criminal minds

criminal minds incorrect quotes and povs!

[sergi0-the-cat]

Hotch: *walks up to Y/N’s desk*

Y/N: What do you want?

Hotch: I’ve got a favor to ask.

Y/N: Go on.

Hotch: But you have to promise not to say no straight away.

Y/N: Okay.

Hotch: I want you to work on Christmas day.

Y/N: Fuck off.

Y/N: Well I wasn’t allowed to say no was I?

[sergi0-the-cat]

*Thunder*

Y/N: Ahhh

Spencer: I-I don’t understand.

Derek: 35 years old and you’re still scared of a little thunder.

Y/N: I am not.

Emily: *runs into the room*

Emily: Thunder buddies for life, right Y/N?

Y/N: Fucking right.

Emily: Alright, come on let’s sing the thunder song.

Y/N and Emily: When you hear the sound of thunder don’t you get to scared. just grab your thunder buddy and say these magic words. FUCK YOU THUNDER!

[sergi0-the-cat]

Y/N yelling at an unsub: YOU DONT HAVE TO I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT!

Rossi: Oh, she needs a fucking exorcism.

[sergi0-the-cat]

Y/N: Could someone please get me to a hospital. If you need to know my blood type is red.

Emily: Oh my god, me too!

The rest of the he BAU: *Facepalm*

[sergi0-the-cat]

*Present Day*

Reid: Emily made me call people and tell them she was dead to see how they’d react.

*Flashback*

Reid: *On the phone with Emily’s grandma*

Emily: Is she crying? Is she crying?

Reid: A little.

Emily: *takes the phone from Reid*

Emily: You should be wailing you stone cold bitch!

Emily: Now call my other grandma.

[sergi0-the-cat]

Reid: *ignoring Y/N to act cool in front of the team*

Y/N: Spencer Reid! What’s up?

Reid: Y/N, I was into you but i’m over it now.

Y/N: You know I was trying to be nice.

Rossi: Y/L/N.

Y/N: No! Nothings getting through, want me to spell it out?

Hotch: Y/N sit down!

Y/N: F you! And your mom, and your masters, and your PHDs, and your broke ass degree, and that shit you call work. Fuck you, and your friends that i’ll never see again.

Hotch: Y/N sit back down!

Y/N: You can all fuck off! I quit!

[sergi0-the-cat]

Flight attendant: Now before we take off … please ensure that all small items are secure.

The whole team: *Looks at Y/N*

Y/N: What?

Emily: Do you feel safe?

Y/N: I will hit you.

Emily: *Laughs*

[sergi0-the-cat]

Reid: Wait, you do WHAT when you shower?

Y/N: I bring a knife into the shower.

Emily: Uhmmm… why?

Y/N: Because they’re NEVER going to see that coming. When they pulls back the curtain like *makes psycho sounds while making stabbing motions*.

Y/N: And you’re like *makes psycho sounds while making stabbing motions* yourself motherfucker. Then you stab him in the eye.

Morgan: *laughs*

Hotch: That’s actually pretty useful.

Y/N: You thought the psycho was out there. SURPRISE! The psycho is in HERE with the irish spring on her.

[sergi0-the-cat]

POV: The team is playing never have I ever Part 2

Garcia: Never have I ever fallen in love with a coworker?

Derek: Did you actually just say that?

JJ: Yeah. What about Kevin?

Derek: I was talking about me.

Emily: *slowly puts a finger down and looks at JJ*

Rossi: Your not slick Prentiss.

Reid: Never have I ever gotten emotionally attached to every case we work that involves children?

JJ: Watch it Spence before I roundhouse your lanky ass.

Hotch: Okay, here’s an easy one. Never have I ever come to work high?

Reid: I hate this game.

[sergi0-the-cat]

POV: Reid is dead

JJ: Anybody else have anything they want to say to Spencer Reid?

Y/N: *Crying* I’ll go.

Y/N: Hey Reid, this is your case partner Y/N. Honestly I kind of liked you and you were always nice. To be honest if you were still alive i’d probably let you hit right now.

Reid: *Opens his eyes*

Derek: Oh hell no!

Emily: Bro no no what are you doing?

JJ: Uh uh girl he up now.

Derek: He back for the dead. Now it’s time to give him head.

[sergi0-the-cat]

Garcia: Your tongue is all purple.

Y/N: Purple?

Hotch: Hmm? Is it really?

JJ: Jeez, so is yours.

Hotch: Wha- me too?

Emily: Yeah it is.

Derek: Did y’all drink purple dye or something?

Y/N: No we just had slushees.

Reid: Purple slushees? I didn’t know they made grape flavored slushees.

Y/N: I had the blue one.

Hotch: And I had the red one.

Garcia: What? That doesn’t make any sense.

Hotch: *realizes*

Emily: Oh my god.

Reid: What?

Rossi: Y/N what did you and Hotch do today?

Y/N: We went to the park.

Rossi: And what did you do at the park?

Y/N: We drank our slushees.

Rossi: And then?

Y/N: *realizes*

Reid: *trying to figure it out*

Y/N: Do you think that is why our tongues are purple?

Hotch: Shut up!

Y/N: I told you not to use your tongue.

Derek: *gags*

[sergi0-the-cat]

Emily: I said if I didn’t become a profiler 35 I was just going to become a serial killer.

Everyone: *Looks at Emily in shock*

Derek: Well girl how old are you? I’m getting nervous.

[sergi0-the-cat]

Reid: So you were just borrowing those cars.

Y/N banging on the interrogation glass: Ask about his bank account. Ask about his bank account. Ask him about his bank- *glass breaks* account.

Y/N: You should ask him about his bank account.

Y/N walking away from the viewing area: Hotch, Reid broke the glass.

[sergi0-the-cat]

Y/N: My ex-boyfriend got into a car accident tod-

Emily: Bitch don’t smile.

Y/N: My ex-boyfriend got into a car accident today, and I was going to ask him if he was okay… but then I remembered…

Reid: Remembered what?

Y/N: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!

[sergi0-the-cat]

JJ: Were you written by a man or a woman?

Emily: Well usually i’m just ridden by women.

Morgan: That’s not what that means.

JJ: Don’t be homophobic.

Reid:…

[sergi0-the-cat]

Morgan: Has anyone seen pretty boy?

Emily: Oh god Reid!

JJ: The mother’s adrenaline is kicking in!

Emily: SPENCER!

Rossi: I can see every equation.

Hotch: Excuse me ma’am have you seen my son? He’s about this tall, clearly gay but we haven’t had the talk yet.

Garcia: Spencer are you in there?

[sergi0-the-cat]

Y/N: Yesterday I laid down the rules for my friends and family in the off chance that I ever get kidnapped. Today I am going to go over the list of rules for my actual kidnapper.

Hotch: *whispers* Dear lord.

Emily: *whispers* Not again.

Y/N: Number 1, do not tape my mouth shut. I am a talker.

Reid: Yeah, We know Y/N.

Y/N: I like to chitchat. You literally abducted me. The least you could do is have a conversation.

Reid: Point taken.

Y/N: I can not be left alone with my own thoughts for too long. Number 2, no buckets. I will not be doing my business in a bucket. This is non negotiable. I can not stress this enough. I need to hear a flush!

Morgan: *Laughs*

Y/N: If there’s no toilet I will find a way to escape. And you will be shit out of luck.

Reid: *whispers* Jesus.

Y/N: Number 3, you need to allow me to post this on my private story. You can hold my phone and everything but I got to let me friends know what’s happened.

Hotch: *smiles*

Y/N: They are going to get a kick out of this. And i’m going to lay it down flat. So give me a minute to tell all of the details. Number 4, Do not stave me. I like to eat. But keep me in a clerk deficit. You know could do the body some good.

JJ: Wtf Y/N.

Y/N: I’m going to step out of this looking real nice. Okay body by abduction. And number 5, If you’re a little sexy

Rossi and Emily looking at each other like wtf:

Y/N: You need to be quiet. If you’re hot do not flirt with me. I will fall victim to Stockholm syndrome in like under 5 minutes.

JJ: What?

Y/N: And then i’m not going to want to leave and that is both of our problems.

Reid: Ok…