a goodbye.
1. it was hard when I realized we couldn’t text anymore; that every time i told you about my day i now could no longer do. you know nothing about me, and i know nothing about you, and we’re strangers again. is it better this way? II. i still see you every day and it still hurts knowing i can’t run up and say hi like i used to. now all i see is the back of your head when you walk down the hall, and it’s soul crushing to know i’m the only one who’s ever looking. III. for a while i was so, so angry. all my feelings came rushing to my eyes in the form of tears, and it was dreadful. jealousy for the relationships you’ll have/had that was better than ours, anger that you even made me go through this at all. i cried and i cried until eventually i realized i didn’t want to waste my tears on something like this anymore. IV. i stare less now. sometimes i’ll still catch myself looking but i try my hardest not to. i don’t want to forget you completely, because the good memories we had were so good; but i know the more i stare, the more i’ll miss you, and my goal now is to start loving myself before anyone else. V. i know now i was not the one for you. we were so different; two different souls, stories, and lives. making it work would have taken more effort than you were willing to give, and i’ve never known myself to be lazy in that regard. VI. i still see you sometimes, it’s hard not to, and i still think about us, and the made-up scenarios i come up with late at night. i’m still angry sometimes, but i’m done wishing you’ll text me again, or look at me first, or wish that for one second you regretted everything. it’s time to move on now, to pick up my heart and go to a better place. VII. because in the end, it was always my heart. it was never yours to break.