bi, fly, and ready to cry

mostly escapist coping mechanisms, except when not | thirties | also on bluesky @sharas-bae but only for backup purposes

[tinylobelia-deactivated20200702]

[wisteriafield]

i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick your dog’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass

[gremlininho]

then & now ♡

[marinella-ela]

[itstherocketeer]

there’s nothing about this gif i don’t like

[sueslayer]

everybody collectively forgot how to star wars

[philcollinsenjoyer]

about 90% of fanfiction takes place in a utopia where men are thoughtful and unsure of their place in the world

[mycatismyfriend]

@skulandcrossbones this might be the greatest tag on a reblog I’ve ever seen.

[help-me-yes]

[movementnudge]

Movement nudge! Move your you, cuz you're the only you you got!

[grayblebayble]

was watching Danny Motta react to the first episode of Heated Rivalry when I came across this gem

[sleepdeprivedsurgeon]

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

[achillesinhighheels]

[pollen]

happy Barely Keeping It Together Wednesday to all who celebrate

[maddie-grove]

I really like this website because somebody will be like “there’s nothing wrong with darting out from behind a parked car into traffic, bootlicker” and you can be like okay this clearly evolved from a valid point about how the US is too car-centric. But something happened to it.

[jamiemccrimmon]

[mothman-etd]

Not sure got to feel when the hobby book says this should only take an hour but it took me 5 hours.

[gallusrostromegalus]

1. Hobby books are often written by the same people who think you can caramelize onions in 5 minutes

2. Hobby books are even more often written by people who don't have or are actively neglecting their partners/full-time jobs/pets/children/household maintenance.

3. Hobby books are often written by people with ADHD, and an hour in ADHD hyperspace is like 2-7 hours for everyone else, including other ADHD people who are not currently in the zone.

4. Hobby books are written by people who, when told by an editor to add in how long it will take, just make shit up

5. If you're doing something for the first time, you're going to take way, way longer to do it than someone who's had years of practice. Maybe it does only take an hour IF YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR TEN YEARS. Think about how long it took you to make idk your first excel spreadsheet vs how long it takes now

To actually answer your question: proud. You should feel proud, because you made something, AND you did so while learning a brand-new skill! Go you!!

May I ask what the Allegedly-One-Hour project was? Both because I like hearing about what my friends are doing and I want to see how wildly inaccurate the listed time scope is.

[maxknightley]

okay. listen. I try not to be pedantic about this sort of thing but it’s starting to get on my nerves. the wire mother offers milk but not comfort. the cloth mother offers comfort but not milk. if something is comforting, fun, or otherwise compelling, but lacks substance, that is the cloth mother. if something is boring or unpleasant but has substance, that is the wire mother.

[the-arthropod-queen]

things are heating up in the unethical experiments fandom

[ghostly-harmless]

nah nah hold on, let me get even more pedantic.

the big finding of the whole experiment was that both food and comfort are not just substantial, but required for healthy development. in the 50s the popular theory was that mothers should touch and hold their babies as little as possible to avoid “spoiling” them, especially right after birth (which explains uh. a lot about boomers as a generation).

Harlow conducted his experiment to investigate this idea, and he found that physical comfort nearly eclipsed the food as a need in the baby macaques. They would go to the wire mothers only when they were hungry, sometimes even trying to reach the milk bottles without letting go of the cloth mothers, because they so badly needed both. Harlow’s other experiments showed that being deprived of parental comfort and enrichment as babies dealt lasting psychological damage to the macaques. and today we know that human babies can just up and die without enough skin-to-skin contact.

so yeah, to highly social apes like us, comfort and fun are no less substantial than food, it’s just a question of how quickly it will kill you to go without it. do not deny yourself the cloth mother

[forestgreenandgray]

Hey do you know what rumination is?

Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.

Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.

Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.

I'll say it again:

Rumination is a compulsion.

Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.

I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.

And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.

Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.

Like this was genuinely life changing for me.

Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:

Defining Rumination

How to Stop Ruminating

ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination

What to Do When You're Triggered

[missparker]

don’t give fanfic to the actors

don’t give fanfic to the actors

hey

DON’T GIVE FANFIC TO THE ACTORS

don’t don’t don’t

thank you goodnight

[missparker]

listen, please stop making me bring this back every five years or whatever, i’m tired

[questionableadvice]

~ Our Deportment or the Manners and Customs of Polite Society, Maud C. Cooke, 1902

Don't make eye contact with the help, ladies

[marzipanandminutiae]

this doesn't mean quite what it sounds like in the present day

informality is seen as polite and egalitarian now, but in 1902, you weren't even supposed to use someone's first name until they asked you to. and that's if you KNEW them. it's saying not to make eye contact with the waiter, not because you're better than him, but for the waiter's privacy

you know how customers using your name feels weird, when you work somewhere with nametags? like they haven't earned the closeness of the interaction? "familiarity" here basically means that, but in a society that's like 10 degrees more formal

was it an extremely classist society? yes. were many people in it dehumanizing to service workers? also yes. but that's not what this is saying. it's more like, "you don't know the waiter. don't act like you're his friend"

(also it's an etiquette manual, so probably there were differences of opinion in practice)

[yehudah]

trans bears are literally stronger than any US marine

[they-were-a-skater-gay]

How on earth would they be able to tell that a bear is trans. I’m not saying they can’t be but how would they communicate that.

[yehudah]

:/

[schizm-deactivated]

this is so fucking funny

[specialstarfish]

update:

[fortooate]

we the jury find the defendant not guilty your honor

[the-dao-of-the-zerg]

[ineedatumblrforthisshit]

In like 1998 my very femme lesbian friend went to Pride in London and was all excited at the “teddy bears picnic” happening in one of the city parks. She took along a picnic hamper and her cuddly teddy bear. Needless to say, the large hairy gay men all thought she was adorable and she had a great time