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@sexwithlightson
reviews delicately trying to imply SHE FUCKS THE FISH without coming right out and saying it
Fans like “we know she fucks the fish, Del Toro’s whole career has been leading up to this, don’t be fucking coy, was the fishfucking just regular hot or superhot”
might be interesting to compare erotica reviews and christian reviews
“Don’t be fucking koi.”
I’m a fool, a goddamned fool, missing that beautiful pun.
Thank you. This is flawless.
Some basics on the statistics of condom use
Who thinks giggling should be fair game in sex? Sex is fucking funny and there should be laughter and high fives.
My only issue with pro-abortion is the risk of irresponsible people assuming it's ok to have unsafe sex because if the girl gets pregnant all they have to do is to abort later. So I do believe the choice should exist for sure as long as people be responsible for their choices too and understand that even if abortion is an option they should always ALWAYS use protection
And if the person doesn’t use protection, or the protection fails? Should they not have a choice? Or should even “irresponsible” people have a choice?
How do you know if someone was irresponsible?
Some people can’t use birth control. Others may not have access to birth control or condoms. Some may believe that birth control and condoms do not work, and instead do natural planning.
God this frustrates me though like WHO! FUCKING! CARES! if they are ~irresponsible~ because
1. you still have bodily autonomy even if you’re doing “””irresponsible””” things, like what the fuck is wrong with you? if someone is speeding and crashes, they still deserve medical care even though they were being fucking irresponsible??? why do y’all have to make a moral issue out of assistance though like this is when people think if you do drugs you don’t deserve food stamps
and 2. abortion is not bad, if someone wants to have a billion of them that’s their own prerogative, there is nothing inherently wrong with abortion!! saying this shit is encouraging and enabling the stigma around abortion, it is emboldening and supporting anti-choice rhetoric and actions
I've never met a person that considered abortion a good alternative to other birth control methods. For one, the procedure is frequently expensive and is difficult to obtain in many states (far too difficult). For another, abortions are often difficult choices with emotional and/or physical drains. It's an option all pregnant people should have access to, but not one you'll find most people eager to take or one that's treated casually. And in the off chance someone does act that way? As pointed out above, do you really want them to be a parent? They don't want to be.
Which birth control method is right for you?
Take our quiz!
I want to be really clear about something: Planned Parenthood has done more to prevent abortion than the pro-life movement ever has.
Hell yes
Abortion, feminism and is that a grey patch? It's a boring old rant.
Also, America focused.
I was reading comments in one of tumblr’s typically black and white political rants that are blind to subtlety and I saw someone repeatedly insinuating that being anti-choice and feminist is completely contradictory.
I guess I need to say here that I am non-negotiably pro-choice, but find it to be counterproductive when feminists are dismissive of this large bulk of America. I lived in the American south over the last two years and only just escaped and let me tell you, it IS an entirely universe. But I really think it would benefit feminists living in liberal bastions to really think about southern culture and why it is the way it is, because you might find A. That you have some common ground and B. That future elections might actually depend on finding that common ground.
This blew my mind: There are women out there who are pro-life feminists. I know, and also you will argue, they are arguing against women’s bodily autonomy, and therefore, cannot be true feminists.
But, and this is important; sometimes people can be feminists in different ways that are respectful of their culture or religion. Remember (as we've been arguing for years), feminism is the belief in equality for all people, regardless of gender. And, I would not, for instance, doubt that a Muslim woman who chose to wear a hijab as part of her faith could also be a feminist. I know Tumblr is very much in the “if your feminism isn’t X, then you’re not a feminist” phase right now but come off your damn high horse for a minute. Feminism is about finding greater equality. It promotes social justice and supports individuals and families through social programs. It also generally promotes choices for women in defining their roles and femininity.
Amazingly, feminists are not a uniform group of people with the same cultures, religions, or background, and therefore will not always have the same ideas of what equality for all genders means. And you know what? There is no right answer! It's a conversation. Listen to some people who don't agree with you.
And remember, it is a religious belief that that embryo has a soul, and that abortion is murder. Really let that sink in. In their eyes, they are stopping a murder.
Saying ‘no one is forcing you to get one’ is not a good argument to someone who believes this because that is not the point. The point is not to save their own children, but the unborn children of everyone. Every human life. And, of course, this is non-negotiable because how could it be? Murder is a hard line for most of us.
I saw a pro-life group at the women’s march in Washington. They were there because they truly disagreed with Trump, his words, his agenda, his discriminatory practices, and his policies and attitudes that are harmful to women. They were there to support women. They were largely dismissed and even booed by others in the crowd. This went on even as the march faced backlash from it’s far liberal wing for 'not being inclusive enough’ of other groups. Inclusion should include everyone in the conversation.
Even if you think that you cannot be anti-choice and also feminist, I think your opinion warrants some more thought and explanation and I encourage you to go speak with some people that are pro-life outside the internet. Don’t just dismiss them. They're a huge part of the country, many are wonderful people who would give you the clothes off their back and they have a completely different world view from you.
They’re not all extreme terrorists trying to blow up planned parenthood.
Agree/disagree that’s fine. I really am pro-choice but I've had some great conversations with pro-lifers. We were all perfectly reasonable and maybe made more progress is viewpoints than calling each other 'anti-woman' and 'baby-killers'. Just saying.
Rape, definitions, and stories
It’s a discussion I’ve had with my real world partner and with people on the internet. Are there degrees of rape? Does intent matter?
Sexual assault is heinous. Having sexual contact with a person without their consent constitutes rape. Whether that be through force, coercion, threat of violence, inebriation or other means. Whether it be penile penetration, object penetration or oral sex. Obtaining consent while that person is mentally impaired, inebriated or underage (statutory) is also rape.
There is a reason that murder charges come in degrees. For many crimes, intent matters. So does the damage incurred. And aside from legality (which comes with a whole world full of issues already when sexual assault is concerned) what about social speaking.
One of the problems with discussing sexual assault is that there are scenarios where a rape has occurred without any shred of intent. It’s still terrible, the victim still feels violated, may still face social stigma, still has to deal with the physical and mental fallout of such an encounter, and very much want (and deserve) justice.
So, protecting the anonymity of food for thought, I’m going to share a story. I don’t want to seem biased in this story, they were both friends of mine at the time, and I am not friends with this man anymore, but this incident shocked me and then made me think.
The woman was a college freshman, the man, a sophomore and the event was only a few weeks into school, when us freshman were still wide eyed and eager to make friends. They were flirting a little. I know she had talked to him well into the night a few days before, and liked him, maybe, a little. The night wound down, the rest of us left the room (his dorm room). I primarily heard this story later from her, but heard his side as well.
They talked late and had a few more drinks. They kissed. So far, so good. They lay down on the bed and we’re cuddling/kissing. He began to push things further. He ended up going down on her. She is pretty sure she told him ‘no’ (she is not positive) but she does remember trying to push him away and knows she didn’t want him to do it. He did it anyway. He thought she wanted him to. He thought that since they weren’t having sex, it was somehow okay.
She was raped. He did not have her consent, and she was drunk. She also didn’t want to report it. She felt guilty about the incident. She wanted to talk about it with people she knew because she was hurting, she felt gross, and she needed to sort through those feelings. She felt guilty that people knew.
She also wasn’t sure it counted as rape.
For his part (remember, I was friends with him before this) he was confused and a bit offended. Word got back to him what she said, and he said he 'felt bad that she saw the incident differently than he did’. He was drunk at the time also, he was poor at reading social cues, and also thought she had wanted him too. He never called her a liar, was generally defensive throughout college of women who reported rape (and said it was hard to do and women got very little support) and he was generally shaken. It had never been his intent he said. I’m saying this part not to defend what he did, but he just…wasn’t a completely shitty person. I mean, I know people will argue about that, but this really did seem to shake him and he still wanted to talk about feminism, and the problems women face when coming forward after being raped. But…
This was rape. She was drunk, never consented, and even if she never said no(again, she’s not sure), she never said yes for sure. And she deserves every ounce of support she got. And I don’t want to defend him, I just want to say in his defense that I do believe he genuinely misread the situation. I think he was older (which made a difference those first few weeks a of college especially) and he did something shitty. Not reading social cues isn’t an excuse, especially when alcohol is involved. He should have waited for express permission. But sex is tricky and stressful at the best of times, and he was sort of a nerd without great social skills to begin with.
The American education system has a sickening number of sexual assaults. Another friend of mine was almost raped by a man when she was drunk at a party and lay down in a bed next to a drunk girl who was completely passed out. The man came into the room, climbed onto the bed, straddled her and told her that he was going to 'make you feel it’ as he unzipped his pants. Luckily someone came in and he was kicked out of the party. But he was apparently a repeat offender and shit head. I wanted to (and still do) personally rip his balls off.
Clearly the two men differ. When I hear someone say 'rape is rape is rape’ I hear them. Certainly, for victims of assault, they are entitled to feel however they want to. But in terms of legality, and even public opinion, should there be degrees? Neither one of those men got into an ounce of trouble (and I resent that) but if they had miraculously been prosecuted, do you think their punishments should have been the same. My first friend was probably more scarred from the incident that occurred to her, and admittedly the act itself did not happen to my second friend, but that guy was a piece of shit and she was deeply troubled by it.
(Also I realize no one will read this but I’m writing it anyway because fuck it. It’s an interesting and unfortunately relate to topic to me)
A note on SexEd (rant inspired by anti feminist who hatefollowed me yesterday)
Rape and/or sexual assault constitutes any sexual act, that one (or more) parties haven’t given informed, as well as safe and sane, consent for. And yes, this applies equally to kink as well as any sex that’s more vanilla than pure vanilla essence.
This is also to say that any consent given through coercion, manipulation, threat of violence or intoxication to the point of not being able to think clearly, is not genuine and does not count (and just to cover all my bases, @ all the swerfs out there: no, I am not including sex workers who aren’t under duress or consensual kink in this, gtfo)
Which s to say if someone is doing something to you without your knowledge, that’s still rape.
If you agree to have vanilla sex with someone, and then they proceed to tie you up (without explicit informed consent): that’s rape.
If you agree to have sex with protection, and the guy removes the condom without your knowledge: that’s rape.
Unless the consent is informed, as well as given safely and sanely, it’s rape.
“ If you agree to have sex with protection, and the guy removes the condom without your knowledge: that’s rape.”
I’m genuinely curious then; do you think a woman is raping a man when she says she’s on the pill but isn’t?
I’m inclined to say no, because the STD risk doesn’t change. But I’m not sure, because it’s definitely still deception. @feminismandmedia @tobeyisprochoice any thoughts?
Yes. It would be reproductive coercion in both cases.
The person is agreeing to sex with protection. If the protection is removed without the person’s knowledge or consent, it would be rape.
I think the only hang-up is the word “protection.” I consider “protected sex” to be sex using a form of contraception. Condoms would be a form of protection, as would birth control pills. If one partner has an STI, “protection” would include a method that prevents the transfer.
Wording aside, person A tells person B they are using a method of contraception.
Person B agrees to sex based on the knowledge that person A is using contraception.
If person A does not use contraception, then it is not what person B consented to.
Consent must be informed. If the person is deceived, their agreement is negated.
@feminismandmedia would you agree or disagree with this?
Yes absolutely agree! I replied but I’m on mobile so it all kind of merged together.
The informed consent part of that would be violated, so in my mind it’s most certainly rape.
Mod Bethany
Definitely. It’s the same as the other case.
I wouldn’t say that lying about being on birth control is the same as using a condom and then secretly taking it off. If you see your partner putting the condom on and give consent to having intercourse under this condition, but your partner takes off the condom without your knowledge, you have every reason to believe the condom is being used for the duration of the intercourse. You saw them put it on and didn’t see them take it off. They’re purposely deceiving you. They’re not getting permission to take it off or taking it off in full view. If someone says they’re on birth control/sterilized/infertile/etc, you’re only relying on their word. There’s a possibility they’re lying or simply mistaken about their ability to get pregnant or impregnate someone. If you’re going to rely on their word alone, then you have sex at your own risk. If you want to be on the safe side, you have to protect yourself, regardless of what your partner says. Unfortunately, there are few ways for both partners to use a form of STI protection. The condom scenario has the added concern of STI transmission.
In both cases, you’re consenting to sex based on the promise that the other person will be using some form of protection (condom/birth control).
You are consenting to protected sexual intercourse.
If the other person removes or tampers with the condom, lies about taking birth control pills, or in some other way deceives you, your consent would be negated.
Because the sex is no longer protected, and therefore not what you consented to.
If the person is deceived or coerced (and these are both cases of reproductive coercion), it is not informed consent.
At the end of the day, the two situations are parallel and would both be rape. The only difference is the type of protection being used
In the condom scenario, the condom is there. You’re not simply relying on a promise. You’re relying on the objective fact that the condom is being used. There’s no evidence that someone is using a more discrete form of birth control, like pills or sterilization, except maybe medical documentation. You’re just relying on someone’s word. There’s going to be risk involved if you choose to rely solely on someone’s word of their contraception use without any proof.
Would you consider it rape if the person poked a hole in the condom that their partner was to wear?
My disagreement is with calling it rape when someone lies about being on birth control (or other form of invisible contraception). There’s a huge difference between seeing that someone is using a condom and then taking it off and relying on someone’s word that they’re using birth control when there’s no evidence. I’m not just going to take someone’s word on it that they’re sterile or infertile. But I will believe my eyes when I see a condom go on a penis and assume I’m protected.
I would consider any form of reproductive coercion to be rape, because the coercion would negate the consent - meaning the sex would be nonconsensual.
I disagree. You’re assuming some risk when you put your trust in someone to have intercourse with. You have to be responsible for your safety. If you’re worried about reproductive coercion, there are ways to protect yourself. Don’t put 100% of your trust in someone else when it’s your life at stake.
Interesting that there’s nothing to be said for the one doing the coercing.
I don’t have to talk about the person doing the coercing, because we all know that’s wrong. I’m not arguing that it’s okay to coerce someone.
But people need to protect themselves from becoming pregnant or getting someone else pregnant. You can’t trust people 100%, whether they tell a bold faced lie or they’re wrong about their fertility. What you can trust is your own method of birth control that you use to protect yourself. Here’s an example conversation:
Partner: You don’t have to go on birth control pills. I’m sterile. I could never get you pregnant.
Me: I prefer to use my own method of birth control to ensure I don’t become pregnant accidentally. It’s a personal decision, and I won’t have sex without taking contraception myself. Besides, it’s best to use more than one form of birth control.
And then things can either go this way –
Partner: I understand and respect your decision to use contraception. It’s good to take responsibility for your health and body. This is your personal decision, not you distrusting me.
[sex happens]
Or things can go this way –
Partner: How dare you not completely trust me! I can’t believe you won’t take my word for it that I can’t get you pregnant! Don’t you realize that I’m the only one who can set up the parameters of this sexual encounter?
[sex doesn’t happen]
See how I’m protecting myself from being taken advantage of from a potential reproductive abuser? I’m saying protect yourself and don’t give into the pressure of having sex outside of your comfort zone. It’s taught in every comprehensive sex ed class, or it should be. You’re saying don’t protect yourself, put your wellbeing in the hands of others, and trust everyone 100%. This isn’t something anyone should be taught to do.
The condom situation is different, because STIs are factored in and you can see a condom, unlike most other forms of contraception. I think in your effort to sound fair, you’re comparing different things that aren’t comparable.
Let’s make this really simple.
Person A consents to protected sexual intercourse.
Person B tampers with or removes the protection.
The sexual intercourse is not protected, which is what person A consented to.
Is the sexual intercourse rape?
“You have to protect yourself” hmmm, sounds awfully victim blaming to me.
And there’s no way to completely avoid reproductive coercion.
You might not know that the other person is tampering/removing with the contraception.
You might not know until you are pregnant or the other partner is pregnant.
They could replace your birth control pills with placebos and you would think you’re “protecting yourself.”
They could poke holes in the condoms you’re using to “protect yourself.”
Like, whatever you’re using could be tampered with.
But your partner would be deceiving you by lying, coercing you into having what you believe to be protected sex, and then it turns out it wasn’t.
Which is not what you consented to.
So it’s rape.
I’m REALLY glad we’re having this discussion, because it totally is rape.
When you place your health at the hands of the other person, you are making the choice to an act UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS.
It doesn’t matter the method of how the coercion happens. Once there is ANY sort of coercion, deception, or lies, it’s rape. Consent is no longer valid.
The claim was NEVER about trusting someone 100% percent, but rather “Is deception a form of rape?”
People can and will place trust in the wrong hands. We’re HUMAN. But that also means we should know right from wrong.
That’s it exactly.
I hope you and @dogsdefensesquad understand that this logic puts transgender people and people with HIV/AIDS at increased risk to violence. You’re forcing them to disclose their status as trans or HIV-positive and risk either being called a rapist or convicted of rape or risk getting killed. Dogs’ comment can be used in the opening argument of an attorney using the trans panic defense.
Let’s take a step back here: The topic at hand was about willingly and maliciously lying and deceiving your partner when it came to protection. Up until this point, the topic at hand was about reproductive coercion and how that can be viewed as rape.
I understand that this in turns becomes an issue about STDs and STIs and this has severe implications, however, it’s startling to think that a person must never trust their significant other because there isn’t a level of respect or trust when you’re willingly putting your health into someone else’s hands.
There are two people’s safety at risk (though then again, both types of safety in question are different) and you cannot put one over the other. At least, these are my thoughts.
You cannot force someone to out themselves about their medical conditions. This much you are right. However, you brought up the status of being trans.
Here’s my experience in being a trans person who’s had to come to this situation: I’ve never been forced to out myself to my partners. However I know well enough that there are certain boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. Until the moment come up that this becomes relevant, however, it HAD to be discussed. This means that a conversation must be going on both parts, because in my honest opinion, the point of being in a relationship is because you can trust this person.
Here’s my experience on being a rape victim: being lied to about protection (invisible or not) is FRIGHTENING. The moment I found out the man may have malicious given me an STI/STD ontop of coercing me into sleeping with him was extremely violating.
This shouldn’t be an issue. You don’t need to out yourself to get a feel of what the other person might think about the topic at hand. You should never be forced to. Like you said, until that trust is there, you shouldn’t be with someone who is going to want to actively hurt you. But we’re humans. We’re not exactly the best judges of character, are we?
But this isn’t about keeping something to yourself because you’re scared/your safety was at risk. Up until this point this is about maliciously lying to your partner and putting their health at risk or reproductive coercion. (Which is rape.)
To say, “Well, you should be sure that this wouldn’t happen.” Is very victim blamey, and when you brought in HIV/AIDS and trans people into this, it felt like it was to silence and talk over rape victims, as if this is something we should put up with.
Bringing in the issue of trans status or the stigma of HIV/AIDS bring in another layer of complexity, because ideally, you’d WANT to trust your partner, you WANT to be safe, but if you should also be aware of your partner’s boundaries. This is why communicating in a relationship is important.
This logic can and will put people at risk, unfortunately. It’s not perfect, and I don’t think it ever will be. But we must be consistent, I think.
I think this is important to keep in mind.
I don’t totally disagree with this. You should trust your partner, but you need to trust yourself more. If it’s so important to you to be protected from STIs or pregnancy, then you’d take the extra step of using your own contraception or asking for documentation, instead of just taking someone’s word for it that they’re STI-free or infertile. This is especially important, since not everyone is fully informed about their own fertility or STI status. Taking precautions isn’t victim blaming. Advocating for all sexually active people to use contraception to protect themselves from accidental pregnancy isn’t victim blaming. It’s not even controversial. In fact, it’s something that feminists have been advocating for decades.
I take issue with calling it rape. Should be illegal? Yes. Immoral? Darn right. Rape? Tricky.
There's this mantra I always hear 'rape, is rape, it rape', but I find that this is really too straight forward. There are degrees of murder for a reason and it would be a long post to actually take apart the problems with treating all rape the same. There are weird grey areas.
I would never blame the victim for this, and I do think that removing a condom without informing your partner should be illegal. But I'm not sure it should be classed as rape
Circumcision: Good idea/bad idea?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFipAtefUWw&feature=share
Hello
I first have to admit, I’m still sort of baffled at how Tumblr actually works despite stumbling around on here for literally years. In my defense, I basically never posted anything, or talked to anyone, or did much of anything but follow some tags and like posts that struck my fancy. I’m not normally someone who likes to proclaim things on the internet or get in fights, so I’m generally content to take a back seat and lurk in the corner of my favorite fandoms. So I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Recently, I was having some conversations with a girl friend and I was really struck by how shitty it is sometimes to be a sexually active woman in our society. I know, I know, that’s a stupid statement because A. Obviously lots of women have awesome sex lives (and that’s great!) and B. The problems facing women’s sex lives have been broken into pieces and looked over with a microscope by every girl-mag and news outlet for decades and I should probably just leave it to the experts.
But I’m not just talking about being sexually active (STDs, pregnancy, does he/she like me? Am I good in bed?), I’m talking about the double edged sword of being seen as a sexually active being in our society, the complicated issues of negotiating our roles with our partners both in and out of the bedroom, and the gigantic issues our society seems to have with consent (and there’s no sexy times without consent-that’s rape).
So my radical idea was actually giving tumblr a whirl for it’s intended purpose (if that’s how this works?) and post some thoughts, some experiences, and more importantly, look for some conversation and positions from other people.
Some disclosure; I’m a 28 yo, cis, hetero, able-bodied white female, and my experience is my own. I don’t speak for anyone else or pretend my experience is universal. I realize I’m coming at this from a relative position of privilege. I may end up referencing conversations with some of my RL friends, who will remain anonymous, and some of them have had profoundly different experiences from me. I also work as a nurse in the hospital setting, but did some clinical work in the sexual health and family planning section of the health department and learned a lot there, and that’s where any experiences I post medically related come from.
Since my own experiences have been almost entirely with men, my posts will probably mostly focus on heterosexual sex and gender roles (and playing with the idea of those roles! It’s not like they’re fixed!), but I’m interested in discussing all of women’s sexuality, and that’s obviously not limited to my own straight existence.
I think, relatively speaking and compared with some people I’ve known, I have been remarkably fortunate in my sexual experiences and sexual partners. That said, I STILL think it sucks sometimes being a sexually active woman in our society and I’d like to look at some of the reasons it sucks, and also some of the things that made my own sex life more positive.
