Today, I decided to start writing to let my emotions out without having to talk bad about someone.
Distance is reaaaaally hard. But how can you maintain the fire with all that distance? Communication is the key. But does it really require you to do some nasty things on the video to make your partner feel that you are together and that somehow you can fulfill his/her needs?
Some people say it's normal for distanced couples to do IT. Some say if you don't want your partner to do it with somebody else and cheat, you should find ways to be intimate with each other despite the distance.
But see, this is my problem. I am not comfortable making a video of myself doing IT. Honestly, I sent a couple videos for the sake of his satisfaction. But it literally bothers me knowing that it could leak or whatever. I'm not saying that I don't trust him. It's just that if there's a video that existed then there is a possibility. Even 1% percent of possibility is killing me.
So basically, what we did was try to do it while on a video call. We did it a couple of times, and he was frequently asking me for it. But what would you do if he asks you to do it with him and you're not in the mood? It's hard to put your fingers down there, do some stroking when you don't feel like doing it. Added the fact that lately, I don't feel any tingling sensation. Like I don't feel lusty in any way. When you watch porn, you feel a little something but I don't feel it these days. That's what he didn't understand.
Of course, I wanna do it with him. I wanna make him feel satisfied with me even with the distance. I tried faking it a few times though and he noticed it. This distance is killing the shit outta me.
Is it right that I'm feeling guilty about something I honestly feel?
*Up until now, he won't talk to me after I told him about my condition (lack of lust in EVERYTHING) and that I'm not feeling comfortable doing it.
