[serulata]

main: @hyulata

[serulata]

what i find most breathtaking about undertale in opposition (and tandem) to deltarune is: you see these monsters, they attack you out of fear, you must forgive them. it is urgent that you forgive them. but that's just an adventure in a fantastical setting, bordered safely from any real-world implications of powerful monsters using their strength on you. how can this be reconciled in a world where the pain is more real, no longer extraordinary? where pain comes not in gleaming lightshows, spaces between stars telling you where to go, but the fruits of hierarchies (school, nuclear families, governance) capable of changing you. affecting you for the worse. shaping how you think, hurting one of the most vulnerable classes in society (children), where fantasy is sought in the darkness yet those you love cannot play much less wake up to experience it with you. it’s so close to our reality. so, i see why people reject carol, i see why people reject all the adults viewed uncritically once before who’ve failed the children now in forgivable ways or not. i also see a path that won’t punish these characters for what's out of their control.

it’s more complicated, nonetheless, i trust toby as he takes up these mantles of negligence, abuse, forgiveness, and interpersonal complexity because it’s an instrumental progression laid from the foundation set prior.

[arivsart]

“Who are you?”

[bananahkim]

Would you take me there

[serulata]

thank you all for your love on my knights of guinevere post. i'm a bit blown away, aha 🫂

[serulata]

i saw this scene and my heart embedded itself within my throat. my breathing hitched. i'd known, yet… it's here where i felt, plainly, this story is crafted by ingenuity and artfulness; not of spite, as i see is claimed in abundance. it's a cultivated, mournful ode to understanding idolatry, slipping childhood, and inhabitations of bygone dreams. incarnated by figures of forced purity.

the princess gwen we follow is a victim of horrific pain & abuse. not only is she non-human- due to her repute as an elevated symbol of subjugation, we're unsure if, if others were to know, they'd give to her their empathy. guinevere androids excel at facial-software detection, adhering that information unconsciously for the ends you may imagine. her statue is defaced because she represents the ails of the park from which there is no inoculation other than expired aspirations, hopelessly looking for the sky, and wishing for better.

for andi... it's similar. the status-quo emphasizes daily griefs spurred by her position, being perceived as irreconcilable, traitorous, and betraying her social standing. soon enough, she's discarded all the like. she, gwen, and frankie take on roles as commodities despite distantly slotted roles in all their respective worlds. andi as an engineer, frankie as a labour worker, and gwen as the face of extraordinary, starry blisses, kiting above the undercity. for frankie? it hurts me so, so much. because we see how she clings onto this memory she shared with andi sneaking in during afterhours. she didn't meet gwen in the perfunctory manner of lining up, waiting, paying; it was a spontaneous break from the drear of her life below, shown tenderness by the princess she loved. ever since that day, she'll cling onto this idealism. she has to be an engineer. she has to be closer, up high, high enough to see clearly.. ah. because she still believes in the magic of the park that hasn't dulled, as it did, for so many. it continues.

this is. gutwrenching. such a tragic introductory stage to this world. this pilot absolutely stole my breath away, as i knew it would, and i am so, so excited to see what's next, as i know i'll be in good hands. oh. my goodness

[serulata]

a scene i adored was how gwi-ma transported jinu to the demon realm. how he, after centuries marred by its wake, still reacts to the inaudibility, dizzying whispers, and lacking to hear your own thoughts as they surrender to the spirit suffocating you.

the process and mentality behind it is a violation, grounds from where hive-minded ease of use is for predating. gwi-ma's marks are revealed forcibly, the recipient must live with knowing they can be conjured at any moment, and not even entry holds dignity, it hurts. jinu's resentment hearing its voice is clear; in a moment he will turn to preen and laugh in the light, grandly speaking to its indulgences in a pleasure-seeking way. before then, he will have to close his eyes and prepare himself for a meeting he wouldn't like to partake in at all, with the being he can't bring himself to despise without reservation due to his guilty conscience.

i like this about jinu. how much he feels. he can't make himself austere, uncaring, or unknowable since that is not who he is, no matter the classically villainous way he presents himself at the opening. "i know you, jinu. in 400 years, you've never done a single thing that didn't serve yourself." is a reminder of his stain of selfishness that's marked him through the years, but withal the false guise gwi-ma uses for its victims: that it is aware of their deep seated thoughts, so, they have no mental means to rebel.

jinu yearned to rebel and gwi-ma managed to convince him otherwise through overwhelming casuistry, callousness, and assumptions for his morality persisting in a static space rather than the change that sustains people. vital is instilled hopelessness to its ideology. and when rumi confronts him after his betrayal, he attempts the "i was lying to you all along" farce, but quickly relents at the slightest push from her. he's pained. reliving the culpability of betraying someone he cares about. and maybe this is what convinces him he's not worthy of forgiveness. when forced into this situation again, he chose the wrong option despite knowing well, knowing better. he won't hope for himself, now

i love, truly, with my heart, how they wrote jinu as both perpetrator and victim of his internal aggrievement as so many of us are. that the initial traumatizing moment isn't all there is. there's the following years of self-reproach, penitence, and loss of hope for oneself which readies the resistless mind to manipulation.

[serulata]

the reason why i am so optimistic about csm's ending is because i don't believe anyone is doomed. denji's warped coping mechanisms born out of lifelong trauma, i'm sure, seem inescapable on the surface

yet i don't believe they are. it's never too late for anybody, much less these characters. when i was at my lowest, my favoured self-sabotaging coping mechanisms came from isolating myself from those who loved me and seeking out harm. i wasn't oblivious to any of this, i was perfectly aware of the hurt and agony i was bringing on myself. the reason why i continued was because i felt i deserved it. that's the part of mental illness and trauma i wish were discussed more; the surveillance from your consciousness, recognizing the irrationality from behaviour to mind, and choosing it anyway. i won't speak for everyone, but i very much chose to partake in that mess. i wasn't swathed at a distance as an idle spectator, my vestal mind at odds with my dirtied one. denji loving makima, anyway, was a choice. if that sounds jarring, good. love is a numbing, paradise-like emotional stimulant for as long as you give your faith to it. him picturing another world where he could say no to fumiko was a choice. and as we all have the choice for harm, we can choose ourselves again, choose others, and choose good.

denji and asa are being actively abused. this abuser lives in asa, controls her, and hears her thoughts. it's horrifying. yoshida is alone, too. he has no one, he is trapped in public safety. they don't have a choice. but they could. and they'll continue living. and they will learn new realizations to take to the centre of their beings. no one in this world is at the will of their present self's future. every predicament can change course, just like that.

these characters have the burden of being tied to a narrative, however, i don't believe they're in for a punishment of their worst selves. what will it say, if their unhealthy perspectives remain unopposed to their deaths? for me :,) for me, that's not the story i see csm as so eager to tell.

[uam3ow]

denji and anthy.. both shoulder so much burden. the crowd of people seek protection under their pallium, a darling ensanguine of votives. 

they are the traumatised child unpalatable to the collective. they are the image of a messiah, shy and devoted and violently sought after. unwanted attention. rot of childhood and personhood. sanctified expiration, virtuoso, elusion