DHD: ALRIGHT, TIME TO DELIVER ON THAT "ELLIOT WAS BRIEFLY PART OF THE STARGATE PROGRAM" WORD OF GOD CANON!
Hardison would have been impressed if he’d had room for that particular emotion, which he often did. As it was, he had room for the ever conflicting “we’re gonna die” fear and “Eliot’s gonna save us” reassurance, the latter of which normally won, which left room for being impressed. Currently, though, any space for that was filled with pain, which he hadn’t even been aware was an emotion. The guy holding Parker with inhuman grip strength had some kind of hand-mounted… light… ray gun… thing, and it was both cool as hell and hurt like it, too, which outweighed the coolness factor. Hardison tasted blood, rolling up to one knee with absolutely all of his bones protesting. “I told you,” he panted. “We don’t know--” “Then you will die,” the voice that tore from their captor’s throat was all wrong, like it’d been run through a pitch adjuster set to ‘scary-ass-monster-man.’ “Nah,” Eliot swung around the corner, one hand braced on the door frame. The other held some kind of snake-themed horror movie prop, which would not have been reassuring in the hands of anyone but their boyfriend. Well, until it fired. The guy dropped Parker, writhing on the ground the way Hardison had been moments ago. Eliot pressed whatever trigger again, and the blue-purple lightning crawling over the guy intensified, even as he stopped moving. A third shot and…
“Wow, you vaporized that guy.” Parker said, rubbing her neck where the man had held her. “Cool.” “Are you ok?” Eliot asked them both, his intensity ratcheting higher, Hardison noticed. “Aside from that guy trying to kill us, yeah,” Hardison said, looking pointedly at the place the body had been. “Uh. Are you? Ok? Because, I mean I know, we don’t pry or nothing but I thought, you know, you had a pretty solid Batman thing going on and uh…” “Trust me,” Eliot said gruffly. “That was mercy.” “Ok, ok, cool, uh, wanna run that back and maybe fill us in a little bit on that… ray gun thing you got there?” “It’s a Zat gun,” Eliot said. “Not a ray gun.” he ran a hand over his sweaty face. “ shit. This isn’t good.” “Move now, talk later?” Parker pointed out. “I mean. No body but still? Unless you’ve both completely forgotten how to be criminals?” “Yeah, we need to get to the Cheyenne Mountains,” Eliot said, looking at Hardison. “I’ll conjure plane tickets as soon as you tell me the hell is going on.” “Remember that conspiracy board?” “From the Hunter job?” Hardison asked. “Yeah. good prop. How much am I gonna not like asking why?” “A lot,” Eliot said. “So this guy tried to kill us and you got a …Zap gun--” “Zat. With a T.” “S’what I said, so you got one of those because of… one of those things? Which one? Moon landing?” “Nah, that was real.” “It better not be that racist secret hyperborea beyond the ice caps bullshit.” “Nah,” Eliot said again. “It’s the Pyramids.” “Oh, really,” Hardison said. “ had you not just saved my life I would be scolding you, like it is the twenty-first century man, the Egyptians were really good at--” “They sure were. That’s why the Aliens took them.” Eliot interrupted. “Hardison, how much have you learned about the SGC?” “The boring Air Force branch that doesn’t do anything except waste taxpayer money?” “Try the Air Force branch that’s the only reason this planet didn’t get blown up in ‘98. And ‘99. And--” “Oooh,” Parker shook out her arms. “What are we stealing?” “Nothing! Yet. “ Eliot amended his statement swiftly. “Look, if there was a goa’uld here, that’s a really really bad sign.” “Oh, it’ll be like DC again,” Parker nodded. “It’ll be a whole lot worse.” “That guy was an alien?” Hardison asked. “Yeah. It’s a very distinctive vocal pattern, ok? Tickets.” “Calm down, I got them. Got us a car, too. We need fake IDs or you got this?” “They know me,” Eliot confirmed. “Or at least, they better.” He glanced up, and Hardison peered at the cloudless sky with him, half expecting to see it full of spaceships and fire. The perfect blue seemed too good to be true.
