taxedermy doll @ferventlyviolentsecret - Tumblr Blog

my history and why i made this blog

this blog contains:

CSA. trafficking. dissociation.

body horror. memory loss.

and other things lodged in my brain that I can’t clean.

About me

I make art about what happened to me. it started early. and went on longer than it should have.

this is a traumagenic DID system.

I live with physical disability, autism, psychosis, and an eating disorder.

all of this is documented and diagnosed.

this isn’t a place for fighting or argument. I am not here to prove anything.

I lived with ideological grooming, and was part of a non-commercial trafficking ring. I was filmed, assigned roles, and trained to perform.

Expectations

i block based on my own thresholds. it is not personal.

this space is for processing, expression, and memory work.

not for legitimacy discourse or identity policing.

i will not engage in syscourse arguments.

if you are here in good faith, you are welcome.

reblogs always allowed

blog structure and common tags

rot report — raw entries, vents, updates

rot fragment — short pieces with intent

visual rot — poetry, edits, collage, digital work

ledger entry — longer reflections

reblog loops — reblogs, added context, comementary

#intro post #about me #cw csa #cw abuse #abuse #human trafficking survivor #ritual abuse #trauma survivor #survivor community #csam victim #torture survivor #cst #cst survivor

hero1nchic21

when-i-was-killed

Sometimes statistics remind me of the depressing truth that there is no way to heal from this. My body was permanently affected by someone else's choices. Now my bones hurt in the strangest of ways and I thought I was brave for being this way. For only knowing how to take. I wish I could live life through someone else with a different story sometimes. I wish I didn't always have to be alive.

furiousgoldfish

abusive family: you are a burden and a pest, we're kicking you out if you stray one step from the image we created for you, while living under our roof you will obey us or die

me: runs away

abusive family: what a selfish betrayal,,, who would do that to their own family, this is,,, abuse? We are victims?,,, we clearly did nothing to deserve this,

sometimes I wish they just killed me and were done with it

#rot fragment #csam survivor #csa vent #organized abuse #childhood trauma #rape victim

ferventlyviolentsecret

The Dollhouse Protocol: release build

#reblog loops #kinda miss this project

8-8-8-16

cor-vent

I don't know where the other survivors in my country are, it feels so lonely. Idk how I'm supposed to find them, it isn't safe at all to ask online. But I somehow believe I'll meet others like me as my life goes on.

#as do i #my country is small with very high CSA rates so i know there are others #but speaking online openly about where I’m from would place me in so much danger #there isn’t much discussion about it and it’s not very well known outside of some folklore #so I’d stick out like a sore thumb if i began speaking directly about what happened to me and naming my country #it makes me sad too because i love my home #just not what it hosts

parent process:

punk mushi no onna

— yapoos / jun togawa

#this song found me before I understood why #jun togawa #weirdcore #body horror #surreal #traumacore #digital collage #punk mushi no onna #visual rot #yapoos #CSA survivor #trauma art #metamorphosis

didhaver

"RAMCOA & OEA isn't real; it's fake or exaggerated for attention online. We'd see a lot more cases if it was."

Except you do see us.

We're on the front page of your favorite porn site. We're the tweaking homeless person you pretend not to look at on the street. We're your favorite political talking point. We're the infant in the emergency room screaming from a pain they can't comprehend. We're the black lines in classified files you make jokes about. We're buried in the backyards of farmhouses that have long since returned to nature. We're the ones who sold you drugs in high school. We're the classmate you bullied for growling and barking like an animal. We're the product of a $200 billion industry. We're the blood on your favorite politician's hands. We're alive and dead and existing as fragmented states in between.

You just refuse to look too closely because it makes you uncomfortable.

donttellmehowtoheal

I get that discourse on tumblr is going to happen, but is there a tag for organized abuse/CSAM survivors that isn’t flooded with debates about fiction? Is there a tag where all the survivors cluster secretly it’s ok you guys can tell me I won’t be hurt

#delete later #maybe

terriblethingss

and every single person i look up to, i wonder how disgusted they would be if they knew, if they knew the things that were done to me and the things i did to survive, i wonder how much they’d hate me if they knew. if they could see my rotting insides, the bugs that eat away at my eyes until everything is dark dark dark. i wonder if they’d wish i’d never been born too.

christlikewhor3

What does freedom feel like?

twistedsweethearts

I spent every moment of my childhood preforming. Who I was going to be wasn’t something I ever got to decide. I was given a box, and I had to fit in it no matter what. I pulled myself apart trying so hard to be what was expected that I never had the chance to develop my own identity.

I tried so had to be what everyone wanted and it was never enough.

And now- I’m nothing. I’m just a scared child trapped in an adult body desperately hoping that someone will tell me exactly what I need to do to be loved.

I’m nothing.

rottingtrouble-child

The Dollhouse Protocol: release build

#traumacore #visual rot #digital collage #liminal edit #weirdcore #webcore #csa survivor #trauma art #the dollhouse protocol #art series #organized abuse #csam victim #surreal #it’s quite different from the teasers posted previously #I enjoyed making this :’)

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

taxedermy doll