All The Love We Have Chapter 1
Hey so this is a book I have been writing for almost 2 years. I published on Inkitt, but thought on publishing the first chapter here too. It is an inspiration of my love story of how my husband and I met and got together and it'll mention also loss of a family member, hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 1 “Home sweet Sadness” Month October
Three years ago
I never thought that day would happen, I remember making my morning routine, but when the police came at my door, and told me that my brother, the person that always know how to be careful on the road with his Suzuki bike.
Is gone.
I didn’t believe it, I was in denial, a part of me rationalise that he is still alive, still at the hospital recovering, that he had send the officers as a prank.
However, when my mum called, crying asking me if he is gone, I try to tell her that maybe he is still alive, but the officers understanding the pain, gave me a ride to the morgue to confirm. I kept trying to mutter under my breath, he’s alive, he’s alive.
But the hardest part?
It was seeing his body the first time, and I was numb, I fell to my knees and let out the most anguish scream ever, repeating the word ‘no’ over and over.
The second time I saw his body was the day at the funeral, my parents and I had to pick an outfit for him, and instead of a suit and tie, we picked a t-shirt and shorts. As we knew Colin would’ve felt more comfortable wearing clothes that is comfort over style. The funeral had most of the people Colin knew, my parents, uncles, cousin, my brother Daniel, my close friends, their parents.
When I walked to the podium, I stare ahead, unsure how to say it.
I blink when I was back at the apartment, staring at the window.
How long have I been staring at the open window? Is it because I was hoping to hear a motorcycle rumble? Or is it a hope that I want to hear him one last time?
“M…” someone calling out to me, is it him?
“M…” Strange that the voice sounds more feminine, when I hear it.
Blinking myself back to reality, I hear the voice of my childhood friend calling out to me.
Without turning around, I answered her with a hum. “Are you okay?” She asks me concerned in her tone of voice; I bite my lip from holding back my tears and letting out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I’m…trying to finish packing my bag.” I said a bit loudly, I heard her reply ‘okay’ and I still kept staring at the window, looking down at the street. Hoping to see him, but he’s not coming back. He’s gone…
I let out another sigh, and went back on doing what I needed to do. I started packing, I sigh sadly and I found a picture that I stared at sadly. It’s a picture of me, my late brother Colin and my friends, including my childhood best friend Renee. Renee and I went to the same kindergarten and we were always close together, and her family treated me like I was their daughter as well.
After packing my bag, I heaved out a sigh as I glanced at the empty apartment that I used to think that’ll be my home. I walked around the two-bedroom apartment, reminiscing good memories but also bad ones. I was so concentrated on that I didn’t hear someone calling my name, until they were in my face.
“M?”
I blink twice, and rubbed my eyes, I must be fucking tired. I stared at my friend Fabia and Renee, who both looked at me sadly. They gave me a hug and I cried hard as they understood the situation. We knew each other since high school, including her friend Val. Both me and Fabia were about the same height, 5 foot 5, Renee is about two inches taller than me while Val is the smallest in height about 5 foot 3. Renee has grown up in a mixed family, Val, Fabia and I became great friends after sharing similar interests in comics and manga’s, we became inseparable with Renee.
When I came into the school, I was only a first year while Fabia and Val were second year, me being a first year I was nervous and trying to fit in. When I entered the lunchroom, I picked a seat where I wanted to eat alone. However, I saw a girl that noticed me and motioned for me to come sit with them. That’s when I met Fabia and Val, I thank the girl for introducing me to them as we always hang out including chatting at our usual hangout at McDonald’s.
Fabia's family came from Australia and moved to Geneva for a better future for their children, Fabia was born in Geneva and same thing for Val, as her family came from South Korea and moved to Geneva as well, both were born in Geneva and had gone to the same school since childhood.
I was born in Geneva, Switzerland while my family was from Germany. My parents and I went to the US and I learned American English but moved back to Geneva, when I was six years old.
Colin was also close to them, and would sometimes invite us over when he plans a party with his friends as Colin and I are close like BFF, Colin was someone who talks to anyone and can be as caring as possible. He’s someone who’ll listen to your problems and help out to find any solution to help out as much as possible. Colin wanted to become a psychologist and almost got a job interview but passed before he got the job.
After he passed it left me with a big hole in my heart, where I couldn’t eat due to the fact that I don’t have my BFF with me and I felt lost. I still feel lost, and it still makes my blood boil when I think of the incident. Colin passed from a motorcycle incident, a drunk driver had lost control and crashed into him. When the police came and sadly announced his death, I couldn’t move and the police had to contact my parents and friends explaining the situation. I couldn’t move, I remained frozen on my couch. Renee had to help me up and she, Fabia and Val tried to encourage me to move if I stayed there not doing anything.
“Earth to M, are you here?” Fabia broke me out of my thoughts and memory again, and I smiled at her. “Yeah, sorry about that. What is it?” I ask her with my shoulders to relax, Fabia, Val and Renee smile back but they knew I wasn’t happy. “It’s all packed, we just wanted to see if you are ready to leave?” They ask me, as I sigh sadly. Nodding my head. “Yeah, thankfully there isn’t much…” I sold my furniture apart from picture frames, since I’m moving back to my parents’ place.
I moved to Zurich and lived there for about two years, hoping to find a better future. Colin came with me as he felt that Zurich would be a great start for him too. However, it felt too good to be true, as sometimes fate decides to be an asshole. My brother, who was my best friend growing up, passed away suddenly. He was only in his mid-twenties, normally we lived together in the apartment as roommates. But after his passing, and a long discussion with my parents I’ve decided to give up the lease on the apartment. The landlord was very understanding and felt sad that I would be leaving, but understood the situation as he told me that me and my brother were the best tenants he had.
Grabbing my suitcase and bags, leaving with my two friends. I hold the door handle and look at the apartment once more, letting a lone tear onto my cheek. “Goodbye…” I whispered softly, turning forward and left. Giving the key to the landlord, and putting the stuff into my friend's car.
“You guys want to grab something to eat before we go?” I asked my friends, both of them shook their heads no. And we drove back home to my parents’ place.
The ride was peaceful, chatting with my friends and thanking them for helping with the move. “Have you found a job by the way?” I nodded my head yes, a simple job working as a journalist. I did find one in Zürich, although I managed to find a better one in Geneva. Thankfully, I can work from home for two-three days while the rest I can go to the office. I have been dreaming of working since I was a kid. Well, I’ve always wanted to become a writer…but…
A writer isn’t a real job! It’s just a hobby!
I clench my fists, remembering that memory I try to burn away. It was when I was eight years old, telling my grandmother what I wanted to become. But she dismissed that dream, and pretty much discouraged me to give up. It always annoyed me, due that when I managed to get to my dream my grandmother would always put a backhand comment about it whenever I came over to visit. I didn't visit her much afterwards, but after she complained to my parents of me not visiting much and when my parents ask me, and I explained my reason. My mum pretty much told her off and she stopped, when I did reach my goal of becoming a writer, she’ll likely say at how proud she is that her granddaughter is a writer.
Heaving out a sigh, I look at my friends with a big smile. I look back at the road but still smiling at them, as they were there including my best friend Irene who managed to get a couple of days off to help me out move, due to the fact that she is a famous webcomic artist. They made sure I was okay and not alone.
I couldn’t have asked for better friends, as they knew how to make me feel better.
A couple of hours later, I dropped my friends off since they live a bit away from my parents’ place. Giving them a hug, I drove on my way back home.
And then I see my childhood home, a two-story house that has warm colours from the outside. Parking my car, I got out where an older woman who has a bit of a resemblance to me got out the front door. She gave me a warm smile and approached me. “Maria, it’s so good to see you! Oh, I’m so happy you are back. I’ll let you father know to help you with your stuff.” My mother said, as she hugged me tightly and I tried hard not to shed some tears. Even though his passing went for a month and the funeral, it was still one of the hardest things to hold…
I see an older man where he has the same nose as me, smiling at my dad where he stood six inches taller than me. Hugging him and then letting go, as he helped me unpack my car. “How was the drive Pumpkin?” My dad asks me curiously, as I smile at him, he called me pumpkin due that when I was a kid Colin, Daniel and I would carve pumpkins, I sometimes use collect the pumpkin bits and I oddly would smear them onto my face and I yelled out: “I am the pumpkin Queen!” My parents took a picture of it, and they still laugh to this story, and hence why I got the nickname for ‘Pumpkin’ and dad would call me sometimes as well ‘Pumpkin Queen’.
“It was a safe drive, a few traffics along the way. But all great. Thanks for letting me move back here. I wasn’t sure if you guys are okay for it, so thank you so much.” Dad smile, and shook his head, as we brought my stuff inside the home and went upstairs where my old bedroom is. I let out a small sigh of relief, as I flop my back onto my old bed and cover my face with my arm.
Coming back here feels so…empty… I used to remember my childhood dog that used to be here, but she was gone a few months before the passing of my older brother. Her name was Heidi, she was a Bernese Mountain dog. And she was one of the smartest and funniest dogs I’ve ever had, even if my parents were to get another dog. They and I know that nothing will replace her, as she and my brother will always cherish my memories.
I used to remember whenever I felt sad or alone Heidi would right away stay right by me and even went onto my bed giving me comfort, while Colin would come in from time to time and play my gaming system and play his favourite video game.
I took out my phone and stared at the picture of Colin, Heidi and I smiling from ear to ear. We both went on a hiking trip with my parents, and my mum took a picture of us where we were joking and laughing. Heidi tried to keep still but she kept turning her face with wide eyes staring at a piece of food that my dad was standing and eating, he let out a hearty laugh while Heidi finally let her lead let go and she approached my dad and shared the food with her, where she pretty much inhaled it before she could chew, letting all of us laughing hard at it. That image will always made me chuckle, but I tried not to shed a few tears as I don’t want to break down, I want to stay strong.
Heaving out a sigh, I must be strong for them. I told myself as I got up from bed and started to unpack my suitcases. I started to listen to some music from the 70’s - 80’s.
I started to dance a bit to let myself loose, and used my hairbrush as a microphone singing ‘paint it black’, and kept unpacking.
I don’t know how long, as I heard a knock on my door. Saying ‘Come in’ and see my mum poking her head out of the door with a small smile.
She walked in and sat down. “How are you feeling?” She asks me, as I sigh sadly. My mum has this power or mother sensor, where she knows that I am not okay and is waiting for me to say something. I stare at her, pausing the music. “I am fantastic.” I said sarcastically, and continued “As you see I’m having a blast unpacking again.” I let out in frustration, fighting back to cry again, my mum kept a tight lip but knew that I’m still in mourning. “I mean…why just why… he was the best driver and was careful. How could…how could someone take him away…why…just why did that person choose to drink and ran into him…” I started to raise my voice in frustration, a few tears started to roll and she got up and hugged me, soothing me and patting my head. This time, I couldn’t hold myself any longer…
I cried, and I couldn’t stop crying. Hugging my mum tightly not wanting to let go…
I cried for my older brother Colin and for Heidi…