Shadowork

Navigating the shadows by degrees.

[circleofancestralmagic]

Circle of Ancestral Magic (CAM) is a small coven local to the Bay Area community. In light of the recent political events and the ongoing lack of JUSTICE in response to the systematic killing of multiple unarmed Black people and disparities in the legal system for people of color, we feel it is...

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Wheel of the Year: Samhain

Wheel of the Year: Samhain

Other Common Names: Hallowmas, Shadowfest, All Saint's Day, Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), All Hallow's Eve, Martinmas

Symbolism: 

Celtic New Year

Veil between the worlds is thinnest

A time to Honor Ancestors

End of a Cycle, New Beginnings - Laying to rest the old

Wisdom of the Crone

Death of the God

Celebration of Reincarnation

Mythical Animals:

Púca

Medusa

Goblins

Banshee

Fetch

Peryton

Erlkonig

Harpies

Herbs, Spices & Plants:

Mugwort 

Allspice 

Sage 

Gourds 

Catnip 

Apple Trees

Acorn

Corn

Nightshade

Hazel

Fumitory

Mullein

Wormwood

Calendula

Mandrake

Rue

Animals:

Bats

Cats

Dogs

Crow

Jackal

Owl

Robin

Scorpion

Stag

Stones: 

Obsidian

Onyx

Carnelian

Bloodstone

Garnet

Hematite

Jasper

Jet

Pyrite

Foods:

Apples

Pumpkin Pie

Beets

Turnips

Hazelnuts

Corn

Gingerbread

Pomegranates

Cider

Meat, Particularly Pork

Symbols:

Jack O' Lantern

Balefire

Besom

Masks

Cauldron

Waning Moon

Colors:

Black

Orange

Red

Brown

Golden Yellow

Silver

Gold

Suggested Workings/Castings:

Protection

Divination

Communion with Spirits (Especially Ancestors)

Astral Projection

Protection or Neutralization of Harm

Common Dieties: 

Crone Goddesses

Dying or Dead God

Hel

Inanna

Macha

Mari

Ishtar

Hecate

Carlin

Edda

Pamona

Crobh Dearg

Lilith

Psyche

Morrigan

Arawn

Dis

Kronos

Xocatl

Woden

Pluto

Hades

Nefertum

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Wheel of the Year: Mabon

Other Common Names: Autumn Equinox, Harvest Home, 2nd Harvest, Wine Harvest

Symbolism: 

Equality

Balance

Thanksgiving

Harvest

The Mysteries

Mythical Animals:

Gnomes

Sphinx

Minotaur

Cyclops

Herbs, Spices & Plants:

Myrrh

Thistle

Tobacco

Oak Leaves

Hazel

Mums

Hops

Marigold

Roses

Sage

Milkweed

Honeysuckle

Solomon's Seal

Sage

Ferns

Pine

Cedar

Cinnamon

Asters

Bittersweet

Burning Bush

Joe-Pye Weed

Morning Glory

Oakleaf Hydrangea

Pansy

Clematis

Sedum

Animals:

Birds of Prey (Especially Owl, Eagle & Blackbird)

Dogs & Wolves

Stag

Salmon

Goat

Stones: 

Yellow Topaz

Carnelian

Sapphire

Agates (Particularly Yellow)

Lapis Lazuli

Amethyst

Foods:

Grapes

Acorn

Wheat & Grains

Goat

Corn

Root Vegetables (Potatoes, Onions, Carrots, etc...)

Pomegranates

Apples

Beans

Squash

Symbols:

Wine

Gourds

Pine Cones

Nuts (Especially Acorns)

Grains (Such as: Stalks of Wheat, or whole grains)

Corn (Such as: Indian Corn, Husks, Stalks)

Apples

Pomegranates

Vines

Dried Seeds

Horns of Plenty

Autumn Flowers

Fallen Leaves

Baskets

Colors:

Reds

Oranges

Golds

Deep Yellows

Browns

Purple

Blue Violet 

Indigo

Suggested Workings/Castings:

Prosperity

Protection

Security

Harmony

Balance

Common Dieties: 

Persephone

Demeter

Mother Goddesses

Modron

Morgan

Pamona

The Muses

Mabon

Thoth

Thor

Hermes

Dionysus

Bacchus

Wine, Harvest, Mother, and Aging Dieties

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This is a piece of Tiger Iron. I carried it with me every day for several months, and then one day, I couldn't find it. I looked around, but weeks later, I still hadn't found it.

Then, yesterday morning, while I was meditating, I made an offering, and had the bright idea to ask the elements and spirits (if they were able) to help me find it. 

This morning, I find it sitting on my daughter's shelf in her room, where it had apparently been for the last month or so. 

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Help

It's been a while since I've been able to set aside some time for studying - I've been working on other projects that have taken up a much-larger-than-anticipated chunk of my time; namely a bathroom update. Was supposed to be a quick paint & change of fixtures, and ended up being a multi-week process. Le Sigh. So much fun. 

Anyhow, we're nearing the end of it (thank the gods), and I'm renewing my effort to try and get back in to my studies. The next chapter of When, Why, If... Deals with help. 

Helping others means...

For me, helping others means doing what I can, when I can, to the extent that I'm able. I try not to over burden myself by agreeing to take on more than I'm comfortable, and when I do agree to do something, I try to accomplish it. I am comfortable (most of the time) with saying "I can't", for those times that I need to.

Accepting help from others means...

Like many social contracts, the key to accepting help is communicating. Being able to communicate what you need or expect, and listening to what the person you are accepting help from, says that they are able to do. 

I feel that I should help someone most when...

I feel most useful and least frustrated, when I'm helping with something that I know how to do well - especially if it's something that costs me very little, but saves someone else (in time, energy, etc...) quite a lot. An example might be cooking - I enjoy cooking, I feel it's one of my strong skills, and I am generally happy to do it. 

I am most likely to ask for help when... 

I'm most likely to ask for help when I have a clear idea of what I need help with, or conversely, when I have absolutely no idea of how to proceed. An example of this might be when I need help with my computer or other tech. Yes, I could probably figure it out given time and a great deal of frustration, but there are other people in my life who are much better able to tackle that kind of problem, and resolve it much faster than I could. As for when I have a clear idea, it's generally something simple - an errand, a question, a task. Something with clear parameters.

I should offer to help if...

I offer my help freely to the people I'm closest to, particularly when I have the freedom/time/availability to do so. As for whether I *should* or not, it's a process I'm working on. I know that I tend to be pushy, and so I've gotten better about listening to feedback, and stepping away when my help is not what is desired in that moment. I'm not very good at watching my nearest and dearest struggle, so *should* I offer isn't something I always think about. I have a friend who can get a little prickly about help, so it is something I'm getting better at - but it's definitely a process. 

If someone refuses my help, I... 

It depends on the situation. In most cases, I'm fine with stepping away until I'm asked. In other cases, particularly with those I'm closest to, it can be very frustrating for me. If I can do this, and I don't mind (I wouldn't offer if I minded, damn it), then it's hard for me to take no for an answer. 

I am most likely to refuse to help, even if someone asks, when... 

The most common reason would be if I just simply didn't have the time to dedicate to the task, or if I didn't feel confident that I could do the task well. I also am much more likely to agree to a one-off task than I am to something ongoing. Ie, it's easier for me to make sure that I can meet a one time task, than it is for me to make an ongoing one work on a consistent basis. My schedule fluctuates, and I generally try to keep myself very flexible. I don't generally like to commit myself to something ongoing. 

I am most likely to refuse the help of others when... 

I am most likely to refuse help when I'm not clear on what it is I want, or when I feel that there isn't much that could be done to help.

Offer your help to someone. Pick someone you think will be likely to take you up on it. If they refuse, offer to help someone else. Keep going until someone accepts. When they do, be "good help". Write down who you asked, what they needed, what you did, and how you felt about it. 

Ask someone else for help. Pick someone you think will be able to give it. If they can't ask someone else. Keep going until someone accepts. Write down who helped you, what you asked for, what they did, and how you felt about it. 

I might have to come back to this task sometime after the bathroom is complete. I don't have a lot of time right now for extra projects, lol. 

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Full moon Altar

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Full moon Altar

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Malachite for earth Abalone shell for water Lavender for air Amber for fire

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Love

Continuing through "When, Why If..." by Robin Wood. This chapter was about Love, the expectations and responsibilities of love, etc... 

When someone tells me they love me, I think they mean ...

When someone tells me that they love me, in general terms I believe it means that I'm important to them. That they care about me. That they care about my well being, health, needs, etc... In a directed way, rather than a casual way - the difference between wishing an acquaintance, co-worker, etc... A good day vs. actually, genuinely being concerned about my day. If that makes sense. That my presence in their life is important to them, and that they would rather not consider the possibility of me not being in their life. That they will support me (to the extent that they're able) through my travels and trials. 

Romantically, in a partner, I would add to that the expectation that the relationship, keeping it solid and healthy, would be the first priority in their life. 

I react to this by ...

When the feeling is reciprocal, it's affirming and comfortable. It makes me feel good to be appreciated and loved. I will respond with Love back to them. When the feeling is not reciprocal; ie... if it is someone that I do not have a close relationship with or whatever, depending on the circumstances, I will often make a joke (frequently a self-deprecating one, although not always) or change the subject. I don't want to be drawn in to a declaration of feeling something that I don't, so I try not to react that way, even though most people put the expectation on you that if they say they love you, you should respond in kind. 

When I tell someone I love them, I usually mean ...

That they are important to me. That they've entered in to a part of my heart where I feel connected to them, that I am willing to be there for them, to support them, to help out when I can. That I consider them to be family. That I would rather not imagine my life without them. 

I expect them to react by ... 

I don't really feel as if I expect anything by giving love. Perhaps I'm not digging deep enough in to my psyche, but I feel like love is a gift. To expect something, anything, in return means it is not truly love. It is nice, wonderful, in fact, if the feeling is reciprocated, but it isn't necessarily going to change the way that I feel. I am responsible for my own feelings. 

I have no trouble believing that others love me. T/F

True. 

This is because ... 

Because I believe that I'm a good person, a good friend, a good wife/partner, a good mother. I believe that when I share my love with the people in my life, it is only natural for them to give love back to me. Note that I'm not expecting it, but I have found that for the most part, the people in my life that I love, love me in return. It isn't an expectation; rather it is a natural flow of energy between close friends and family.

I am comfortable/uncomfortable with this because ...

I feel comfortable with this because the majority of my close relationships are reciprocal. There is give and take, support given, support received.

I want to change/don't want to change the way I think about love, because ...

I'm going to have to think about this one. 

When Robin tells us to love everyone, she means ... 

Be accepting of the people around you. Give them the freedom to be their honest selves. Support them, to the extent that you are able. Do not give more than you can, or more than you feel comfortable doing. But do give what you can honestly give. 

I think I can/don't think I can do this, because...

I think I already try to do this, for the most part. I'm hesitant usually to take on commitments that I don't feel like I can live up to, but whenever I do commit to something, I try to give it my best, and be honest about when it becomes too much. 

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Self

Second post in as-of-yet-undetermined number of "When, Why, If..." exercise. This one is on the self. If you haven't read the book, I can't guarantee that all of the questions (and answers) will make much sense. There's a thing about mego/antimego that I'm not really going to explain - It's better if you read her words for yourself. :-)

  On the Mego-AntiMego Continuum, I feel that I usually act like ...

I say that because ...

I don't feel like there is a 'usually' kind of answer for this. There are circumstances where I feel like I'm very AntiMego, such as for my child. But there are other things that I'm very self-interest motivated by, and thus fall further on the Mego side. Somewhere between a 3-7 on most things, I guess. Depending on the circumstances.  There are so many factors to consider that it's hard to just say, I'm always a three, or always a seven. Even setting aside the particular circumstances, my reaction or role might be different depending on how stressed I am, how my week has gone, etc... I guess the best answer for that would be that I am generally a three-ish (Mego), with the caveat that by 'self-interest' I tend to include my nearest and dearest in my 'self-interests'. So when I want something for my child, for instance, I may sacrifice or whatever, but I would still define it as self-interest, because I wouldn't necessarily make the same sacrifices for another child or person. The people who are closest to me are part and parcel to myself. If that makes sense. 

I want to change/don't want to change because ...

At some point, I would like to have more time/energy/ability to help people outside of my inner circle. Right now, there's so much on my plate that, although I would love to (for instance), volunteer for a charity, or commit to some position or activity, I find it difficult to make the time or sacrifices to actually get out there and do it. In that regard, my Self-Interest version of Mego comes in to play. I make time for the people I know and care about, but am less willing to make the time to devote to others outside of that circle. 

An Honest balanced self image would include ...

That I can be selfish, but I can also be generous. I think that I'm kind, most of the time, but I can be hard and unforgiving sometimes, too. I can be quick to anger or hurt, slow to forgive or apologize. I am generally a positive person. I nearly never intentionally mean to offend or hurt anyone, and I'm learning to be better at not doing it unintentionally either. (It's a work in progress.) I tend to form strong bonds with a few select people, but I enjoy people over all as a general rule. 

Write a list of your best character traits; Those things that you would love if you found them in someone else. Make sure there are at least ten things on your list. 

Cheerful

Intelligent

Clever Repertoire 

A love of cooking

Chatty (without being obnoxiously so - I have a hard time with really quiet or reserved people) 

Picks up on Social cues

Politically Liberal

Good Parenting Skills

A good sense of humor

Geeky

Write a list of things about yourself that you would like to change. Put no more than three things on your list. 

Education

Weight

There are several exercises following these questions that are to be done over the following week

If you pegged yourself at 3 or below, do something for someone else that can not possibly help you, every single day this week. If you are 7 or above, do something for yourself that can not possibly help someone else, every single day this week. If you are between 3 and 7, decide which of these exercises you would get the most good out of and do that. Or do some of both! 

See all the clerks, waitresses etc. that you encounter today as real people, with their own lives, and their own stories to tell. Really look at them Acknowledge them as people. 

Treat everyone sharing the road with you today as if they were real people in cars of their own, with destinations as important to them as yours are to you. If someone cuts you off in traffic, say a prayer for their safety and that of everyone they encounter as they hurry to their goal. 

Do something spectacularly nice for someone in your family, just to surprise them. If you rated yourself as an 8.5 or above, then the person in your family to "treat" is you! 

I'll try to remember to report back on the last four in a week. In general, the first two I think, will be easy. The third one will be hard, and the fourth really hard. I already feel as if most of the time, I do nice things for others and for myself - if not daily, then frequently, and I do try to see clerks et al, as people (with varying degrees of success, dependent on how irritating they might behave), but like many people who live in urban/suburban areas, I do tend to get frustrated with other drivers, so I will try to make that my primary goal this week, and as far as doing something nice for someone in my family... well, my biggest problem with that is I'm drawing a complete blank on what to do, lol. I'm open to suggestions?

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Honesty

As I mentioned previously, I've started reading When, Why, If by Robin Wood. My goal was to read 50 pages a week, and so far I'm not really doing very well on it. (A little over a week and I'm 19 pages in. Oops.) 

The author recommends reading through the entire book, and then going back to work on the exercises, which I'm sure there are reasons for. However, I know myself well enough to know that it would take me a long time to get back to the exercises once I finished the book. So I'm going to do an initial pass at the exercises while I'm in-process on the book, and perhaps go back through later, as time/energy permits. 

The first exercise is on Honesty. 

Define Honesty

To me, Honesty means being as objective as you can. Avoiding making Judgements. Speaking and thinking the truth as much as possible. Knowing and accepting that you don't have all the answers. 

The thing I am most likely to be dishonest with myself about is... 

There are several things I'm probably being dishonest with myself about. There are some things about my home life that I know are not the way they should be. Accepting that they are not and may never be the way they should be, however - that's a different thing entirely. When or if it comes to that, I hope that the Gods will lend me the strength to survive it. I'm also not always completely honest with myself about the role I play in a disagreement. I will make justifications for the things I say or do, which seems all logical and such after the fact, but in truth, I can be very reactionary during disagreements. Allowing my pride to prevent me from admitting being wrong, being sarcastic and/or condescending. Deliberately goading. Mmmm... public admitting of faults. So much fun. 

When I am dishonest with myself it is usually because...

Most often it's Pain, Shame, Guilt, or Fear. Wanting to protect myself from further pain/shame/guilt/fear. Being unable or unwilling to do what is necessary to fix a situation, because once I honestly acknowledge that it's there and needs to be fixed, I can no longer hide behind ignorance. 

I have no problem being honest with myself about...

Is it wrong that I seem to have no problems coming up with a list of flaws, but when asked about strong points, I draw a complete blank? I know there are things that I'm honest with myself about - I just can't seem to think of any. 

I can talk to anyone honestly about... 

This is a tough one for me. I know that I'm very opinionated about what the 'right' way to do something is. Particularly as it relates to food (because I love to cook) or parenting. So I do a lot of censoring. I try to be... tactfully honest. I won't agree with something I don't agree with, but I will often minimize how strongly I disagree, make light of it, or change the subject. I can't think of any particular subject that I don't do this on, dependent on the person/situation. When I was younger, I lost a lot of friends by being too vocal about my opinions. Pulling back some of the blunt and tempering it with tact and respect has made it much easier for me to make and keep friends. (Or rather, keep friend-LY with people. My true friends allow me my moments of opinion without taking it personally.)

At the moment, I would rate my self-honesty as a __ on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being constantly lying to myself, and 10 being completely and objectively honest with myself. 

I would give myself this rating because...

Somewhere around a 6. I feel like I try to be honest with myself most of the time, even when I can't or won't admit it to others - although a not-insignificant amount  of the time that honest and clarity comes after a situation or interaction has passed - hindsight being 20/20 and all. So I'm not always Honest in the moment, and there are things in my life that I'm willfully ignoring. Thus, a 6. 

In a year, I would like to be __ on this honesty scale

I am trying for this much progress because...

This is hard for me. There are things in my life that I feel that too much honesty about would make it impossible for me to deal with. Lol. But I do want the kind of clarity that only comes with real honesty. So maybe an 8? Ish? And a longer term plan (say, a five year plan?) of 9-10. 

Honesty is important because... 

Honest is important because with true honesty, you can accurately get a sense of where you can improve your life, and where you SHOULD improve your life. Of what you need to work on. Becoming less reactionary and being more aware and honest in the moment (one would hope, anyways). Catching yourself before you fall in to old patterns and behaviors, (again, one would hope). Having clarity of purpose in your motivations and thoughts. 

I will probably need to go back at some point and answer these questions again. And again. And again. I'm getting the sense that developing a personal ethical code is an evolutionary process, and not a fixed one. Here's the hope that through diligence and self exploration, I will be a better person tomorrow than I am today. 

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The next book on the agenda for studying. A lot of my degree work is going to involve reading and writing, since I already have a lot of practical experience. My goal is to try for atleast 50 pages a week, hopefully more - it really just depends on how crazy things get, lol. If anyone wants to read and discuss it with me, use the tag "when why if". :-) 

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Life after Death

Crystal, my Mentor, gave me the following writing assignment, which I've been meaning to get to for the last week-ish, however I was really close to finishing the book I was studying (which I managed to finish yesterday, Yay!), so the writing assignment became back burnered. 

Life after death

What do you believe happens in life after death?

Do you believe in hell?

Do you believe in the Summerland?

How do you want to be sent into the after life?

    When someone dies, I believe that initially, atleast, that person finds exactly what they expect to find. If they believe that they will be going to Hell, Heaven, the Summerland, Alien Planets, etc... Then that is exactly what they will find. All things, and none of those things, are possible on the Astral Plane - which I believe encompasses all of these things, and more. People often say that our Perception becomes our reality - and in no place is that more apparent than on the Astral Plane.

  I believe the reason for this is to allow some time to ease them through the transition between the physical and non. To give them the space to assess and take stock of the lessons they have learned in their life in an environment that is comfortable and accepting to them. As they work through that transition, I believe that they become more aware of their surroundings, until they no longer need that transition space, and move towards their next step in their Soul's evolution - be it reincarnation, or something they need to work on in the Astral. 

  Each person's journey is unique, and each person has choices to make. 

  As for how would I choose to be sent in to the after life - I think at a ripe, old age, held in a circle of love shared by my friends, family, loved ones, community, etc... Where all the things that needed to be said have been said, and I take the step in to the next world in dignity, respect, sorrow, happiness and love. That would be ideal. We seldom get to choose the moment of our death though, so for the most part, I try to say, every day, the things that are important to the people who matter the most to me. 

  ***This is what will be considered a living document part of my online Shadowork, and as such may evolve or change over time.***

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Offerings

How do you handle offerings in ritual? Do you make an offering to each of the elements as well as to the Gods? Do you make one offering for both Gods and Elements? Do you only make an offering to the Gods? Why? 

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Thank you that was really helpfull, I was also wondering (sorry for bugging you) how you use crystals for cleansing x

Hi! 

Using Crystals for cleansing isn't something I usually do on a regular basis - however, if I were to want to use a Crystal for cleansing, I would hold the Crystal in my dominant hand (ie if you are Right handed, hold it in your right hand, left handed, left hand), and focus on drawing out the energy you would like to cleanse, through the Crystal, and sending it down in to the ground. Though I would recommend only using this technique if you have a strong foundation in meditation and grounding energy, as it would be too easy to pull energy in to yourself that you would not want to have lingering. 

Good luck! :-) 

Del

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I'm interested in becoming an eclectic Pagan, I was just wondering what sort of things do you have on your alter? X

Hi! Setting up an altar is a very personal thing - but to be honest, the most important part about an altar isn't all the objects on it - it's about setting aside a place for Sacred Space, and creating room for you to be connected to your spirituality. Objects that can be placed on your altar are those that hold meaning for you, and help you to find your way to the Gods/Goddesses/Ancestors/Spirits/etc... Some people might say that you *must* have This or That item, but I've seen really meaningful, beautiful sacred spaces that were simply a candle, a place to sit comfortable, and a memento or two. "Traditional" Altar set ups do have a list of things you "should" have, but I find that most of the time, it's not necessary to have all (or even any) of the items on that list. Your heart and intent are the most important things that live on your altar. That Said - there are a couple of things on my altar I would rather not live without. They include:

Sage - For purifying Space

A Candle

A Lighter (or matches) - For lighting said candle, and burning sage

A fire safe vessel for holding & putting out burning sage

An Offering Bowl or Dish (Doesn't need to be fancy, one you already have will do just fine until you find something meaningful for you)

Quartz Crystals - Quartz is very general purpose and good for pretty much everything. 

Anything else is a 'nice to have', as far as I'm concerned - and even the things that I listed above are still in the "not necessary" but "nice to have" category. You can get along just fine without them. However, since you asked about the items on my altar specifically, here's a list of things off the top of my head: 

Small Cauldron (For the Sage)

Oak Branch, sanded smooth and oiled for a wand

Candle Snuffer

Pentacle

Athame

Mementos from my Grandmother and Great Grandmother, both deceased. A Necklace from each, a Watch, a Picture. 

Sea Shells - Both decorative and symbolic of Water

A small jar of Soil from a location that was special to me, to symbolize Earth. 

A Covered dish for offerings (Because my cats will eat the offerings otherwise)

A Chalice, for symbolizing the Divine Feminine, and for Ritual Wine/Ale

Various Crystals and Stones, such as (but not limited to) Amethyst, Black Tourmaline, Hematite, Tiger's Eye, Malachite, etc...

Hope that helps! :-)  

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where did you get that large, wooden pentacle in the center? I love it!

Hi! Thanks! 

You know, I ordered it online about four or five years ago, so it's hard to say. I can't find the receipt in my old email. I *think* it was from Om Imports, but I can't remember for sure. 

Del