Poetry

I write things sometimes.

[settosadness]

I just think that living in general is becoming tiresome, in a way?

I know existing can be more difficult for me and I know it will be at some point.

The thought of that even makes me feel extremely exhausted.

Thinking about living until im old...

It all just feels so tiresome.

[settosadness]

How many years is too many years? Its been at least 10 and I still think about you from time to time. Gently. For only a few moments at a time. Sometimes i'm wondering how your life is going and if you're truly happy. Sometimes im wondering what went wrong all those years ago and why it couldn't be me. I know its wrong because you've moved on and started a life but sometimes these thoughts cross my mind and you'll never be able to know.

~ I wonder if you ever missed me too

[settosadness]

The version of you that I loved now only exists in my head. I wish you knew how much I needed that version of you when I was falling apart at night in bed.

~ you used to be kind.

[settosadness]

I like the way he smells.

I dont know if that's a weird thing to say, but it's true. I do.

I dont know if it's his cologne or the smell of his shampoo.

All I know is that when I think about him, his smell fills my nose.

When I'm away from him, it's what I remember most. Its something I long to be close to again.

I wonder if that's a normal thing to think about someone who's just a friend.

~I miss you

[settosadness]

In some way, somehow...you found new ways to break my heart everyday.

~ it's hard to forgive you

[settosadness]

Today I walked around this house wanting nothing more than to meet my ultimate demise. Now I lie in bed and wonder how my inevitable death would approach me. Would it be untimely? Would it be sudden? Would I know it is coming even before its arrival? Would it be soon or a long time from now? Would I be sad that it's happening or would I be in a time in my life where it's all I strive for? All I know for certain is, today it is all I want.

~This is who I am today.

[settosadness]

Do you remember who you were before the world told you who to be?

~I hope you find yourself again.

[settosadness]

Zealous to see you everyday,

You were always on my mind.

Xenophile is what I must be,

With beauty and grace like yours,

Visionaries only can see.

Unable to see your own beauty,

That is truly a tragedy.

Since I met you,

Raw emotion is the only thing I feel.

Questioning whether or not you feel it too.

Pondering day by day...hoping.

Only you can ease my mind.

Naturally, you won't respond.

Melancholy.

Loneliness takes over when you leave.

Kindered spirits,

Just not meant to be.

I longed for you to be the one.

Honestly, I had a feeling this wouldn't last.

Grateful it happened, but

Forlorn without you.

Even now I find it funny,

Did you ever love me?

C'mon, you can tell me.

But you won't,

And I still wonder why you left.

~Reverse alphabet poem

[settosadness]

loosen your grip, opening both hands slowly, let go. Release everything that is troubling you. Breathe slowly now, release that anger, sadness and pain that you've been carrying around with you for far too long. Forget about everything for right now. Forget about all of your struggles and stresses. This is about you. Ease your mind, body and soul. Put it to rest for a little while. Focus on yourself. Focus on a happy place, whether that was a time that you felt pure bliss, or if it's an imaginary place in your head that you wish existed. Give yourself time. Time to do something that makes you happy or time to just sit back and reflect. Give yourself love. Love yourself more than any one else in the world, you are the only one who will be there for you in your darkest times. Trust yourself. Count on yourself to bring you joy. Happiness is a choice, so choose happiness. Close your eyes and feel the earth move beneath your feet. Feel your body get lighter. Feel your heart repair itself just a little bit, piece by piece. Feel your smile grow. Don't take the little things for granted. Chase butterflies and take pictures of beautiful things. Use your time wisely. Keep your youth around for as long as possible. Don't rush. Don't let your life pass you by. Don't just see the beauty around you, feel it too. Embrace the air as it hugs you on a warm summers day. Laugh at the snowflakes that dance upon your tongue. You should dance too. Let your body feel the music. Don't worry if anyone else is watching, You are so beautiful and they know it too. You are worth so much more than you think. You are uniquely you and only you can make a better version of yourself. Learn from the past and create a new, better future. You have a whole life ahead of you to figure things out. Let the world do its thing. The universe knows what it's doing. In fact, Paint the solar systems on the backs of your hands, learn the universe, learn what it has to offer. Now hold out your hands and share it with the rest of the world. Loosen your grip opening both hands slowly, now let go.

~I hope you take the time to read this. You might need it. I know I did.

[settosadness]

I know I'm not supposed to miss you...but is it so wrong? I know I'm not supposed to care...but is it a crime if I do? I know I'm not supposed to worry about you...but I can't help it. I love you even though I know I'm not supposed to...

~where are you? Please come back.

[settosadness]

I just want to hold your hand, but even that is too much to ask.

~ It's lonelier without you around.

[settosadness]

I never understood what I had done wrong. I never knew why he didn't love me. I then realized that it wasn't me. It was him all along. He is just incapable of loving ; and I just simply had too much love to give.

~it's not me, it's you.

[settosadness]

You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

~you can't save everyone.

[settosadness]

He had the prettiest smile. It brightened up my day when he would look at me and start grinning like an idiot. I liked being the reason for his smile. I liked seeing him so happy...but soon his smile faded and I never saw his cheesy grin anymore. He stopped looking at me with love. I only saw regret in his eyes. That's when I knew.

~ when he stopped loving me.

[settosadness]

Seeing the one person you're head over heels in love with, laughing and smiling with someone else tears you up inside.

~ one of the worst feelings I've ever felt.

[settosadness]

I really thought that he could be the one this time. He proved me wrong with every little white lie.

~it seems that I have lost hope.

[settosadness]

I live in this metaphorical place called the heart break hotel. Boys come and go like cars on an interstate. They check in but they don't stay for long. They take what they want and then they leave. Some come back for more just to tear down the paper thin walls and wreck the room in which they stayed, typically they stay in the heart of the hotel...the best suit in the whole damn place. Each boy that enters leaves satisfied with what they've done. They leave a mess for me to clean up. That room has been rebuilt and renovated more times than I can count. The heart break hotel is now closed for renovation again. Please don't try again later.

~welcome to the heartbreak hotel