IT’S NOT BEATING A DEAD HORSE IF YALL KEEP FRANKENSTEINING THAT MOTHERFUCKER.
We’re talking about Kirk and women, sit your ass down. I came across a post about this by @anghraine while slowly scrolling through @trekkify’s entire blog like a psycho, sorry that you got like, forty notifications at once that was me. AND I’ve come across discourse about this in the past. AND if I see one more compilation video of Kirk getting assaulted with the caption “oooh ladykilling macho man man dude guy bro dude man” I’m going to explode.
So this is a comprehensive list of all the women (including female-presenting androids and holograms) that James Tiberius Kirk has romantic and/or sexual encounters with over Star Trek: The Original Series.
Boo yeah.
People Kirk Has Kissed
So, for the sake of coherency, I’m going to sort these into three categories.
Green - Yay!
100% consensual on both sides, no one was under any duress or coercion, 10/10, go get ‘em, partner.
Orange - Erm
The interaction was necessary for the mission, while it was instigated and led by Kirk, he didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter. NO SHADE TO (most) THE GIRLS HERE, they did nothing wrong.
Red - Ergh
Literally counts as assault
Notes: I say "interaction" a lot, because it’s the sixties, so a lot of the time, whether or not Kirk and the girl actually had sex is left up to interpretation, this just makes things easier.
ALSO, these categories aren’t perfect, because it’s Star Trek, there are a couple of instances that blur the line to an absurd degree (Do possessed people want tea? Please tell me someone gets that reference). I tried my best, and added notes when I thought it was necessary.
Green
Edith Keeler - “The City On the Edge of Forever”
Hell yeah my girl. Everyone’s onboard, no outside influence on anyone. We love Edith.
Miramanee - “The Paradise Syndrome”
Kirk doesn’t have his memories BUT he’s fully aware and seems to be earnestly in love with her.
Ruth - “Shore Leave”
Yup! Well, she’s not a real person (the one he’s kissing), but yep, fully consensual.
Areel Shaw - “Court Martial”
My personal favourite of Kirk’s old flames. Absolutely GOATed response to having to be your ex’s opposition in court.
Rayna Kapec - “Requiem for Methuselah”
Aw, my poor girl.
Odona - “The Mark of Gideon”
Weird situation, but I don't think anyone was under duress, I don’t remember, was she told to seduce Kirk, or just to hang out with him? I dunno. Though this whole thing genuinely makes me wonder if Kirk’s knee-jerk reaction in an uncertain situation is to seduce any potential threats.
Lenore - “The Conscience of the King”
Everyone was a willing participant, is it actually implied Kirk did this to keep a closer eye on her father or did I steal that from a fic?
Drusilla - “Bread and Circuses”
Green but edging towards orange because she herself posed no threat to Kirk and while he is imprisoned he couldn’t really expect to get anything out of the interaction. AGAIN, MY MEMORY MAY BE OFF.
Orange
Marlena Moreau - “Mirror Mirror”
He had to kiss her to maintain his cover, also she thinks it’s a different him.
Shahna - “The Gamesters of Triskelion”
She was his best chance at escaping, it was a shitty situation and I love her.
Ann Mulhall - “Return to Tomorrow”
Jesus, this is messy. Right so basically both her and Kirk are possessed by incorporeal beings, who are husband and wife, so like… I dunno what to do with this one, help me out.
Kelinda - “By Any Other Name”
Seduced by Kirk for tactical advantage. It’s a similar case to Sylvia from “Catspaw”, she does pose a threat to Kirk, but she does not specifically use it to seduce him. (I put Sylvia in red with orange asterisks, mainly because she is more directly threatening Kirk, but again, it’s sort of a weird grey area.)
Red
Uhura “Plato’s Stepchildren”
Non-consensual on both sides, this should go without saying but because it’s the internet I'm just gonna say that this one being in red does NOT mean I blame Uhura, my girl, my GOAT. I heard about this being the first interracial kiss on television WAY before I watched the episode and nothing could have prepared me for this.
Deela - “In A Wink of An Eye”
She could’ve killed him at any time with a literal flick of her finger.
Elaan - “Elaan of Troyius”
My man was roofied with alien tears. Literally so unambiguous.
Marta - “Whom the God’s Destroy”
I had to look her up, she’s the Orion girl from the asylum who was tasked with seducing Kirk.
Sylvia - “Catspaw” ***
By this point she has him and the entire ship in her power, threatening to kill them. This one kind of hovers between red and orange because while she is directly threatening Kirk, she is not doing so with the explicit goal of seducing him, so it’s kinda vague.
Andrea - “What are Little Girls Made Of?” ***
Ok, another tough one. Andrea is an android and the first time they kiss, she is under orders from her maker. Kirk is held captive but she is also not in control of herself either. Later, Kirk kisses her as an attempt to escape, putting her in orange. So again, it’s messy. AND I MAY BE REMEMBERING IT WRONG
Nona - "A Private Little War".
Finally an easy one, he was drugged with alien plants. This episode is strange, why is the cavewoman wearing black leather low-rise flare pants?
Dr Helen “The Dagger of the Mind”
Yikes. Ok, so despite this being very much initiated by Kirk, he is doing so under the delusions that she planted in his mind.
If I forgot anyone/got anything drastically wrong please let me know!
Also if anyone has any recs for fics that talk about this pls share I beg I will devour them
Oh my goodness, thank you for this. I finally properly marathoned TOS last year for the first time since childhood, and it was like. Suave womaniser Kirk WHOMST. This poor man is constantly fending off advances, stating that he will not engage in anything with his crew and that the ship is his love, being space roofied into kissing, having to kiss someone to escape, or being brainwashed, more than any actual consensual healthy romances.
Also, the logic/emotion conflict is usually between Spock and McCoy, not Spock and Kirk.
Where's that meme about how Kirk and Picard are actually the opposite of the popular perception of them? Kirk is a calm nerdy diplomatic leader who was described by another character as a 'stack of books on legs' at the Academy, while Picard is out there getting in fights and sweeping women off their feet.
