𝙄𝘾𝙀 𝘾𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙈

look so good, yeah, look so sweet

[sgnlara]

✦ — 𝙐𝙋𝘿𝘼𝙏𝙀𝙎 ; AS OF AUG. 21.    ❪ ˟  정아라  ;  지금  、 이순간   ❫

˟ CURRENTLY   、

listening to   —   so-so by baek a yeon.  movie   —   erased. watching   —   seven deadly sins. obsessed with   —   patbingsu. craving   —   lavender lemonade.

˟  🔓 NEW DEVELOPMENTS   、

#001.   —    5월   ;   registration for summer is a welcome distraction but with summer comes memories of the last and the changes since then. this time around, he is still studying abroad but without her. a contract that continues to weigh heavily on her mind, she can’t be there for both and, in the end, she feels as if she doesn’t have either. then again, she doesn’t feel as if she has any connection to who she’s become lately either. 

#002.   —    6월   ;   between ‘hanging out’ with matthew and sehun, lara still feels torn over this version of herself. avoidant, almost lackluster, a constant state of confusion. because matthew has a point, she isn’t acting like her usual self and it’s annoying to face when she thinks of how it’s over a guy. gross, how could she? 

sehun is nearly unrecognizable to her and she can’t decide how to feel about that either. she’d read once about how spending time with someone and getting to know them inevitably leads to feelings. but what kind of feelings is the main question now. 

#003.   —     7월   ;   she throws herself into summer classes, into considering a different major for herself, a number of endless changes that she buries herself in books with to research more thoroughly. the library becomes her second home and, at this rate, her main company for the summer besides continuing to check on sehun. 

#004.   —    8월  6일   ;   finally the 200th day, one day away from the end of the contract but what now? 

#005.   —    8월   ;   PENDING !!

˟   RECENTLY  BARELY SPOTTED  、

food court

inguk library / classes 

outdoor / indoor track

˟  RUMOR HAS IT   、

“ i don't think lara and sehun are actually dating, i think lara's just his beard ㅋㅋㅋ  ” ( ✦ )

“ i’ve only ever seen lara talk to sehun, i guess it’s cute that their lives seem to revolve around each other? couple goals? ” ( ✦ ) 

“ i haven’t seen lara anywhere, have you? ” 

tba !! 

but truth is always subjective, isn’t it? 

[sgnlara]

* 𝘗𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘖𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊.

sgnelias​:

          ✧ — “Wait, you joined cheer?” Raising a brow at that, it’s surprising yet also not. He separates the last of the packaging materials — plastic, saran wrap, etc. — with the food itself. “That sounds really great, I think it suits you.” Not that he has any right to say otherwise. Elias always held the impression that Lara’s a bundle of joy. “How is it, though? Does it interfere with your kumdo and track any?”

          if only she could read his mind. wouldn’t life be easier then? at least, she used to think that way but seeing him now, especially when he smiles at her, she doesn’t know if she wants to know exactly what he thinks about her   —   what would she do if he no longer thinks of her as much? if this is all they are now. home-cooked meals with all the sentiment and none of the familiarity left to spare. what would she do if some part of him hates her?  it’s not too late, right? sian is but a few floors away. if she texted, wouldn’t her friend show up to save her again like the night of the valentines party months ago? or would things be different if she kept drunkenly rambling then? if the last time she said ‘i love you’ to him could be excused away by inebriation instead of right here in her kitchen. 

          there’s a lot she wants to say, to ask, usually written and tucked away for no one to see in the end. her innermost thoughts hidden in a box, in a letter, and he has the most. more than one is a feat in and of itself. even the sight of his hands distracts her, because of how he wants to cook for her despite everything else. how careful he has to be, that she thinks he would never tell her if his hands hurt after it’s all done, but it’s that smile when she chooses, the same one he shows her now. as argumentative, as defensive, as other people have told her she can be, that smile effortlessly brings down her walls.

          when he finishes bringing the items he’s brought along with him, she takes the moment to show him where she keeps most things. the kitchen isn’t too large, pots and pans neatly kept away, spices and oils in one cabinet, and she doesn’t know what else he’d need but hopefully he has everything. she can’t even recall the last time she properly stocked up, falling into bad habits now that she doesn’t have to cook for someone other than herself again. “ mm, not . . . really? ” a short, bashful laugh says it all. truth be told, her issue lies more within not feeling anything for the material. but that’s general classes for you, right? or so she hopes that’s why.  

          leaning against the counter again, fingers curling over its edge, she averts her gaze, too absent-minded when she admits “ wearing a lab coat does suit you. ” but the surprise brings her back, alertness trickling in as she straightens up, crinkling her nose because, as much as she doesn’t want it to seem unlike her, she knows it is. “ it does? ” what makes a person suit cheer though, but when she thinks of sian, she begins to get it. “ track is okay. i haven’t gone to kumdo as often. cheer takes up a lot of time. ” thankfully. “ anything i can do to help? ”

[sgnlara]

sgnsian​:

⟨  ˟💌 15 ▸ SENT  ⁝  😍😍 go best friend that’s my best friend 😍😍  ⟩    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤    ㅋㅋㅋ no silly i just found that emoji and i love it    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   i feel like it relays so much!!! excitement!!! 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   oh no i’m gonna fight him alright 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 i got a lot of reasons ok!!!    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   wait hold on what does that MEAN 😳😳😳😳    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   hmmmmmmmmm not rn but i mean that’s when u usually give people corsages right???? 🤔🤔🤔🤔    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   ㅋㅋㅋ you’ll see soon ~~~ but ofc we’d go together that shouldn’t even be a question!!!!!!!!!    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   WELL that was said before i knew who it was about ok 🤮🤮🤮 but things can be corny and cute at the same time!! like giving roses on the first date!! and stuff!!!!! 😊😊    ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   IDK A NICE CUTE BOY WHO WANTS TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON U OKAY   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   he MIGHT have been waiting to give it to u and u know what i’d say good for him for getting the courage!! 🥳🥳💃   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   except for oh sehun none for him ew 😷😷   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   oh my god ……….. he really thinks he’s some drama main love interest huh …………………… 🤔😒😒😒   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   ok i’m just gonna keep it 100 and say it, he likes u 😐   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   which i mean, it makes sense because ur /lara/ who wouldn’t like u after spending all that time with u BUT   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   pls ….. PLEASE tell me that u are better than that and don’t have feelings for him too   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   please LARA PLEASE 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮   ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   or wait i probably should of asked this first : how did it make u feel ????

(  💌 ˟  𝙊𝙐𝙏𝙂𝙊𝙄𝙉𝙂 » 권시안 ; SNU의요정 ✨  ) ☇ okay good i thought i might need to stage an intervention!!  ☇ maybe i still need to do one 🤔🤔 ☇ no!!!! if u won’t let me fight big ears, u can’t fight anyone either!!!!!!  ☇ wait wait wait  ☇ WHAT DO U MEAN I’LL SEE SOON  ☇ omg secrets 😳 you keep secrets from me 😭😭  ☇ is giving roses on the first date corny  ☇ I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST CUTE  ☇ GIVING SOMEONE FLOWERS SHOULDN’T BE CORNY, IT’S ADORABLE  ☇ what guys are u even talking about wHAT GUYS DO U THINK HIT ON ME  ☇ me when there’s a whole you 😤😤😤  ☇ i . . . i mean . . . technically he / is / a drama main character. like he thinks he’s in boys over flowers or something, have u seen him?  ☇ okay . . .. . . . so define / feelings / bc i know u hate it but i do care for him  ☇ i can’t rly deny that, especially to u 😔😔😔 ☇ oh uh  ☇ idk??????? like i wanna say it seems fake but . . . he’s been acting different the whole summer 

[sefuns]

Jennie ♡ W Korea Magazine 2018

[koreantunes]

Visit Original Link

김남주 (Kim Nam Joo) - Bird

[sgnlara]

𝘼 𝙋𝙀𝙍𝙁𝙀𝘾𝙏 𝙎𝘾𝙊𝙊𝙋 ˟

          a lost connection found again in old journals and a phone call asking her father, doubting the situation itself until she read her writing, remembered the cravings for ice cream and the challenge of achieving a perfect scoop for a float or sundae. at least now she can avoid the question of asking why they stopped playing together, of why their mothers lost touch. instead, she wants to hold onto the returned memory of her mother’s hand over hers because her own was too small to hold the scoop properly, dropping it a countless number of times and she swears that’s the only reason taeho got a better scoop than her every time. 

          but that’s the part she hopes he doesn’t remember   —   that she used to whine for him to let her win even once. because, with a reputation like his, she hopes he’s nothing like sehun who would lord it over her. at least, the old version of him would. whatever version of sehun she’s been seeing lately is as much of a mystery as ever, just like this meeting.  

          anyway, she avoids the whole do-it-yourself aspect of a ice cream sundae sunday like their mothers seemed to like in the summers when they were young and she suggests an ice cream parlour with a particularly cute theme that she’d been dying to try out since she saw it on instagram. though her capacity for socializing steadily decreased this summer, for him to ask her to meet, she’s at least curious and seeing all the bear themed ice cream is worth it as she waits outside. a root bear float and beary sundaes? cutest thing ever. ( @sgntaeho ) 

[sgnlara]

Cheer Up

sgnmatthew​:

✧ — “Of course I know that, I’ve had to imagine it happening so often!  Do you know how often other guys ask me if I was dating you?  I told them that if I even tried hitting on you, you’d probably break your kumdo stick hitting me.”  Now this, he wasn’t joking about, Lara was gorgeous, he wasn’t blind, he had thought she was even back in high school, but he knew better.  “There’s times here or there!  I don’t usually let myself get to that point, you know that, but sometimes after a big win or something, I let myself have a little extra fun.”

          " i can’t believe girls in our high school went crazy for that. all the puns and jokes and, ” she narrows her eyes because the more she says, the more it unintentionally sounds like a compliment and she could only imagine his reaction if she continued. in all honesty, lara does understand why he’s so popular. he’s one of the good guys, even if that doesn’t seem to get him far on campus, especially with how quickly people are to both reacting first and to gossiping. she’s just glad they live in the same hall or it’d be worse. 

          with a roll of her eyes, she tries to just imagine tutoring matt in math and it seems impossible. “ please   —   you do just fine! you’ve been going to classes and parties and practice all on your own, like the big boy you are. we’re all so proud of you back home. ” smacking him with a pillow, she shakes her head, debating if she should eat another macaron or pace herself so they’re not all gone right away. it truly is a gain and loss whenever she eats one. “ i didn’t say you were anyone but you’re out here making my weaknesses too easily known. what am i gonna defend myself with if everyone knows my greatest weakness is as small as a macaron? ” 

          crinkling her nose, she strongly doubts that many guys are interested in knowing if they’re dating, unless they’re interested in matthew. in that case, she thinks they’d have a bigger issue to deal with than her. “ i’m glad you tell these supposed guys that. so they know i’ll hit if provoked. ” with a look at the other things he’s brought, she wonders if her tastes really haven’t changed over the years for him to know so well. is she that predictable? “ uh huh . . . i’ve heard of how the baseball team parties, please. you guys might as well be your own party club or something. ”

[sgnlara]

𝙇𝘽𝘿 ˟

sgnxriya​:

Just like music and the law, shopping had also been hard wired into Riya’s DNA. The heiress used to expensive fabrics stitched with high end labels since infancy. So when asked to go to the mall by Lara, the songstress could only smile and nod her head in agreement. She’s been needing to update her wardrobe since fall was right around the corner. Earth tones looked especially pleasing on her honey kissed skin.

The taller of the two, standing at five feet, nine inches, Riya maintains an elegance that’s reminiscent of a super model. Think Crawford and Campbell. Her posture straight as almond shaped eyes dart between various stores, deciciding where she would go first. “I need clothes for the upcoming season.” Riya answers, hands raking through her long, dark mahogany colored tresses, flashing a bright emerald ring in the process.

“I can. My younger sister steals my clothes all the time. Most of them she can’t even fit into. I believe she likes the adrenaline rush of the act itself.” Riya laughs, patting Lara’s arm with a delicate and understanding nature. “You won’t see those items again. Not without a fight.”

          shopping by season seems fairly common enough. normally, she would love to look at trends and magazines with her cousin but with their schedules no longer easily matching, she realizes she either avoids it on her own or splurges too much. which way she’s leaning today, she isn’t sure of til she hears riya’s answer. 

          part of her sees similarities between her cousin and riya, especially with such a nurturing disposition and calming aura. they both give off a reliable vibe and she needs more of that in her life. enough of this back and forth, enough fickleness— so she says anyway. whether or not she’d be successful is another story. 

          “ i could take her! ” even if she’s always forced jihye to attend self defense classes almost as much as she does, lara still thinks doing track and kumdo give her a great advantage. “ some clothes are worth fighting for, ” but since they’re in a mall, maybe not. “ or, okay, i could just buy a new one. but finding the perfect black dress is so hard. but fall colors . . . what’s your favorite fall color? ” she asks, guiding riya over to one of her favorite stores, the display already showcasing some of her favorite shades for the season, from burgundy and forest green to more neutral shades of brown. 

[seulrens]

jennie @ as if it’s your last

[sgnlara]

* 𝘗𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘖𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊.

sgnelias​:

          ✧ — Elias turns around, leaning against the counter as he takes a gander of the dorm. He’s really never stopped to take it in. It seems that emotions take more out of his concentration than he likes. Or really, he’s not used to having so many of them at one time. The place where Lara spends most of her time, he thinks, which reminds him to ask. “What classes do you have this semester?” It’s his way to ask whether she’ll be ridiculously busy. Whether somehow he could spend more time with her. He always makes it a point to stay busy, always have something else to do with himself, so he’d argue all of his semesters are. But he won’t mind if Lara’s is as well. One way or another, he’ll make it work.

          standing with him in the same kitchen that he said those three words to her in months ago is surreal. well, technically two words in french. since then, she doesn’t know what to expect and that’s what hurts the most. the so-called ‘ happily ever after ’ that sian wants for her is what should come after that, right? after a confession, after an ‘ i love you ’ but it isn’t. part of her questions if it ever can be and, when he left for the summer without so much as a word, she thought it wouldn’t. she thought she lost him but here he is, in her kitchen once again, barely a foot away from the same sink he threw his phone into and practically in the same spot they’d kissed.

          her saying it’s her pick is bittersweet   —   reminds her of the summer that he said that to nearly everything she suggested, from traveling on their own for most of their time in italy to walking around flea markets til her legs ached for rest, but it also reminds her that whatever’s been going on between them for the past few months isn’t her choice. but she can choose now, right? as much as her inclinations for self-preservation screams at her to stay away, she can’t, so the answer is easy. “ lasagna. i don’t have anywhere to go anyway. do you? ” are you staying? 

          when he stops, his gaze traveling elsewhere, goosebumps line her forearms, suddenly wondering if he’ll recognize the dried flowers hanging in the hallway, if the polaroid she dropped is visible from the kitchen because he’s nice enough to pick it up for her, nice enough to decide that it’s not his business to poke around her things. but it’s a photo of him after all and who’s to say he wouldn’t know with even a quick glance? brows lift at the question and she swallows thickly, unaware she held her breath longer than normal. “ i’m still taking general education for now. you know, history, psych, stats. still seeing which ones i can take til they close the list. you? ” with a huff of her cheeks, she looks up at him, leaning against the opposite counter. “ i joined cheer. not as a main, um . . . ” what would she even call it? “ sian still has me learning the stunts and routines. ” a good distraction, really, and sian to keep her grounded. 

[sgnlara]

sgnsian​:

⟨  ˟💌 9 ▸ SENT  ⁝  😍😍 go best friend that’s my best friend 😍😍  ⟩     ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   hi yes ilu 🤸‍♀️💕     ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   wait what’s going on who do i have to fight!!!! 😠😠😠     ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   a corsage??? and u guys weren’t going to a dance or anything like that???      ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   lara …. guys don’t buy corsages just for fun ……. it’s kind of corny but also cute!! means he was thinking of u!! 🥰     ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   it’s 150% a date but also why wouldn’t you call it that tho 🤔🤔🤔     ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   oh NO so it’s not some cute guy who saw u from afar and decided to get ur number and you’re gonna live happily ever after with??? 😩😩     ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   IT’S THE TRASH CAN WHO DID THIS?????? ARE U SURE?????? 😬😬🤔🤔😖     ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   i think u already know what i’m thinking but i don’t wanna say it because it’s GROSS that trash can flat butt feels that way       ‧ ‧ ‧  ➤   or even has the capacity to 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

(  💌 ˟  𝙊𝙐𝙏𝙂𝙊𝙄𝙉𝙂 » 권시안 ; SNU의요정 ✨  ) ☇ okay ilu2!!! 💞 but are you cheerleading even now 🤔 ☇ can u take a break captain 😩 ☇ no fighting!!! 😳😳😳 ☇ i can fight him myself but that’s ?? kind of  the problem?  he doesn’t really give me a reason to fight him anymore  ☇ is there a dance going on? ☇ and one that we haven’t talked about? what dance could i go to without you !! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 ☇ corny . . . cute . . . 150% . . .  🤔🤔🤔 ☇ is that negotiable 😳 ☇ WHAT KIND OF GUY WOULD RANDOMLY GIVE ME A CORSAGE OUT OF NOWHERE  ☇ that sounds like a trap. don’t give guys ideas 😒😒 ☇ trash can flat butt, i can’t with you  ☇ he insisted we spend time together today because it’s the second to last day and there was?? a corsage in the car seat???  ☇ i put it on him first in case it was a trick. it wasn’t and i think he implied that?? daffodils make him think of me??? help??? 

[sgnlara]

𝘼 𝘽𝘼𝙏𝘾𝙃 𝙈𝘼𝘿𝙀 𝙄𝙉 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙑𝙀𝙉 ˟

          with just a short walk down the hall, she finds herself knocking rhythmically on hyungwon’s door, a nonsensical melody made the more she does. he might not be inside but she swears he doesn’t have class right now, though a text could’ve solved her problem, she doesn’t actually remember if she saved his number properly. there’s even a fair chance she only saved it with a won symbol or some kind of emoji, if she saved it. in her defense, he lives a few rooms away and she could always ask serena to reach out to him for her after learning of that connection. because of serena and sian, she’s more comfortable around him. any guy that has their approval has to jump enough hurdles, right? 

          once the door is open, she practically latches onto him, grip lightly on his forearm til he’s out of his room, hand slipping away so she can pull on the hem of his shirt instead. “ so sian’s home now aaaand i think there’s a good chance i can convince her to make macarons again. i know, i know, i asked her just last week but hear me out   —   if we both ask, how can she say no? please, hyungwon. wonnie. my won hope. ” oof, even she cringes slightly at that one, but a craving for macarons is undeniable once it hits. “ i’ll even let you eat the prettiest one. ” // ✧ ━━ @sgnwonnie

[sgnlara]

𝙇𝘽𝘿 ˟

          it was unintentional at best but with reorganizing her room and letting jihye come over to visit while she did so somehow led to at least a third of her clothes being taken back home. it freed up space, a bonus of course, but she swears that jihye ended up taking much more than lara agreed to, a few of her favorites tucked away within her little sister’s greedy haul. the more jihye denied it, the more lara doubted her but there isn’t much she can do about it and heaven knows she likes having a valid reason for shopping beyond just a whim— one that comes too often to her at that. 

          looping her arm with riya’s, she glances around the mall she’s chosen for the day, almost distracted by the sudden scent of cinnamon rolls wafting in the air. “ so, what are you looking for today? please tell me you have something in mind or i’ll want to look at everything. ” admittedly, not the best combination considering her current state of mind. she’d love to give into her shopping habits but she’d been so good all summer, head buried in books instead. then again, she did enjoy finding a good deal on her textbooks so did she really hold back? anyway   —   

          “ i think my sister took my favorite black dress home. can you believe that? where is she even going to wear it? she’s too young for dates or clubbing and, ” she trails off, eyes narrowing. maybe she should try to get certain outfits back after all. // ✧ ━━ @sgnxriya

[bleackpink]

jennie + yellow for anonymous 🐯

[sgnlara]

* 𝘗𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘖𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊.

sgnelias​:

          ✧ — Pushing off the frame, he paces about the hallway with his phone swinging in his hand. It’s starting to cramp, though, so he just pockets it. Then right as he’s resolving to pick up the bag and leave, the door cracks open. “Hey—” He looks at her, stunned, down at the bag then back, a smile of disbelief etched onto his lips. “You got a couple choices.” It’s not much of an answer at the moment, but he’s gratefully stepping out of his shoes and further inside with the shopping bag in tow. His heart’s racing despite his relief. Lara’s here, he’ll cook them some dinner, it’ll be grand. And yet his optimism startles him.

          He starts walking backwards, slowly, as he knows his way to the kitchen at least. “Vegan lasagna? Fettuccine Alfredo? Somehow both pasta dishes, but hey, at least I know it’ll turn out well.” As he hits his back against the wall, he lets out a nervous chuckle and sorts himself out. His dark brown hair, albeit likely black indoors, may not be disheveled, but his thoughts certainly are. “Gluten-free, if you’re wondering.” He sets the bag on the counter, grateful to finally have it out of his hands now. Even though he’s been here before, haphazardly thrown his phone in the sink even, he’s never cooked in this kitchen before. This is going to be a lovely challenge.

          words exchanged as casual as the greeting he offers her now, lara can’t help but think she’s following into patterns. all to keep him in her life but at what cost? because she tells herself not to trust easily yet here she is again, letting him in quite literally. it’s elias. that’s the difference. for years, hasn’t she always thought that way? since they were children walking together in light snowfall, footprints in their wake and nothing but hope in front of them. ironic, isn’t it? that she remembers elias as much as she does her favorite greenhouse on that university campus her father taught at so often, yet their feelings seem to bloom only in certain seasons, as if they haven’t figured out how to grow just yet. 

          the choice of food doesn’t register at first. lasagna. fettuccine alfredo. but the more she watches him, the moment he bumps against the wall and she finds herself laughing, smile hidden behind her hand as she fights back the urge to continue, she realizes how familiar this is to her; elias in the kitchen and lara waiting to see just what he’ll make for her. right, it’s italian and she can’t tell if that much is just to remind her yet again that the summer was different from the one before. 

          without knowing which one it is, she doesn’t know how to help him start so she stands next to him instead, gaze flickering towards the bag as she leans in to try and peek inside. “ is it my pick or are you offering both? mm, lasagna takes a long time, doesn’t it? ” and suddenly she’s wondering if choosing has a lingering undertone to it, if it’s specifically about the company he mentioned just outside of her door too. then again, when has she ever asked him to leave? 

[sgnlara]

sgnxsehun​:

` ♠ ; 센치해.

✧ — “you came,” he says, grabbing her by the wrist to keep her from touching him again, though he doubts she’d do so now that he was ‘awake.’ he tries his best to keep his expression neutral, but he’d been so caught off guard that he’s almost certain that his eyes betray him, even if for a split second.

he lets go of her hand as he sits up, running his fingers through his hair himself, attempting to rid himself of the last remaining remnants of warmth that had run through him, settling back into his familiar cold capacity. for a few moments he sits there, in the realization of everything he’s done in just the past few hours alone—the flowers, the food, the gifts, the waiting—and he grows even more frustrated with himself, the reasoning behind everything evading him. he clicks his tongue, ruffling his own hair in exasperation before abruptly standing up, making his way to the kitchen where everything was set up.

“it’s been one hundred days,” he says, motioning to it all, the sentiment sounding even more gruff and resentful than he’d intended, but he doesn’t apologize for it, because why should he? he isn’t quite sure what to do with himself now, unsure even of how she’d react—if she laughed right now, he’d off himself that very second—-so he takes a seat at the kitchen table, plopping down rather unceremoniously, tone sarcastic when he speaks. “congratulations. you’ve made it halfway.”

          anyone else, any stranger, and she would’ve hit him by now for grabbing her wrist like that. actually, since they’re in the confines of his place, out of sight and hopefully out of mind from his father’s men, she could have hit him for it. gotten upset, lashed out, because consent is part of their contract, included in many ways to keep him from touching her inappropriately. but the rule numbers fall away and she can’t think of a reason to be mad when she was the one who reached out first. comparatively, she touched his hair while he was ‘sleeping’ ( even if he actually wasn’t, a fact she questions now that he seems so alert ), though she’d be annoyed if he did it to her. in fact, she knows he wouldn’t. through it all, the only time he’s been clingy or touchy towards her was that valentines party when he was drunkenly trying to convince her to wear his jacket for whatever reason. 

          he lets go before she even has to ask and she finally looks away, hopes he didn’t see the conflicted emotions glimmering in her eyes. because it’s hard to deny she’s fond of him when she wanted to brush his hair away from his face, when one of the only people she’d done that for is also a reason she can’t allow herself proper rest. between the guilt and the longing, she can’t do anything but distract herself with this and that. 

           if sehun’s intentions in the beginning were to torture her, it most be cosmic irony that, in the moments he seems to be showing her kindness, at least his version of it, he unintentionally hurts her more. because she doesn’t deserve any of it, not for breaking the contract that he mentions. being halfway through is practically a lie and it’s alarming to her that he’d go through this. does his father suspect their relationship? by now, isn’t it enough? why would he have to do this much for a fake relationship? 

          it’d be a sweet moment if not for all the circumstances entangling them both or the tone that he ‘congratulates’ her with. everything seems more thoughtful than she’d expect and so she relies on petting dolce for the moment, cooing at her before going towards the kitchen to check what exactly is on the stove. “ what is this then? a reward for surviving life with you so far? ” 

[sgnelias]

* 𝘗𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘖𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊.

        An acoustic piece sounds through his headphones, but he’s not quite paying attention to it. There are more distracting things to take care of at the moment. One notable point being the groceries he’d prefer to put in his trusty backpack. But that’s risky. They could get squished, and worse yet, his bag would start smelling like cheese. Mozzarella cheese isn’t that bad, far from it, but the principle still holds.

        Elias reaches Lara’s dormitory door with some regret. For one thing, he didn’t text her. With his hands completely preoccupied, he really couldn’t. And he isn’t about to start a voice note or calling habit. He flashbacks to one of the first times he’s called someone. He hung up prematurely, too anxious about the whole thing, causing the receiver to hang up on him in turn. Not the best idea to bring up such a situation when he’s dealing with another, though.

        Settling the shopping bag by his feet, he knocks on the door rather loosely. This feels oddly familiar, he thinks. But he’s not particularly concerned with making confessions this time around. Lara’s surely heard it all by now, even if it wasn’t from him. Elias reaches up to rub his eye in wait, trying not to remember the contract she had with another guy. Coincidentally, established about a month before he expressed those three words to her. Just his luck, right? Thwarted twice, in fact.

        He knocks again, a little louder this time. “It’s your favorite wolf. I come bearing food.” Food that he’ll cook in her presence in case she has preferences for something other than a vegan lasagna. He does have fettuccine noodles in there, too, after all. He glances down at the bag, confirming that his memory is right. Is it possible that she’s actually not home? He doesn’t know her schedule exactly. Fall term comes with new time tables, he supposes. Serves him right for not letting her know in advance. “And company, if you’ll have me.” He adds in French, pulling out his phone in the meantime, just in case.

@sgnlara

[sgnlara]

          the months spent either in her room or at the library if she’s not in classes lead to a lot of cleaning, reorganizing, and rearranging everything around her. from the way she outlines her notes, to the formatting of her planner, the order of her skincare in the mini-fridge atop her vanity, and the furniture in the small living space til she eventually moved it all back. each time, she convinces herself that it’s for the best, that she’s doing this to move forward somehow, but it’s all motion for the sake of feeling productive without actually doing so. because she learns best with the system she already had in place with her notes, her things and clothes already organized in a way that made the best sense, and what she really wants to change is herself, not everything around her. 

          she doesn’t recognize this side of her, this side that actually let herself feel the sadness, that let herself feel the guilt and frustration til it became overwhelming. a year ago, when fall term began, she pretended nothing changed. this time around, things have changed again and she doesn’t know what to think. a year ago, she wouldn’t have thought she’d have gone through a fake relationship either. a year ago, she wouldn’t have thought she’d hear those three words from elias and then still feel so dejected, as if she’s lost him before she’s had him. what’s that she told herself? can’t lose what you never had. 

          it’s a fucking lie. 

          either way, she’s still got one of her polaroid albums in hand, debating if she should take out the photos and put them away or keep it as is. the knocking makes her nearly drop it and she’s clambering to catch it properly, palm to her forehead when a picture slips out, taken at golden hour. just as she’s going to pick it up, album set on the edge of her bed, there’s another knock and a voice she didn’t expect to hear. it’s unfair, for him to be there, to call himself both hers and her favorite with the nickname she’s given him. on top of that, the promise of food? should be a crime to do this to her. 

          with a shaky sigh, album and polaroid already forgotten, she goes towards the door, paces just for a moment before she opens it, peeking her head through to see him. “ what kind of food? ” but she lets him in anyway, stepping back to fully open the door so he can come in, hand behind her back, toying with the hem of her shirt as she bites her lip. they’re friends anyway, right? just because they didn’t keep in touch during the summer and it drove her insane   —   it barely changes anything even if she tries to listen to her cousin’s urging.