taxidermied doll @ferventlyviolentsecret - Tumblr Blog

my history and why i made this blog

this blog contains:

CSA. trafficking.

body horror. identity loss. dissociation.

and other things lodged in my brain that I can’t clean.

About me

I make art about my experiences with abuse and trafficking. it started early and went on longer than it should have.

I live with physical disability, autism, psychosis, and other psychological problems caused directly by my abuse.

all of this is documented and diagnosed.

I am not here to prove anything. I needed a place to put all of this.

I experienced ideological grooming, and was part of a non-commercial trafficking ring. I was filmed, assigned roles, and trained to perform by my grandfather his group of friends. this is not uncommon where I come from.

Expectations

i block based on my own thresholds. it is not personal.

this blog is run by a traumagenic DID system.

this space is for survivors of child abuse, supporters, and my own processing.

this is not a space for legitimacy discourse or identity policing.

i will not engage in syscourse arguments.

if you are here in good faith, you are welcome.

reblogs always allowed

blog structure and common tags

rot report — raw entries, vents, updates

rot fragment — short segments of the above

visual rot — my art, edits, collage, digital work

ledger entry — longer reflections

reblog loops — reblogs, added context, comementary

#intro post #about me #cw csa #cw abuse #abuse #human trafficking survivor #ritual abuse #trauma survivor #survivor community #csam victim #torture survivor #cst #cst survivor

theoptia

Anaïs Nin, from Under a Glass Bell and Other Stories; “Birth”

 Text ID: I could not remember why I should want to live. I could not remember anything. Everything was blood and pain.

entry: insert.tmp

#visual rot #trauma art #net art #csa survivor #webcore #glitch art #artists on tumblr #vent art #experimental art #digital collage

vaseline disgusts me now. he ruins everything he touches.

#rot fragment #csa survivor #incest survivor #organized abuse #oea #whatever I’ll tag more later

inbeautiful-trauma

Early Pain

Frank Bidart, Half-light: Collected Poems; "End of a Friendship"/ @almostsomewheremaybe / @etteraths / Traci Brimhall, Dear Eros/ @abuzd / Adonis, Celebrating Vague-Clear Things; Celebrating Childhood. Trans. Khaled Mattawa.

random-crutch

It's so hard to feel like a person

entry: bedtime.mp4

#visual rot #net art #traumacore #glitch art #digital decay #datamosh #artists on tumblr #eyestrain #vent art #ui design #cw csa #incest survivor #oea

was this body ever mine to own?

#rot fragment #still his to control even years apart #I am not a person #csa survivor #oea #csam survivor #cst survivor

christlikewhor3

#immortalized on video

pmamtraveller

by Anna Marinova

fakestorysurvivor

y'all gotta understand that people who've been through trafficking, people who've lived those kinds of lives, are not easy people. We're angry and confused and often undereducated and recovering addicts and chronically ill and- for the record- deeply traumatized.

we're confusing and difficult people to be around sometimes. we're not always easy to understand and we don't always understand ourselves. we're authorities on nothing but our own experiences and even then, we can be scared and confused and inarticulate.

this healing takes a long ass time and its nonlinear and its hard. just have patience if you've got these people in your lives- and be patient with us online. we're trying.