she can feel the tension in the air, so thick that she swears, if it were an object, she could take a knife && slice it in two. yet, she knows that the tension will hang heavy around them for a while now, with everything that’s happened.
she’ll cast a glance or two in his direction, analyzing him carefully before turning her gaze toward the floor once more, left index finger twisted up in the small strand of hair she’s been twirling for a WHILE now. of course she knows what’s on his mind. it’s the exact same thing that’s been playing on her own, on repeat. almost like that of a fairy tale without an ending. though, in reality, this was so much more of a nightmare than any fairy tale she had ever read. she has every right to hate him and yet… she CAN’T bring herself to do so. tatiana was brought up better than that. ( her mama taught her to be better than that. )
the silence is shattered by his words, causing the brunette to look up once more. “ no. he doesn’t. none of them do. ” she replies, “ do you really think he would WANT me here ?? ” her brother still wasn’t taking it well, what bucky has done— NO. what the winter soldier has done, she reminds herself, treating the two as completely separate entities was easier. a coping mechanism, almost. she can’t possibly blame him for what happened. that was on HYDRA, not on him. speaking of which ;
“ you know i don’t HOLD it against you, right ?? ” words slip out of parted lips, and she’s hoping they might put the other more at ease around her. there’s no point in harboring bitter feelings anyway, she has decided. they can’t change the past. she knows that. they can only try to FIX the future.
a stupid question, now that he thinks about it. of course tony wouldn’t know where she was; he might just have her head, or worse. breaking out into a frown, bucky clasps both of his hands ( metal & organic ) together. his new metallic arm is weird, but no doubt better than what he had before. steve had painted his shield over it too, which was nice. it was as if he belonged to a cause again-- the cause of keeping steve’s sorry ass out of trouble. then again, bucky thinks that most of his life he’s been a firm believer of that cause. ‘ --- no, ‘ he responds, voice sounding choppy and rough, even with just the one word.
he’s ruined so many lives over his decades; he’s broken so many FAMILIES. why him ? with something acute to a scoff, bucky squeezes his eyes shut. for a moment, he’s silent, no words spilling out. no sounds. she doesn’t blame him? well-- that’s reassuring, but he doesn’t actually believe it for a split second. ‘ you have every right to hate me. but you don’t. why ? ‘ his smile is sad, like he doesn’t remember that he’s supposed to still be happy. like he’s forgetting. again.
he can hear steve’s voice in his head, ringing out in that damned monotone captain’s voice he’s adapted to. “ this isn’t your fault, “ steve would remind him on a daily basis. & in response, Bucky wouldn’t say a thing. n o t h i n g . he hadn’t a choice with hydra. with the russians. so, no. it wasn’t his fault, but he still DID it & that makes him guilty. after all, he’s never been proven innocent. the question lingers for just a moment, the silence making itself known once more.
dead eyes look away from tanya, & to the television, which isn’t even playing anything remotely interesting anymore. he can’t look at her. he can’t. ‘ you’ve got her eyes, you know. maria’s. ‘ another sound breaks out. honestly, he wouldn’t know what to call it. a sound an uncomfortable teenager would make. or a trapped animal.
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