coiled the tension in your gut tighter and tighter. Your heels dug into the mattress, back arching off the bed as you chased the invisible thread of mutual recognition that vibrated through the dividing wall. It was the most intimate and most anonymous thing you’d ever experienced.
When the peak broke over you, you bit down on your own wrist to keep the cry inside, body shuddering through the waves. A moment later, from the other side of the wall, a final, guttural sound was cut short. Then, absolute quiet.
You waited, straining to hear any movement. Just as you were about to turn over, and succumb to the dizzying shame, a new sound came.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Three deliberate knocks on the wall, right where your headboard rested. After a pause long enough to make you doubt you’d heard it at all, his voice came through, low and rough-edged with sleep or satisfaction or both.
“Goodnight, neighbor.”
────୨ৎ────
March 17 | 7:52 AM | Second Floor Hallway
The villa exists in a state of relative quiet during the morning hours.
The ocean has become more audible somehow, and from somewhere on the lower level a coffee machine is working through its brewing cycle. A production assistant is moving around downstairs, their footsteps careful and measured in an attempt to avoid waking the sleeping occupants.
You emerge from your room, wearing an oversized sleep shirt that provides minimal coverage. You turn in the direction of the bathroom and nearly collide directly with Jake.
He registers the near collision first, one hand shooting out to brace against the doorframe while the other presses flat against his chest.
“Sorry-” you begin.
“No, I wasn’t-” he says simultaneously.
You both stop speaking.
He’s wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants that sit low on his hips, his hair soft and unstyled from sleep. He looks noticeably younger than he appeared last night. The warmth that seems to be his baseline quality radiates from him without any of the effort. He looks genuinely happy to encounter you.
“Morning,” he says.
“Morning,” you reply.
“Sleep okay?”
“Better than I expected.” You shift your weight from one foot to the other. “You?”
“Yeah, the mattress is-” He stops mid-sentence. His eyes drop.
He’s looking at your chest very intensely. His mouth has frozen in whatever shape it was forming around his unfinished sentence. The plastic water bottle in his hand produces a small crackling sound as his grip tightens and then loosens.
You wait. Three complete seconds elapse.
“Jake,” you say.
His eyes snap upward. Color floods his face with remarkable speed. He opens his mouth and then closes it.
“I wasn’t- ” he begins. “I’m going to go.”
“You were mid-sentence.”
“I know.” He is already stepping backward, creating distance. “The mattress is really good. Great mattress. Very supportive.” He gestures vaguely in the direction of his room. “I’m going to-”
“Okay,” you say.
“Sorry,” he says, addressing this apology to the middle distance rather than to you directly. He turns and retreats down the hallway. You watch his departure and listen to the soft click of his door closing before going to the restroom.
You examine your reflection in the bathroom mirror. The thin fabric of your sleep shirt does little to hide the two small barbells that sit plainly visible beneath the material. Yes. Okay. That explains the reaction.
You think the specific sequence of emotions that traveled across Jake’s features in the span of approximately four seconds. Interest, followed by realization, followed by horror at having experienced the interest, followed by a catastrophically unsuccessful attempt at recovery.
You press your lips together.
You turn on the tap and let the water run.
────୨ৎ────
March 17 | 8:34 AM | Villa Kitchen
The kitchen contains more activity than the hallway did.
Jake occupies the far end of the kitchen island with a bowl of something. His phone is held in front of his face and he looks like he’s trying very hard to suppress any reaction when you enter the room. You pour yourself a cup of coffee and offer no greeting. He offers none in return.
Jungwon has already stationed himself at the dining table, both hands wrapped around a mug, engaged in conversation with a production assistant about something that prompts him to nod with serious attention before breaking into laughter. Heeseung leans against the counter near the range with a plate of toast, still wearing his sleep clothes. He raises his chin in acknowledgment when you enter. You lift your coffee mug in response.
Jay is not present in the kitchen. From the direction of the dining room comes the faint sound of a chair shifting position, which indicates that he has already positioned himself at the table, which suggests he has already eaten, which means he rose before anyone else. You find this simultaneously impressive and mildly exhausting.
You are not a breakfast person.
You locate the shelf containing lighter options, a row of small items that the production team has stocked for precisely this purpose. You select a granola bar and a small container of yogurt and stand there reading the text printed on the back of the yogurt container without processing any of the information.
You hear him before you register his visual presence. There’s the small sound of someone reaching upward, the subtle shift of fabric moving against itself. Then he is there, positioned directly behind you, close enough that the warmth radiating from his body arrives before any other sensory information registers.
Sunghoon extends his arm past you and upward, reaching for the shelf positioned above the one you’re currently examining. His chest makes contact with your shoulder as he moves. He remains pressed against your back for the duration of time required to locate whatever he came to retrieve. Three seconds, perhaps four. Then he straightens to his full height and steps backward, creating distance. You become aware that you have been gripping the yogurt container with both hands.
“Oops,” he says from his position behind you. His voice carries the roughness of morning grogginess. “Sorry. I’m very hungry.”
You turn around to face him.
He’s staring very intensely at the nutritional information of the protein bar in one hand. His hair remains damp from the shower. The tips of his ears have taken on the faintest shade of pink, which could reasonably be attributed to the temperature of his recent shower.
“There’s a whole chef in the kitchen,” you point out.
“This is faster,” he says, directing this response to the protein bar rather than to you.
“You couldn’t have reached around me?”
He lifts his gaze from the bar and looks at you directly.
“The angle was wrong,” he says with pleasant neutrality, and proceeds to peel the wrapper open and take a bite before moving past you toward the counter.
You remain standing at the shelf for several seconds, still holding your yogurt.
From his position at the island, Jake produces a small sound into his bowl that he rapidly converts into a cough. You look in his direction. He looks at his phone. The coffee machine releases another drip.
You peel the foil lid from your yogurt container and go in search of a place to sit.
────୨ৎ────
March 17 | 2:14 PM | Villa Main Common Area
Someone has rearranged the common area during the time since breakfast ended.
The coffee table has been relocated to a position against the wall, and two chairs have been positioned in the center of the room facing each other. The wide brimmed hat from earlier in the day rests on a small side table with a stack of folded paper slips nested inside it. A whiteboard mounted on an easel stands off to one side. Chaerin stands at the front of the room with her tablet held against her body.
"Each of you draws a scenario from the hat," she announces. "You have ten seconds to read it. Then you act it out with Y/N. The scenario will become obvious as you go. What Y/N needs to guess is the specific emotion or relationship dynamic you're portraying. If she guesses correctly within one minute, you both get a point. Whoever has the most points at the end wins a prize."
"What prize?" Jake asks immediately, his tone urgent.
"Revealed at the end," Chaerin replies.
Jake, Jungwon, and Heeseung occupy the sofa in a loose arrangement. Jay has claimed his usual armchair, one leg crossed over the other. Sunghoon stands near the window with his arms folded loosely across his chest.
"Sunghoon," Chaerin says. "You're first. To demonstrate."
He crosses the room with measured steps and reaches into the hat to extract a folded slip of paper. He reads whatever is written there. His expression undergoes no visible change. He folds the paper once and holds it at his side and looks at you.
"Ready?" he asks.
You occupy the chair that has been designated as yours, and you straighten your posture slightly. "Sure," you say.
Something fundamental shifts inside him. His weight transfers forward. His posture opens by several degrees. The permanent neutrality that characterizes his resting face gives way to something animated. When his gaze returns to you it carries the expression of someone arriving home to receive news they did not want to hear.
He pulls the second chair closer and lowers himself into it with his body angled toward you, bracing his elbows on his knees. He positions himself near enough that you can observe the specific details of his eyes, speaking quietly. "I just got off the phone with the school."
Your brain scrambles to catch up. School. Something happened at school. You have no other context. "Okay," you say carefully, watching his face.
"The principal called about twenty minutes ago." He pauses. "There was a fight during lunch."
"Is he okay?" you ask, taking a guess at the most logical question.
"His nose is bleeding and his lip is split." Sunghoon's hand moves across the space between you and finds yours where it rests on the armrest. "The other kid's parents are already there. The principal said we need to come get him."
You are starting to see the shape of the scenario now. A child. Their child got into a fight and was injured. But Chaerin said to guess the emotion, the dynamic. You watch the way Sunghoon is holding himself, voice steady even despite the concerning news.
"Did they say what happened?" you ask.
"They think he started it." His thumb presses once against your knuckles, a small anchoring gesture. "He's been coming home upset for weeks, saying things weren't okay. I should have-" He stops himself, looking at the floor briefly before returning his gaze to you. "We should have pushed harder to find out what was going on."
There is guilt there, you realize. But it’s contained, channeled into action rather than spiraling. He’s not panicking or angry. He’s steady, and trying to keep you steady too. The hand on yours is reassuring.
"I'm going to go pick him up now." He stands, and for one extended moment he remains there with his hand still holding yours. "I'll bring him home and we'll sit down together tonight. All three of us. Okay?"
"Okay," you say.
He releases your hand and steps backward. His face returns to its usual resting state with the smooth inevitability of tide pulling away from shore.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
"Reassurance," you say, thinking about the way he held your hand, the steadiness in his voice, and the promise to handle it together. "He was keeping me grounded when something went wrong."
"Correct," Chaerin says, making a notation on her tablet. "The card said: providing calm reassurance during a crisis. One point each."
"Oh come on," Jake says immediately from the sofa. "He's literally an actor. This is his job."
"Exactly," Heeseung adds, gesturing toward Sunghoon. "The rest of us are going to look like children in a school play after that."
Chaerin marks the whiteboard with a tally and smiles. "Next."
Heeseung reaches into the hat and reads the slip of paper. His eyes track across it twice before he places it face down on the side table.
He looks at you, and then he surveys the room, and then he pulls the second chair closer and lowers himself into it and leans forward with his elbows braced on his knees and the expression of someone preparing to deliver news he has been carrying all day.
"I got the call this afternoon," he says.
"From who?" you ask.
"Kim Seojun." He allows a pause. "The agent."
"And?" you prompt, trying to read where this is going.
Heeseung looks down at his hands. The pause he takes carries the correct duration, long enough to convey significance, short enough to avoid performative excess. "They took it," he says. "The other buyers. They went ten over asking and they took it this morning."
The room falls into silence.
You look at him. The disappointment manifests clearly in the set of his shoulders, in the way his hands have loosened their grip between his knees.
"That was our house," you say, voice becoming small.
"I know."
"Heeseung, we looked for eight months-"
"I know." He lifts his gaze to meet yours. His expression attempts to provide reassurance but reads mostly as exhaustion. "We'll find another one."
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true." He extends his hand and it finds your knee, the contact warm and solid. "It's not that house or nothing. It's that house or the next one."
"I really wanted that house," you say.
"I know you did." His thumb moves against your knee in a single deliberate stroke. "Me too."
The minute expires.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
You think about the way he delivered the bad news and the hand on your knee. "Trying to stay optimistic.”
"Close," Chaerin says. "The card said: shared disappointment but choosing hope together. Half point each."
Heeseung makes a sound. "Half point?"
"You got her disappointed," Chaerin says. "But the hope part didn't fully land."
"I said we'd find another one," Heeseung protests.
"You said it," Sunghoon interjects. "But you didn't sell it."
"I felt it," you offer.
"Half point stands," Chaerin says, marking the board.
Jake reaches into the hat and reads his slip and becomes completely motionless.
You watch his face. He reads the text again. He folds the paper and sets it down and stands before you with his hands pushed into his pockets.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey," you respond.
He withdraws his hands from his pockets. He crosses the small distance between you and crouches down in front of your chair, bringing himself to your eye level. His hands find your knees, settling there with warm, solid weight. He looks at you with the open, unguarded expression that is simply his default face, the one he cannot fully suppress even when doing so would probably serve him better. "I messed up.”
"I know what today is," he continues. "I've known all week. And then this morning I had the early call at the clinic and Mrs. Park's dog was in for the second time this month and I just-" He stops. One of his hands leaves your knee to reach for your hand, threading his fingers through yours. "I'm not making an excuse. I'm just telling you what happened."
"How long have you known?" you ask.
"Since Monday."
"Jake."
"I know."
"You had five days."
"I know." He maintains steady eye contact, not flinching away from the reality of what he has done. His thumb moves across your knuckles in a slow, apologetic stroke. "I don't have anything planned. I don't have a reservation or flowers or anything and I'm not going to pretend I do."
He pauses. His free hand comes up to cup the side of your face, gentle and deliberate. "But I'm here right now and I want to fix it if you'll let me."
"What did you have in mind?" you say, your tone careful and measured.
Something in his face relaxes by a small but noticeable degree. "Whatever you want," he says with simple directness. His hand is still on your face, his thumb brushing once across your cheekbone. "Tonight. All of it. Whatever you want to do."
The minute expires.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
You look at Jake, still crouched in front of you, still holding your hand, still touching your face with the kind of tenderness that makes the apology feel physical rather than just verbal. "Apologizing," you say. "Genuine remorse. Asking for forgiveness."
"Correct," Chaerin says. "The card said: delivering a sincere apology for something you forgot. One point each."
Jake releases a breath and his entire body seems to relax. He squeezes your hand once before standing and returning to the sofa. The smile that breaks across his face is bright and relieved, transforming his features completely. Jungwon reaches over and pats him twice on the knee with the approving gesture of a coach acknowledging good performance.
"Still think Sunghoon has an unfair advantage?" Jay asks from the armchair, his tone dry.
"Yes," Jake says immediately. "But I'll allow that I didn't embarrass myself."
Jungwon reaches into the hat and reads his slip and his face undergoes a transformation that moves through alarm, resignation, and determination in the span of approximately three seconds.
He places the slip down on the side table.
"Before you say anything," he begins.
"I haven't said anything," you point out.
"I know but before you do." He pulls the chair close and sits in it with his knees pressed together "It was already like that when I got home. The corner part, that was already-"
"Jungwon."
"The main body of it was me," he says rapidly, accelerating through the words. His hands come up now, gesturing to illustrate his points. "I'll be honest about that. That was him and I wasn't watching closely enough and that was my fault. But the leg, the leg was already-it had a crack, you've said it yourself, you said last month that it had a crack."
"How bad is it?" you interrupt.
He stops speaking. He raises both hands and positions them in the air with approximately two feet of space between them. You make a sound.
"He got the whole corner," Jungwon says, his voice carrying the quality of someone reporting a natural disaster. "And then I think he sat on it. To finish."
"Where is he now?" you ask.
"In his crate," Jungwon says.
"And the table?”
"In several pieces." He pauses. "I kept them. In case, I don't know. In case that helped."
You look at him for an extended moment. His face radiates such earnest guilt and such genuine remorse on behalf of a dog that you have to press your lips together very firmly to maintain control.
"It was my grandmother's table," you say.
Jungwon closes his eyes.
The minute expires.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
You look at Jungwon, still sitting with his eyes closed, bracing for judgment. "Preemptive defense," you say. "Trying to soften the blow before I can get angry. Guilty but also trying to explain why it's not entirely his fault."
"Correct," Chaerin says. "The card said: breaking bad news while deflecting blame. One point each."
Jungwon opens his eyes. "The grandmother detail was too much," he says, covering his face with both hands.
Jay is the final participant.
He reaches into the hat and reads the slip and sets it down on the side table with the same economical movement he applies to every action.
"I need you to sit down," he says.
You are already sitting but you straighten your spine, which serves as an adequate substitute.
He does not sit. He remains standing in front of you with his hands hanging loose at his sides.
"They called this morning," he says. "From the clinic."
You become completely still.
"The results came back." He pauses. "It's two."
You look at him. "Two," you repeat.
"Twins," he confirms.
"Jay," you say.
"I know." He crosses the distance to you then, and lowers himself into a crouch in front of your chair the way Sunghoon did at the very beginning of this exercise. His voice remains even. "It changes the timeline. The space, the finances, all of it. But I've run the numbers and it's manageable and-" He stops. Something in his face becomes briefly unguarded. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know yet," you answer with complete honesty.
His hand rises and covers yours where it rests on the armrest. "That's okay," he says quietly. "We don't have to know yet."
The minute reaches its conclusion.
Chaerin looks at you. "What was the emotion or dynamic?"
"Processing something overwhelming together," you say, thinking of the way he moved immediately into problem solving mode.
"Close," Chaerin says. "The card said: delivering life-changing news with composure. Half point each."
Jay stands and tilts his head slightly. "Half point?"
"You got the composure," Chaerin says. "But the life-changing part didn't register as clearly as the planning part."
"The news was that it's twins," Jay says.
"And you spent most of the time talking about timelines and finances," Chaerin counters.
From the sofa, Heeseung says, "She's not wrong."
Jay looks at him. "I was providing reassurance through practical solutions."
"You were reassuring yourself," Jake says, not unkindly.
"There will be a bonus round.” Chaerin raises her hand. “Everyone participates. Winner takes all."
The energy in the room shifts immediately.
"All of us?" Jungwon asks.
"Anyone who answers correctly," Chaerin confirms, tapping the surface of her tablet. "Before filming began, Y/N completed an intake form. One of the questions asked: what is the one thing you need most in a partner? You each have thirty seconds to write your answer on your board. No discussion."
Thirty seconds represents a brief amount of time in which to write something true about a person you have known for less than forty-eight hours. You are conscious of this fact. You are also conscious of the sound of markers moving across boards. Jake writing quickly, Jay taking his time, Jungwon chewing on the cap of his marker before committing to something, Heeseung writing and then erasing and writing again, Sunghoon who completes his response early and studies it with his head tilted at a slight angle.
"Boards up," Chaerin instructs.
Jake's board reads: Someone who shows up. Consistent, warm, doesn't make her feel like she has to explain herself to be understood.
Jay's board reads: Someone who takes her seriously. Doesn't reduce her or her work to a contradiction.
Sunghoon's board reads: Understanding. Specifically—someone who doesn't use what she's been through against her.
Heeseung's board reads: Someone who sees her completely. Who doesn't make her choose between being soft and being strong.
Jungwon's board reads: Someone steady. Who doesn't treat her independence like a problem to solve.
Chaerin consults her tablet. She takes considerable time with this evaluation, which represents either genuine deliberation or television production strategy, and at this point you cannot determine whether a meaningful difference exists between those two things.
"The answer on Y/N's intake form," Chaerin says, "was support and understanding. Specifically someone who can see her point of view without turning it against her."
"Jake's answer speaks to consistency and not needing to explain herself," Chaerin continues. "Jay's speaks to being taken seriously and not being reduced to a contradiction. Heeseung's speaks to being seen completely without having to choose between softness and strength. Jungwon's speaks to steadiness that doesn't treat independence as a problem. Sunghoon's speaks to understanding, and specifically to someone who doesn't use what she's been through against her."
No one moves.
"Jay and Sunghoon are closest to the specific language," Chaerin says. "But Sunghoon's answer reflects the context behind it. Sunghoon wins."
"Oh come on," Jake gestures toward Sunghoon with one hand. "He's an actor. Of course he won."
"Literally his job," Heeseung adds from the sofa, his tone carrying more amusement than accusation. "He gets paid to say the right thing at the right time."
"I didn't write it in character," Sunghoon says, still looking at his board.
"That's exactly what someone in character would say," Jake counters.
Jungwon cuts in from the sofa. "So it's rigged is what you're saying."
"I'm saying he has an unfair advantage," Heeseung clarifies, gesturing with his whiteboard. "The rest of us are working with normal human perception. He's been trained."
"Congratulations," Jay says from the armchair, his tone even and measured.
"Thanks," Sunghoon says to the room at large.
From the sofa, Heeseung says to Jungwon, his voice pitched low but still audible in the quiet space, "He wrote that in ten seconds."
Jungwon says nothing initially. He is looking at Sunghoon with an expression that resists interpretation, something hovering between assessment and resignation, and then he shifts his attention to you and the expression becomes significantly easier to read. You look away first, redirecting your gaze to the window and the water beyond it.
Chaerin makes a notation on her tablet, her fingers moving across the screen with practiced efficiency. She looks up with the expression of someone about to deliver information she has been waiting all afternoon to share, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.
"The prize," she says, and allows the word to sit in the air for a beat longer than necessary. "The winner will spend tonight in Y/N's room."
Everyone starts talking at once.
"Absolutely not," Heeseung says, sitting forward on the sofa so abruptly that the leather makes a sound beneath him. His hands come off the armrest and plant on his knees as though he is preparing to stand and lodge a formal protest.
"That's-" Jake stops mid sentence, his mouth still open, visibly recalibrating his thoughts in real time. He starts again. "That seems like a significant escalation."
"I'm sorry, what?" Jungwon says, his voice climbing slightly in pitch, his eyes wide and fixed on Chaerin as though she might suddenly announce this was a joke and produce the actual, reasonable prize.
Jay sets his water glass down on the armrest with a quiet click that cuts through the overlapping voices. He says nothing, which is somehow more pointed than anything the others are saying. Sunghoon has gone very still near the window. He is looking at Chaerin, then at you, then back at Chaerin.
"You can't be serious," Heeseung says, and there is genuine disbelief in his voice, as though the possibility that this was always going to be part of the show had simply not occurred to him until this exact moment.
"Completely serious," Chaerin replies, her tone pleasant and unbothered, as though she has just announced the dinner menu rather than sleeping arrangements.
"That's-" Jake gestures vaguely with both hands, trying to articulate something that his brain has not yet fully formed into words. "That's a lot."
"It's a reality show where the first one of you to get her pregnant wins," Chaerin says, her voice taking on the patient quality of someone explaining something obvious to someone who should already understand it. "I'm not sure what you thought the progression was going to be."
"Slower than this," Jake says immediately, with the conviction of someone who has just realized he made several incorrect assumptions about the timeline of events he agreed to participate in.
Heeseung is looking at you now, his gaze direct and searching. So is Jungwon, his expression softer but no less intent, carrying a question he is not asking aloud. Jay's gaze has also traveled in your direction, measuring and quiet. Sunghoon has not looked away from you since Chaerin made the announcement.
Your heart is beating hard enough that you are certain everyone in the room can see it moving beneath your shirt. You focus on your breathing, on keeping it even and controlled, on not allowing any visible reaction to escape.
"Y/N," Chaerin says, drawing the attention of the room even more fully in your direction. "Any objections?"
Every person in the room is looking at you now. The weight of six separate gazes lands on you simultaneously and you feel it as a physical pressure, as though the air in the room has become denser.
You think about the contract you signed three weeks ago in a conference room in Seoul, the pages of legal language you read carefully before putting your name at the bottom. You think about the fact that you are here because you want a family and this is the mechanism you chose to pursue that goal, and escalation was always going to be part of the structure. You knew this. You agreed to this.
"No objections," you say, and your voice comes out steadier than you feel, clear and firm and leaving no room for misinterpretation.
"Well," Heeseung says after a long moment, leaning back into the sofa cushions with a kind of resigned acceptance. "Congratulations Sunghoon."
"This is still rigged," Jake mutters.
"Completely rigged," Jungwon agrees, slumping back into the sofa cushions beside Jake.
Chaerin caps her pen with a decisive click.
"Dinner is at seven. Please take time to regulate yourselves. Tomorrow’s activity will be even more intense," she says before exiting the room. The production assistant follows in her wake, the door closing behind them with a soft sound that seems to mark the end of something.
The six of you remain in the common area with the afternoon light streaming through the windows, lower now than it was an hour ago, casting longer shadows across the floor. Heeseung is the first to move. He stretches his arms above his head with an audible sound of joints settling and announces to no one in particular that he is going to take a nap. The declaration feels like permission for everyone else to leave.
The room is empty except for you and Sunghoon. You rise from your chair, your legs slightly unsteady beneath you in a way you hope is not visible. You do not look at him.
You walk to the kitchen with measured steps, focusing on the simple mechanics of movement, one foot in front of the other. You pour yourself a glass of water from the pitcher on the counter and drink half of it. When you turn around, he’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed.
"You okay?" he asks. His voice is quieter than it was in the common area, pitched just for you in the empty kitchen.
"Fine," you say. The word comes out more automatic than honest.
You get the distinct impression that he does not believe you but has decided not to press the issue, that he is allowing you the fiction of being fine because challenging it right now would serve no purpose. "See you at dinner," he says.
"See you at dinner," you reply, your voice steadier now, matching his tone.
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 3:24 PM | Confessional Booth
Sunghoon sits in the confessional chair the way he sits everywhere, one ankle crossed over his knee and back straight. The ring light flattens everything it touches and he allows this to happen. He looks at the camera for a moment without speaking.
This is normal for him. The production team has already learned this about his rhythm.
“I’ve done a lot of press,” he says eventually. “Since I was nineteen. Interviews, profiles, the late night stuff. There’s always a version of a question that sounds like it’s about your work but it’s actually about your personal life. And you learn fast how to answer it without answering it.”
His thumb moves against his knee in a single stroke. “You say something that sounds true. Something that has the shape of honesty without the substance of it. People accept it because it sounds right and because they want to move on to the next question. I’ve gotten very good at that.”
“The question today was easy,” he continues. “There’s a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from being perceived incorrectly for a long time. Where people look at you and see something that is technically made of true things but assembled wrong. You spend so much energy either correcting it or deciding not to bother correcting it that eventually you stop being able to tell which one you’re doing.”
“She built something that fights for people who can’t have children, and she’s here because she is one of those people. Somewhere along the way those two things became a punchline for someone. I know what it looks like when a person is tired of being the punchline of their own life.”
“I’ve been that person, for different reasons of course, but I know what it looks like.”
From just beyond the visible frame, the producer’s voice enters the space, kept low. “Did you mean what you wrote, or were you playing to win?”
Sunghoon shifts his gaze toward the source of the voice. Then he returns his attention to the lens.
“Both,” he says. “And I don’t think that makes it less true.”
────୨ৎ────
March 16 | 11:47 PM | Your Bedroom
The room is quieter than the rest of the house. Sunghoon sets his things down on the chair by the window.
“Nice room,” he says.
“Same as yours probably,” you say.
You are suddenly aware of the singular bed, of the fact that you are alone with him in a room with a bed and no cameras and the entire premise of this show sitting between you like a third presence.
“You can use the bathroom first,” You suggest. He nods once, collects his things, and leaves. The moment the door closes you release a breath you were not aware you were holding.
You move to your suitcase and pull out your sleep set, soft shorts, and a loose top. You are halfway through the familiar routine of the end of the day when you stop.
You think about Jake’s face this morning. The barbells on your chest catch the lamplight the same way they did in the hallway mirror.
You consider the alternative, which is sleeping in a bra, which you have not voluntarily done since university when you fell asleep studying and woke up at three in the morning feeling like you got stabbed in the ribcage.
This is not a decision you should have to make. This is your room. You should be able to sleep however you sleep.
You put the bra on the chair. Sunghoon is simply going to have to manage whatever reaction he has like an adult.
You pull the top on and get into bed, arranging yourself under the blanket. He comes back a few minutes later with his hair slightly damp at the temples from washing his face.
“Which side do you prefer?” he asks.
“I’m already on a side,” you point out.
“So you are.”
He pulls back the other side without ceremony and gets in, and the mattress dips with his weight. The bed feels significantly smaller than it did thirty seconds ago. He reaches over and turns off the lamp on his side. You are acutely aware of the careful six inches of mattress neither of you is occupying.
Then Sunghoon says, to the ceiling: “I can’t sleep without holding something.”
You turn your head to look at him. In the dark his profile is all clean lines, and he is looking at the ceiling with the expression of someone making a completely reasonable observation.
“Is that so,” you say, and your voice comes out steadier than you expected.
“It’s a thing,” he says. “I’ve always been like that.”
“There’s a spare pillow,” you say. “On the chair.”
“I saw it. It’s not really the same.”
You look back at the ceiling. Outside the water moves. Somewhere down the hall a door closes softly. Your heart is beating in your throat and you do not know if this is a terrible one or simply inevitable.
“Fine,” you say.
You turn onto your side facing the window. There is a brief pause , just long enough for you to wonder if he was actually flirting or actually just stating a preference, and then the mattress shifts and his arm comes around your waist as he settles behind you.
The warmth of him is immediate and overwhelming. His chest presses against your back, his knees find the space behind yours and his chin finds the top of your head. You can feel him breathing.
“You’re tense,” he observes, his voice low and close to your ear.
“I’m fine,” you lie.
“You feel like you’re about to take a test.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His arm around your waist tightens slightly, drawing you back into him with gentle insistence, and the deliberateness of it does something to your breathing that you hope he doesn’t notice. “Relax,” he says quietly.
“I am relaxed.”
“You’re warmer than a pillow,” he says into your hair.
“Glad to be of service,” you manage.
He makes a low sound that is almost a laugh and his arm relaxes further. You feel the exact moment he starts to fall asleep, the way his breathing evens and deepens. You are almost there yourself, your body finally beginning to loosen, when his hand shifts.
The slow unconscious drift of someone reaching for warmth in their sleep, fingers spreading and resettling, and his palm curves and lands directly over your breast and stays. He goes completely still. Your heart stops.
His hand doesn’t move. “You have piercings.”
“Mm,” you say to the pillow, because your throat has forgotten how to produce actual words.
His palm is still there, warm and solid, and you are acutely aware of the metal under the thin fabric.
“So that’s why Jake was so embarrassed this morning,” he hums.
“Go to sleep Sunghoon,”
He is quiet for a moment. His hand still hasn’t moved. You don’t know if you want it to move or if you want it to stay exactly where it is.
“He really should have said something,” he says.
“Sunghoon.”
“As a matter of basic-”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” he says, hand sliding back to safer territory at your waist.
You fall asleep to the sound of him breathing slow and even behind you, and the ghost of where his hand was.
full term episode zero: introductions
FULL TERM. reality tv ✦ 1 season ✦ 7 episodes ✦ TV-R
a compilation of social media posts introducing the candidates and lead of this season's cast.
@FullTermOfficial
🌹 Candidate No. 1 — Lee Heeseung
Age: 28 Occupation: Cover Artist / Content Creator Subscribers: 247M
Semen analysis within normal parameters. Sperm concentration: 52 million/mL (reference range: ≥16 million/mL). Motility: 61% progressive motility (reference range: ≥42%). Morphology: 8% normal forms (reference range: ≥4%). Testosterone levels within healthy range. No history of reproductive health conditions. Lifestyle note: candidate reports irregular sleep schedule and high travel frequency, both of which have negligible recorded impact on current results. No interventions recommended. Overall reproductive health: Good.
Lee Heeseung has spent the last four years behind a camera, turning borrowed songs into something that feels entirely his own. His covers have logged over 3 billion streams. He has performed at sold-out venues across Asia and Europe. He has never, by his own admission, stayed anywhere long enough to matter.
He comes to Full Term not for the exposure, but for the thing his platform cannot give him.
“I’ve spent a long time making other people’s words sound like mine. I think I’m ready to mean something that doesn’t have a replay button.” — Lee Heeseung, Candidate No. 1
Season 1 premieres soon. Follow for candidate reveals all week.
#FullTerm #LeeHeeseung #MeetTheCandidates #FullTermSeason1
@FullTermOfficial
🌹 Candidate No. 2 — Park Jongseong
Age: 27 Occupation: Restaurant Owner / Hospitality Entrepreneur Establishments: 4 locations across Seoul and Tokyo
Semen analysis within normal parameters. Sperm concentration: 48 million/mL. Motility: 58% progressive motility. Morphology: 7% normal forms. Testosterone levels within healthy range. Candidate reports high occupational stress load. Cortisol markers slightly elevated but within acceptable range and noted as unlikely to affect fertility outcomes under current conditions. No history of reproductive health conditions. No interventions recommended. Overall reproductive health: Good.
Park Jongseong, commonly known as Chef Jay, opened his first restaurant at 23 with a business loan and a menu he wrote himself. By 25, he had two Michelin-recognized locations. By 27, he had four. He does not believe in luck. He believes in preparation, timing, and knowing exactly what a room needs before the room knows it itself. He says he is here because legacy means nothing if it ends with him.
“I’ve built things that will outlast me. I’d like to build something that continues me.” — Park Jay, Candidate No. 2
Season 1 premieres soon. Follow for candidate reveals all week.
#FullTerm #ParkJay #MeetTheCandidates #FullTermSeason1
@FullTermOfficial
🌹 Candidate No. 3 — Sim Jake
Age: 27 Occupation: Veterinarian Clinic: Somi Animal Hospital, Mapo-gu
Semen analysis within normal parameters. Sperm concentration: 55 million/mL. Motility: 64% progressive motility. Morphology: 9% normal forms. Testosterone levels within healthy range. Candidate maintains active lifestyle and reports consistent sleep schedule, both noted as contributing positively to current results. No history of reproductive health conditions. No interventions recommended. Overall reproductive health: Good.
Sim Jake has spent the last three years putting his hands inside wounds and coming out with something still living on the other side. His patients do not speak. He has learned to listen anyway.
He is the kind of person that animals trust on instinct and people trust without knowing why. His colleagues say he has never once raised his voice in the clinic. His clients say they always leave feeling like everything is going to be fine, even when it isn’t.
He moved from Brisbane to Seoul at 22 and has not looked back. He says the move taught him that home is something you choose, not something you inherit. He is choosing again.
“I got into this work because I wanted to take care of something. I think I’ve always known I wanted more than one thing to take care of.” — Sim Jake, Candidate No. 3
Season 1 premieres soon. Follow for candidate reveals all week.
#FullTerm #SimJake #MeetTheCandidates #FullTermSeason1
@FullTermOfficial
🌹 Candidate No. 4 — Park Sunghoon
Age: 27 Occupation: Actor Notable Works: Coldwater (2022), The Understory (2023), Mirror, Mirror (2025)
Semen analysis within normal parameters. Sperm concentration: 46 million/mL. Motility: 56% progressive motility. Morphology: 7% normal forms. Testosterone levels within healthy range. Candidate reports history of high occupational stress and disrupted sleep patterns consistent with production schedules. Markers remain within acceptable range. Minor varicocele noted on physical examination — grade I, asymptomatic, no current impact on fertility parameters and no intervention required at this time. Recommended for routine monitoring. Overall reproductive health: Good.
Park Sunghoon has been in front of cameras since he was nineteen. He has played a grieving son, a corrupt detective, a man who fakes his own death, and a man who wishes he had. Critics call him controlled. Interviewers call him difficult to read. His co-stars, in every profile that has ever been written about him, say some variation of the same thing: that they never quite felt like they knew him, and that somehow that made every scene better.
He has given hundreds of interviews. He has said very little. He is here. He has not said much about why.
“I think people spend a lot of time deciding who I am before I open my mouth. I’m used to it.” — Park Sunghoon, Candidate No. 4
Season 1 premieres soon. Follow for candidate reveals all week.
#FullTerm #ParkSunghoon #MeetTheCandidates #FullTermSeason1
@FullTermOfficial
🌹 Candidate No. 5 — Yang Jungwon
Age: 26 Occupation: Elementary School Teacher School: Hanul Primary School, Yongsan-gu
Semen analysis within normal parameters. Sperm concentration: 44 million/mL. Motility: 54% progressive motility. Morphology: 6% normal forms. All values within healthy reference range. Candidate is the youngest in the cohort and results are consistent with age-appropriate reproductive health. No history of reproductive health conditions. No interventions recommended. Overall reproductive health: Good.
Yang Jungwon teaches second grade in a classroom with eleven students. In a country where that number was once thirty, eleven feels like something worth protecting.
He has dedicated his career to a generation that almost didn’t happen. His students’ parents chose to have children during a time when that choice carried weight and paperwork and grief for some and luck for others. Jungwon shows up every morning knowing that. He does not take it lightly.
His colleagues describe him as patient in a way that does not feel performed. His students, when asked to draw their favorite person, draw him more often than their parents would probably like. He is the youngest candidate this season. He is also, perhaps, the one who understands most concretely what this show is actually about.
“I see what it means to bring a child into the world every single day. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more than to do that myself.” — Yang Jungwon, Candidate No. 5
Season 1 premieres soon. Follow for candidate reveals all week.
#FullTerm #YangJungwon #MeetTheCandidates #FullTermSeason1
@FullTermOfficial
🌹 Our Lead — Y/N
Age: 24 Occupation: Nonprofit Director Organization: Roots & Rights Foundation — providing fertility access, counseling, and financial support to low-income families
Patient presents with a documented history of diminished ovarian reserve (DOR), confirmed via antral follicle count (AFC) of 4 (reference range: 6–10 for age group) and anti-Müllerian hormone (AMH) level of 0.6 ng/mL (reference range: 1.0–3.5 ng/mL for age group). Menstrual cycle regular. No structural abnormalities identified on ultrasound. Fallopian tubes patent. Natural conception is possible but probability is reduced relative to age-matched peers. Cycle timing and monitoring are recommended to optimize conception window. Overall reproductive health: Fair. Natural conception possible with guidance.
Y/N has spent the last two years running an organization that exists because the system failed people first. Roots & Rights has connected over 4,000 individuals and couples with fertility resources they could not otherwise afford. She built it from a grant, a shared office, and a contact list she started at 21.
She knows the statistics better than almost anyone in this country. She has sat across from women who wanted nothing more than what she is here trying to find.
She understands, more than any candidate or producer on this show, exactly what is at stake. She is here anyway.
“I’ve fought for other people’s chance at this for a long time. I think I’m allowed to want it for myself.” — Y/N, Full Term Lead
Season 1 premieres soon.
#FullTerm #MeetYourLead #FullTermSeason1
full term episode guide
FULL TERM. reality tv ✦ 1 season ✦ 7 episodes ✦ TV-R
Some things used to be simple. In 1987, the global birth rate was 27.9 per 1,000 people. Today it is 9.1. There are 4.2 billion people on this planet. Governments have task forces. Scientists have conferences. Everyone has an opinion.
We have a different idea.
FULL TERM is a first-of-its-kind televised event in which one woman and five candidates spend eight weeks together with one shared goal: to conceive a child naturally and start a family that lasts beyond the finale.
This is not a dating show. This is the most serious thing two people can do together, and we are giving it the platform it deserves. The prize for the chosen candidate and our lead:
✦ 100M KRW base prize ✦ Full financial support for the child through age 18. Education, healthcare, housing assistance, everything covered. ✦ A family.
cast: LEE HEESEUNG, PARK JONGSEONG (JAY), SIM JAEYUN (JAKE), PARK SUNGHOON, YANG JUNGWON, FEM READER
content rating: sex and nudity (severe), profanity (mild), alcohol/drugs/smoking (mild), sexual themes and tensions (severe)
additional contents: crack treated seriously, heavy talks of breeding/pregnancy, lead is mentioned to have fertility issues, love island / bachelorette inspired, public sex, sexual humor,
individual episodes will have their own respective warnings.
watch now:
episode zero: the introductions. episode one: the first meetings. episode two: the first challenge. (airing soon!)
ive been cooking up a big project and i wanna post a sneak peek but im scared nobodys gonna fw it 😶
okay so my project is actually love island inspired so since it’s airing rn i’m gonna push out a teaser and if no one likes it i’m scraping the whole thing
‘𝑻𝒊𝒍 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝑫𝒐 𝑼𝒔 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 ⟡ 𝓅.𝓈𝒽 ℰ 𝓈.𝒿𝓎
pairing ⟡ vampire!sunghoon x f!reader & husband!jake x f!reader
summary ⟡ Despite the night terrors that have haunted you for years, you’ve achieved everything a God-honouring woman should want: a husband who loves you dearly, a white picket fence, and the certainty of a perfect future together in your new quiet little town. However, a certain pale-faced neighbour reminds you a little too much of the eerie presence that plagues your restless nights.
18+ mdni ⚠︎ smut with plot, gothic horror/thriller, angst, hurt/comfort, small town au, established relationship (jake), vampire/human relationship (sunghoon), implied major character death, religious imagery & trauma, bible quotes, traditional gender roles & marriage, purity culture critique, loss of faith, slightly patronizing partner dynamic, night terrors, ambiguous ending, sexually repressed reader, infidelity, soul bonds, mildly obsessive love, dubcon: sexual coercion (via soul-contract), biting, blood drinking, physical restraint, vampire venom as aphrodisiac, animal death mentioned, predator/prey dynamic, multiple smut scenes, p in v sex, unprotected sex, handjobs, fingering, loss of virginity, slight somnophilia, dacryphilia, choking, rough sex, praise kink, mild degradation kink FEAT. niki as a vampire lore-obsessed teen
wc ⟡ 31.6k
inspo & creds ⟡ thank you so much to my lovely mutual @seongjesdoll who inspired me with their fic right here please go read it! this fic is also heavily inspired by Nosferatu.
a/n ⟡ this is very different from what I usually write but I adored experimenting with horror/thriller as a genre! this idea hit me like a truck months ago. this has been in the works for a while so I’m soso glad to finally share
please note ⟡ if you are uncomfortable with heavy subject matter such as dubcon, horror, death, themes of religion and purity culture… do not read this!
"...in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, do you promise to be faithful? To love him and to honour him all the days of your life?" "I do."
You'd waited for it since you were a young girl. To walk down the aisle, daylight seeping through stained-glass, in a dress of pure white. You'd imagined your hand in his, fingers intertwined, warmly encompassed in safety and certainty—your shared kiss in the chapel, a declaration of your promise not only to him, but to God. A husband, a family, love. The life every good girl prayed for. You prayed for it too, with your hands folded, head bowed, voice steady. But what you imagined most, in the silence after the amen, was the thing no prayer could sanctify. "...But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."
Your Sunday school teacher had read the verse aloud with the patient severity of someone delivering a warning she hoped you'd never need. She'd looked at you, it seemed, and said that desire was a seed planted in the heart, that what began as a thought could grow into something monstrous, that a woman who let lust take root would one day reap a harvest of ruin. You'd nodded, hands neatly folded on the desk, terrified by the image of something dark and living growing inside you. You'd tried not to think about the heat already stirring in places you had no name for, the tiny seed you could already feel pressing against the soil of your heart, waiting to split open.
The truth was that while other girls spoke of their desires for true love, for the miracle of childbirth, and motherhood, you desired something too shameful to say aloud. Your mind always drifted to the impure. Instead of exchanging vows, you dreamed of how your future husband would lay you down the night after your wedding. You'd thought of how his hands would feel pressed against your bare skin, always hidden under long skirts and sleeves—his lips, worshiping you in places no good girl should dream of. How he'd relieve that ever present ache between your legs that never seemed to dissipate and claim your innocence. You'd thought of it so much, it began to rot you from the inside.
Many times, you'd held back tears during Sunday service, ashamed of the filth that plagued your mind in the holy place of worship of all places. The hymns would rise around you—Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus Dominus Deus Sabaoth—and you'd mouth the words while your thoughts drifted to the heat of an imagined touch, the weight of a body you'd never felt. You'd clench your thighs beneath your Sunday dress and beg God, silently, desperately, to scrub your mind clean.
In your sleepless nights, to avoid temptation, you'd rise from the bed, hands clasped together in prayer before your bedroom window. You'd leave it wide open, in hopes that the frigid wind would cool down the heat inside you. And though you trembled in your nightgown, goosebumps on every surface of your skin, it could never quite quell the fire that never burned out.
At first, you prayed for it to stop. You prayed for purity. Then, you prayed for numbness, believing you'd rather feel nothing at all. Alas, God granted neither, and you began to question which of the two dawning terrors was more catastrophic: the possibility that He wasn't listening at all, or the possibility that He simply did not care.
You knelt until your knees were bruised, you whispered prayers until they turned into sobbing pleas for mercy. There was only so much you could take until you began to lose faith—not just in God, but in yourself.
It was only then, in a moment of desperation, of utter helplessness, that you pleaded for something else:
"I beg of you," you whispered into the night, and whether it reached God, or for something else entirely, you did not care anymore. "If you cannot make this feeling stop, then I beg for relief." Through the white curtains, you felt a presence. There was no face, no silhouette, no sound other than the howling wind. Yet, you looked up, as if to meet someone's gaze. As if something stood there, watching you. A chill ran down your spine, and not as a result of the winter air seeping into your bones. You don't remember a voice. You do, however, remember a silent promise: relief, in exchange for you, eternally. Eternity. You knew what it meant. Heaven. Hell. The soul's unending life before God or in exile from Him. You were old enough to know better. Desperate enough not to care.
Every night, then after, he came to you in dreams. You envisioned bits and pieces: a tall silhouette, cold fingertips, an ever-present stare. You saw visions of your own blood dripping down your neck, staining your night clothes. You felt his sharp teeth pierce your flesh as he ravaged you, corrupted you, made a sin of your body and had you begging for more every single time.
Your eyes rolled back in ecstasy, your fingers curled around your bedsheets, and when it finished, you awoke in a cold sweat. You, alone. Your window, closed. And your body, still untouched, still sacred despite the obscene wetness between your thighs, and the way your body trembled from the aftermath of your high.
Relieved, you were, to no longer repress your lustful urges. Horrified, you were, to realize you'd given into your darkest desires, pleasure coaxed out of you by the hands of something sinister.
"Look at you. My beautiful wife." Jake hovers atop you, the cross at his neck hovering just above your face. Everything was as god intended. Two untouched children of the lord, about to make love on their marital bed, in a home they should hope to raise a family in. For the first time in many nights, the moonlight didn't feel so unholy. "My beautiful husband," you mirror his adoration, heart beating so fast you fear it might leap out of your chest. "I love you." His fingers lace with yours, his palms clammy and shaking. He's nervous, as are you. He'd told you as much before you even reached the bed. "I love you, too," he whispers.
He leans down to kiss you, different from the kiss you shared in the chapel. No longer did you have to settle for quick, chaste pecks. You feel his tongue, his desperation, years of pent-up desire reaching its limit.
Hand still interlocked with yours, he enters you slow and restrained, a gasp leaving his lips, as it does yours.
Everything is as it should be. As God said it should be. You should be overcome with joy. The world should still around you, heaven should open, and some sacred part of you should be remade forever.
It doesn't. The reality is much quieter. A body receiving another body, and nothing more.
Instead, you feel discomfort—sharp and immediate. And it’s not just the physical kind that mothers warn their daughters about before their wedding nights. Your skin crawls, your stomach tightens, and suddenly the world is collapsing. Everything aches. Your head, your heart, the space between your thighs where your body refuses to yield, refuses to feel, refuses to let you forget even for a moment that you belong to something else.
You can't help but think that your husband, basking in his euphoric glow, deserves someone untainted.
Tears stream down your cheeks before you can choke them back, and at the immediate sight of it, he pulls out of you. Cradling you in his arms, he soothes you, gently asks if he’s hurt you. If there’s anything he can do. You shake your head, your sobs turning to whispered apologies.
He holds you close all night, and you cling to him like you're trying to crawl under his skin, hoping Jake will shield you from the inevitable terrors of the night. Because you know, deep down, even after all of this, you'll still feel its presence in your dreams. Its cold, harsh grasp, its teeth, its predatory gaze.
But tonight, the boundary between dream and waking feels thin. As you lie awake, Jake softly snoring at your side, you feel it. That presence. That feeling you've never been able to explain, something better described as an instinct or a sixth sense. Through the window, half-lidded and drifting, you search for reassurance. Instead, you find a pair of eyes in the dark. A shadow, watching you. You jerk upright, heart hammering, but in the blink of an eye, with a flicker of movement, you find nothing.
“Sweetheart?” You hear Jake's groggy voice at your side, an arm tugging at yours, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just…” Your breath rises and falls, watching the tree branches drift with the howling wind, watching the snow pile up on the edge of the window. “Thought I saw something.”
He pulls you back down to the bed, kisses pressed to the back of your neck. You allow yourself to relax in his arms, the weight of slumber pulling you under.
You make it through the night. You always do. And this time, you wake up in a pair of warm, loving arms, rather than the shivering cold of your childhood twin bed, which you'd been accustomed to for years. You're thankful at least that in spite of your nightmares, your husband is a daydream.
A week was all you had for a honeymoon, if you could even call it that.
You'd told each other you didn't need a vacation. A honeymoon seemed frivolous when you already had everything you wanted: a house, a ring, a future together. You told each other there would be time for travel later. You have forever, after all.
So, straight into your new home you were, ready to build your life together. Your two weeks of time together were mostly spent unpacking boxes and pretending to help your husband build IKEA furniture. Really, you were mostly there to gawk at how attractive he looks when he gets mad at poorly designed instruction manuals.
Though the time slips through your fingers, and suddenly there are no more late mornings tangled in his arms, slow afternoons with nowhere to be, and evenings fumbling in the dark, learning the strange and sacred shape of intimacy.
You'd come to depend on the safety of his presence, the way his breathing beside you kept the dreams at bay. Selfishly, desperately, you did not want to lose it.
"Please don't leave," you whine like a child, rising from the bed.
He adjusts his tie in the full-length mirror at the corner of your bedroom, and your hands snake around his waist from behind, fingers clawing into the fabric of his shirt. You bury your face into his back, just breathing in his presence before you knew it'd inevitably slip away.
"And miss my first day at the office?" He chuckles, an amused smile playing at his lips.
Finished with his tie, he takes your hands, twirling you once before pulling you against him. His mouth finds your neck, then your jaw, then your lips. You melt into the shape of him, this body you're still learning, still marvelling at. But he pulls away all too soon.
"I can't support my wife and our future kids if I get myself fired."
"I know," you pout, following him out of the room, into the hall, hand still grasping his. "But what am I supposed to do here all alone?"
The question is smaller than the fear beneath it. While it is true that here, alone in a new neighbourhood without any real housework to be done yet, you're at a loss with what to do with your time, you both know the real reason why you're gripping his fingers like a child at the school gates: Your terrors, your anxieties and your skittish nature, once soothed and coddled by your parents, had now become Jake's responsibility to tend to, and you are petrified of being alone with your thoughts for the first time in your life.
"You could call your family?" He glances back at you as you both descend the stairs, his hand sliding along the banister.
"My mom has called me every day since the wedding," you deadpan.
He huffs a laugh and turns into the front hall. You reach the coat rack before he does, fetching his coat while he sits on the bench to lace his boots.
"You could go into town?"
"By myself?" You try to make it sound like a joke. It doesn't work.
He stands. You hold the coat open behind him, and he slides his arms in with a small, grateful sound. Then his gaze drifts past you, through the glass of the front door, to the house across the street. A mother is sending her children off, their school bags bright against the white, snowy morning.
"What if you go around and meet the neighbours?"
It isn't a terrible idea. In fact, trying to make new friends in the neighbourhood is what you should be trying to do, as a new couple looking to start their life there. And though ideally, you'd prefer to have your much more socially competent husband alongside you to do the task, you suppose it's about time you start facing your fears alone.
One messy kitchen and a batch of cookies later, you're wrapping up a small bag for each house on your small, quiet street, smiling behind your wool scarf as you ring the bell to the house across the street.
The first house is easy. A middle-aged couple, grateful and brief. The second is an elderly man who mistakes you for a door-to-door salesman. The third, a woman with six cats and one furious white Persian that hisses at you through the screen door until you retreat.
It all blurs together until you reach the end of the street, with only one bag and one house remaining.
You'd be lying if you said you hadn't saved this house for last. Something about it triggered that feeling inside you that you'd grown used to. A dark curiosity that you'd come to fear.
It isn't just the architecture either. Every home on this street is old. That was part of the appeal, why you and Jake had chosen to live here. You preferred something real, something with history. This one, however, feels like the kind of history you don't want to pry into. The kind of spookiness that children sense from the sidewalk and dare their friends to go up to, just to knock on the door and run before anyone answers.
It towers over the neighbouring roofs as if to assert its dominance, shouldering them aside. You don't like the way the entire premise was encompassed by a black, metal gate, and you like it even less now as the sun begins to set—one of the many unfortunate parts about winter; how the sun sets late afternoon, allowing the dark to creep up on you too soon. You hate the dark.
It's all just in your head, surely. Every house in this neighbourhood has an older look and feel, and you're certain that the people living in there are nothing but normal—perhaps even kind. All you have to do is ring the bell, give them the cookies, and leave. It's no big deal.
You nearly laugh at yourself out loud. You're a grown adult, for god's sake, there is no reason to be scared.
With a falsely confident stride, you push past the gates, walking across a jagged cobblestone path. Though you tremble with each step.
Something doesn't feel right, but you remind yourself it's as real as your nightmares—which is to say, not real at all. Your nightmares, the years of psychological torment, it's all in your head. It always has been.
With the sun just about dipping below the horizon, you ring the doorbell, standing before the heavy double doors. You then knock and, for a second, you are relieved to hear nothing back until the doors open with a loud groan. Though you don't see anyone at all, eyes carefully scanning the dimly lit entryway. Your hands curl around the bag in your hands.
"Hello?" You call out, not yet taking a step. "I'm the new neighbour from across the street.”
Silence.
“I… I made cookies.” Your voice echoes into the hall, and you swallow your nerves. “But, if you don't want to be bothered, I totally understand. I can just leave here and be on my way."
You wait a few seconds, hovering in the doorway, and the silence stretches.
You want to leave. Every part of you is screaming at you to turn on your heel and run far, far away. But they'd opened the door for you. You'd made your presence known already. You're standing right there with the cookies in your hand, for God's sake. You can’t just leave now.
Briefly, you wonder what Jake would do. He'd probably walk in with a confident stride and a smile. He'd charm them easily, have them laughing in minutes and get swept up in conversation for hours.
Stupid, you think. You're fine. Completely fine. Just go inside.
You glance around again. The shoe room is empty, save for a small table that stands just beside the door, close enough. And in a split second, you devise your plan: You’ll set them down and immediately leave with your obligations fulfilled, and avoid seeming like a rude, doorbell-ditching neighbour. It’s perfect. Foolproof. Simple.
You step forward, arm extending toward the table, already planning your retreat.
Then the door slams shut behind you.
"Welcome."
The voice comes from directly behind you. You spin, a strangled sound catching in your throat, and there he is—a silhouette pooled in the darkness beside the doorframe, so close you don't understand how you missed him. He must have opened the door. He must have been standing there the whole time, shielded by the shadow of the door, watching you step past him.
"My apologies," he says, stepping aside, the candlelight giving you a proper view of his face. "I've just woken up, and my eyes are sensitive to the sun. I did not mean to startle you,"
Though your heart is pounding through your chest, and you feel like your legs will give out at any moment, you are oddly comforted by his the sight of him. A young man, tall and pale, not much older than yourself and quite strikingly beautiful. You've never seen his face before, though you think it looks strangely familiar, as if you've known him a long time. You’re staring. And though you are aware of it, you don’t tear your gaze away.
"Are these for me?" He looks down at your hand, where you hold your cookies close to your chest.
Wordlessly, you nod, extending your hand. Though you don't expect him to lower his head, his face dipping towards your outstretched hand, the tip of his nose barely grazing the pulse at your wrist.
He inhales.
The sound is soft, barely audible, and his eyes close for a fraction of a second.
They open again, and they find yours, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. There’s a sharpness to his gaze, and it cuts straight through the cold, a dull, traitorous warmth blooming in your lower stomach.
"Smells delicious."
"Thank you," you squeak, shrinking under his gaze.
"My dear," his head tilts, brows furrowing, "You're trembling. You must've been out in the cold a while."
"Yes, well..." You glance toward the door. "Well, I—"
"I would hate to send you back out there." He takes the bag from your hands before you can finish, the motion smooth, unhurried. "Why don't you stay for tea?"
"Oh! Gosh, no, I couldn't possibly impose—"
"I insist."
As if he were commanding you, you find yourself staying, seated on an old-looking couch, the fireplace cackling, warming your chilled hands. Though it does nothing to ease your trembling. The grandfather clock in the corner ticks every second.
Soon, a small teacup is set down in front of you, as he pours both of you a cup from the pot. You look up as he sits himself across from you, face to face, and your palms dig into the couch cushion.
"I must admit, I'm quite delighted to have a visitor," he crosses one leg over the other, his posture upright, poised. It makes you straighten yourself out, embarrassed by your poor manners. "It's been a very long time. You said you moved here across the street?"
"Ah, Yes. My husband and I just moved." You raised your hand to show your ring finger. "Actually, we also just got married."
"Newlyweds. Congratulations," his voice is smooth, "What made the two of you move here?"
"Well, we're not from too far. Just across the southern river. And we looked at houses closer to home but... Something about this neighbourhood felt right. So we decided to start our life here." you smile briefly at the memory, "It's quieter here. Better for raising children—well, eventually, of course. Hopefully."
You falter, the mention of children suddenly feeling far too intimate for a conversation with a man you met three minutes ago. There's a brief, expressionless pause before his mouth curves into a smile.
"It is a nice neighbourhood." He hums in agreement, "Very safe."
"Exactly."
The conversation lulls, and you use the moment to glance around the room. It's grand, immaculate, every piece of furniture polished to a dark gleam. There's no clutter. No photographs on the mantle. No second mug drying on the drainboard. The silence of the house surrounds you, deep and undisturbed.
Your eyes drift back to him. His hands were folded neatly around his teacup. Pale, long-fingered, ever so still. No ring.
It catches you off guard. A man like this, who is wealthy, well-spoken, and irrefutably beautiful in a way that makes your stomach feel strange, and yet he lives alone in a house like this. There should be a wife. There should be children.
Unless there's something wrong with him.
The thought surfaces before you can stop it. You're being judgmental. He's been nothing but polite. He invited you in from the cold. He made you tea. If he's a bachelor, that's his business. Maybe he's shy, maybe he prefers solitude, maybe he's simply never found the right person.
You don't ask. A married woman doesn't comment on another man’s status. The whole line of thought is dangerous, a door you shouldn’t open.
His eyes are on you now, steady and watchful. Too watchful.
You drop your gaze to your untouched teacup to distract yourself, and the grandfather clock ticks.
Then, he laughs. Sheepishly, you watch as he takes a sip of his tea.
"I did not poison it, I promise,” he says, setting the cup down with a clink.
"Oh!" You gape, "No, no. I did not think—I mean, I did not mean to offend you, Mr. ...?"
"Please, call me Sunghoon."
"Sunghoon, then," you let out a sigh, "I'm sorry. I'm easily startled or, as my husband would say, 'a bit of a scaredy-cat,' but I really do appreciate you inviting me in."
"No offence taken. I understand. This is a pretty scary house," he laughs lightly, his voice dropping ever slightly, "and you are a vulnerable young lady."
You laugh nervously at his last comment, certain that he intended well. But it only makes you feel uneasy. Instinctively, your hand goes to the dainty cross at your neck. A habit you'd developed over the years.
"That is to say, you have every right to have your suspicions. And if I were your husband, I wouldn't take your safety so lightly." You don't miss the way his eyes move from you, down to your neck, "He is a very lucky man."
His eyes remain on your throat. You can feel them there, cool and steady, like a fingertip resting just above your pulse. The cross seems to warm under his attention—or perhaps that's your skin, flushing with a heat you don't want to name. Your fingers stay wrapped around the little gold chain, clutching it as if it can shield you from something you can't quite see.
Stop it, you tell your body. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
You hold it so tightly the edges bite into your palm. A penance. A reminder. You are a woman of God. You are pure. You are—
"A woman of faith, I see."
The fire pops, and a log shifts, sending a shower of sparks up the chimney. You flinch. He doesn't react. In fact, you aren't sure that you've seen him move at all, his body as still as a statue.
"Of course," you reply as naturally as you can sound, "...aren't you?"
"If I say I am not," he raises a brow, "What then?"
You pause, drawing a breath that feels too shallow and force your lips into something resembling a smile.
"Well," you swallow, "God did say to love your neighbour."
"Ah, Mark twelve, verse thirty-three." Sunghoon's smile doesn't waver. "To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbour as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
The verse hangs in the air, complete and precise, and the tension in your shoulders eases, if only a little.
"So you are a believer."
"I believe in many things." His voice is soft, almost musing. "I believe in life after death. I believe in sinners and saints. I believe some of us, while we may try to convince ourselves otherwise, do not belong in the light."
He then pauses, and you swear you watch his smile curl into something wicked, before he continues.
"I believe prayers can be answered. Especially the ones laced with shame, whispered breathlessly in the night."
Your teacup rattles, the sound too loud in the quiet room. You set it down, but your fingers are shaking so badly the porcelain nearly slips. The cold that has been hovering at the edges of you since you walked through the door now settles deep in your bones.
You look at Sunghoon, your eyes meeting his lingering, far too intense stare. The horrible ache inside of you, the one you've come to know all too well, the one that has haunted your dreams for years, begins to wake from its slumber.
Something is wrong. His demeanour. The way he doesn't seem to breathe or blink or move at all. His presence. The way he looks at you like he owns you, and how that look makes your thighs clench, an inexplicable heat overtaking you.
You nearly jump out of your skin when the grandfather clock strikes the sixth hour.
"Oh!" You laugh nervously, an attempt to conceal the small yelp that escaped you. "Look at the time! I should really go."
"So soon?"
"Yes! My husband should be arriving soon, so..."
You are scrambling for the door, heart thumping in your chest as he follows close behind. Picking up the pace, you grab your coat from the rack near the door. But before you can grab the knob and swing the door open, you feel his presence behind you, cold and seemingly lifeless. You turn.
"It was lovely meeting you," he takes your trembling hand in his, "I hope to see you again, soon."
He lifts your hand as if to kiss it. Though he doesn't. Not yet.
You hear the soft sound of an inhale, barely there, but unmistakable, a slow, shuddering breath. His eyes flutter half-closed, and you blink, frozen in fear, wondering for a brief second if your mind is playing tricks on you, or if he really just sniffed you like some kind of animal.
He then kisses your hand, his lips just barely grazing your knuckles, featherlight. You should feel horror. You should feel disgust. Both are there, you suppose, but beneath it lies something far more shameful.
In the still, empty silence, you let out the tiniest, neediest whimper.
It lingers long enough for both of you to process what exactly you had just done.
He looks up at you through his lashes with a grin, like the most beautiful predator you'd ever laid your eyes on. And, though you can't quite tell in the dim candlelight, you think the canines peeking out the edge of his smile look rather sharp.
With that look permanently etched into your mind, you run. No other words exchanged, no farewell. You’re sprinting back down the street to your place, as fast as your feet can take you, not sparing a single glance behind.
A sigh of relief, though it sounds more like a sob, escapes you when you see Jake’s car in the driveway.
Your hands tremble so violently the keys skitter against the lock, and when the door gives, you throw yourself inside, slam it shut, press your spine to the wood like you're holding back a flood. You breathe in and out. In and out. Chest rising and falling with every breath. Exactly how Jake had taught you to do every time your fears crept up on you too quickly.
"Jake?"
The house is completely dark, and only the silence whispers back. You take off your boots, your coat, throwing them to the side without care as you move. The floorboards creak beneath your feet, and the panic you had only just quelled begins to rise again.
"Jake, where are you?" You try again, this time a bit louder.
You check the living room. The dining room. The kitchen. Then, on shaky legs, you carry yourself upstairs, hand sliding against the railing as you make your way to the bedroom. Still, not a soul to be found. Your hands grip the doorway, nails digging into the wooden frame as you choke down your heavy breaths, blinking away the tears that threaten your eyes.
A pair of arms wrap around you from behind, and the scream that leaves you is almost inhuman.
"It's just me!"
You thrash around in his grasp, and Jake immediately lets go.
He steps back, palms raised, face slack with shock and guilt. You're shaking violently now, heaving as a single tear falls from your eyes.
"Just me, sweetheart." His voice drops, taking your hand in his and guiding you to the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have scared you like that. That's my fault, I'm—"
You don't let him finish. You collapse into him, and he catches you without hesitation, his arms folding around your trembling form as you curl into his lap. He presses his lips to the crown of your head.
"Don't ever do that again."
"I won't." He murmurs into your hair, "Cross my heart, I never will."
You're sobbing into his chest as he whispers I'm sorries and I love yous—Over and over, until the words blur into a rhythm as steady as his heartbeat beneath your ear. You latch onto him like he's your lifeline. He is warm and solid and alive, and you cling to him with a desperation that should embarrass you but doesn't.
Only when your breathing steadies do you finally find the strength to speak.
"I missed you so much."
"I missed you, too."
"I missed you more." Your voice cracks on the last word, and you feel the tears threatening again.
"Shh. It's okay. I'm right here. It's okay." He smooths a hand down your hair, your back. "What happened, sweetheart? Did something happen? Why were you outside?"
"I..." you trail off, unsure how to even proceed as you sniffle. "I went to meet the neighbours... and... the house at the corner. The man there, he..."
It sounds ridiculous when you try to rationalize it in your head, and would probably sound even more ridiculous if you tried to say it out loud.
Sunghoon didn't technically do anything wrong. He only looked at you in ways that made you feel wrong. He said some things that could be interpreted as threatening, though he said it in a polite tone. He kissed your hand and had maybe sniffed you, if you even remember it properly, or if that's just your terrified, panicked brain making things up. He also made you whimper, but that certainly isn't something you can tell your husband.
The memory of it makes you let out another sob, feeling utterly pathetic and ashamed in his arms.
"Hey, talk to me," his voice drops, "What did he do?"
Swallowing your guilt, you pick up the pieces of the truth you can stomach to say aloud.
"The way he was looking at me, it was—he kissed my hand, and—" you stammer, "I don't know. I don't know how to explain."
You can feel Jake exhale.
"Okay," he says calmly, matter-of-factly, taking in the information, "A creepy neighbour tried to hit on you? Is that it?"
Hitting on you. The phrase doesn't quite capture the feeling of being hunted, like a lamb who wandered aimlessly within a predator's reach.
You don't correct him, though. You nod your head, breathing heavy into his grasp as he smooths down the back of your head, holding you tight.
"I'm sorry," you feel the vibration of his voice against his chest. "You want me to talk to him? Scare him off, a bit?"
You picture that predatory gaze, the eyes of something sinister—something demonic. Then you look to your husband: warm and bright and too good for this world. Your husband is the safest, strongest, and most capable man you know. Still, you are strangely terrified at the thought of letting him go there alone.
"I just want you to stay here. With me." You say, simply, "That's all I want."
"I'll always be here. Forever," he hums, circling your wedding ring, dragging your palm flat along his chest until it rests just above his heart, "That's what I promised to you. 'Til death do us part."
You close your eyes. You try to let the steady thrum of his heartbeat drown out everything else. Safe, you tell yourself. I'm safe. He's here. I'm safe.
It doesn't work. What exactly are you safe from? From a man who only looked at you? From a feeling that had started long before you ever set foot in that house?
The heat is still there, coiled low in your belly, waiting. It doesn't care that you're in your husband's arms. It doesn't care that you want it gone. It's been awakened, and it won't be going back to sleep.
You press your thighs together. You're still hot. Too hot. Jake doesn't notice right away, holding you in his arms, his hand still covering yours above his heart.
Your husband pulls back, cupping your face in his hands.
"You're burning up." He says gently, brows furrowed in pure-hearted concern. "You're really warm. Are you getting sick? You were out in the cold for a while, weren't you?"
You open your mouth to answer, but he beats you to it.
"Maybe we should just order takeout tonight. You should rest. I'll warm you a bath, and we can rent a movie. How does that sound?" His thumb traces the curve of your jaw, his eyes searching your face for clues he doesn't know how to read. "I can call in sick tomorrow, and—"
"Jake."
Your eyes drop to his lips. You're still curled in his lap, your breath shallow, your thighs pressed together beneath your skirt. It takes him a second or two for his expression to shift.
Your mouth is on his before he can speak, hot and heavy, desperate to suppress the dark, deviant desire that refuses to leave you alone. You can't help yourself. Not when you're sitting in his lap like this, your arousal and guilt unrelenting.
He goes rigid, a startled sound catching in his throat. This isn't how you kiss. You never kissed him like this before you were married, and you certainly hadn't after, either.
Every night you've shared so far has been nothing but gentle and loving, always handling you with the care one would give a porcelain doll. He had learned of your fragility and your fears long before he ever learned your body, and made love to you the only way he knew how: carefully, tenderly. As if your pleasure was a gift to be earned and not a hunger you already carry.
Tonight, though, you kiss him with the kind of hunger a sexually repressed Catholic boy can only dream of—the kind he was taught to repent for, to pray away. You moan against his lips, the sound raw and almost wounded, clawing open his shirt and grinding against his hips like it's the only thing you need right now.
"Hey—hey, slow down." His hands close gently over yours, stilling them. His eyes search your face, wide and careful. "We don't have to—are you okay? You were just crying, and I don't want you to feel like—"
You shake your head. All you want is that horrible ache inside you to be gone, fucked away by the man you love, the man you married. You pull your hands free and push him back onto the bed. He goes willingly, propped on his elbows, still watching you with that tender, uncertain concern.
"Baby, I'm serious." Jake's voice cracks. His hands hover at your waist, twitching and uncertain. "I don't need—ah—are you sure you want this right now?" The words tumble out of him, broken and breathless, even as his hips rise to meet yours. His body knows what it wants. His mind is still catching up. "You don't have to do this for me—"
"It's for me." Your voice is low, almost like a growl, and his eyes widen.
You reach for the hem of your own dress first and pull it over your head. The fabric catches for a moment on your ear, on your elbow, and the clumsiness of it makes you want to scream. Then it's gone, discarded somewhere on the floor, and you're working at the clasp of your bra while Jake stares up at you with parted lips and dawning disbelief.
He reaches up again, hand hovering a moment before moving to yours, trying to still or slow your moments, but this time you slap them away. Your hands make quick work of his pants, as you do your own, and without a second to spare, you're staring down at his half-hard length, holding the weight of him in your clumsy, still inexperienced hand. You carefully watch his expression, brows knitted, lips parted, and when you tighten your grip ever slightly as you stroke him, he's thrusting up into your hand.
"Shit." He breathes.
You shift forward, lining him up with your entrance. Your underwear is still on—you realize this too late, and the awkwardness of shoving the damp fabric aside makes your face flush. But you don't stop. You sink down onto him, and the stretch steals your breath.
You sigh at the stretch, not used to taking all of him so quickly—not used to being on top, either, and your eagerness momentarily subsides, taking a moment to adjust. Then, with the awkwardness you'd expect of two adults who only started having sex a few weeks ago, you start to move, hands pressed down against his chest. He gazes up in awe, hands twitching at his sides before moving to your hips.
"Holy shit," he manages, the words repeating in broken moans, desperately containing himself from falling apart right there as he watches you, his gorgeous wife, take him with a newfound hunger. He looks wrecked already, his jaw tight with the effort of holding back. "If you keep moving like that—"
His hands tighten, slowing you. He's trying to pace you, trying to protect you from yourself, and the unbearable, oblivious tenderness of it is the last thing you can stand.
"Jake." Your voice comes out sharp, breathless, a frown tugging at your lips. "For God's sake. I'm not going to break. Just fuck me."
There's a moment of pure shock that lingers, and he goes still. Very still. A part of you almost regrets it. Maybe you frightened him. Maybe you've shown a side of yourself that you were never supposed to show, and now he'll never look at you the same.
He exhales a long, shaky breath.
His hands slide from your hips to your waist, then down to your thighs, gripping with an ownership he's never allowed himself before. He thrusts up into you once, testing, and when you gasp, he does it again. Harder. Your head falls back. A moan spills from your lips, and the sound seems to unlock something in him. "Fuck," he breathes. His fingers dig into your skin as he moves you, setting a rhythm that is no longer careful, no longer restrained. You try to match it, but you're still clumsy, still learning, and after a few desperate, off-beat thrusts, he makes a low sound in his throat and flips you onto the mattress.
Your face falls into the pillow. His hand presses between your shoulder blades, arching your back, and then he's inside you again—deeper this time, fuller. The moan you let out is almost a sob. He pulls back and slams into you, and you feel the curve of his grin against the shell of your ear.
"You like this?" His voice is low, but still laced with that concern he always wears. There's a genuine curiosity to his question, a disbelief that lingers. "You like it rough?"
"Please," your desperate voice is muffled in the pillow, "harder, please."
He makes a sound, something between a laugh and a guttural groan, and his hand spreads warm across the small of your back.
"Look at you," he murmurs, almost to himself. "God, look at you. My wife."
He pulls back slowly, letting you feel every inch of him leaving you, and the anticipation is its own kind of torment. When he thrusts back in, it's deep and full, and the gasp you let out is his name. He does it again. And again.
His hand fists the sheets beside your head. His forehead drops to the curve of your neck.
"Fuck—" His voice is ragged, almost disbelieving. "You're really—I can't—"
His thrusts grow deeper, harder, his hand pressing into the arch of your back as he drives into you with an indulgence he's never allowed himself. You can feel the tension, the pressure building. His name falls from your lips in fragments, and he answers with his body—faster, deeper, more.
"That's it," he breathes, and the pride in his voice is new, too. He's proud of this. Proud of what he's doing to you. Proud of you. "I've got you."
You clench around him, crying out when he hits that spot inside you just right, clawing at the pillows beneath you. The orgasm seizes you and doesn't let go, and he feels it. Every pulse, every shudder. His rhythm falters and then breaks entirely.
His voice cracks, high and wrecked, and he buries himself to the hilt and stills, his whole body going rigid against your back. Then he's coming, too. Deep inside you, his hips jerking with each pulse, his groan a long, ragged thing that vibrates through you. He keeps thrusting, fucking his cum back into you, riding it out until he's shaking, until he's spent, until his forehead drops to the nape of your neck and his breath comes in great heaving gasps against your sweat-damp skin.
For a long moment, neither of you moves. He's still inside you, and you can feel his cum between your thighs, still draped over you, his chest pressed to your back so you can feel the hammer of his heart. Your body hums. The world is quiet. The only sound is your breathing, slowly finding the same rhythm.
Then he laughs.
It starts as a breathless little thing against your neck, almost disbelieving, until it blooms into something utterly delighted. His arms slide around your waist, and he pulls you with him as he rolls onto his side, still buried inside you, his face pressed to the curve of your shoulder.
"Who are you," he breathes, "and what have you done with my wife?"
He's grinning. You can feel it against your skin. His hand is flat across your stomach, holding you close, and he presses a kiss to the crook of your neck.
"Seriously. What was—what's gotten into you?"
You turn in his arms, just enough to see his face. He's flushed, pleased, his eyes half-lidded and warm.
You snuggle into his chest, pressing your cheek to the warm plane of his sternum, and his arms fold around you automatically.
"Missed you," you whisper.
"Clearly." The word is thick with satisfaction, his voice still rough and low. He presses a kiss to the crown of your head. "Must've been real lonely, huh? Waiting for me to come home."
“Never leave again. Please."
He laughs softly, pulling you tighter against his chest. The sound rumbling through his chest beneath your ear. His hand moves in slow, soothing strokes down your spine.
"Sweetheart, if this is what I come home to, you couldn't drag me out that door." He presses a kiss to your hair. "I'll quit tomorrow. Become a stay-at-home husband. Live right here in this bed forever."
His breathing deepens, slows. His hand stills on your back. Within minutes, he's asleep, his lips still curved in the ghost of that grin, his body warm and heavy and trusting against yours.
You don't sleep. You can't. The satisfaction is already fading, replaced by the old familiar ache—a low thrum beneath the surface, waiting. You know the dreams will come tonight. You know what waits for you in the dark. But for now, you let yourself be held. For now, his heartbeat under your ear is louder than the guilt. For now, that's enough.
Like clockwork, the dream arrives. Tangled in your husband's arms, you glance to the window, feeling that same presence you always do, tainting your mind with lustful images you could not escape.
Except that tonight, the shadow has a face.
You've never seen a face in your dreams before. For years, the presence has been nothing but sensation—cold hands, sharp teeth, a voice without sound. A silhouette at the edge of your sleeping vision, tall and still. Never eyes you could look into.
Sunghoon's face materializes out of the dark. First the eyes, dark and depthless, then the sharp planes of his face, then the mouth that curved against your knuckles and made you whimper. He looks exactly as he did in the candlelight. Beautiful. Predatory. Waiting.
Why him? You wonder, visions of his lips at your neck invading your mind. Why now?
Though in your dreaming state, you don't have much time to ponder such questions. You're too consumed by the image of those sharp canines that you swore you saw, sinking into your flesh, his hands wandering the length of your body. You don't flinch. In the dream, you arch toward him. You offer him your neck. You come undone with his name on your lips, only a whisper in the night.
You wake with a gasp, still tangled in your husband's embrace, slick between your legs. Though Jake doesn't stir. His breathing is deep and even, his body warm and trusting against yours.
The ghost of your dream lingers, and you press your palm to your mouth to hold back the sob building in your chest.
Dawn comes pale and grey through the curtains, but you're already awake. You couldn't go back to sleep, no matter how hard you tried. So you stop trying. You slip carefully from the bed and pad barefoot to the shower.
You rinse yourself under scalding hot water as if scrubbing every inch of yourself could wash the dream away. You fold Jake's work clothes into a neat pile on the dresser—a reminder that you are a loving, faithful wife and not whatever your dreams make you out to be.
In the kitchen, the coffee machine clicks and hisses. You stand at the window with your empty mug in your hands, and before you've made the conscious decision to look, your eyes have found it. The house. His house.
Just looking at it makes your blood run cold.
You can't help but wonder why every curtain remains drawn, despite the large, beautiful windows. You wonder why he mentioned having "just woken up," though you'd visited him late afternoon—almost evening—yesterday. You think of the way he looked at you, sharp, calculated, like a predator who'd caught its prey. And those teeth, which now that you're thinking back, most certainly had to be sharp, like the ones in your dreams.
Curtains drawn. Cold hands. Sharp teeth.
"Morning, baby," Jake's groggy voice is heard from the hallway, heavy footsteps pattering into the kitchen.
You turn to greet your husband with a broken smile. He chases your lips for a kiss, hands at your waist as they slide down the length of your nightgown with a newfound ease—remnants of last night's confidence still lingering in his touch. You jump in his grasp, a sound of surprise caught in your throat, but you both turn your heads at the beep of the coffee machine.
He pours you a cup first, and you try to focus on his words, you really do. However, his complaints of a passive-aggressive boss and abundantly vague emails fall on deaf ears as your hands tighten around the warmth of your coffee mug, eyes unwillingly and unhelpfully drifting to the window every few seconds.
You hear your name on his lips, but only process it once his hand reaches out to rest atop yours.
"You're spacing out." His thumb moves in slow circles over your knuckles, "Everything alright? Or am I just talking your ear off?"
"Just... tired."
"That makes two of us," he smiles, the two of you sharing a playful look. But he's still watching you, still reading the tension in your shoulders. "Talk to me, sweetheart. I'm here."
Your thumb traces the rim of your mug, and then, before you can talk yourself out of it.
"Do you believe in supernatural things?" You start hesitantly, "Not just God, obviously, but... other things...?"
Your husband takes a slow, pensive sip of his coffee.
"This is about your dreams again, isn't it?"
He gives you that look. The same one your mother and father used to give you at the mention of your nightmares. Sympathetic, but doubtful.
You look down, and he sighs, lifting your hand to his lips. The kiss is gentle and warm, though you shudder regardless.
"Remind me. How long have you been having these dreams, again?"
"Years."
"Years," he echoes, "And how many times, in all these years, have any of your dreams ever hurt you? Really hurt you?"
You sigh, shoulders slumping, a quiet relief blooming in your chest at the sight of his easy, gentle smile. The sunrise peeks through the window just enough to cast a golden glow across his face. His brown eyes and honey skin, now illuminated, were warm and familiar like the fresh cup of coffee in front of you that you had yet to touch.
"They haven't."
"Then I think it's safe to say that whatever it is you're afraid of, that's just your extra creative brain coming up with new reasons to freak out." he taps your head, and you roll your eyes, cracking a smile of your own. "None of it is real. It can't hurt you."
You kiss him goodbye at the door, your worries soothed momentarily as you watch his car disappear around the corner. But soon after, as you're reaching into the sink to work on a day-old pile of dishes, you can't help but watch the house at the corner. You watch all morning. Not a single soul exits or enters the home.
The town library is exactly what you'd expect. The air is stiff, the scent of old books and dust, and an old woman behind the front counter glares at you over the rims of her glasses, like she’s waiting for a reason to shush you.
You hadn't meant to come here. You were going to do errands. That's what you told yourself, anyway. But your feet carried you straight past the grocery store and straight through the heavy oak doors of the town library. And now, you wandered aimlessly through the aisles, unsure of what exactly you're looking for.
Dreams. You find a nonfiction book on dreams. You pull it from the shelf and flip to a chapter on nightmares. The author theorizes that our deepest fears materialize in our sleep, that the subconscious paints faces onto the things that frighten us most. A stranger who unsettled you. A presence that made you feel unsafe. The brain takes what it can't process during the day and works through it at night.
It makes sense. It's rational. He frightened you with that unsettling look in his eyes and his words, and your dreams gave him a form. It's a natural psychological response.
Then the book goes on to list common nightmare archetypes. The falling dream. The dream of being chased. The dream of being naked in public. Nowhere does it mention the dream where a stranger touches you between your legs, their lips on yours, then at your neck, or why you might envision them sinking their teeth into your flesh and drinking your blood. Nowhere does it account for the way your body responded.
Snapping the book shut and shoving it back on the shelf, you continue drifting with a little more purpose now. Past Town Records. Past Local Histories. Past a whole shelf of sermon collections by long-dead Reverends. Your fingers trail the spines, but you don't stop.
You turn down a narrow aisle in the back corner, away from the windows, away from the light.
The titles swimming into focus are older, darker, their spines cracked and their pages yellowed. Supernatural Histories. The Undead: A Historical Overview. Vampires Among Us.
Your hand reaches for one before your mind can stop it, failing to notice the pair of legs, long and lanky, stretched across the aisle, which blocks your path.
"Oh—!" You nearly trip, steadying yourself against the shelf.
A teenager is wedged between the shelves and the wall. He doesn't even look up. His head is bowed over a thick, hardcover book that looks older than time itself, and the sound of heavy drums and electric guitar bleeds from the headphones clamped over his ears. His school uniform is rumpled, tie loose, blazer nowhere in sight. His hair is jet-black except for a single bleached strand.
You clear your throat.
Nothing.
You clear it again, louder.
He turns a page.
"Excuse me…." You say a little more sternly this time, hands at your hips. "Shouldn't you be in school...?” You pause, glancing at his open backpack, at the name on his notebooks. "…Niki?"
He takes his time glancing up, eyes dragging over you with the lazy, unimpressed scrutiny only a teenager can manage. He takes in the sensible skirt. The ironed blouse. The cross at your neck. One pierced eyebrow lifts a fraction. He pulls his headphones down to his neck, his music a low hum.
"Shouldn't you be in the erotica section, or something?" He retorts, rolling his eyes.
"What?" You gape.
"Just saying." He gestures vaguely at you. "You've got the whole... repressed housewife look."
"You—" You give up halfway through your sentence, deciding your time shouldn't be spent exchanging comebacks with a boy who hasn't even graduated yet.
He goes back to his book, a ghost of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
You step over his legs, which he doesn't move an inch, and try to ignore him, scanning the shelf in front of you until you find the book you had your eyes on before. Locating it, you reach.
"Isn't the occult, like, the devil to you people?"
Your hand stops mid-air, and you turn. He's watching you now, the book in his lap forgotten.
"I'm just looking."
"Sure. Just looking." He closes his book finally, giving you his full attention for the first time, and you immediately wish he hadn't. "Listen, lady. Vampire smut's two aisles down. No judgment. I'm not your pastor."
"I already said—" The flush crawls up your neck. "I'm not—I would never—"
"You'd never," he repeats, flat. "Right. So what are you looking for in this section? A cookbook?"
Your hand is still frozen in the air, fingers hovering over the spine of a book with a lurid, painted cover. A woman in a torn nightgown, fainting into the arms of a dark figure with glowing eyes.
"I wanted to... research something.”
"Research.”
You nod weakly.
He pauses a moment, like he’s analyzing you. Then his whole expression shifts.
"Wait. For real? You're not just messing with me?" His eyes are wide now, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. It makes him appear even younger than he is, his mood brightening with childlike excitement. "You're actually researching vampires? Like, the lore? The real stuff? You're not just looking for sexy billionaire novels?"
"I don't know anything about sexy billionaires—"
"Oh my god." He scrambles to his feet, all gangly limbs and sudden, startling height, and you take an instinctive step back. His face is absolutely alight. "Oh my god, that's sick. That's actually so sick. Nobody in this town cares about this stuff. Everybody here just thinks I'm some freak who—" He stops himself, clears his throat. "Okay. Okay. So. What do you want to know?"
He's already pulling books off the shelf before you can come up with an answer, scanning spines with the practiced eye of someone who has memorized every title.
"Okay, so. First of all, don't touch that one." He jabs a finger at the book you'd been reaching for. "Complete garbage. The guy just makes stuff up. Zero sources."
"You've read it?"
"I've read everything on this shelf." He says it with pride and a slight shrug. He pulls down a thick volume bound in dark blue cloth, its cover embossed with a faded silver symbol you don't recognize. "You want this one. Written by a Victorian occultist. Genuine primary sources. He gets into the super niche stuff most modern books ignore."
"Niche stuff?"
"Yeah, like. The running water barrier—they can't cross it. Like rivers and lakes. Which is wild. And the mirror thing? It's not that they don't have reflections, it's that old mirrors were backed with silver, and silver's purifying. So the reflection was there, just corrupted. Sort of." He's talking faster now, words tripping over each other. "And then there's the soul-contract stuff, which is the real deep lore. Most people don't even know about it."
"Soul-contracts?"
"Oh, you have to hear about this." He grins, clearly delighted to have an audience. "Okay, so—vampires need blood, right? And most of them have to hunt for it. Every meal. Every night. That's a lot of work. So some of them, the older ones, the smart ones, they figured out a more... efficient system."
He flips through the book, looking for a page.
"They find a human who's desperate. Like, really desperate. And they make a deal. The human offers themselves up—their blood, their life force, whatever—and in exchange, the vampire gives them something that they want."
Your stomach tightens.
"Oh! That's..." You struggle to find your words, but force your voice to stay steady. "What kind of something, exactly?"
"Anything. Revenge, protection, a cure for some disease. Whatever the human needs so badly, they'd trade their soul for it." He finds the page, runs a finger down the text. "But the key thing is, the vampire can't just take. The human has to give permission. Willingly. Otherwise, the bond doesn't form. Hence, the contract part of the soul-contract."
"The bond?"
"Yep. The bond is formed only if it is totally, one-hundred percent mutual. The vampire is tied to the human just as much as the human is tied to the vampire. It's not a master-servant thing. It's..." He pauses, searching for the word. "Permanent. The connection can never be broken, like some eternally messed-up, toxic situationship."
Your hand has found the cross at your throat. You don't remember reaching for it.
"What I don't get," he continues, frowning at the page, "is how the whole thing starts. Like, how does the vampire hear the human in the first place? The book says it answers a call. Not literally a call, though. The words are weird. It says: 'A plea uttered from the deepest well of the soul, often in a state of such desperation that it transcends the mortal sphere.'"
"What kind of plea?" Your voice comes out as a whisper.
"Doesn't say exactly. But the book keeps comparing it to..." He squints at the footnote, then pauses, turns the page. "Huh. That's weird."
"What?"
"The language it uses. It says 'a prayer inverted.'" He traces his finger down the margin. "'Not all prayers reach the kingdom of heaven. Some are intercepted by hungrier ears.' Spooky, right?"
You can't breathe.
The cross burns against your palm. You press it harder, trying to ground yourself, but the world narrows to a single point: a memory. Your bedroom window. The winter wind on your wet cheeks. Your knees bruised against the floorboards.
I beg of you. If you cannot make this feeling stop, then I beg for relief.
"Hey." Niki's voice cuts through the static in your head. "You good? You look like you're gonna, uh... hurl. Or pass out."
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, no." He sets the book aside, straightening up, eyes narrowing. "You're definitely not fine. Was it something I said? I have a habit of—I mean, my mom's always telling me I don't know when to shut up, so if I—"
"You didn't do anything." You shake your head, swallowing hard. "I just need some air."
“Wait!”
You step back, your heel catching on the leg he's stretched across the aisle again. You stumble, and he scrambles to his feet, catches your elbow—a quick, awkward gesture.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to—I just—" He pulls back immediately, shoving both hands in his pockets like he's been burned. He drops his voice to a whisper, then he stares straight at you. “You’ve met a vampire, haven’t you?”
You blink.
"No." You shake your head too fast, an unconvincing laugh escaping your lips before you ramble on, "What? No. That’s ridiculous. Vampires aren't real. Aren’t you too old to believe in these things? Please.”
“But—”
“I'm just... I'm bored. And…” You swallow, “I need to get home before my husband is back."
There’s a pause. A long one.
"Oh… I get it.” He gives you a knowing look. “You can't tell anyone. Vampire confidentiality. Right?" He shifts his weight, suddenly looking less like a brooding delinquent and more like a kid who's spent too many lunch periods eating alone. You open your mouth to protest, but he continues. "Then, if you do see one. Hypothetically. Could you... ask something for me?" You take in his wide-eyed, hopeful stare. "The garlic thing. Is it true? Everyone's always arguing about it, but I think it's just complete crap.”
You let out a sigh.
"I'll keep that in mind."
He beams, looking like he’s about to jump up and down with joy, but quickly reins himself in, dropping his voice an octave and shrugging the excitement away. "Cool... cool. Alright. I'll see you later, then, vampire research lady. I'm always here, so come and find me whenever you wanna, like. Hang out or something...You'll come back, right?"
You don't process any of it. Still shaken, you turn and walk. Past the shelves. Past the desk, where the old librarian still watches you with narrowed eyes. Past the heavy oak doors and into the cold, gray afternoon.
Not all prayers reach the kingdom of heaven.
You pull your coat tighter and start walking, not home just yet. You need to let yourself breathe before you go back to the house with the kitchen window that faces his door, before you have to look your husband in the eye and pretend the conversation you just had never happened.
Teenagers believe anything. You tell yourself with every heavy step, fresh snow crunching underfoot. None of it is real. It can't hurt you.
A thick snowfall arrives on a Friday afternoon, the following week. Schools and stores close, and a company-wide email advises everyone to stay inside. Jake stood at the bedroom window when he read it, watching the storm howl past the glass, and felt two things at once: a quiet disappointment that winter is nowhere near its end, and a much louder, much more immediate gratitude that he doesn't have to leave you today.
He's been worried about you. That's nothing new, actually. He's been worried about you since the day you met, when you laughed at one of his jokes only to screech at the sound of a twig snapping under your step two seconds later. He recognized something in you then. To call it skittishness would be an understatement. There was a weight behind your wide-eyed stare. The look of someone who has been carrying something heavy for a very long time and has never asked anyone to help her hold it. You told him about your night terrors a month into the relationship. Sat him down, explained it like a warning, as if it could ever scare him off from pursuing you. He wanted to be the one to help. He still does. It's the quiet purpose of his life.
He was foolishly optimistic back then. The reality of what it means to live with you, alongside your fears, is not an easy responsibility to carry. You smile when you're sad. You deflect when he asks questions. You say I'm fine and change the subject and slide into his lap, and he lets you, because he loves you, because he doesn't always know the right thing to say, and maybe because some part of him is afraid that if he pushes too hard, he'll be devastated to find there's far more he doesn't understand about you than he realizes. He holds you in the ways you ask him to. He soothes your fears without knowing what they are. He plays the role he's resigned himself to—husband, protector, warm body in the dark—and tries not to notice the moments when your eyes go distant, when your hands tremble for no reason, when you stare into nothing like something else is there, staring right back.
It wears on him. He doesn't resent it. He could never resent you. But there are nights when he wakes up beside you, listening to you stir in your sleep and feels a loneliness he can't explain. Sometimes it feels like there is a part of you he cannot reach, a room inside you where he is not invited.
So he does what he can. He goes to work. He comes home. He holds you when you let him. He prays for you, even on the days when his own faith wavers. And when you reach for him, pulling him into bed with that desperate, devouring hunger that has become the new rhythm of your marriage, he gives you everything you ask for. He gives you more. Because in those moments, you are fully present—your attention is on him and not lost somewhere else. In those moments, he is not your caretaker or your protector. He is simply yours.
It's a relief he didn't know he needed. To be wanted. Not needed—wanted. There's a difference.
Jake's always been good at being needed. Being helpful. At smiling, nodding and letting others feel heard. It's something he carried into adulthood. Into his faith. Into his marriage, where his wife's fragility gave him a role he recognized: the steady one. The unneedy one. The one who holds and is never held.
But desire—real, shameless, take-me-now desire—was never something he imagined being on the receiving end of. He was taught that sex was a service a wife provided to her husband. A duty. A kindness. Something to be accepted with gratitude and restraint. He was prepared to be grateful. He was not prepared for you.
These past weeks, you've become something else entirely. You pull him in by the belt before he's shrugged off his coat. You beg him to be rough, to be merciless, to stop treating you like something fragile. The first time you said it, after the initial disbelief subsided, he nearly wept from relief. From the sudden, staggering realization that you wanted him the way he had always secretly wanted you. That the hunger was mutual. That he was allowed to be hungry at all.
He's been enjoying it more than he probably should. He knows that. Some old, stubborn guilt stirs in him every time he pins your wrists above your head, every time he hears you moan his name like a prayer. He used to repent for thoughts far milder than the things you do together now. But the guilt is quieter than it used to be. Quieter than the sound of your breath hitching. Quieter than the way you say harder and please and fuck me right now.
He assumes it's a side effect of your clinginess. You spend all day alone, trapped by the cold, left to the mercy of your own thoughts. Of course, you reach for him the moment he walks through the door. Of course, you want to be touched, held, filled with something other than the silence of an empty house. He's happy to be that for you. He's happy to be whatever you need.
He doesn't understand the whole of you. He'll never understand what keeps you up at night, and why it does. But he understands the curve of your hip, and the sound of your laugh, and the way your body answers his in the dark. And for now, with the snow piled high against the windows and the fire crackling in the next room and you warm and real and wanting in his arms, that is enough. It's more than enough. It's everything he didn't know he was allowed to ask for.
The neglected part of his heart that spent years believing desire was something to be managed, not felt—that accepted loneliness as the price of being steady, that tucked itself away in the front pew and never asked for more—that part is wide awake, and it reaches for you helplessly.
All of that to say is: being holed up with you inside on a cold evening, he does the only thing that makes sense. He finds you in the kitchen, wraps his arms around your waist from behind, and presses his lips to the curve of your neck.
You giggle, leaning back into him, the wooden spoon still in your hand.
"You want me to burn dinner?"
"I want you," He punctuates each word with a kiss to your shoulder, your jaw, then your neck. "Want you all the time. Everyday. Every second."
"You're insatiable." You swat at his arm, but your voice is fond. "And a distraction."
"What's wrong with being distracted?"
"Jake." You roll your eyes, your tone playful but stern, "Go find something else to do."
"Like what?" He pouts, resting his chin on your shoulder, peering down at the pot.
"Maybe, shovelling the driveway?"
He groans. "I'll do that in the—"
"Morning? You sleep like a log. Besides..." You turn in his arms, your free hand coming up to toy with the collar of his shirt, and a suggestive grin tugs at your lips, "You won't have the energy to."
"Oh?" His eyebrows lift, a slow grin spreading across his face. "Well, if that's the case..."
He presses a kiss to your cheek and pulls away.
"Don't miss me too much," He calls out as he makes his way down the hall, dreading having to bundle up for the cold.
"No promises."
He dreads it even more once he's actually outside, scrunching his nose as the icy cold hits him, like little needles against his skin. But seeing you move about the kitchen from where he shovels makes it all worth it. It's always worth it.
He's watched you sleep enough nights to know how hard you fight just to stay still. The way you squirm and pant and clutch at him, sweat beading at your brow, tortured by something he can't see and you can't name. He's learned not to wake you—it only makes it worse. So he holds you instead.
But morning always comes. You always smile at him over coffee, tired and brave, pushing through the day like the night never happened. Like you haven't spent eight hours running from something he can't fight for you.
So, really, the least he could do as a husband was shovel the driveway without complaining. Even if his back was beginning to ache as if he were a middle aged dad. He can clear a path. He can make one thing easier for you, even if it's just the driveway.
"Hello."
Jake lets out an embarrassingly high-pitched scream and nearly topples over into the snow, managing to brace himself with his shovel. He turns, letting out a sigh of relief when his eyes land on the tall, pale-looking man, who greets him with a closed-mouth smile.
"Man, you scared the crap out of me," Jake laughs, which dissolves into nervous laughter when he notices how the man does not laugh with him. He stands still, almost statuesque.
"My apologies. Jake, yes?"
"That's me." He adjusts his grip on the shovel and extends his free hand, tilting his head. "Do we know each other? I'm sorry, I'm terrible with faces."
"Sunghoon." The hand that meets his is cold, even through both their gloves. The grip is brief and precise. "A pleasure. I live at the corner. Your wife made my acquaintance last Monday."
Jake pauses a moment, his hand freezing mid-shake.
The house at the corner. The weirdo. The hand-kissing, too-long-staring, made-you-uncomfortable neighbour you'd come home crying about last week.
His brows furrow at the realization that this was the guy you were talking about. Although he was imagining someone much older and creepier. Not a polished, perfectly composed, and frankly quite handsome—if Jake is being honest—guy his own age.
"You're the neighbour, huh?" Jake deadpans, shoving his shovel into the snow and standing up straight. He looks Sunghoon up and down, taking his time, letting his gaze drag. Sizing him up. He's taller. That's annoying.
"Yes. We had a lovely conversation. I wish to extend my gratitude."
"How kind. But not necessary."
"Oh, but it is."
"But it really isn't."
"I insist."
"Okay. Look, man. I'll give it to you straight," Jake frowns, eyes narrowing, "I know my wife is beautiful and perfect and all. That's why I married her. You got that? So, I think it's best if you leave her alone."
Sunghoon stares, wordless and expressionless, for a moment. Jake holds his ground, though the silence is starting to get uncomfortable. Maybe he'd been too confrontational. Too harsh. Of course, you and your safety are his number one concerns, but from the way the man's face softens so earnestly, the fear of having possibly misjudged the entire situation starts to creep up on him.
"My apologies. It seems I gave you the wrong impression," His tone is bashful and all too disarming, and he clears his throat as he reaches for his pocket. "You see, ever since I lost my wife, I've become a bit of a hermit. But for a pair of friendly neighbours, I thought I might try getting myself out of my shell."
Jake's frown drops. He stands there in the snow, feeling like a complete and total asshole. He'd been ready to defend your honour, all puffed up and protective and righteous, and instead he'd just threatened a lonely widower who was only being kind. His mother would be appalled. His pastor would probably have words: Lord, we lift up Jake, who apparently forgot every single thing we taught him about loving thy neighbor.
Sunghoon extends an envelope, wax-sealed and dignified, held out with a leather-gloved hand.
"Oh." Jake takes it, and the wax seal feels like a personal indictment. "I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't mean to—I wasn't trying to—really, I just—I'm so sorry."
"It was a long time ago." Sunghoon waves him off with a gentle grace that makes Jake feel even worse, somehow. "I take no offence. I was also quite protective in my first year of marriage."
Jake nods, grateful for the absolution, and sighs.
"When you really love someone, it’s like you'd do anything for them. You know. Move mountains. Fight a bear. Or—" He gestures at the shovel, at his own puffed-up posture. "Accost a stranger in your own driveway, apparently."
"It's true." Sunghoon's mouth curves. "I once threatened a man on the street because he looked at my wife too long. She was mortified. I was unrepentant."
Jake laughs. "And she scolded you for it, I'll bet."
"Absolutely." Sunghoon's expression is something fond, something distant. "But you know..."
"The wife is always right," they say in unison.
"But we love them anyway."
"We do."
Jake smiles. It's the first time since moving here that he's felt something like this. The kind of easy conversation he used to have with friends back home, before the marriage, the move, the new job.
Sunghoon. An odd neighbour. He speaks as if he could be from another generation, hands out wax-sealed letters, and lives in a mysteriously large house all on his own.
Jake could understand why it might be off-putting. But Jake also remembers when you used to scream at the sight of your own shadow. When you'd cling to him at social gatherings in college and glare at every person in the room like they were trying to hurt you.
You've always been afraid. Of the dark. Of strangers. Of everything. He's learned to calibrate for it, to filter the world through the lens of your anxiety and adjust accordingly.
It's not intentionally dismissive. He listens. He tries to. But this time, he should've known that when you crawled into his arms crying over a neighbour who only did so much as look at you, that it would be what it always is: another false alarm.
A part of him still ponders what he could possibly mean by "a long time" when the man before him doesn't look a day over thirty. And even if he were, say, in his mid to late thirties... late thirties...? That's still too young to have lost a wife and had plenty of time to get over it. He does not dare to ask, though. You know, considering he's already accused the guy of hitting on his wife. Following that up with so, exactly how long has your dead wife been dead? feels like it might not improve the situation.
Sunghoon's gaze drifts. Past Jake, over his shoulder. Jake follows it to the kitchen window, where the curtain twitches. There's a flash of movement, quickly stilled. You've been watching the entire time.
"She mentioned being a bit timid," Sunghoon smiles a little, gaze torn away from the window. "If not both of you, perhaps just yourself? I would be glad to host regardless."
"He's weird, sure. But he went out of his way to invite us. I think he's just trying to be friendly in his own, you know, awkward sort of way." Jake rambles to himself over dinner. "A lot of the other couples on this block are a lot older than us. It would be nice to make friends with a guy my own age."
The dinner invitation sits open between you on the kitchen table, its wax seal broken, its cursive script elegant and old-fashioned. You stare at the words on the page, and all you can see is the way he looked at you through the window. The slow, knowing smile. The way his eyes had found yours through the glass, like he'd known exactly where you'd be.
"I think we should accept." Jake's tone of voice is unfortunately optimistic. And a part of you cannot believe half of what you're hearing, but the other part of you knows this is who you married: Jake, a man who assumes the best in everyone, who never enters a room expecting danger, who extends undeserved kindness to every stranger he meets. "Worst case, we learn to stay away. Best case, you have nothing to worry about. Either way, it will put your mind at ease."
Put your mind at ease. You nearly snort aloud. As if an evening in that house with that man could do anything but the opposite. Jake doesn't notice. He's already picturing the dinner party, already imagining a new friendship.
"...I'm not sure. Maybe we should think on it."
His smile falters. You know that look. It's the closest Jake ever gets to exasperation.
"Come on." He sets his fork down, and you feel the weight of his stare. "He lost his wife, and he lives in that creepy mansion all alone. Don't you feel a little bit bad?"
You offer no response, picking at your food. He gives you a few seconds, letting the tension-filled silence linger, and when it becomes clear you're not going to budge, he sighs.
"Well." He picks up his fork again, his jaw set with a gentle stubbornness. "You can think on it. I'm going."
"What?" Your fork is clattering against the table. "No. You can't go alone."
He blinks at you, fork hovering halfway to his mouth, his expression caught somewhere between confusion and the beginnings of a laugh. His brow furrows.
"Didn't know I needed supervision." The words come out light, almost teasing, but his eyes are still searching your face. He's trying to find the joke. When the smile doesn't come, the teasing edge fades from his voice. "I'm just going across the street, baby. What do you think is going to happen to me?"
"I'm just being cautious."
"Cautious?” He scoffs, “What, you think he’s an axe murderer or something?”
He waits for you to laugh, to roll your eyes, to admit you're exaggerating.
"Sweetheart.” His voice drops, frustration building up. “Be realistic. Seriously."
"I am realistic. He told me I looked vulnerable. Like it was a threat. Like I was in danger, I...” Your words are tumbling out faster now, more frantic, “He sniffed me. That's not normal, Jake. He—”
“Sure he did.”
It lingers in the air a moment, and you stare, suspended in disbelief at how he’s looking at you as if you are a child describing a monster in the closet.
“You think I’m making it up.”
The dismissal is worse than the doubt. He's not even taking it seriously enough to disbelieve. Your hands are trembling. You press them flat against the table.
"I didn’t mean it like that,” He starts, “Sweetheart—”
“You don’t believe me.”
"I believe…" He stops, taking a moment to reel in his thoughts. He lowers his voice to a tone that's more gentle and patient, acutely aware of how your breathing is growing uneven. "Maybe these nightmares are warping your perception of the people around you. Which is making you act a little judgmental."
He reaches across the table. His palm hovers over your knuckles, an offering. But you swat his hand away before it lands. It's a small gesture, but the impact of it lingers.
"You don't believe me." You repeat.
His frown is no longer patient.
"Do you even believe yourself?"
Jake looks at you, searching for something neither of you can name. For an answer. For understanding. For anything at all. You can't help the shame that creeps up on you, rotting you from the inside.
You don't know what you believe. All you know is that your dreams have a face now. The face lives at the end of your street and has invited you to dinner.
It would be so easy to say you're afraid of him. It wouldn't be a lie. But the truer explanation is also the most shameful: you want your neighbour. You've wanted him since he looked at you in the candlelight and made you feel like prey that was begging to be caught. But admitting that would mean admitting that the rot inside you was never his fault—That all of this has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with the woman you've been trying not to be since you were old enough to know better.
You don't let yourself finish the thought. You never do.
Through the corner of your eye, through the kitchen window, a passing car's headlights reveal the sight of something in your yard. Something red, in contrast to the stark white snow, and you freeze.
"Listen, I’m not trying to argue. I'm really not. I'm just trying to help. You can’t be afraid of every stranger you—"
"I just saw something." The words leave your mouth before you've decided to say them. "Out there."
Jake stops. His eyes follow yours to the window, where the dark has settled back over the yard like a curtain drawn shut. When he looks back at you, his frown is firm.
Holding Jake's hand, you walk with him through ankle-deep snow, his flashlight flickering ever so slightly. The beam is weak but steady enough to catch the trail he's tracking: small animal footprints, evenly spaced, leading toward the hedge at the edge of the yard.
"There," you whisper, though you don't know why you're whispering. "Behind the bush."
He angles the light. For a moment, the snow is just white and clean and untouched. Then the beam catches it. A bright splash of red, vivid against the pale. It's fresh. Still wet.
"Oh my god." Your hand flies to your mouth.
Jake crouches, his jaw tight, and pushes aside the lowest branch. The cat lies curled beneath the hedge, its fluffy white coat matted with blood. Its neck is torn, and two small punctures sit just above the collar, neat, precise, too deliberate to be random. You'd seen it in movies. You'd seen it in the book Niki flipped through at the library.
That night, after Jake calls the old woman across the street and breaks the news that her beloved house pet lies lifeless in your front yard, you find yourself curled up against Jake's chest. Your violent shaking and panicked breathing had now simmered down into quiet breaths and subtle trembling.
"There were no other footprints around."
"Hm?" His voice is thick with the sleep he's been fighting off.
"The cat."
Jake doesn't sigh, but the way his chest rises and falls tells you he was hiding his frustration for your sake.
"It was dark." His hand resumes its slow circles on your back. "We probably just missed it."
"I know what I saw."
"What do you think it was then, hm?" He teases lazily, thoughtlessly. "A scary cat-killing monster with no footsteps?"
He means it as a joke. Mostly. But you don't miss the edge in his voice, how it's sharper than it would have been an hour ago, before the argument at the kitchen table, before the cold trek through the snow to find a dead cat in your yard.
"A vampire."
The word lands in the dark between you and just sits there. Jake goes still. Then, slowly, he shifts upright, disentangling himself from you. The loss of his warmth is immediate.
He looks at you. Really looks at you.
"Okay. What is going on with you?"
"You don't think it could be?" You try, “Two marks, side-by-side, at its neck. What kind of wild animal does that?”
"Is that a serious question?" He blinks at you, "Baby. Look at me. Please tell me you aren't serious."
You don't answer.
This time, he does sigh loudly, and with a small "come here," he's pulling you in his arms again. He settles back against the pillows, tucking you against his chest.
"Let's pretend, hypothetically, that your little conspiracy theories are real. All the vampires and the cat-killing monsters and the creepy neighbours with sharp teeth..." His voice is warm and tired and almost teasing. But mostly just exhausted. "Then I promise I'll protect you from all the big, bad, scary things out there. Okay? Does that make you feel better?"
It should. But all you can think about is the cat beneath the hedge. The two neat punctures above its collar. The way Sunghoon looked at Jake, curious and patient, eyes at his neck when he wasn't looking.
You don't need Jake to protect you. You need him to stay the hell away from that house. You need him somewhere the monster can't reach.
But he won't stay. He's made that clear.
"Jake?"
"Mm?" He's already drifting, the exhaustion finally pulling him under.
"I'll come with you."
You walk the short distance to the house at the corner hand in hand with your husband, his palm warm and steady around yours. The snow has stopped falling, leaving the street hushed and still, though you feel anything but peace. Jake's thumb traces small circles over your knuckles, a nervous habit he doesn't seem to notice.
"You're squeezing," you murmur.
"Am I?" He loosens his grip, shooting you a sheepish smile. "Sorry. I just want this to go well."
You know why. It's not just about making a good impression or redeeming himself for the confrontation in the driveway. He's trying to give you peace of mind, even if he has to manufacture it. A successful evening means a normal neighbour. A normal neighbour means your fears were just fears. He needs that to be true. For you and for himself.
The gate groans when Jake pushes it open, the iron scrollwork black and wet with melted frost. The cobblestone path is uneven beneath your boots, the same path you fled down some time ago with your heart in your throat and the phantom heat of a stranger's lips still burning on your knuckles. The house looms above you, every window dark, the curtains drawn against the fading afternoon light.
"Nice place, right?" Jake says under his breath. It's such a desperately optimistic read of the looming dark house in front of you. You'd call it a generous lie if you didn't know your husband any better.
The heavy double doors open before Jake can knock.
Sunghoon stands in the shadow of the threshold, tall and pale and composed. His smile is closed-lipped, polite, his eyes moving from Jake to you with an unhurried grace.
"Welcome." He steps aside, gesturing you in. "Please, come in out of the cold."
"I'd shake your hand, but my fingers are still thawing." Jake laughs, "Seriously though. Thanks so much for having us."
"The pleasure is mine. It's been a very long time since this house has had guests." Sunghoon guides the pair of you inside, and you don't miss the way his hand brushes your back. His gaze flicks to you, and the corner of his mouth lifts just slightly. "Welcome back."
You murmur something that might be thank you. The warmth of the foyer wraps around you as the door swings shut, but it does nothing to stop the chill working its way down your spine.
"Man, this place is insane. You could fit our whole house in this entryway." Jake is still shrugging off his coat, glancing around the foyer with wide, earnest eyes. He elbows you gently, grinning. "Why didn't we buy a creepy old mansion, babe?"
You don't answer, shedding your own coat, avoiding Sunghoon's stare.
"It's too much house for one person, I'm afraid. But it does have its charms." Sunghoon turns, gesturing toward the hall ahead. "Shall I give you the tour?"
"Yes, please." Jake nods enthusiastically, following him into the hall.
You trail behind.
Each room is just as beautiful as the last. The parlour with its heavy velvet drapes and furniture draped in dusty sheets. The study, lined floor to ceiling with books, a massive oak desk sitting dark and unused in the center. The dining room, where a long table has been set for three—candles flickering, silver gleaming. The formality of it all makes you feel like you've stepped into another century.
"My wife had a fondness for entertaining," Sunghoon says, noticing your gaze. "I'm afraid I've let the tradition lapse. You'll have to forgive me if I'm out of practice."
"Are you kidding? This is incredible." Jake claps him on the shoulder, already at ease. "Our dining table is just a couple of sad IKEA chairs."
It's in the music room that Jake stops dead in his tracks.
The grand piano sits in front of the large, draped windows. It's an ancient-looking thing, the legs intricately carved and the body engraved with winding patterns, with candelabras on either side, their wax frozen mid-drip. The ivory keys are yellowed with age, but the dark wood gleams, suggesting it's been properly maintained over the years.
Jake drifts toward it. His hand lifts before he seems to realize it, hovering just above the closed lid.
"No way," he breathes. "You play?"
"Occasionally. Though my wife was far better. It belonged to her." Sunghoon comes to stand beside him. "And you?"
"No, no. I just..." Jake runs a reverent hand over the closed lid. "I used to play guitar. Nothing fancy. Mostly in youth group, you know? Worship nights, that kind of thing."
"Ah, yes." Sunghoon's smile deepens. "A man of faith. Your wife mentioned it."
"Born and raised." Jake glances back at you, his expression bright with the pleasure of finding common ground. "Actually, I used to sing in the choir too, back when I was a kid. Drove the conductor insane because I could never remember the Latin verses."
"A church choir. Now that brings back memories." He hums, soft and almost wistful, "I sang as a child, too. Soprano, if you can believe it. Before my voice dropped and they had no more use for me."
"No way." Jake laughs, delighted. "Small world, huh? What denomination?"
"The details blur after a while." Sunghoon waves a hand, "Though I'm afraid my faith hasn't weathered the years as well as yours."
"Hey, I get it. Life has a way of testing you." Jake's hand finds yours, squeezing, as if to say, see? He's just a guy. A normal, lonely guy. "But the door's always open, right?"
"So I've heard."
You stand a few paces behind them, your hand limp in Jake's grip, listening to the easy rhythm of their conversation. It should be a comfort—your husband, making a friend, building the life you'd both imagined for yourselves in this new town. But all you can feel is the way Sunghoon's gaze keeps drifting toward you even as he speaks to Jake. The way his smile never quite reaches his eyes.
You drift away, taking in the rest of the room while their voices fade behind you.
The bookshelf is built into the far wall, floor to ceiling, packed with old volumes in dark, cracked leather. You let your eyes trace the spines without really seeing them—something to do, somewhere to look that isn't the two of them. Most of the titles are in languages you don't recognize. Latin, maybe. Something older.
Then your gaze snags.
A book bound in dark blue cloth, its cover embossed with a faded silver symbol you recognize instantly. You've seen it before. In the narrow library aisle, in the hands of a bored teenager. Instinctively, your hand reaches.
"Have you read it?"
The voice comes from directly behind you, close enough that you feel the words stir the hair at the nape of your neck. You flinch, spinning on your heel, and find Sunghoon standing less than an arm's length away. You hadn't heard him move. You hadn't heard anything at all.
You look around frantically. Jake. Where is Jake? Where did he—?
"It's local history, mostly. Folklore. Old superstitions." He reaches past you, his sleeve brushing your shoulder, and pulls the volume from the shelf. He turns it over in his hands, long pale fingers tracing the embossed symbol. "You don't strike me as the type to believe in such."
"I don't." You say too quickly, "I just find it interesting. The stories. The history."
"So you have read it."
His eyes meet yours. The candlelight catches them strangely, deepening the dark, and for a moment, you can't look away. You don’t want to. Nor do you want to keep trying to convince yourself that the way he looks at you is anything normal.
"What about you?" You tilt your chin up. "Do you believe any of it is real?"
"I think I’ve told you before. I believe in many things." He slides the book back onto the shelf. "They say curiosity is a dangerous thing. It can be. Though I think a curious mind, who is drawn to things they cannot explain, is putting themselves in far more danger by resisting their nature."
"One might call it resistance. One might also call it none of your concern."
The words come out sharper than you intended. Sunghoon smiles, slow and knowing.
"The scaredy cat has claws." He doesn't step back. His gaze doesn't waver.
Against your will, your mind flashes back to the cat in your front yard, lying bloody and lifeless in the snow. A shudder runs through you.
Jake's footsteps echo in the hallway, and Sunghoon steps back, the space between you reasserting itself as if it had never closed.
"Anyway." Sunghoon's voice lifts, smooth and easy, perfectly timed to Jake's reappearance in the doorway. "It's quite an interesting read, even for a skeptic."
"Sorry about that." He says, expression half sheepish. "I kind of got lost on the way to the bathroom. This house is—yeah. What'd I miss?"
"Your wife was admiring my library," Sunghoon replies. "She has excellent taste."
The three of you sit at one end of the long dining room table, silverware grasped in your unsteady hands, your wine glass untouched. Sunghoon brought out the first course—something rich and dark, red wine sauce pooling on porcelain. It smells delicious, and you watch Jake dig into it thoughtlessly. You move the food around your plate instead. Your mother would scold you for bad table manners, but you don't owe this man any manners. Not when he’s charming your husband to his face, and cornering you when he’s out of sight.
"So only a few weeks," Sunghoon says, refilling Jake's glass with a bottle that had no label. "Married, moved in, new job. You've been busy."
"Busy doesn't even cover it." Jake is already reaching for his glass, his shoulders loosening with each sip. "I barely have time to do anything like this anymore. Socializing, I mean. As much as I love being cooped up with my other half..." He shoots you a wink. "This is nice. Really nice."
"It is." Sunghoon hums in agreement. "I remember what it was like. The demands on a new husband can feel endless. The pressure to build something lasting, to be enough for someone who's given you everything."
"Yeah." Jake exhales, something in his posture softening. "Exactly. It's a lot sometimes."
Sunghoon's gaze drifts to yours.
"Of course, it's hard on the wives, too. I'm sure." He says. "The adjustment can be difficult. Old habits. Old fears. They don't disappear just because there's a ring on your finger."
Jake doesn't seem to notice how you shift in discomfort. He’s already nodding, already raising his glass in a loose, tipsy agreement. He doesn't hear the implication. He doesn't see the way Sunghoon's eyes haven't left your face. He doesn’t listen to you when you tell him to stop drinking, either.
One bottle turned into two, and you don't know how many glasses you've watched your husband down, but you know with certainty that he's far gone as you sit in the living room, stiff and silent while the men chat away. You don't listen. You're too busy noticing how your heart beats faster than the ticking grandfather clock in the corner, eagerly waiting to leave.
The fire has burned down to embers, a low red pulse that makes the shadows stretch along the walls. The record crackles to life, piano drifting through the air. Something slow and minor.
"My wife adored Chopin's nocturnes, but I preferred his sonatas. Though one could argue that everything he composed was excellent." Sunghoon places the record sleeve down, the edges worn. "I used to listen to this one to clear my head."
Jake stirs against you, lifting his head with visible effort.
"Oh yeah?" His voice is thick, syrupy. He squints at the record sleeve in Sunghoon's hands, then back at you. "I know someone who could use that."
He looks straight at you. His eyes are glassy, fond, and painfully oblivious. You glare.
"I'm just teasing, baby." His hand finds your thigh, squeezing. A drunken peace offering. It doesn't help at all. "Just teasing."
"Careful." Sunghoon's voice is closer now, light and teasing as he slides into the couch across from you two. "You'll end up sleeping on the couch tonight."
Jake snorts, and you watch something loosen in his shoulders—watch him lean into the camaraderie of it, the easy, too-easy understanding that passes between them. He gestures with his glass, the dregs of wine sloshing against the crystal.
"She wouldn't let me. Who else is going to protect her from all the scary monsters and the dark?" He rolls his eyes, affectionately dismissive.
"Jake." It comes out as a whisper, a plea.
"You're scared of the dark?"
"She's scared of everything." Jake interrupts, his words slurring. "Scared of the dark. Scared of being alone. Scared of herself, even." He raises his hands in surrender, palms out, the gesture loose and exaggerated. "Don't ask me why. Nobody knows why. I've been trying to figure it out since we met, and I've got nothing."
He lets his hands drop, gazing at you with a sad, broken look in his eyes. Something only alcohol could drag out of him, and something he'll hate himself for in the morning.
"I don't know how to help." He continues, "I don't know what to do. I never know what to—"
"Jake, stop it."
He blinks at you, the awareness that he's crossed a line he definitely shouldn't have dawning on him all at once. His shoulders hunch, invisible weight pressing down on him.
"Right. I should shut my mouth. I know, I know." He sets his glass down on the side table, clumsy, the stem rattling. His hand finds your knee and pats it twice, a sloppy apology. "I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to be mean, sweetheart. I just… don't understand you."
"I know."
"I try. I promise, I try."
"I know you do." You soothe him, feeling his weight press against you. You turn to Sunghoon. "I think he's had too much to drink. We should probably—"
"I try, just..." He exhales, long and slow, the last of the fight going out of him. "Just... can't..."
His head dips forward. His shoulders go slack. The weight of him against your side becomes dead weight, heavy and still.
"Jake?" Your hand moves to his chest, shaking gently. Nothing.
His breathing remains deep and even, but there's no flicker of consciousness beneath his eyelids, no reflexive squeeze of his hand where it lies slack in yours.
"Your husband." Sunghoon hasn't moved from his chair. The firelight catches the pale angle of his jaw, the dark gleam of his eyes. "He's lovely."
"He is." The words come out defensive.
His gaze then drops to your throat.
Your hand twitches up. Beneath your blouse, the cross rests against your heated skin. You wore it like this on purpose, tucked away so you wouldn't be tempted to reach for it, so he wouldn't have the satisfaction of seeing you clutch it like a shield. Still, your muscle memory betrays you.
"Though, not quite as lovely as you."
You dart your gaze away immediately, redirecting your attention to Jake. You shake him with less care and more urgency.
"Jake." You hiss his name under your breath, a prayer and a plea. "Jake, wake up."
He returns nothing. Not a twitch. Not a flicker of consciousness.
"Please." Your voice is rising now, shedding its careful composure. "Please, Jake—"
"He's not going to wake up."
Sunghoon's voice is certain.
Your hand stills on Jake's shoulder.
"What did you do to him?" Your voice is low. Gone was the politeness you'd faked for your husband's sake.
He smiles.
"Nothing. He drank my wine. Enjoyed good company. That's all." Sunghoon states plainly, "He's exhausted. You've noticed it, haven't you? The dark circles. The way he collapses the moment he's home."
Your gaze drops to Jake's face. To the shadows pooled beneath his eyes. The way his hand, even in sleep, rests on your thigh like he's still trying to anchor you. Your throat tightens. You've done this to him. Your fears. Your clinging. And—
"And the nightmares," Sunghoon continues, his head tilting. "The things you call nightmares. They must be so tiring for him to tend to."
A slow, creeping horror spreads through your chest as you stare back at him.
"But they're not really nightmares." His voice drops, low and intimate. "They never have been."
You move before you can think.
"Jake." Your hand closes around Jake's arm. You pull, trying to drag him upright, trying to haul his dead weight off the couch. "Jake, get up. We're leaving. We're leaving right now—"
His body is heavy and uncooperative, slumping against you, and you're not strong enough, but you try regardless. You try because you can see Sunghoon start to rise from where he's seated from the corner of your eye.
You reach to set down your wine glass. You need both hands. You need to grip Jake properly and drag him out of this house, even if you have to crawl. But your hands are shaking, and the glass comes down too fast.
It shatters.
The sound is obscene in the quiet—a bright, crystalline burst, shards scattering across your hand, across the coffee table and onto the carpet.
Immediately, the pain rises through your palm, and you hiss, jerking your hand back. You watch the blood well up—dark in the low light, beading along the cut and spilling over, sliding down the curve of your wrist.
A single drop falls to the carpet.
Then you hear it. A low, ragged inhale, shuddering and deep, as if the air itself has become something to be devoured. Your head lifts before you can stop it.
He's already above you, his presence caging you into the couch, and the expression on his face has changed. His eyes are dark. His lips have parted. His whole body is still, but it is not the stillness of composure. It is the stillness of a predator in the moment before the strike.
He reaches down. Takes your wrist. The motion is nothing gentle, but there is a restraint in his grip that makes your pulse hammer against his fingers. He draws your bleeding hand toward his face, eyes fixed on the red tracing its way down your palm. He lowers his mouth to it.
"Sunghoon—"
He inhales, and the groan that escapes him is low and guttural, pulled from somewhere deep in his chest. It is pure hunger, pure want, and it makes your thighs press together where you sit, a traitorous heat blooming low in your belly that you cannot control.
"What are you?" Your voice is a mere whisper, weak and trembling. "What do you want from me?"
"You know what I am. You've known me a very long time." His fangs catch the firelight, sharp and unmistakable. He turns your wrist over, watching a bead of blood trace down your palm. "As for what I want... All I've ever wanted is what you promised me all those years ago."
The memories come back to you all at once: The dreams. The cold hands on your bare skin. The sharp teeth sinking into your neck while you begged for it, night after night, year after year. The presence at your window that was never a nightmare at all.
It's always been him.
"For so long, I've waited." He shudders, and the sound is almost pained. "For even just a taste of what is mine."
You watch, frozen, as his lips close around your fingers. His tongue moves against your wounded hand, lapping at the blood with a hunger that feels obscene. His eyes flutter shut. A tremor runs through him, and you feel it echoed in your own body.
Your husband lies sleeping three feet away, a monster is drinking from your hand like a man dying of thirst, and you cannot speak. You cannot do anything but watch and feel the shameful heat pooling between your thighs, the ache you've spent a lifetime trying to pray away now so acute it nearly doubles you over.
A whimper catches in your throat. You try to swallow it back, but it escapes anyway, small and utterly pathetic. His eyes open at the sound, fixed on yours as you watch the slow movement of his throat as he swallows. Your breath is coming short, and you nearly forget how to breathe entirely when his knee comes up to the couch, just between your thighs as he leans over you. Your free hand is pressed flat against your thigh to keep it from reaching for him.
When he finally pulls his mouth from your fingers, a thin strand of saliva, stained with your blood, connects his lower lip to your skin.
"Just a taste..." he breathes, the words ragged. His grip on your wrist tightens, not enough to hurt, but enough to make clear he is holding himself back by a thread. "It's not enough."
"Please," You shake your head. "Please, I don't—"
"Don't you remember? The way you kneeled before me. How I answered your call." His voice drops. "I promised you relief—in exchange for you. For your blood. Your flesh. Your soul. Your innocence. We made a deal."
The soul-contract.
Permanent. Mutual. Even if the vampire dies, the connection doesn't break.
You had hoped it was all folklore. Even after you saw his fangs, after he tasted your blood. Some small part of you clung to the belief that the promise you made at your window was nothing more than a desperate girl's cry into the dark.
But the deal was real. Your marriage, your faith, your husband's gentle love—none of it could change what you'd already given away.
"Why now?" Your voice cracks. "Why me. Why—"
"You have no idea how torturous it was. To be bound to someone I could not reach." His voice is ragged now, stripped of its usual composure. "To feel your wanting every night. Your dreams, your shame. To be unable to touch you. To be unable to drink you. Unable to even stand at your window and watch you."
His eyes find yours, and the hurt in them is so raw, so genuine, that for a moment you forget he's a monster.
"And then you moved across the river. Across the street. I thought—finally. Finally, she's come to me." His expression hardens. "But you came with him. You let another man touch what was already mine. How could you do that to me?"
The running water barrier—they can't cross it.
You remember when you viewed the house in this neighbourhood. The unmistakable, almost unsettlingly strong pull you'd felt. You'd taken it as a sign from God that this place was right. That your future belonged here.
So you left your childhood home behind. You crossed the southern river. You brought yourself within his reach, and you brought your husband with you.
God. He hadn't been the one to answer your prayers. He hadn't guided you on the right path, either. Perhaps you'd let him down too many times. Perhaps your faith was too bleak, too fragile. Or perhaps he'd stopped listening altogether the night you knelt at your window and begged for something He couldn't give.
"I felt everything. Every touch. Every kiss. His name on your lips." His gaze cuts to Jake's sleeping form, a strange sort of understanding surfacing beneath his frown. "I even felt your love for him."
He is quiet for a long moment, and so are you. Then, his gaze returns to you.
"I cannot understand how you could love someone else. Though, I also cannot blame you for needing someone in my absence."
His mouth is at your throat now. You feel the graze of his fangs against the thin skin over your pulse, the place where your blood beats closest to the surface.
"But I am here now. Do not deny me any longer." His voice is a murmur against your neck, each word a brush of cool lips. "I've been so patient, my love."
Your pulse is racing, warm and alive under his cold touch. Your blood sings to him, practically begging to be taken. Though he doesn't bite.
You remember why before you can question it: The soul-contract requires permission.
Your body is screaming for you to give in. Your hand wants to curl into his hair and press him closer to your neck, to offer yourself and enjoy every second of it, the way you have done so in every dream you've ever had of him. You are trembling with the effort of holding yourself still as you imagine the pleasure, the relief.
Then you look to Jake, the peaceful look on his face, his soft breathing.
"Don't."
His hand stills. Then it withdraws entirely. The loss of contact is almost worse than the touch—your skin aching where his palm had rested, your pulse hammering against nothing.
His expression shifts, tenderness replaced with something wounded.
"That night." Your voice trembles, but you force the words out. "It was a mistake. I was young. And desperate. That's all it was."
"You can lie to your husband. You can even lie to yourself. But you cannot lie to me." He frowns. "I can smell your desire from down the street. It reeks."
"I don't desire this. I don't. I don't want it. I just want to be left alone." You shake your head as the words fall out, painfully unconvincing. The tears come before you can stop them, spilling over your cheeks. "Please. Please leave me alone."
He watches you weep, ever so still and silent. Then, his hand rises, near your face. For a moment, you let yourself lean into the possibility of the touch, the cold comfort of his fingertips.
"These tears." His voice is barely a whisper as a single finger traces the track of your tears. "You only cry because you continue to deny yourself."
You sniffle. Blink. Meet his gaze through the wet blur of your lashes.
"You've tormented me for years." You try to sound angry. Your voice doesn't obey. "You've ruined me. And now you're ruining my marriage."
"Tormented?" His brows furrow, and he studies your face—the parted lips, the flushed cheeks, the wet gleam of your eyes. His hand remains at your cheek. His touch is cold. It soothes, momentarily, the all-consuming heat inside you. "You have it all wrong. I've loved you for years."
"Love." You'd laugh if you weren't crying, "You're not in love. You're hungry."
"Hunger is the purest form of love. It doesn't think. It doesn't negotiate. It simply wants." He tilts his head. "You know that. You've been hungry your whole life. You hunger for something only I can give you. Something only we can share."
You think of the ache. The one that never goes away. The one you've tried to pray away, fuck away, hide away in the deepest part of yourself. It pulses now, insistently, and you know he could make it stop.
You pull away regardless. Your body screams, but you ignore it. You will not give in to temptation. You will resist.
"Stay away from me."
His expression doesn't change, but the air between you feels as if it does. He looks at you for a long, unreadable moment. Then he inclines his head.
"Very well."
The firelight catches his face—his terribly beautiful face. It hurts to even look at him.
"You're stubborn." His hand drifts from your neck, his gaze longing. "So was I."
He brings his palm to your forehead, and your eyelids grow heavy. The weight of slumber threatens to pull you under, and you try to fight it, but your body is no longer yours to command. It hasn't been for a long time.
"But you know, my dear..." His voice is the last thing you hear, "A vampire still needs to feed."
His gaze shifts past you. Toward the couch. Toward Jake.
You aren't able to protest. The record still plays, the second sonata in its third movement, and it lulls you, allowing the darkness to swallow you whole.
You wake slowly, your body rising before your mind can follow. The first thing you register is warmth. The second is wetness, a slick, shameful heat between your thighs that tells you the dreams have come again even if you can't remember them.
The third is the press of your husband's body against your back. Hard. Insistent.
"Shit, baby." Jake's voice is rough, his arm tightening around your waist. "You're killing me."
Your husband.
You lurch forward, twisting in his grip, your hands finding his shoulders and pushing him flat against the mattress so you can climb over him. Your heart is pounding from the images that linger at the edge of your memory like a flickering candle flame. His face. His teeth. Your blood on his lips. The way your husband slumped against the couch, and how he moved towards him.
"Jake!" The name tears out of you. Your hands cup his face, thumbs pressing into his cheekbones, tilting his head left and right. "Jake, you're alive."
He blinks up at you, squinting against the pale morning light. His hair is a mess, flattened on one side, and there's a crease from the pillow pressed into his cheek.
"Ugh. Barely." He groans, scrubbing a hand over his face. "How much did I drink last night? I feel like I got hit by a truck."
Your hands are still on his face, your eyes still searching.
"Do you... do you remember anything?"
"Uh..." He hums, his brow furrowing with the effort of recollection. "The meal was amazing. And the wine. A lot of wine. And..." He shifts, adjusting himself with a wince. "I remember thinking our neighbour's a really cool guy."
Your heart drops into your stomach.
"I could see myself being friends with him."
Friends. With him. With that monster. You bite your tongue.
"Do you remember anything else?" You ask a little quieter this time.
"Should I be remembering something else?" He props himself up on his elbows, his expression shifting from groggy to concerned. "Did something happen?"
"Do you remember passing out on his couch?"
His eyes widen.
"I did? Shit. That's... so embarrassing." His hands come up to his face, a half-groan, half-laugh leaving him. "It was fun, though. You had a good time too, right?"
You don't answer. Your gaze drifts to his neck, to the skin just below his jaw. There they are. Two small punctures, red and slightly raised, the skin around them faintly bruised.
A vampire needs to feed.
You reach, your fingertips brushing the wounds. Jake flinches.
"What is that?" He twists away from your touch, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and stumbling toward the mirror above the dresser. He tilts his chin, squinting at his reflection. "Huh. Looks like mosquito bites or something. Weird time of year for bugs."
"Vampire bite."
Jake's eyes meet yours in the mirror. For a moment, his expression is unreadable—caught somewhere between confusion and a smile, like he's waiting for the punchline. Then his face settles into something flatter. Tired.
"Ha. Yeah, right. Very funny." He turns from the mirror, reaching for a T-shirt on the floor. "Don't tell me you're still serious about that."
"I am serious."
He pauses, one arm in his sleeve, the other still free. He turns to look at you over his shoulder, his expression wholeheartedly, genuinely, bewildered with disbelief.
"Baby." He pulls the shirt the rest of the way on. His voice is groggy, too tired to give your seeming absurdity any real argument. "Come on."
"You don't understand, you—" At the fuzzy recollection of the previous night—the glass shattering in your hand, and the wound he licked clean, you scramble to show Jake your hand, holding out your right palm. "Look. I cut my hand and he..."
Your voice trails off, seeing your hand. You turn your hand over, flexing your fingers. You know you didn't imagine the pain of the glass piercing your skin. You know you watched him devour the blood from your open wound. And yet, there isn't a single mark. Not even a faint scar. Not a trace of proof to show him.
"Sweetheart. Look at me." Jake says slowly, calmly. "Are you actually suggesting that our neighbour—who, by the way, invited us into his home and made us dinner—is a vampire?" He waits, watching you. Watches how you don't answer, how you ignore him and continue to inspect your hand for proof that isn't there. "You can't be serious. Vampires aren't real. They're Halloween costumes. They're shitty movies. They're— "
"Jake. Just—look at your neck." You gesture, and his hand flies up instinctively to the wound. "It's literally right there. We're both looking at it."
"These are—I don't know what they are. An allergic reaction. A spider bite. I don't know. But it's not..." He stops himself, shaking his head. "You believe this. You actually, genuinely believe that Sunghoon is a vampire?"
"He is."
Neither of you moves.
Jake stares at you. You stare back. And for a long, strange moment, you're both just standing there in your bedroom looking at each other like you've each just discovered the other is speaking a foreign language.
"I don't..." He passes a hand over his face. "I don't even know what to say to that."
"Say you believe me."
"I don't." He exhales, long and slow. "Baby, you're asking me to believe in actual, literal monsters who drink blood and sleep in a coffin and turn into bats."
"He doesn't turn into a bat, or—"
"Oh, well, that's reassuring. Thank you for clarifying." He scoffs. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. I can't—it's too early for this."
"Jake," you plead, "I know it sounds crazy. But I know what I saw."
"What did you see?"
The question hangs in the air between you. He poses it the same way he always does, when he asks about your nightmares. And you realize, with a sinking, gut-wrenching clarity, that there is no answer you can give that he will believe. You could describe the fangs—sharp and white and gleaming in the firelight. You could describe the sound he made when he smelled your blood, animalistic and starving. You could describe the way his mouth closed around your fingers, the way his tongue moved against your skin as he drank from your hand. You could spend hours, talking in circles, trying to explain it. It doesn't matter. Jake didn't see it. He would only look at you with those patient, loving eyes and say you had a nightmare or you were scared and the wine got to your head. "Hey." His voice softens. He crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed beside you, his hand finding yours. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad."
"I know."
"Where is this coming from?" He asks, "The vampire talk. Is it your dreams?"
You nod. It's true, even if not the whole truth.
"Tell me about them." His thumb traces your hand. "I know you don't like talking about your dreams. But I can't help you if you don't tell me."
Jake waits. When nothing comes, he squeezes your hand.
"Please. I want to understand. Please give me something." His fingers lace through yours, intertwined with his hand, "I'm your husband. You can tell me anything."
The words are right there. My dreams, my sins, the things I prayed for in the dark, the monster that answered. But they don't come. Saying them out loud means admitting what you'd done, what you brought into your marriage and haunts the space between your thighs when you wake in the dark. What you still, in the deepest and most secret part of yourself, want.
He wouldn't see the woman he thought he married. He'd see filth. Sin. Your rotting, corrupted soul. A woman who begged evil to touch her.
"I don't think my dreams are just dreams anymore." The words come out barely a whisper. You can't bring yourself to tell him the rest. "I'm so scared, Jake."
The sob that follows is ugly and raw. You crawl into his lap like you did a few weeks ago, your fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt, your face pressed to the warm hollow of his throat. And he holds you. Like he always does. Like he's come to expect.
"Okay," he murmurs into your hair. "Okay. I've got you. It's okay."
But it's not okay. Even now, with his arms around you and his heartbeat steady beneath your ear, you feel it. That hunger. A ravenous void inside you, hot and insistent and utterly indifferent to the tears still drying on your cheeks. It never leaves. It's always there.
Your hand moves before you can stop it. Sliding up his chest. Curling into the collar of his shirt. Your mouth finds his.
He lets you kiss him, his lips parting under yours, a small sound of surprise caught in his throat. His hands come up to your waist, steadying you, and for a moment it's like every other time—the familiar heat, the familiar hunger, the familiar way your body presses into his like he's the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.
You climb deeper into his lap, your knees bracketing his hips. You roll against him, a slow, desperate grind, chasing the friction that might quiet the ache for even a few seconds.
You need him to be enough. You need him to be the answer, the cure, the thing that scares the monster out of you.
"Baby." His voice is breathless, his hands tightening on your waist. "Slow down."
You don't—you can't. Slowing down means thinking, and thinking means remembering the cold hands, the sharp teeth, his mouth on your fingers while your husband slept three feet away. So you kiss him harder. You grind down against the pressure in his underwear, a desperate little sound escaping your throat.
"Hey." His grip shifts, trying to tame you. "Hey, slow down. Just—"
Your hand drops to grasp him, but he's quicker than you. He closes around your wrists, and your back hits the mattress, his weight settling over you, his knees bracketing your hips. He keeps your hands pinned down on either side of your head, breathing heavy above your form.
You thrash. Not playfully, either. Not with a smile or a giggle or a pout. It's a full-body thrash, fuelled by a sharp and sudden frustration, verging on genuine anger. You twist beneath him, trying to free your hands, trying to arch up into the heat of his body.
"Stop." His voice is quiet. "Just stop. For a second."
You thrash again. You hiss his name, and you even try to kick him, but he shifts his weight enough to keep you fully restrained. He doesn't budge. His grip on your wrists is secure, his weight solid and unmovable.
It's only when you feel your tears sliding from your temples into your hairline that you realize you're still crying. You must look insane. You must look like exactly what you are: a woman trying to fuck her way out of her own damnation.
"Please." The word comes out broken, barely a whisper. You don't know if you're asking him to let go or to never let go.
"No." He shakes his head. "We're not doing this."
"Why not?"
"Every time you get scared, or something upsets you, you climb into my lap and kiss me. I don't know what you're trying to do or why, but..." His voice isn't quite as steady as it usually is. A hitch in his breath, a flicker of something else. He swallows. "I can't just fuck the hurt out of you. It's not right."
"It helps." Your voice cracks. "Please. Just help me."
He stares down at you. His eyes are so tired. So unbearably, impossibly tired. And beneath the exhaustion, there's something you've never seen before.
"Sweetheart." He whispers. "You're scaring me."
Your body goes slack beneath him, but his grip doesn't loosen. He still holds your wrists against the mattress, still keeps his weight braced above you, still watches you with those wide, careful eyes. Like you've gone rabid.
He shouldn't have to hold me down, you think. A good wife doesn't need to be restrained.
A good wife doesn't claw at her husband while she's still crying. A good wife doesn't grind against him like a bitch in heat, chasing a relief he can't give her, chasing a hunger that has nothing to do with love. A good wife doesn't show her burning desire. Desire belongs to the husband. It's his to wield and use, and for her to accept it.
But here you are. Pinned to your own marriage bed for all the wrong reasons, your face wet with tears you can't explain, your body still aching with a want he didn't ask for—a want to be consumed, to be devoured without shame, without guilt. Of course he doesn't know what to do with it. You crave something he cannot give you.
The fight drains out of you all at once, leaving nothing but the hollow ache and the shame and the terrible, traitorous thought that rises up before you can stop it.
Sunghoon wouldn't stop.
Sunghoon wouldn't be scared. He would see the hunger on your face and recognize it. He would give you exactly what you were asking for. He would pin you to the mattress and sink his teeth into your throat and make the ache disappear. He wouldn't try to save you. He would let you drown.
"Baby?"
Jake's voice cuts through the dark. You blink, and the fantasy recedes, with Sunghoon's face dissolving, the cold hands retreating, the sharp teeth fading back into the shadows where they belong.
Your husband is still there. Still hovering over you with that furrow between his brows, that gentle, worried look he's been wearing for weeks. He's been talking. You haven't been listening.
"I think I know what's going on."
You look up.
"We haven't been to church in weeks. Either of us. Ever since the wedding, we've just... let it slip." His voice is so certain. "You're losing touch with God, and it's scaring you."
Losing touch.
Your eyes land on the cross around his neck, catching the pale light from the window. It's the same one he was wearing when you met him all those years ago. You've never seen him without it.
Jake is a good Christian. He always has been. His faith has never wavered, never faltered, never turned its back on him the way yours turned its back on you.
Foolishly, you'd once hoped that his goodness might rub off on you, that marrying a man who loved God so easily might help you remember how to do the same. Now you wonder if you're doing the opposite. If you're the one dragging him away from the light.
"I'm not saying it's the whole answer. I'm just saying... maybe it's a start." He presses a kiss to your head. "Let's go. Together. It can't hurt, right?"
The hope in your chest is as steady as a single lit candle in the wind. Somehow, it still burns—It flickers, it wavers, but it still burns. You don't know if it's because you're too stubborn to let it go out, or if you only cling to it because it's the only thing you know.
"Yeah," You nod. You try a smile, though it feels stiff against your cheeks. "Let's go."
The church is small and quaint, an old-fashioned-looking chapel. Stained glass windows filter in colour from the grey winter light, and the air smells of incense and old wood and the faint, sweet perfume of the elderly women who fill the front pews.
You sit near the back, and Jake holds your hand throughout the opening prayers, his thumb tracing those same familiar circles. When the choir rises to sing, he glances at you with a small, encouraging smile. See? the smile says. This is where we belong.
You try to feel it. You close your eyes. You bow your head. You let the Latin verses wash over you, the same ones Jake joked about forgetting as a boy—Gloria in excelsis Deo, et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis—and wait for the peace that is supposed to follow.
The prayers feel hollow in your mouth, words without meaning. The hymns rise and fall, but they bring you no peace. The stained glass saints stare down at you with flat, judgmental eyes, and you feel the weight of their disapproval.
You don't belong here. You are sitting in the house of God with the stain of your dreams still fresh on your skin, with the memory of a monster's eyes and sharp teeth and the wet heat of your own arousal clinging to you beneath your skirt. You are filthy.
Jake squeezes your hand, and you flinch.
"You okay?" he whispers.
You look at him, his smile, his earnest concern.
You don't belong. You are filthy, you are damned. But you are trying. God help you, you are trying.
Returning the squeeze of his hand, you nod.
The service drags on. The priest's homily is about faith in times of trial, about holding fast to belief when the world grows dark around you. You sit with your hands folded in your lap, your spine rigid, listening to the words but taking in none of it.
When the final blessing is given, and the congregation rises to leave, you feel like you've been holding your breath for an hour and only just now remembered how to exhale.
"See?" Jake says, his arm slipping around your waist as you walk toward the doors. "That was nice, right?"
"Hey, lady!"
The voice echoes through the vestibule, bright and unmistakable, and you freeze. Jake turns, his arm still around you, and you watch his expression shift from confusion to surprise as a lanky figure in a rumpled button-up shirt comes bounding toward you through the thinning crowd.
Niki. From the library. The collar of his shirt askew. His hair looks like it hasn't seen a comb since last Sunday. And he's grinning like you're the most exciting thing to happen to him all week.
"Hey, lady! And sir—" He glances at Jake, giving him a quick, awkward nod. "Lady's husband. Hi."
"We need to go," you say quickly, your hand tightening on Jake's arm. "Sorry, Niki, we're—"
"What's this?" Jake's free hand has already reached out, plucking a slim paperback from the boy's grip before either of you can react. He turns it over, reading the cover. "Vampire lore, huh?"
Jake turns the book toward you. The cover shows a shadowed figure with glowing eyes, looming over a sleeping woman. The Old World Vampire: A Study of Belief, Burial, and Blood.
"I keep it in the Bible during service," Niki grabs it back, oblivious to how Jake's expression flickers with all the shock, scandal, and the distant horror of a youth group alumnus at the thought of someone tucking something so unholy between the pages of Scripture. "Please don't tell my mom. She'd kill me if she knew I was reading this stuff in church."
Jake doesn't respond to Niki. He's looking at you now, and the lightness in his voice is a thin veneer over something sharper.
"Sweetheart." He waits until you meet his eyes. "How exactly do you know this kid?"
"We met at the library. A few weeks ago."
"Dude." Niki is staring at Jake now with unbearable sincerity. "Your wife is so cool."
Jake blinks, the exhaustion in his face flickering. His brow lifts almost imperceptibly as he glances at you, a question forming at the corner of his mouth. Something in his expression is almost amused.
"She's the only person in this entire town who cares about this stuff. My mom literally tried to get the pastor to purify me one time because of my 'satanic theories' but she—" He jabs a finger toward you, his face alight. "She gets it."
The amusement dies.
"What stuff?"
You can feel Jake's stare now, the weight of it pressing against the side of your face. You don't return it.
Niki opens his mouth to answer, but Jake raises a hand.
"I'm asking her."
The silence that follows has Niki's grin faltering. He looks at you, then at Jake, just catching up to the tension in the room.
"History. Folklore." You swallow, "The occult—"
"Vampires." Jake finishes for you, flatly. Then turns to Niki. "My wife talks to you about vampires, is that it?"
Niki blinks, nodding enthusiastically. "You're so lucky, man. Seriously. I've got no one to talk to about this stuff and you just, like, get to be married to her. That's insane."
"Yeah. Lucky me."
"We should go," you say quickly. "Goodbye — "
"Wait!" Niki is already digging in his pocket, his fingers closing around a crumpled scrap of paper. "I wanted to give you this. My Discord."
He points at the username scrawled across the paper: xX_vampK1_Xx "I kept waiting for you to come back to the library, but you never did, so..." He thrusts it toward you, his expression almost painfully eager. "Message me? Please?"
From the distance, a woman's voice calls out. "Niki! Car. Now."
"That's my mom." He shoves the paper into your hand, his fingers cold and quick. "Okay, bye lady! Bye, lady's husband!"
And then he's gone, swallowed by the crowd of departing church-goers, leaving you standing in the vestibule with a scrap of paper in your fist and your husband staring at the side of your face.
The drive home is quiet.
Jake doesn't speak until you're through the front door, until his keys are tossed onto the hall table and his coat is shed. You shed yourself of your own coat, the small paper Niki had handed you still folded in its pocket.
"When I said go out to town and make friends," he says, his voice carefully level, "I didn't think you'd go befriending... emo teenagers."
You don't answer. You smooth the sleeve of your coat, align it on the hanger and close the closet door with a soft click.
"Kid gave you his Discord in front of me. At church. Ballsy, I'll give him that." A laugh, but there's nothing funny about his tone. "Must've really charmed him with all that vampire talk."
"Don't tell me you're jealous of a high schooler." You turn to face him finally, your back against the closet door.
"You know that's not it." His arms cross over his chest. "You never told me you went to the library. You never told me you were—what, researching? Talking with some kid who hides monster books inside his Bible?"
You push off the door and walk past him, into the kitchen. Away from the hurt in his eyes that you can't quite bear to witness.
"You're keeping secrets from me." He raises his voice ever so slightly, not enough to startle you, but enough to be heard from down the hall. "You're not going to explain yourself?"
His footsteps trail behind you. You reach the sink and turn on the faucet, letting the water run for no reason at all. Just sound. Something to drown out the shame.
"I went to the library to read about vampires. Because I thought—Because I know our neighbour is a vampire." You say, "And I didn't tell you because I knew you would look at me like... this."
Jake exhales, a long, measured breath.
You turn off the faucet, eyes glued to the tub of hot water, but you don't reach for any dishes.
"You don't believe me. So why would I tell you?"
His hands find your shoulders, warm and steady, and he turns you gently away from the sink. Away from the dirty dishes and the pretense that any of this is normal.
"I believe that you believe it." His thumbs trace the curve of your shoulders. "I believe you're scared. I believe something is wrong. I just don't think it's what you think it is."
"That's not the same thing."
"No. It's not."
He's quiet for a moment. Then, with a sigh, he guides you. His hand finds the small of your back. He pulls out a chair at the kitchen table and waits until you sit. Then he sits across from you and takes both your hands in his.
"Don't keep things from me." His voice is low, but it sounds like a plea. "I don't care how crazy it is. Even if you became a madwoman, I would never leave you. Never." He squeezes your hands. "Please. Don't hide. Don't push me away."
"I'm sorry," you look down at your joined hands. "I'm sorry that I'm like this. I'm sorry I can't just be normal."
"Stop. Don't apologize." He lifts one hand to your chin, tilting your face up until you meet his eyes. "I love you. I'll love you 'til the day I die."
You nod, sucking in a breath. You think you would be crying if you hadn't already shed all your tears earlier that morning.
"I love you too."
He nods, but the furrow in his brow doesn't smooth. His thumb traces a slow arc across your knuckles, and you can feel him preparing himself for whatever he's about to say.
"I want you to see someone. A therapist, or a counsellor. Someone who can actually help you work through all of this.” His voice is gentle, but there's no hesitation in it. He's been thinking about this. Maybe for a while. "These fears. The nightmares. It's not healthy. You can't spend the rest of your life like this."
A therapist. Your eyes drop to Jake's neck, where you know a vampire's bite hides beneath his collar.
"It won't help."
"It might." He squeezes your hands, willing you to meet him halfway. "You don't know unless you try. Even if it doesn't, at least we tried."
He lifts your hands to his lips and presses a kiss to your knuckles. His eyes are full of love, but tired. So very tired. You can see it in his movements, in the slight hunch of his shoulders.
You could argue. You could try to explain why it's a waste of money and time. But that's not what he needs to hear.
"Okay." You say. "I'll go."
His eyes widen, like he'd braced himself for a fight and doesn't quite know what to do now. Then he pushes back his chair and stands, pulling you up with him. His arms wrap around you before you've even found your footing, one hand splayed across your spine, the other cradling the back of your head. You feel his breath against your hair, warm and unsteady, and you feel his smile.
"Thank you," he murmurs. "Thank you."
He pulls back just enough to kiss your forehead. Then your cheek. Then the bridge of your nose, clumsy and reverent, and you almost laugh despite everything. He's already talking about a counsellor his mother knows, a name he'll look up, a number he'll call in the morning, but the words blur together, lost in the rhythm of his heart against your ear.
Being held is not the same as being saved, but you close your eyes and accept his embrace anyway. His arms are warm, and his heart is steady, and for now, that's enough. It's all you have left.
The call comes Monday afternoon.
You've been at your laptop for the better part of an hour, filling out a self-assessment form for the counsellor Jake's mother recommended. On a scale of one to ten, how often do you feel overwhelmed by daily tasks? Do you experience intrusive thoughts? Have you ever felt disconnected from reality? The last question is taking you longer than it should, when your phone buzzes against the kitchen table. The number is one you don't recognize, and you almost let it ring. But then you look back at your screen, and decide you'd rather do anything else than pick out numbers on a scale that can't measure what's actually wrong with you.
"Mrs. Sim?"
Your hand tightens around the phone. Jake's boss explains something about how he looks terrible, how he nearly collapsed getting up from his desk, how someone needs to come get him immediately.
"I told him he should have stayed home," the boss's gruff voice says over the phone, "He kept saying he didn't want to let anyone down. Is he always this stubborn?"
You find him at his desk, pale and half-slumped, a coworker hovering uncertainly at his elbow. Between the two of you, you get him to the car. He doesn't argue. That's how you know it's bad. And you watch him from the corner of your eye the whole drive home, his head against the window as he fights his own exhaustion.
"It's nothing. Really." His words slur together as you guide him down the hall, his arm heavy across your shoulders. "Probably just a cold. I'll be fine in the morning."
You ease him onto the mattress. He sinks into it, his body going slack the moment his head touches the pillow. His eyes close. His breathing evens out, shallow but steady.
You bring him soup, which he doesn't eat. You bring him water, which he barely sips. You sit on the edge of the bed and watch the shallow rise and fall of his chest, and the whole time your mind is spinning through the past few weeks like a reel of film you can't stop.
Every night you've woken gasping from dreams you can't confess to. Every morning he's held you through the aftermath, whispering reassurances into your hair while the shadows under his eyes grew darker and darker. Every time he's said I'm trying, baby, I'm trying so hard—and you've let him. You've let him carry you, let him comfort you, let him pour himself out trying to understand something you can't explain.
And what have you given him in return? Tears. Secrets. A hand squeezing his at church while you both pretended everything was fine. Late nights where he held you instead of sleeping, early mornings where he made you coffee and asked gentle questions and got nothing back but silence.
You look at him now, with his work shirt still half-unbuttoned, his face slack, his fingers twitching faintly against the blanket and feel the guilt settle over you. He's spent every ounce of himself trying to save you from a monster he doesn't believe in.
"I'm sorry," you whisper to the quiet room. He doesn't stir.
The next day, he is worse.
You can't get him to lift his head for more than a few seconds. The medicine you brought sits untouched on the nightstand. His skin has taken on a translucence that makes your blood run cold, and when you press a cool cloth to his forehead, he barely seems to register the touch.
"Just need to sleep," he murmurs, the words slurring together. "Don't worry. You worry too much."
You don't leave his side.
You watch the hours crawl past, the gray morning fading into a grayer afternoon, the light at the window never quite brightening, and try to convince yourself it's a fever. A winter bug that hit him harder than most. But even as you tell yourself these things, your eyes keep drifting to the collar of his shirt, to the pale skin beneath, to the two small marks you know are there, still healing. You don't see any other marks, but the thought lingers.
By the third day, he can barely open his eyes.
You've stopped leaving the room except to refill the water glass he can't drink from. You've stopped pretending this is something you can fix with soup and cold compresses and whispered prayers. You sit in the chair beside the bed, your knees drawn up to your chest, and watch him fade.
It's around noon when you notice it. The sun is high in the sky today, not a single cloud, and the light illuminates the blood stain on his pillowcase, clear as day.
A small stain, rust-brown and drying, near the nape of his neck. Your hands are shaking as you reach for him, as you ease him onto his side and lift the hem of his shirt.
The marks are everywhere. Some are fresh—bright red, the skin around them inflamed and angry. Others have scabbed over, dark and ugly and bruised. Bite marks. Dozens of them. Clustered between his shoulder blades, and trailing down like a map of slow consumption.
You don't realize you're crying until a tear falls, mingling with the dried blood on his skin.
The sound you make must wake him, because his fingers twitch against the blanket, and his voice, thin and weak, drifts up from the pillow.
"Hey." A long pause. He doesn't have the strength to turn his head. "Don't cry."
You help him lie back against the pillows, your hands trembling so badly you can barely manage it. His eyes find yours—still that same warm brown, still impossibly gentle, even now, even after everything—and the tears come harder. He opens his mouth, as if to say something, but doesn't. Whether he can't find the strength or the words, you aren't sure. But you aren't about to let him finish, even if he could.
"I have to tell you something." You say quick and certain, though you feel anything but. "Please just listen."
He blinks, slow and heavy. Barely aware, barely awake.
"When I was younger. Before I met you. Before I even knew what I was doing. I prayed for something God couldn't give me. Something sinful. Something—" You swallow, force yourself to continue. "Lustful. Shameful. Every night. Every prayer. It was consuming me."
Jake's brow furrows. His hand moves across the blanket, searching for yours.
"My prayers were answered," you keep going. "But not by God. By something else. Something evil. These nightmares didn't appear out of nowhere. They're the consequence of what I did. It came to me in my dreams. It tempted me. It tainted me. For years. And now..."
You can't look at him. You stare at the blanket, at the pattern of the quilt, at the pale shape of his hand still reaching for yours.
"I've dragged you into the darkness with me." You grip his hand, "I'm sorry, Jake."
Silence. A long, stretching silence, broken only by the rasp of his breathing.
Then his fingers find yours.
"Baby."
You look up. His eyelids are heavy, his brow furrowed with an effort that seems to take everything he has left. The slow, laboured machinery of a mind trying to surface and failing.
"Baby, you are the light of my life." His voice is barely a whisper now, each word an effort. "I know you. I know your heart. It's pure. The purest of them all. Don't say scary stuff like that."
"You don't understand." You shake your head, the tears sliding hot and fast down your cheeks.
"I know." A ghost of a smile crosses his lips. He strokes the back of your hand, the motion so familiar, so tender, that it makes your chest ache. "But you understand me either."
The room is quiet. The light through the window has shifted—the gray afternoon giving way to the pale gold of a winter sunset, slanting through the glass and spilling across the bed.
Jake's gaze drifts to your face, and something in his expression changes. Softens. Opens.
"If only you could see yourself right now." His voice is barely audible, but there is a warmth in it that remains. "The way the light hits you. You're so beautiful." His fingers tighten around yours. It's the last of his strength, poured into a single gesture. "You look like an angel."
Your heart swells.
He doesn't see it. Even as you confess words you'd never dared to even think about out loud, he doesn't see the rot, the sin, the stain that has been spreading through you since long before you ever met him.
"You should see yourself," he murmurs again, his eyes already drifting closed. "So pretty. My pretty wife. I love you so much."
"I love you more." You whisper, watching the rise and fall of his chest.
He doesn't understand what you've told him. Or maybe he does. Maybe the truth is too big, too impossible, too far outside the world he believes in. All you know is that even now, when your sins are quite literally bleeding him dry, he looks at you and sees something worth loving.
You lay your head against his chest, closing your eyes. You listen to the fading rhythm of his heart, like a ticking clock.
You will not let time run out.
"Hello? Who is—wait." A pause. A sharp inhale. "Lady? Is that you? You actually made a Discord!"
Niki's voice crackles through your laptop speakers, tinny and incredulous. In the background, you can hear the faint, distorted blast of music, which cuts off abruptly as he slams a button. A desk chair creaks.
"This is amazing. I didn't think you'd actually call me. I mean, I hoped, but I've been checking my Discord every day since church."
You stare at the Discord interface, feeling decades older than you are. Jake lies down the hall, silent and still. You made sure he was asleep, though that wasn't hard to ensure. He hadn't done so much as open his eyes since the afternoon.
"I need your help."
"Help. Yeah. Okay. Um. Help with what, exactly?" His voice drops to a theatrical whisper. "Is it a vampire thing?"
You take in a breath.
"I need to know how to kill one." The silence on the other end stretches so long you think the call has dropped. Then you add, "Hypothetically."
"Oh. My. God." A drawer opens. Pages ruffle. "Okay. So. Classic methods. A wooden stake through the heart works, but the wood matters—hawthorn, ash, some sources say rowan. Decapitation is more reliable, but that's hard to pull off unless you have a sword, which I'm guessing you don't."
"I don't."
"Sunlight. Direct, full exposure. Not just a cloudy day—like, dawn, clear sky, no shade. Fire works on basically everything, but you'd have to trap it somehow." He's speaking faster now, the words tumbling over each other. "There's also holy water and consecrated ground, but the research on that is mixed—"
"That's enough. Thank you."
"What? No. Wait. I have so much more. I have an entire notebook. I have—" He stops. His voice changes, sharpens. "Wait a second. Why do you need to know this?"
"Goodbye, Niki—"
"No, hang on—You're literally asking how to kill a vampire." His voice cracks, and he clears his throat, the words still returning with a squeak as they come out in a rush. "Holy shit. You do know a vampire. I knew it. Is it in town? Is it drinking people's blood? Did it attack you? Are you in danger?"
You sigh, a hand to your temple. He's talking so fast, you can't find a proper opening to leave, and though you know you should probably just hang up, some part of you doesn't want to leave the poor boy in a state of panic.
"I’m not in any danger. I'm—”
"I can help, you know. I'm not just some kid. I know so much about this stuff. More than anyone. I've read every book in that library twice. I've read books that aren't even in the library. I know lore that isn't even translated yet. You need a vampire taken down? I'm your guy. I mean, I've never done it, but I could probably figure it out."
"That's sweet of you, really, but—"
"And you're just a housewife—not saying that housewives can't kick ass! I'm sure you could. Maybe. But you're not exactly, like, a vampire hunter." He sucks in a breath so sharp you hear it whistle through his teeth. "Wait. Shouldn't your husband be protecting you? Why isn't he—does he even know about this?"
You close your eyes.
"He doesn't know," Niki gasps in horror. His voice drops to a horrified whisper. "That's why you were asking about soul-contracts in the library. That's why you looked like you were going to throw up when I read that passage. You're in a soul-bond with a vampire, and your husband doesn't know."
Your head is in your hands now, his voice rambling through the laptop speaker.
"That's—that's insane. That's literally insane." He sputters, the words tangling in his mouth. "Isn't that like—I mean, a soul-contract, isn't that kind of like—isn't that like cheating? Like, spiritually? Eternally? Your husband thinks he's married to you, but you're already—"
"I have to go."
"Wait!"
You end the call.
The laptop screen glows, Niki's profile picture still visible in the corner—some anime character with a stupid hairstyle, smirking at nothing. A notification pops up. Then another. Then a string of them, rapid-fire, the little red badge counting up.
xX_vampK1_Xx: wait xX_vampK1_Xx: pls dont hang up xX_vampK1_Xx: or die
You don't read them all, closing the laptop instead. Wooden stake. Fire. Sunlight.
You wait for him. Curtains drawn back, the window open. The winter air slips through the gap, cold enough to make you shiver in your nightgown, but you remain there, facing the open night. You wait the way you used to wait—on your knees, on the floor, praying for something that God refused to give you. Down the hall, Jake lies in the guest bedroom. The room you'd once hoped would become a nursery. It seems like a distant dream now, a life that belonged to someone else. You'd moved him there before the sun had set, his body heavy, unconscious, and blissfully unaware. He doesn't know what you're about to do. You hope he never will. When the silhouette appears, it's almost a relief. He steps through the parted curtains, and the moonlight reveals him. He's too pale, too still, his dark eyes already fixed on you before you've even found your voice. He's beautiful. He's always been beautiful, and you hate that he is. It would be so much easier if he were grotesque—if his skin were rotting flesh and his eyes were hollow and vacant pits belonging to something long dead, you could recoil. You could run. Instead, you stare, almost forgetting your true intentions for a moment. "Now, this brings back memories." He looms over you, unmoving. His eyes drift to the bed, where your husband is absent. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" "You're killing my husband." He doesn't flinch. Of course he doesn't. He stands there in the center of your bedroom, hands at his sides, and regards you with an expression that teeters on amusement. "Believe me." His gaze drops to your throat, to the cross trembling against your collarbone. A faint smile tugs at his lips. "I would much prefer to have you." There's a silence before you scoff. "Taking the life of the man I love won't make me want you." "Indeed, it won't. You already want me. Yet foolishly, you continue to deny yourself." He is silent for a moment as he watches you clutch helplessly at the cross at your neck. "Look at you. You waited here. Alone, in the dark, to face something that could destroy you in seconds. And you still clutch that thing." His lips curls into a frown. "As if God could ever save you." He takes a few steps forward, leaning down until his lips are at your ear. "But you're a smart girl. You know that He can't." He says, leaning down. One hand reaches for your chin, lifting it to properly meet his gaze. "That's why you prayed to me instead." "I prayed to God." You hiss. "And as always, God did not answer." He drops your chin. Then he moves past you, toward the window. His fingers brush the curtain, and he looks out at the dark street, the bare trees, the distant glint of the river just visible beyond the rooftops. "I was once like you." He says, "I prayed. I prayed for her to heal. I prayed every waking hour at her bedside." His wife. You assume that's who he means. You think of the house he keeps tidy in her memory, the piano that stays tuned for her, but you don't ask. His tone tells you the grief is old, smoothed by the centuries past, no longer a wound but a scar. You swallow the bitter taste in your throat. Selfishly, you dislike the idea of him loving anyone else. The thought is irrational, and deeply shameful, but it surfaces before you can push it back down. "Please do not fret, my love." He says it all too quickly, as if he sensed the shift in you before you felt it yourself. "It was a very long time ago." You open your mouth to protest but the words die on your tongue. He's looking at you with that quiet, knowing expression, and you realize there is no point in lying to a creature who can read your emotions before you've even named them.
"I was merely a fragile human. Hopeful enough to offer God everything. Foolish enough to believe he would answer with anything other than silence." The breeze howls past the window, brushing his hair from his face. "So I found another way. And I have been what I am ever since."
"You were once human, too?" Your voice is soft, curious, and more sincere than you wish it was. He finally turns to face you again, this time with a hint of a smile.
"We are more alike than you know." he holds out a hand to you, and you take it. You let him help you stand, your nightgown catching the wind as you look up at him. "I can smell the shame in you. I've always been able to. It's the same shame I carried centuries ago."
A monster, comparing himself to you. You should feel offended by the way he looks at you, right through you, past the skin and bone, into the soul you've spent a lifetime trying to scrub clean. Though, you suppose he's earned the right. He's been in your dreams for years. He's seen every thought you tried to drown, every aching desire you tried to bury, and how it rots you from the inside. He's seen all of it, and he does not recoil. A man can judge you. A monster cannot. You're horrified to find relief in that thought. "The difference between you and me, however, is that I've stopped pretending to be something I'm not." Your eyes wander to the door briefly, knowing your husband lays peacefully down the hall. "Jake still looks at me as if I'm pure. As if I'm worthy of his love. Even after everything I've done." Your eyes burn, and you blink hard against the sting. "That's all I have, and you're taking it away." "Because I needed to feed. Because you have not given me permission. I cannot take what is mine unless it is offered freely. So I took what was available to me. Your scent on his skin. Your proximity." His eyes hold yours. "Do you understand what that is like? To be bound to someone, to feel their wanting every night, to taste it in the air, and to not be allowed to have them? The blood of animals does nothing. The blood of your husband is unsatisfying. I am ravenous." He steps closer. The space between you shrinks to almost nothing.
"It is not merely blood that you promised me. You offered me your soul. Your life. Your eternal presence. That is what I hunger for—not the taste of you on my tongue, but the whole of you, bound to me as you were always meant to be." His voice drops to a whisper. "Every second I have waited has been a small death. I have died a thousand times since you made your promise."
You know what that hunger feels like. You've carried it your whole life, coiled low in your belly, hot and insistent, never fully quieted. You tried to fill it with prayer. You tried to fill it with your husband's body. Nothing worked. Nothing ever works.
"He is innocent." Your voice splinters. "He doesn't deserve this."
Sunghoon is silent for a long moment. Then he sighs—a soft, tired sound.
"Innocent. Pure of heart. Kind—too kind for a human, if you ask me." He says. "You're terrified of what he'd think. You don't believe his love is unconditional." "How could anyone love this?" A tear slips down your cheek. You had no idea you were on the verge of crying, but you feel it now. The uncontrollable trembling of your body, the sob threatens to escape your throat. Sunghoon's hand rises. His fingers brush your jaw, cool and smooth, tilting your chin upward. You open your eyes. It's the first time you've seen him this close, the moonlight casting a soft glow over his features. His expression is nothing cruel. It's something almost tender, which is far more devastating. "I do." He says. "I love your scent. Your shame. The way you whisper my name in the dark." Your lower lip trembles, and his thumb traces it, feather-light. In fact, all of you trembles. You've stopped trying to decide whether it's out of fear, want, or the draft of winter air. "You offered me your soul long before you ever gave him your hand. That is a promise no ring can compare to." His eyes hold yours, unrelenting. "I love you eternally." His hand trails down your throat. His fingers curl, lightly, around the column of your neck, just holding it, just relishing your pulse beneath his fingertips. The cross dangles between you, and you feel his gaze flicker to it.
"Please understand. I have only ever wanted you. He was merely the vessel I drank from because I could not drink from you." his voice drops to a murmur. "Give me what you promised me. What you've been promising me every night for years. I'm patient. I've waited long, and I can wait longer. Your husband, however..." his eyes drift to the door, an acknowledgement of his fading life down the hall, "He doesn't have the luxury of patience."
"If I refuse, he dies."
Sunghoon doesn't blink. "Yes."
No hesitation. The truth, cold and simple. You feel your hands tighten into fists at your sides.
"That's not a choice. That's not 'asking for permission.' That's a threat." He only laughs in response. "You made a deal with a monster. Did you expect him to play fair?" Sunghoon tilts his head. "I'd argue I've been rather generous. I could have drained him on your wedding night, when he laid hands on what was already mine. Could have left him in your bed, cold and lifeless. But I didn't. I let him live. I even offered him my wine."
He wears the slightest grin, cruel and merciless, and his fangs catch the light. "Aren't I kind?"
"You are vile." You spit. "You are despicable. Awful. And—"
"And you still want me."
The space between you shrinks as he leans closer, until you can feel the chill radiating off his skin, until you can see the faint gleam of the moonlight on his pupils.
"He is not the reason you will say yes."
His voice is quieter now.
"You will say yes because you have been starving for as long as you can remember. Because you have tried to fill that hunger with prayer and penance and the body of a man who loves you but cannot understand you. Because you knelt at your window and begged for relief, and I am the only one who has ever offered it to you. I am the only one who can give it to you." His fingers brush your jaw. Feather-light. "So, go on." He nods, "Tell me what you want." "I want you to leave Jake alone." You hiss. It only makes him grin. You expect nothing less. "And what else?" "I want you to stop making me feel like this." "How do you want me to do that, exactly?" You open your eyes. He's so close now. Your body is trembling—not from the cold, not from fear, but from the unbearable, humiliating effort of holding yourself back. Your thighs press together beneath your nightgown, a needy, restless friction that does nothing to ease the ache. Your pulse hammers in your throat. Between your legs, you're soaked. You've been soaked since he stepped through the curtains. Every inch of you is screaming for relief. Every inch of you has been screaming for years. It's not really a choice. If you pull away, you're letting your husband die and spending the rest of your life mourning a man you loved but couldn't save. Regardless, your body doesn't want to pull away. It made its own choice the moment you knelt at your window all those years ago. Everything since then has been the long, torturous process of coming to accept it. The prayers. The shame. The dreams you woke from, wet and wanting. All of it leading here. To him. "I want you to touch me," you whisper. The words come out ragged, half a sob, half a plea. "I need you to relieve me from this torment. I can't—I can't take it anymore. Please." His hand tightens just barely at your throat.His hand rests at your throat, cool and steady. His touch remains ever patient, and his eyes flicker from yours to your neck like he cannot decide which is more precious to him in this moment. "Say it properly." And you do. "I give you permission. My blood. My body. My soul. Take it. It's all yours. It's always been yours." He exhales—a shuddering, both reverent and ravenous sound.
His hand tightens around your throat, fingers digging into the vulnerable flesh, feeling the pulse hammering beneath his touch, the rush of blood through your veins. He dips his head into the curve of your neck, and the breath he takes in, the groan that rumbles against your skin—they are not the sounds of a man. They belong to a predator who has caught its prey at last and is trying very hard not to devour it all at once.
Your eyes flutter shut.
"If only you could smell yourself right now." His voice comes out rough, almost like a growl, "Your terror, your desperation. Your arousal." He lifts you in a single, clean sweep, as if you weigh no more than a feather. Your feet are off the ground, your body helpless in his grasp, and you don't have the time to react as he throws you down on the marital bed with a force that knocks the breath from your lungs. You barely have time to register the impact before his body is over yours. His knee rises between your thighs, spreading you open beneath him and his hand fists your hair, tilting your head back, baring your throat to the moonlight and his teeth. His gaze drifts down the length of your body, catching on the way your nightgown has ridden up your thighs, on the rise and fall of your chest. He leans forward. "My stubborn, sinful girl. You were never meant for heaven." His fangs press against your pulse, not yet sinking in, but with enough pressure that it makes your breath catch and your body go rigid beneath him. "You were always meant for me." One hand grips your throat, fingers digging into the flesh just beneath your jaw, holding your head in place with a force that borders on bruising. The other rests over your heart, palm flat, enough to feel the frantic rhythm. "So fearful that nobody could love you in the dark, when I have loved you for years." His fangs sink into you, and a cry is torn from your throat, gasping into the dark and your body arches into him without your permission. The sounds he makes are equally as ungraceful and unrestrained— a growl that sounds like it belongs to an animal, a groan that sounds so guttural and almost pained, as if tasting you after all this time is a relief so profound it hurts. You writhe beneath him, but his body holds you steady, his grasp so harsh that it's sure to bruise. The pull of his mouth is rhythmic, hypnotic, each draw of your blood sending a fresh wave of heat spiraling through your core. You are dizzy with it. You are alive with it. You are his, and you have always been his, and the acceptance of that truth is the single most liberating thing you have ever felt. Disgust is a distant flicker, extinguished before it can catch. The pain is already gone. In its place, a pleasure so sharp and bright it borders on agony races through your veins. You shake with it, every inch of you raw and exposed, the sheets a torment against your feverish skin. Your hands find his back and hold on, clawing at his shirt. "What is—?" Your voice is a whiny, pathetic sound, piercing through heavy, laboured breaths. The ache between your legs from before is now throbbing with a sort of want you couldn't even begin to describe. Something unnatural, feverish and all-consuming. "Why do I feel like—?"
"It feels good, doesn't it?" His fangs retract, but his mouth stays, kissing the wound he left behind, lapping up every last drop of your blood. "The venom. It immobilizes prey. Turns pain into pleasure. Though you didn't need much convincing, did you?" A broken sound tears from your throat as his tongue drags down the column of your neck, chasing a stray bead of blood. His hand rips your nightgown higher, baring you to the cold air, and he finds you soaked. You can feel his grin at your neck.
"You were begging to be fucked long before I ever bit you," he whispers, "Long before your nice little husband ever put his hands on you." "Please, Sunghoon," The words tumble out before your pride can catch them. It's wrecked, shameless, and entirely honest. "Just touch me. Please."
He obliges without a word. Your panties are eased down your thighs, the cold air a brief shock against your overheated skin, and then he finds you—slick and aching and desperately ready. A single, long finger slips inside with no resistance at all, and the sound that escapes you is almost a sob. You might cry from just that alone, graciously accepting any kind of touch at this point. You might already be crying, though you don't have the sense to think about it. You're lost in the sensation, clenching around him, your hips rolling forward of their own accord, chasing more. "It feels so much better when you give in." His voice is soft, almost crooning, as his finger moves inside you with excruciating slowness, a rhythm designed to tease rather than satisfy. "When you stop denying yourself." A frustrated sound catches in your throat. Your hips lift, chasing his hand, and he hums in quiet approval. Then a second finger slides in beside the first, stretching you, and the cry that escapes you is louder than before. Your head falls back against the pillow. Your fingers twist in the sheets. And then his fangs are at your throat again—a sharp, searing sting that melts almost instantly into heat. He drinks as his fingers move inside you, a slow, devastating counterpoint: the pull of his mouth, the thrust of his hand, the weight of his body pinning you to the mattress. You are caught between pleasure and surrender, and you have stopped caring which is which. "My sweet little sinner." He pulls back just enough to speak, his lips stained, his breath cool against the wound he left behind. His fingers curl inside you, finding a place that makes your vision blur. "What would he think if he saw you like this? His fragile, innocent wife, offering herself to a monster, begging for more." He thrusts deeper, and your back arches off the bed. "Would it break him? Would it shatter that pure, simple love he carries for you?" The tears come before you can stop them, spilling down your temples and into your hair. A sob tears free, raw and ugly, and you shake your head against the pillow. "No?" His voice is soft, almost tender. His thumb traces your cheek, smearing the tears there. "Use your words, my love." "I don't care." The words rip out of you, jagged and desperate, louder than you intended. Your hips are still rolling against his hand, chasing the climax he keeps just out of reach. "I don't care what he thinks. I just want this." You feel the pressure building, the tightening in your belly, rushing toward the edge faster than you can outrun it.
"Please." The word is barely a whisper now, your voice wrecked and trembling. "Please take me. I can't—I need—please." His fingers still inside you. You cry out at the loss, at the empty ache he leaves behind, and when you open your eyes, he is looking down at you with something like awe. Something like triumph. Something like love, if a monster is capable of love, as he claims. He grabs the front of your nightgown and rips it open. The fabric splits with a sound like a scream. You gasp, arms flying up to cover yourself, but he seizes your wrists and wrenches them away. Forces your hand down between your bodies, pressing your palm against the hard, aching length of him.
He releases you to tear at his own clothes. His shirt. His pants. Then he is bare above you, and the sight is almost too much—the blood on his mouth, the pale plane of his chest, and his eyes, how they devour the sight of you whole, looking at you in all your filth and finding you holy. "I'm going to ruin you." You feel the tip of him at your entrance, and your body stiffens. His eyes hold yours, dark and depthless and full of terrible tenderness. "Just like you begged me to." He sinks into you in one slow, devastating thrust, and your mouth falls open on a sound that might be his name, but before it can escape, his lips find yours. He swallows your cry the way he swallowed your blood, consuming it, claiming it as his own. His tongue sliding against yours, and you taste your own blood on his lips. His mouth never leaves yours, as if he would drink every sound you make, as if there is no part of you he does not intend to devour. You start to cry. Not because it hurts. Not because you're being ruined, though you are, though you've wanted to be. You cry because it's better than your dreams ever were. Because every fantasy you spent years repenting for, every shameful vision that drove you to your knees at the window, was a pale shadow of this. He pulls back to look at you, and the expression on his face is rapture. His hand is wrapped around your throat, holding you steady for each forceful thrust, pinning you to the mattress, to the moment, to him. The rhythm of his hips is relentless and perfect. Every drag of him inside you eases the ache you've carried for so long it has become a part of you, and at the same time deepens it, feeds it, stokes it into something insatiable. The venom only heightens the feeling—pleasure easing your hunger, each stroke pushing you closer to an edge you no longer want to escape. He is the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. You think it without flinching. You think it while tears stream down your temples and into your hair, while your body arches to meet his, while you give yourself over to the monster who answered when God wouldn't. He is beautiful. He is yours. You are his. And you have never felt less like pretending otherwise. He fills you in a way your husband never could. It's terrible and entirely the truth. You have spent weeks trying to use Jake as a remedy—his body, his love, his gentle, faithful hands—and it worked, for a few hours at a time. But the hunger you carry was never something he could satisfy. He was never meant to. That was never the deal you made. This is what you bargained for. What you knelt at the window and begged to feel. You lose yourself in the rhythm of him. The thick, unrelenting drive of his cock. The weight of his body pinning you to the mattress. The way he takes and takes and takes, and still watches you like you are something sacred. His dark eyes hold yours with something that looks like awe. Something that looks like devotion. Something that looks, impossibly, like love. If you even believe that a creature like him can feel love. Though love is the furthest thing from your mind right now. "That's it." His voice is a low growl, rough with pleasure and hunger and the effort of holding himself back. "Cry for me. Let me see you fall apart."
Your nails rake down his back. Your thighs tremble around his hips. The tears are still falling, streaming into your hair, but you don't hold them back. You don't try to hide. You let him watch. You let him see all of it. The surrender, the pleasure, the relief at last. You finish, your high crashing through your body in pulses that leave you gasping, clenching around him, your back bowing off the bed. You cry out his name, and he groans as he feels you break around him, his rhythm faltering for just a moment before he drives deeper, harder, more. You barely have time to come down before his fangs find your throat again. The bite is sharp and sweet, and the venom floods your veins anew—reigniting the fire that had just begun to go out, pulling you back toward the edge you just tumbled over. "More," you plead. The word is raw, scraped clean of pride. "More." He gives you more. He gives you everything. And you take it all of it with your eyes open and your soul laid bare beneath him. More. More. More. The night folded in on itself, a long, delirious rhythm of hunger and satiation, of teeth and hands and the slick press of bodies moving together in the dark. He would drink until you grew faint, then pull back, laving the wound with a tenderness that made your chest ache, and wait for your eyes to flutter open, for your hips to lift in silent, desperate invitation. And then he would begin again. You lost count. It didn't matter. Time had become a thing that happened to other people. You remember, dimly, the sound of your own voice sobbing his name into the hollow of his throat. You remember the weight of him, the cold press of his skin slowly warming with each swallow of your blood. You remember his mouth tracing the length of your collarbone, his fingers mapping the dip of your waist, his voice murmuring things against your flesh. The window stood open through all of it. The curtains drifted. The winter air slipped in, cooling the sweat on your skin, but you never felt cold. You felt nothing but him. Nothing but the slow, spreading heat of the venom and the terrible peace of finally letting go.
The pale, gray light starts to rise in the distance. The hush of early morning. The distant, muffled quiet of a world still half-asleep.
He is still inside you. Still moving a slow, grinding rhythm, more reflex now than urgency, the last shivering aftershocks of a night that had no end. His face is buried in the curve of your neck, his lips parted against the wound that hasn't closed, and his hips roll against yours in a lazy, hypnotic pulse that feels less like fucking and more like breathing.
Your hand is in his hair. Your fingers are tangled in the dark silk of it, your thumb tracing the shell of his ear, and the gesture feels so natural, so intimate, that your throat tightens with something you refuse to name. Then the light shifts.
It spills through the open window, pale gold, the first true ray of a winter dawn. It creeps across the floorboards, slow and searching, and climbs the edge of the bed. It touches your bare ankle. It warms the tangled sheets. It reaches, like a blessing or a blade, for the man in your arms. You watch it happen.
It finds his shoulder first. The light glistens, a luminous sheen on the marble of his skin catching the ridge of his shoulder blade, the curve of his spine, the place where your nails have left their marks across his back. He doesn't notice. His mouth is still at your throat, his body still moving against yours, lost in the rhythm of consumption. "Sunghoon." He lifts his head.
His eyes are black, pupils blown, the irises reduced to thin rings of dark amber. Your blood is on his lips. Your blood everywhere. All over your own lips, all over your neck, your chest and the sheets beneath you. And his skin, his beautiful, terrible skin, is beginning to gleam in the morning light. Every plane of his face limned in gold, the sharp angle of his jaw, the impossible symmetry of his features. He looks like something that fell from heaven and landed wrong. He looks at you. And you see the moment he understands. The light is spreading. It touches his temple. The curve of his ear. The column of his throat. And where it touches, his skin begins to change—taking on a strange, crystalline shimmer, like the surface of fresh snow catching the first light of dawn. It starts to unmake him. He doesn't move. He doesn't flee. He just looks at you, old and tired and almost, almost human. Your hand is still in his hair. You don't pull it back. A broken growl, low but softened, escapes him, and his forehead drops to yours. His eyes close, and for a long, suspended moment, you lie there together in the path of the rising sun. It starts at the edges, before the shimmer spreads a slow, glittering dissolution, like diamonds fracturing along the surface of him. The places where the sun touches him turn luminous, iridescent, and then they begin to separate. He is coming apart in fine fragments, a mist of dust that catches the light and holds it, suspended, before drifting upward on the morning air. His eyes find yours one last time. There's no fear in them. No anger. Just that same dark, depthless devotion. That same hunger. Your body is still humming with the aftermath of pleasure, your thighs slick, your throat aching with the memory of his hands around it. You close your eyes. They're too heavy to keep open.
"More." The last thing you feel is his hand returning to your neck, and his teeth sinking into your flesh once more. The last thing you hear is the sound of his growl as he savours his last meal. Tangled with death, you lay, lips parted in pleasure.
nav ✰.ᐟ m.list ✰.ᐟ thanks for reading ♡
i actually love jake’s enchin and think he is adorable but the name is just so unfortunate to me bc now when i say jakey i think of the enchin and not jake like 🙁 what am i supposed to call jake now when i’m babying him 🙁 that’s my jakey 🙁
ive been cooking up a big project and i wanna post a sneak peek but im scared nobodys gonna fw it 😶
