darkness, after all, is relative @shatteredremnantsigil - Tumblr Blog

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hey hi you can call me zee or àbíkẹ́, im nigerian canadian british, i like reading and writing and seeing how much i can destroy myself and still be fine. have a great day.

tags:

#jai- quotes, films, poetic stuff

#mood- idk

#yay- happy stuff

#hush- also happy stuff

#nora- best friend/ lover? lost to suicide

#yoink- reblogs

#àbíkẹ́ answers- asks

#nora #yoink #yay #is this not how intro posts go #àbíkẹ́ answers #jai #hush #mood

12:59 AM so i was just lying in the carpet and abu stepped on my stomach. Like not hard, but im on my period and it already hurts. And it just made me feel humiliated. am i that useless for my own father (kinda) to step on me? and then he spat on my fucking face. i dont know what i ever did. hes always telling me to respect him but this is how he treats me? spitting on my face?i wish i could die. as i was going into my room he hugged me and told me im ‘his darling daughter’ and that im special. What brand of emotional abuse hell is this. my mom says im overreacting. I guess i am. I still cant cut because the appointment with the government pychiatrist is in a week… and in case they check my arms it needs to be clear.

*sighs*

today was going so well, i ate (it physically hurt me to do so but i had to), i took a shower, i watched a movie, i was nice. Kai was as always gentle. but all i can think about is cutting, since im that worthless to be stepped upon and spat at.im overreacting and i know it but. but. Lemme just shove everything down real quick- SO!

Its eid soon! Im kinda excited but im gonna see one if my uncles/older brother who ghosted me cuz i told him abt my sh.. like he left me on read and ive just been salty about it since then. But im gonna see him at the lounge and its gonna be akward cuz we’re both the closeted gay relative (i once caught him reading yaoi directly across from my mother. And he was like 'i can explain’ and i was like no we’re both gay’) and we bith laugh akwardly when our family is talking ABSOLUTE SHIT about queer people. hes moving out soon, imma miss him

sometimes i feel like leaving kai before he does 👍 cuz i know mel will somehow get him to leave. but i cant do that. it would be mean. but they think im cruel anyway. cuz like i hit them and stuff. i hope kai doesn’t think so. i try to supress my anger but if someone else is being hurt i have GOT to step in but if im being hurt i can just cut. Or something.Oh he asked me wut i do on the internet for fun since idk wut duscord is until he told me and. i kinda lied cuz how do i tell him i volunteer for a teen suicide hotline. Which is illegal kind of since im not 18, BUT. the people i pull out are all teens, and they calm down a lot when they hear someone their age instead of an old ass grandma reading out a script. my fav tactic is asking abt a fandom. If i know it we fangirl together until they calm down, and if i dont i pull out reddit and bullshit through it lol.

Things i do on the internet:

Volunteer for a teen suicide hotline (gotta put that saviour complex to work)

Graphic design! I love making magazine. I still have the one i made for nora b4 she killed herself. I wanted to make one for kai but how do i even ask.

Reading. Ao3, webcomics

Music

Sewing tutorials

Wikipedia rabbit holes

Writing competitions

uhhhhh text kai, Michael, more suicide hotline

And thas allllll. Oh yeah and mel is not pulling punches lmao. The worst she can do is already done. Im kinda just waiting it out now.

#tw self harm #tw abuse #journal #Spotify

Pretty girls engage in self destructive behaviours

Im new to tumblr so maybe i haven’t caught on yet but all the online diaries on here are like ‘pretty girls __________’ or 'i need an older guy so bad its not even funny’ and i did NOT know lana del ray was problematic until now. Her coquette statutory rape aesthetic is disgusting.

IM SORRY!!! Thirty minutes later turns out she was actually mocking the sexualization of girls, the bad influences there, and eating disorders. Did not know that. But still, young girls who are just listening are having a narrative pushed on them. They dont know its satire or a protestive piece. And lana still kissed her sister in the lips.

These lyrics: L-L-Let’s do drugs

Make love with our teachers

Come on, date a townie

Let his tattooed ass beat you

I’m a fan of pro-ana nation

I do them drugs to stop the f-food cravings

If you wanna get high with me

I’m in the back doing crack, drinking P-P-Pepsi

..i know, i know.

#media analysis #lana del rey #pretty girls dont eat #IS A LEGIT TAG SUGGESTED TO ME #i cant be talking cuz i used to be anorexic

Canada day. will these fireworks stfu.

#canada day

#WHAT #yaoi #lol

#mood #seriously reconsidering being straight edge #jai

not to kinkshame but how tf do people find choking hot i cant swallow.

#tw abuse #dark humor

father telling me he beats my ass so i'll be strong not on my bingo card

#tw abuse

#jai #mood #love

#jai #kai #poetry #kinda

livixdunne-blog

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?