Giving Perry a break for a bit, and introducing a new OC! Crawford Seaver is a weather wizard with an unfortunate cold, and an even more unfortunate quirk that comes along with his sneezing.
Part of the Perryverse, but stands on its own for now. Just a simple, soggy, sneezy wizard for your reading pleasure! Enjoy!
“Looks like bad weather at the lighthouse.”
Ruby, polishing glasses behind the bar, rolled her eyes as a fisherman, dripping wet from the rain outside, approached her Aunt Hortense with this grim warning. Two weeks working at the Dropped Anchor, banished to the tiny fishing town of White Water for “unbecoming behaviour” with the attractive son of a prominent cleric in the city, had done little to curb her impatience, or tendency towards sarcasm.
“It’s bad weather everywhere. Look outside!”
The fisherman looked to Ruby with disbelief, shaking his head disapprovingly.
“Aye… But it’s bad weather at the lighthouse.”
Aunt Hortense gave a disapproving tut, looking up from polishing the bar and meeting the fisherman’s eyes.
“Ignore Ruth. She…”
“Ruby!”
“Ignore Ruth. She doesn’t know, doesn’t care, and won’t be staying. Does it look bad? Poor Mister Seaver, out there all alone…”
Ruby snorted.
“Does he expect a social life, living in a lighthouse?”
Her elders ignored her completely, with the fisherman going on in grim tones.
“We’ll see how bad soon enough. His supply run day, isn’t it? And if he’s got what half the town’s had…”
Aunt Hortense’s brow creased with worry.
“If he’s got what half the town’s had, he’ll be sneezing up a storm. I’ll see that there’s something on the stove in case he wants to stop by for a meal, and we’ll just have to hope he has matters under control.”
As Aunt Hortense retreated to the kitchen, Ruby turned to the fisherman with interest, no longer even pretending to polish the glass in her hands, instead leaning in for a chat.
“So, what’s the big deal about this Seaver? Someone important? How come I never see him around town, if that’s the case?”
The fisherman shook his head disapprovingly.
“He’s a wizard, is our Mister Seaver. A weather wizard, and a good one, too! So mind you show him proper respect, and leave him be, he likes his space.”
Ruby rolled her eyes, turning back to her glasses and making a half-hearted effort at polishing one.
“Who ever heard of wizards these days? I thought they all live off in towers somewhere, all high and mighty and above it all. And if he’s so good with weather, can’t he warm things up a little? It’s been miserable for days!”
The fisherman opened his mouth, no doubt to chastise her, only to be cut off by a gust of bitter wind as the door opened, and a stranger entered. A tall figure, clad in an oilskin coat dripping with rainwater, his face largely obscured by a blue woolen scarf, and his hair wild and damp from the weather. Ruby caught a glimpse of hazel eyes over his scarf, looking watery from the chill wind.
A terrier trotted in ahead of the stranger. A scrappy-looking little creature, with one ragged ear, and a tail held proudly in the air like a banner. He looked up at the stranger, all attentiveness, and Ruby heard a soft, hoarse voice from behind the scarf.
“Go and sit, Neptune.”
The terrier, Neptune, plainly familiar with the place, trotted over to an isolated table in the corner, while his master approached the bar, hanging back a little as if unsure if the fisherman sitting there was being attended to first. The fisherman nodded respectfully and gestured for him to approach, and shot Ruby a warning glance, as if silently urging her to show respect as well. Evidently this was Mister Seaver, the local wizard.
Never one to blindly bow to those deemed respectable, Ruby had a quip ready along with an empty glass, when the stranger stepped forward, carefully unwinding his scarf. Ruby’s cheeky remark died in her throat.
The term ‘wizard’ had conjured up a mental image of an old man with long white hair and an equally long white beard, with flowing robes and perhaps a pointed hat. A somewhat ridiculous creature from a storybook. Instead, the man revealed as the scarf peeled away was strong-jawed with a hint of stubble, his age hard to determine. Handsome, in a weathered and weary sort of way. Jaw-length brown hair peppered with grey, gentle, intelligent eyes, and a prominent nose, the bridge of which was a touch irregular, as if broken sometime in the past.
Said nose was absolutely ravaged with a seemingly brutal cold. Rubbed red and raw, decidedly damp about the nostrils, it sounded dreadfully congested as the wizard wrinkled it and gave a marshy snuffle.
Ruby felt her cheeks flush. Something about a handsome man with a cold always made something inside of her squirm. It was no coincidence that the cleric’s son who had been her undoing had constantly been catching the sniffles. She broke into a catlike grin, leaning forward on the bar a little, displaying herself to best advantage.
“You must be Mister Seaver. I’ve heard all about you.”
The wizard only briefly met her eyes, and then lowered his gaze. Not to where Ruby wanted it, annoyingly, but rather looking at a corner of the bar, as if embarrassed to look her in the eye. He sniffled again, his nostrils arching with the effort of it, and he rubbed a knuckle beneath his leaking nose.
“I am. Crawford Seaver. At your service. You… erm… You’re new…”
He turned away slightly to cough into his fist, and Ruby took the opportunity to tug the neckline of her blouse a little further down. The fisherman, watching her disapprovingly, tutted and shook his head.
“I am indeed. Ruby. A pleasure to meet you. What can I do for you? You look as if you need warming up…”
Her attempt at a sultry manner was ruined by Aunt Hortense returning and taking her shoulder, pulling her back and directing her towards the kitchen, scowling all the while.
“If you’re not going to make yourself useful out here, you can go back there and start washing dishes. Now, Mister Seaver. You look wretched, I imagine you’ll want something warm in your belly. We’ve a mutton stew, if that suits?”
The wizard, Crawford, nodded, fishing a frayed old bandana from his pocket and roughly pinching at his nose. For a moment, his eyes took on a distinctly absent look, and his breath caught. Ruby, lingering in the kitchen door, watched unashamedly, and tried not to feel too disappointed when the vaguely sneezy expression faded, and Crawford breathed a sigh of relief.
As did the fisherman, who, Ruby noted, had been watching Crawford nervously.
Odd.
Crawford spoke up again, his quiet voice muddled with congestion.
“Thank you, Mrs. Platt. And if I might have some tea? My throat…”
“Sounds like you’ve gargled gravel, and no doubt you could use some steam to clear you up. Go and sit down, the girl and I will take care of it. Ruth, kettle. Now!”
Ruby shot a sulky look at her aunt, and, before retreating into the kitchen, looked back over her shoulder at the ailing wizard. As she watched, he took his bandana again and mopped at his streaming nose, before rubbing it none too gently. His breath caught, his eyelids fluttering. For a moment, Ruby noted both Aunt Hortense and the fisherman tensing up, the fisherman edging away a little. Both only relaxed when Crawford let out the breath as a soft moan, rubbing his nose once more.
Aunt Hortense spoke up.
“You have those sneezes under control?”
Crawford’s cheeks coloured a touch, and he nodded, avoiding her eyes. Stranger and stranger, Ruby mused, before retreating into the kitchen as Aunt Hortense turned and glared. Grumbling under her breath, she set about filling the kettle and hanging it over the fire, while Aunt Hortense came to fill a bowl with steaming mutton stew, and slicing bread to go with it.
“Why’s everyone so nervous of him sneezing? It’s just a cold, and we’ve had half the town hacking and spluttering all over the bar these last couple of weeks. No more risk of catching it from him than any of them.”
Aunt Hortense shot her an irritable scowl, placing the bowl and bread on a tray and passing it to her.
“Don’t you go meddling in our Mister Seaver’s business. It’s none of your concern. Now, take that out, and then leave him be. The poor man’s ill, he doesn’t need any of your nonsense!”
“Oh, I don’t know. He looks rather miserable. A little nonsense might cheer him up!”
“Ruth, I swear to whatever god happens to be listening, if you keep talking back…”
“Alright, alright, I’m going!”
Tray balanced on one hand, Ruby made her way back out to the bar, spotting Crawford now seated at the corner table, his dripping oilskin removed to reveal the same sort of cable-knit woolen jumper the local fishermen wore. He rested his head on one hand, and with the other, kept his bandana pressed to his nose, alternately pinching and rubbing. Evidently the swollen appendage was troubling him immensely.
The little dog, Neptune, sat obediently at his feet, and alerted him to Ruby’s arrival with a sudden “Wuff!”. Crawford sat up a little straighter, and lowered his bandana, avoiding her eyes once more. Up close, she could hear him giving soft little sniffles with every other breath. Offering her most charming smile, Ruby set down his food, and lingered, holding onto the tray.
“That ought to put some colour back in your cheeks.”
“Thank you. Very much appreciated.”
Crawford hesitated, seemingly unsure whether to begin eating in her company. No doubt unused to the charms of city girls, Ruby mused, toying flirtatiously with her braid. She offered a teasing smile.
“Everyone says you’re a wizard. You don’t look like one.”
Crawford blinked up at her. There was a hint of feverish haze to his eyes that melted something inside of her, and when he replied, soft and hesitant, his voice was so heavy with congestion, he struggled to make himself understood.
“Erm… Then I must resort to the old cliché, Miss Ruby, regarding appearances being deceptive.”
“I suppose they must be. Your appearance says you should be in bed. Yet here you are, up and about!”
Crawford flushed a little deeper, and looked down at his bowl as if it might hold the answer to escaping this conversation. Unwilling to let him get away just yet, Ruby grinned, leaning her hip on the table.
“So, if you’re really a weather wizard, can you conjure us up a ray of sunshine? Gods know we could use it around here!”
Crawford continued to stare down into his food, stirring it idly and addressing the bowl.
“That would be inadvisable for a number of reasons. Natural conditions shouldn’t be… Hehhh… Shouldn’t be tampered with. Too much… Huhhh…. Uhh… Sndfff!... potential for… for unforeseen… consequences… I’m so sorry, I beg your pardon, I…”
Shaking his head as if he might somehow deny the inevitable, Crawford lurched forward into his much-abused bandana, though, having struggled to talk his way through the build-up to his sneeze, he buried his nose in the damp folds too late, failing to entirely cover an impressive plume of spray.
“HhhhHHRUFFFSSSHOO!”
It was as if someone had suddenly pulled out a weapon. The various tavern patrons, who had been shooting Crawford the occasional worried glance, suddenly pulled abruptly away. One or two leapt to their feet. One dived under his table.
Silence hung in the air for a moment, broken only by Crawford’s unsteady breathing and pitifully damp snuffling. At length, cheeks and ears flushed red, looking as if he wished to disappear, Crawford emerged from behind his bandana at last, and chanced a brief look around the tavern, raising a hand apologetically.
“… Sorry… Under control…”
The patrons returned to their drinks, though wary glances continued to be sent in Crawford’s direction.
Ruby, mouth dry, face warm, struggled to find her words. Gods, the man sneezed like a thunderstorm. Loud, and wet. She swallowed hard, and struggled not to giggle as she spoke.
“Well, I’ll bless you, even if no one else here has manners. It’s alright. No need to be shy. Sneeze as much as you like.”
Crawford shrank into himself a little more, and dabbed at his long-suffering nose.
“I’d very much prefer not to. Apologies. I… You ought to keep your distance.”
Almost as if he meant to chase her off, Crawford buried his nose in his bandana once more, and, thin chest expanding with a slightly wheezy inhale, let loose with a blow that rivaled a foghorn, giving his nostrils a vigorous rub afterwards. Three times, he repeated this process, and at last tucked his bandana away once more, drooping over the table, somehow still looking heavy with congestion.
Far from being deterred, Ruby clucked her tongue sympathetically, and tried not to squirm. If ever a man needed to be held…
“Oh, you needn’t worry about me. I never catch anything. Except when I decide to chase something.”
Once again, her flirtation fell on deaf ears. Crawford merely shrank in on himself further, and shivered. Ruby fought back a sigh.
“Alright. I’ll leave you to eat, and get that tea ready for you.”
As she passed the bar, the fisherman, now being poured a glass of ale by Aunt Hortense, let out a low chuckle.
“You’re barking up the wrong wizard there, my girl!”
Ruby’s cheeks flushed with annoyance as she stormed back into the kitchen, and poured hot water into the teapot to prepare it for the leaves.
“Honestly, does anyone in this washed-up wreck of a town have taste?”
Waiting for the pot to warm, Ruby went to listen by the door, and struggled not to squirm as she heard another sneeze from Crawford’s table. Once again, it sounded loud, soaking, laden with cold… And was once again it was accompanied by the scraping of chairs and sound of movement as patrons drew away, followed by a hoarse, miserable apology, and assurance that all was under control.
“Honestly, they can sail through a storm but can’t handle a man with the sniffles…”
As Ruby emerged from the kitchen with a large, steaming mug of tea, her attraction to the ailing wizard merged with sympathy. Looking to his table, she saw him shivering hopelessly, having pulled his oilskin back over his narrow shoulders, poking miserably at his food. And, as if to further compound his misery, all those who had been anywhere remotely near his table had relocated to the other side of the tavern.
“Honestly, it’s just a cold…”
Ruby glanced at Aunt Hortense, and found her at a table at the other side of the room, laying down the law regarding a patron’s unpaid tab. Taking her chance, Ruby ducked beneath the bar, seizing a bottle of whiskey and adding a generous shot to the mug of tea. That ought to chase away the chills!
Crawford, feeding Neptune a piece of mutton from his stew, looked up at Ruby with bleary eyes as she approached his table, setting down the mug with a smile.
“There. That’ll have you nice and warmed up in no time.”
Worn and weary and wretchedly full of cold as he looked, this time, Crawford managed a slight, shy smile in return.
“Thank you. Very much appreciated.”
Crawford wrapped his hands around the mug, sighing in relief at the warmth, and raised it to his lips, attempting to inhale some of the steam through his stuffy nose. Failing this, he took a deep sip instead.
His eyes, closed in relief at the warmth, suddenly opened in horror.
“Is… Huhh… Is there… Snff-SNF! Huhhh… HaAHhh… whiskey in this?”
“Just a nip! I thought it might warm you up?”
Crawford gave a flustered snort, setting the mug down and pushing it away, and grabbing urgently for his bandana. His reddened nostrils flared wide, and he shook his head, as if he might somehow refuse the oncoming sneeze, even as his eyelids fluttered closed and his chest and shoulders jerked with violent hitches.
“I… I can’t… Ihh… I’m sorry… I… Ehh… HehEHhh… HhhHRFFFSHHHOO!”
Crawford did his best to smother the explosion in his bandana, but to no avail. It was torn from him, throat-scraping and violent, and already he was gasping in air for another. Neptune gave a sharp yap, and retreated under the table between Crawford’s feet. The patrons at the other side of the table rose to their feet, and Ruby heard one of them cry out.
“Best clear out, here he goes!”
“HhiieeffsssSSHOO!”
The second sneeze left Crawford panting and teary-eyed, bracing himself against the table, coughing weakly, but already drawing in air for a third effort. Several patrons hurried out the door. Others ducked under their tables. Aunt Hortense, spying Ruby, came storming over and seized her by the arm.
“Get away, you silly girl, before…”
“HhhHHRAAASSSSHOO!”
The sound of the sneeze itself was nearly drowned out by a crack of thunder, and a blinding brightness as lightning flashed just outside the window. Wind shrieked through the tavern, blowing an abandoned newspaper about the room. Ruby gave a shriek of alarm, clutching Aunt Hortense as the sudden violent gust tore at her hair.
Crawford, rubbing furiously at his swollen, leaking nose, attempted to stammer out an apology.
“I’m so sorry… The whiskey… I… Iihhhh… AhhHAAaahh… AHHhhHASHOO!”
Aunt Hortense swore, shoving Ruby aside and taking Crawford by the arm, trying to haul him to his feet.
“What whiskey? Who… Alright, time for you to step outside!”
“I… Hhhehhh…”
“Oh, no you don’t! You keep that nose of yours under control!”
Crawford struggled to get to his feet, but, seemingly clumsy from illness, stumbled back into his seat with the sheer force of the next sneeze.
“HhhhHHYAAASSSSHH!”
Aunt Hortense took Crawford by the arm once more, snapping at Ruby as she did so.
“Help me get him out, girl! Before…”
“EhhhHESSSHOO!”
Another violent wind ripped through the tavern, and this time, fat, heavy raindrops began to fall, slowly at first, then thick and fast. Ruby gasped as they splashed against her skin, rapidly cooling her flushed cheeks. Seeing the urgency of the situation now, she took Crawford’s other arm, and between them, the two women helped him to the door, the poor wizard already shuddering with urgent hitches, fueling the next sneeze.
The force of it nearly sent Crawford stumbling, and Ruby put an arm around him to steady him as they stepped out into the street, where wild winds tore at their hair and clothes, and sleet stung their skin. The chill, Ruby noted, made the feverish heat radiating from Crawford all the more pronounced. With her arm around him, she could feel his chest heaving, readying for the next effort. The little dog, Neptune, yapped urgently, getting underfoot in his attempts to herd them onwards.
“HhhHRASSCHOO!”
Ruby felt the spray of that one on her cheek, and the shiver that ran through her wasn’t entirely from the cold.
As Crawford, teary-eyed, nose streaming, looking exhausted, stumbled to a halt as the next sneeze began to overwhelm him, Aunt Hortense took Ruby by the arm and tugged her back, looking grim. Still reeling from all that had unfolded, Ruby watched with wide eyes as Crawford leaned back in readiness, and was flung forward by the force of one final, exhausting sneeze.
“Ehh… Hehh… Huhhh... HhhhHHUUURUSSSSHOOO!”
One last burst of howling wind swirled outwards from the unfortunate wizard, followed by an eerie silence, broken only by his soft moaning and snuffling, as the pattering rain turned to a thick, heavy fall of snow.
Crawford, shivering as snowflakes settled over his hair and clothes, raised his now all but useless bandana to his nose and gave an exhausted, careful blow, and looked to Aunt Hortense with rheumy eyes, looking thoroughly miserable.
“I… I’m really so terribly sorry. I could have sworn I had it under control, only…”
Aunt Hortense folded her arms across her chest, shooting Ruby a look that promised dire consequences to come.
“Only this one slipped you a shot of whiskey, it seems. That’ll be coming out of your pay, girl! And as for the mess…”
Crawford held up a hand apologetically, wrinkling his nose and snuffling terribly.
“You mustn’t blame her, she didn’t know. And if you’ll let me catch my breath, I can clear all this up…”
“She knows better than to slip people drinks they haven’t asked for! And by the time you’ve collected yourself enough for that, you’ll have sneezed us up a proper storm!”
Unable to argue with that, Crawford visibly slumped, hanging his head, mopping at his nose once more. Aunt Hortense strode briskly back inside the tavern, and returned with Crawford’s scarf, which she briskly wrapped around his neck, before pulling his oilskin coat around him tighter.
“Go home, Mister Seaver. I’ll speak to the grocer and have your supplies sent to the lighthouse.”
“I… You mustn’t go to any trouble…”
“Did it sound like I was asking?”
“… Thank you. Good day, Mrs Platt.”
The wizard and his little dog turned to walk away, Neptune with his tail still carried high, Crawford with his metaphorical tail between his legs, sniffling and coughing all the while. Ruby watched them go, vaguely aware of Aunt Hortense scolding her.
“And you, my girl, can spend the rest of the day with a mop for company!”
“Mh-hm… Of course… So… Whereabouts is this lighthouse..?”
this time it's fujimoto from p/onyo. i imagine p/onyo and sosuke hang out at sosuke's place from time to time. fujimoto is going to go pick her up. this is the first part, more coming later? im already working on it but i need a break.
A with a Q-tip, hitting all those sensitive spots in B’s nose and making them writhe and hitch wildly.
The tickle is just unbearable and it almost feels as if A is purposefully taking their time when they could just focus on that one super tickly spot and get the sneeze out already-
But oh, here it comes, finally an end to this torture, as B takes a huge gasp and their nostrils flare bigger and bigger and bi-
‘Aww the 10 seconds are up sweetie! You just couldn’t get it out in time, huh?’
B is left squirming and attempting to rub their itching nose (if it wasn’t for these damn handcuffs…).
‘Wh-whhhy did you do that? 10 s-seconds? What?’
A just smiles, putting away the used Q-tip and and getting out a fresh one.
‘It’s okay. We can try again’
This time B notices the timer being set, although this time for only 8 seconds. They’re snapped back to the present moment when A grabs their chin, hindering any chance of pulling away.
The Q-tip goes back into their left nostril, jabbing and twisting and rubbing against all the sensitive spots. B wishes their nose would just pick up where they left off, as the sneeze would be instant, but they’ve had time to calm down and so the build up starts all over again. This time, tickling even worse.
‘Eh-ehhh! Huuuh-please mahhhke me sne-sneehhze’
They quietly beg, almost losing all coherent thought as the q-tip brushes over an incredibly sneezy cluster of nerves. It doesn’t make enough contact, however, and B is stuck in hitchy limbo.
‘I think 8 seconds is plenty of time for you to get that sneeze out of your nose. I mean, just look how ticklish it is!’
The end of that sentence is accentuated with a direct jab to that extra sneezy spot, making B’s eyes roll upwards and causing their entire body to shudder. They were so close. So…close…
Suddenly, 8 seconds was up. The q-tip was once again removed just as B thought it would be enough to set them over the edge.
‘Nuuhhh! Ple-pleahhse! I was so close! Just a few more seconds!’
A didn’t say anything except for a dismissive ‘nuh-uh’, setting the timer again. This time, for 6 seconds. B almost cried at the sight.
‘If you don’t sneeze now, it’ll be 4 seconds. And then 2! And then I guess you’ll just have to feel sneezy, because I won’t be letting that sneeze out until we try again tomorrow!’
B felt their mind turn to mush as the Q-tip invaded their nostril once again…
another in my wind snz univerce series. this one is in magic au world. our mc today is Siris who runs a magic sex shop for kink stuff. he experiments with his newest product for causing wind sneezes. for the snzfuckers out there.
As always keep this to kink blogs yeah?
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Siris had tested all his products personally. today he was testing the latest test sample of wind sneezing potion. he had perfected the sneezing part… but not the wind part, no wind at all so far. He prepared himself and pressed the record button on his mounted tape recorder.
"Experiment sixty nine (nice) I have so far perfected the time limit per teaspoon of potion. About one minute of sneezing per teaspoon, reaction starting an average of one and a half minutes after ingestion. Sneezing frequency and fierceness has been the biggest variable so far. No perceivable wind or other phenomena of note. today i will ingest the newest dose containing two teaspoons of fluid…"
Siris drinks the dosage …
"Mmm usually the taste is that of water, today is more… like cherry? And it tingles a bit like a carbonated drink. Duly noted… hopefully that is not the only change of today's experiment and there will be some wind with the sneezing… i suppose now we wait…"
Soon there was a tell tale tickle in his nose
"It seems the tickling has started… a bit later then average… Mmm there's smell of dust which is new… no smells have been… re- sniff recorded so far… oh the tickle is… hhhh very intense ih? … It is itching… ah a bit as well?hh hh sensation is hhh getting stronger…sniff Oh it's starting to b-burn. "
He couldn't talk any more it was too intense. his body then started feeling a bit like how the potion had felt like a carbonated drink…then as he started hitching again he felt it… a small breeze. He wished dearly to be able to vocalize these findings… but even more then that he wanted to…. Sn-Sneeze!
"HIH HIH HIIIH? HIIII?! HHHHIII'SSHHHH-EEWW!!! "
a vicious sneeze fallowed by wind! He had done it! he had finally done it!
"HHHH' HISSSHHHHH!!! ugh HHHHI? HHHHIIIXSCHH!!! Th- There is now wind with HH hhh HH!? HHISHHH! Each sneeze… HHH- my body feels the'he same way the potion felt…HHHH hhh HHIISSSHHHHH'eh!!! when I drank it… a bit tingly…Hi hh heh EH? EhT'SSHHHH! EHT'SHHH! …IIISHHHH' EEWWW!!! … "
It was too difficult to talk so he would ride the rest out and note his findings latter, it was clear this was a breakthrough, but much more testing was needed. Much, much more.
Okay, so I know we know, as a community, that Sneezy of Snow White fame is cursed. But, you cannot argue that his CONCEPT alone is absolutely golden. Allow me to elaborate:
Imagine a man that you DO find attractive*. Right now. Pause right now and imagine the man you most want to sneeze. Okay, back to the scenario---- This man is just CHRONICALLY sneezy. There is just no explanation for it. Everything tickles his nose, which is always irritated. Everything makes him want to sneeze. It's to the point where his roommates call him Sneezy to tease him. They even try to do the whole 'finger under the nose' thing. The first time, it was a joke, but damn! Sometimes it works and they happily welcome anything that has a chance of getting that nose under control!
Not only does he sneeze all the time, his sneezes are...distinctly strong. And loud. And dramatic. It's kind of an event, actually. TVs are paused, conversations are put on hold, friends start passing over the box of tissues because they Know that look and That look means--ope, there he goes, okay.
Life is short. Do not deny yourself the joy of analyzing the cringiest of sneeze media to collect what you have the potential to enjoy about it, in another setting!
(*unless you DO have Sneezy White as your ideal man. In which case, I envy you. How does it feel to have your every sexual desire satisfied with one film? Please let me know, genuinely )
So we dislike him cuz he vissualy unattractive right?
At least it boils down to that for me... like if he was visually attractive *sweats*
also maybe some sort of personality beyond snz and I'd be cooked.
Like I don't want to be basing my preferences on if someone meets some arbitrary standards of beauty... but also maybe being petty about looks is valid to some extent idk...
Fuck it... Kill the part of you that cringes, not the part that's cringe! Takes the body neutrality pill......
Wow guys cant believe I'm saying this but .....my new blorbo just dropped, my baby girl, my poor little meow meow, it's yessified snazzy ............ not really though....
What are you still doing here? Post is over, go home.
hearing a loud crash from another room and opening the door to find a mess so catastrophic its hard to tell exactly where it began against the chaos that spiralled outwards from its onset. in the middle of everything, looking embarrassed and faintly dazed, a person stands posed with a finger under their nose.
the only thing they offer in the area of an explanation is, "sorry, i sneezed."
youre sitting down for an extravagant meal. the table is set just perfectly, rows upon rows of treats to choose from in sparkling fine china all laid out on a silk tablecloth. just then the person sitting at the head of the table starts to hitch. maybe theres a little too much pepper in the food, maybe the floral centerpiece is getting to them. they breathe in and in and in and you start to notice when they do the cups and plates slide a little bit in their direction as if sucked into a vortex. you yourself find yourself unconsciously leaning closer, drawn in by their gravity. the cloth napkin they clutch loosely in front of their face is fluttering like a flag of surrender. their expanding chest and belly strain against the table. the wood creaks and the china rattles with each ahhh... ahhhhh... AHHHHHH...!
A person forced into an apprenticeship with the local wizard to tame their titanic sneezing fits into something more manageable. Little does anyone know, they have a mild allergy to latent magic within the wizard's tower that makes their nose so sensitive that they're always a hair-trigger away from sneezing.
Worse, no matter the spell or potion used to try to minimise the force behind their sneezes, all of them end up exacerbating it instead.
Over the course of a year their sneezes balloon from 'sending papers flying' big to 'toppling buildings' big, with no sign of stopping.
Cw: sneezes, destructive sneeze trope, nose blowing, making out.
In this installment Rachel and Micheal have that second date. But things do not go according to plan when someone's perfume sets off Micheal's nose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was finally Friday, earlier then they had originaly planed, (around noon) but plans change what can i say?. He pulled up in his car and got out into the chilly November air. It was lightly snowing, the kind of snow that you could make out the designs of. Micheal took the sight in for a spell and smiled, if he had to pick a favorite season it would definitely be winter. Moments like this were a part of it sure, but it mainly had to do with the general repreave from allergens that it brought along with it.
Sure there was the likely chance he'd catch something that would make him sneeze anyway... but over the winter he could typically go more time without his overactive nose making a scene... But that is beside the point right now , right now he has a date to get to.
As he walked into the diner he spotted Rachel who was on her phone. She looks up from it and spots him. She smiles and waves him over.
"Hey! How you doing?" She asks
"Good, you?"
"Good... just doing some suduko on my phone."
"Sudoku huh? I'm a bit of a puzzle lover and have been doing alot of those recently. "
"Nice! I'm just about done with this one... just gotta enter the numbers...and...done!"
She proudly shows him the "Solved It!" on her phone screen.
"Solved it." He says as he gives a short gulf clap.
"Thank you, thank you I'll be here all night."
They soon got a booth and started chatting away about puzzles...
...They ordered
...And then their food arrived
Unbeknownst to them at this very moment there was a woman walking in wearing just the right kind of perfume to set Micheal off. They were half way through their meal when it started. He could vaguely smell it, a light flowery smell that he took notice of. It wasn’t a very strong smell but he could tell it was perfume. He knew he had to be cautious around the stuff but he was having such a nice time... as he debated himself It started; a small itching sensation was suddenly in his nose. Micheal scrubbed at his nose and took an experimental sniff... Wrong move, the sensation quickly grew into something undeniable. Shit, he needed to sneeze.
Rachel, who had been talking to him about something or other, stopped mid conversation and was now watching him like a hawk. There was no way this was happening right?
“Hey you ok?”
He shook his head “I neehd to leave… HI HI HHH?...” He shakily got up from the table
“Ok- shit - ok.” she also stood up as he started fumbling towards the door.
“I got you” she said as she took his arm
He followed her with a vague knowledge of where he was going. They were halfway to the door when Rachel felt him stop dead in his tracks and heard his voice gasping desperately. Then-
HHHIIISHHHH!!! A strong gust of wind escaped into the restaurant. Blowing things off tables and causing general havoc. Suddenly there was a stir in the restaurant of general unease.
But Micheal could only think about getting out of here before more came he trudged desperately to the door. Seeming to be going through a herculean effort to do so without sneezing again.
As soon as he was an inch outside Michael exploded into another oversized sneeze, quickly followed by another two. Each time causing the lightly falling snow to blow as if in a storm. Rachel was beside herself with emotions.
“Bless you. There’s no need to be sorry, these things happen.”
“Thh-this always happens to me though… *SNIFF!* this is supposed to… H-H-HH? *sigh* to be the time of year this doesn’t happen.”
“You have allergies?!”
“The worst” He sneezed thrice more almost to prove a point.
“Wow… that’s… wow.”
“I'm still *sniff* trying to rap my head around *sniff* that you’re into that… Ugh Fuck… we left without paying”
“Oh shit we did just kind of-”
IISHHH-EH!!
“...Dine and dash…Let me go in and handle it”
He was about to retort that they should split the bill but she was on her way and he couldn’t do anything but sneeze. He then sighed after the latest bout, scrubbed at his nose, and decided to take refuge in his car. After starting the car and rolling down the windows to vent any sneezes he blasted the heat and grabbed a handkerchief from the glove box.
About three minutes later Rachel got back she was carrying to go boxes with her but didn’t see Micheal till he honked his car horn at her. She hurried over. She arrived at the passenger side door.
“Hey, can I come in?”
He nodded as he blew his nose.
“I didn't get us into too much trouble did I?”
“No no not at all…I’m just…
"Just what?"
"Well I meen… that was… I’ve never-"
He suddenly sneezed again
“MMM! (was that a moan from her?) Fuck Micheal it’s THAT! To be honest I’ve never actually seen a wind sneeze live before... It’s just a lot and well…you know how I feel about sneezing…”
Micheal didn’t have to think for too long.
“I umm think I’m almost done if that helps?”
“...Ye- Yeah…I just… ugh words…I’m a bit split on what to do. Like I'd love to continue where we left off, have a nice conversation and eat…or…i kinda wanna… make out? Only if you want to though."
“…We could do both?”
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
(Three minutes later)
So um when we get to my place … would you be terribly opposed to… sneezing more?
If you’re going to get into it as much as you have been, I think I can manage.
Yeah!?
Yeah… though I’ll be done sneezing by then so unless-
I have plenty of things that should get the job done.
Of course you do…
(One car ride with a lot of flirting later….)
As soon as they were inside her house they were all over each other again
“You’re sure about this?” Rachel asked
Yeah you?
“Yeah…I’ll go get some of those supplies…
She eventually came back with several things in a bag. Rachel started placing them one by one on the coffee table. He looked them over making a mental checklist. Pepper check, 3 different bottles of perfume one witch was bound to make him sneeze so check, feathers check…and…
“What’s this?” He pointed at the small blue caped bottle.
“Ah That’s Chhinkni. Essentially sneezing powder. If all else fails, that's the one that’s sure to work.”
“Well one of those perfumes is bound to have an effect on me and everything else will definitely work.”
Rachel looked a bit shocked before asking “You’re that sensitive?”
“You have no idea”
“...Wow… Just what have I gotten myself into…”
“You’re about to find out if we keep to the plan.”
“I guess…speaking of which, should we continue?
“Before we do, you should take care of anything you don’t want blown away.”
"... Well I'm actually... kinda into that?" Rachel says and smiles sheepishly
“Really?...You keep finding ways of surprising me."
"OH! Except..." She looks twords the kitchen "Im gonna put my gem art away."
Rachel shoots off to the kitchen and grabs the half finished picture of a sunset beach along with the gems and hurries it to her room. She is soon back and says
"I meen I've sneezed before while doing one of those and some of the gems went missing..."
“Mmm, speaking of, should we get started?"
"Yeah... just feels like I'm forgetting something..."
"Is it something else to put away?"
"I don't think so but whatever... so do you wanna pick your poison or should I?"
"Dealers choice" He says
Rachel thinks for a bit and soon chooses the chhinkni before putting the rest of the things back in her bag.
“Ok now with this you really don’t need a lot. The usual dose is supposed to be a pea size but I'd suggest much less for your first time. It’s gonna smell and have a cold burn like menthol because that’s one of the ingredients.”
“I doubt I’ll be “stopping” anytime soon once I snort this. I’m sure about doing this, I just can’t believe I am...*Sigh*…Well here goes nothing.” Michael said, then put his hand up to his face and sniffed.
Micheal took in the unique smell and near immediate tickly cold burning sensation.
“How is it?”
“It’s… Definitely something else…” Micheal said as the sensation grew, then as he sniffed from the intense feeling, it doubled.
“! Oh fu-hh HUH?”
His face crumpled and with each hitched breath the sensation grew as if he was stoking a fire. He could hardly get his bearings before he started sneezing. Over, and over, and over again. Rachel meanwhile was watching this intense display with an intensity all her own.
“Uh- Fuck …you wern’t kidding about that stuff”
“You weren't kidding about how sensitive that nose of yours is.”
Hi?... HaSHHHHH!!-uh! - He was completely bent double for that sneeze.
“Woah easy there” Rachel said as she went to his side.”Here let's sit you down hun” So she led him to the couch much like how she had led him in the restaurant earlier that night.
“Th- Tha- TH-HAH EH-ESHHHEH!! Thank you” He sneezed out
“Anytime”
Micheal grabbed for the handkerchief in his pants pocket only to come up empty handed.
“Shit… I think- *sniff* I think I left *sniff* my handkerchief in my car…”
"I actually have some in that bag I brought if you’re ok with that."
He nods
Rachel quickly grabs one from the front pocket of the bag as she hears Micheal’s breath desperately hitching. As she puts it into one of his trembling hands with a “Here” he hurriedly grasps it with both hands in a death grip, holds it about five inches from his face and-
hAAASSSHHHHHHHH!!!
Sneezes massively in front of it making the fabric bend and waver. Afterwords he blows his reddining nose with an almost contradictory softness.
“Ugh… Fuck me” he says as he wipes his teary eyes
Rachel is sorely tempted to say “Gladly” but holds her tongue.
“So is this doing it for you?”
“Very much so” She said lustfully while sitting next to him on the couch, then kissed him on the cheek.
“Mmm good cuz I don’t think I’m anywhere near done.”
Suddenly Rachel's phone started beeping.
"Tsk, That's what i'm forgetting... Med alarm"
Micheal can only sneeze in response.
"Give me a sec, let me go take my meds " She says degectedly "You keep-"
Micheal sneezes again, and again-
"You keep doing that, I'll be right back."
and again ...?.....and again....and...nothing.
Rachel was soon back with him "Sorry 'bout that, adhd meds, if i don't take it with the alarm im bound to forget."
"Wonders of being nerodivergent *SNIFF* I have autism myself."
"Awsome! Nerodivergents unite!"
Micheal's breath hitches and builds up to nothing again. He sighs a groan and rubs his nose into the handkerchief.
"Fuck... "
"Is it stuck?"
"Might be ... either way it's...being stubborn... *sniff* "
"You wanna kiss about it?" She asks in a sultry voice
He nods and they move as one to make out.
There are little whimpers of excitement from each party, breath is labored on especially Micheal's end, as he is saddled with the wight of needing to sneeze.
...ohgodhe'sgoingto- please yes/no --->fuck
He pulls away as much as he can- HAASCHHIIII!!!
The gust of acomining wind blows Rachel's hair back and ruffles her clothes
Rachel moans in extecy, Micheal pulls back more and sneezes another harsh
HAASCHHIIII!!!
"Jesus Micheal... your driving me crazy here"
"You’re not bad at hih? Dr-driving me crazy.... yourself. "
"So are you enjoying this as much as i am?"
"You make sneezing very rewarding."
"! ... I... um what are words again?"
"...*sniff* I seem ... to be at a loss *SNIFF!* myself... do you want to kiss some more?"
"It might actually be getting a bit too intense right now... as much as id like that i'd also like to get to know you more and stuff. You know what i meen?"
"Under- hih-standable ... I just... still need to sneeze."
"Mmm go right ahead sweetie"
"..."
"Is it being stubborn again?"
"Hih?....Yeah...just *sniff* gimme a sec -hhh'h'hh"
"...... One second... Two seconds..."
"Hhhh ... not whhhat i mehnt .....?!"
"I know, i know, just kiddin-
HHHAAASHH!!! ...ugh
"Bless you"
"...Thanks... I think im winding down at least."
"That's good not sure how much more of that I can handle "
"Got more then you bargened for?"
"This is like... ordering one gold bar and getting a dozen ok? Bit too good to be true "
"Where whould you even order a gold bar from?"
"...That's a good question... but whatever. "
"... So if we're not making out anymore what should we do?"
"Movie?"
[And so they picked out a movie to watch, (The Room), and talked over it as if in mystery science theater. It was a good time, and Rachel and Micheal? They continued building this relationship of theirs. But anymore is a story for another day. ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
well theirs part 2 for you I didn't know how to end it.... can you tell? Plz feel free to comment if you're a 18+ snz blog. PLEASE ! Thx.... bye!
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
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