Yesāitās called the Curse of the Gifted Child, and itās overwhelmingly common in adults who were the āgifted and talentedā kids, and it leads to disproportionate levels of anxiety is smart adults. Itās why all educators and family therapists who are current in the research try so hard to spread the word that parents and teachers should praise children for trying, for working hard, for persevering, for thinking for themselves, and NOT praise them for their inborn intelligence or talent.
Adults fuck kids up so hard by praising something that the kids a) have no control over, and b) wonāt itself improve over time (i.e. the level of giftedness doesnāt go up as we age, and eventually we find ourselves coming up to its limits). And our (Iām assuming youāre American) education system is so broken that we canāt do right by our gifted students in entirely different ways than how we canāt do right by our struggling students, or our students with other needs. Itās a fucking miracle that students on either side of āaverageā learn anything useful at all, and if they do it is 100% guaranteed that itās due to a spectacular teacher finding ways to get their students involved intellectually and creatively in spite of, not thanks to, the system.
If you have kids or work with kids, take a moment and think about whether you compliment them on their innate giftsāāYouāre so smart/talented!ā or on what they actually doāāThat was good/hard work you did!ā This applies to all kids who do anything that comes easily for them: playing the violin, learning a second language, throwing/hitting/fielding a ball, etc. Replace āWow, youāre so talented!ā with āYour practicing has really paid off! You should be proud of how hard you worked!ā
Praise ALL kids for not giving up if something is hard, even if they donāt get an A (or a B or even a C for that matter). āI know this isnāt the grade you wanted, but I saw that you worked at it, and thatās whatās going to make the next assignment a little easier.ā
For gifted and talented kids, praise them for stretching themselves. Help them find challenging things to do. START EARLY, because, as the original poster says (and so many more of us feel), if we can skate through our first 18 years of life without being intellectually challenged, the rest of our LIFE is going to be very, very anxiety-inducing, difficult, and intellectually and emotionally overwhelming.
In the grown-up world, self-respect gets you further than self-esteem. āI can probably do a good job at this if I work at itā is the result of focusing solely on a kidās self-respect. āEverything is so easy for me because Iām gifted/talented wait this is hard and so is this and I canāt do anything and Iām afraid to try because what if I fail Iāve never failed and my entire understanding of my own worth as a human being is that I donāt failā is what comes from focusing solely on a kidās self-esteem. Self-respect, learned over time, will bring self-esteem with it naturally. Self-esteem, learned over time, is separate from self-respect and, without the balance, just brings pain and misery and mental breakdowns when the adult hits the hard limit of the gift or the talent.
Ask me how I know. Then ask me why Iāve become a full-time tutor.
prguitarman
stormborns
yousharknotpass
blakekathryn
dailybridgerton
