Cupfull of cheer

[sirfrogsworth]

Voting Accomplished

I finally finished my absentee ballot. 

Though I forgot how ridiculous ballots can be. 

“Here’s a list of judge names with absolutely no information. Do you want to give significant power to this person you know nothing about?”

The internet wasn’t much help either. I could only find basic bios on some very outdated websites. The best I could do was figure out who appointed the judges originally. If it was a Republican, I voted no. If it was a Democrat, I voted yes. 

Also, there was this guy…

I was going to vote no just on his picture alone. But that became much less shallow when I discovered he was a pro-life Republican. 

Beyond that, there was a measure about bingo. (The blue-haired lady lobby is very powerful in Missouri.) 

There was a measure about reducing the smoking areas in riverboat casinos. (One vice at a time people!) 

And my favorite was “Shall there be a Charter Commission to revise and amend the Charter?” 

That’s all it said.

How many charters can a charter commission charter, if a charter commission could charter charters?

Only the woodchuck knows. 

There was also a proposal to help fund our zoo’s conservation efforts. It felt good to vote for that. St. Louis doesn’t have a lot going for it, but we have one of the best zoos in the world. They do amazing research and are now stepping up their conservation efforts. They bought an entire golf course and said, “We’re going to save animals here now. Go whack your balls elsewhere!” 

My biggest disappointment was the lack of an “I voted” sticker. Apparently us absentee voters aren’t good enough for stickers. 

How is my social media following supposed to know I voted? The “I voted” selfie is an important part of the voting process.

Am I just supposed to write about how I voted like an animal?

[tomatogravyandbiscuits-deactiva]

Try ballotready.org. You put in your address and it gives you everyone and everything that you will be voting on along with a break down of what each measure means and what experts on both sides say.

[she5los]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

This 15,600-word monster nearly broke me, so please enjoy Gladio with his beautiful, vacuum-sealed muscles having a lot of Difficult Conversations about the way he got them so skin-tight (not spoilers: it’s an eating disorder!)

Acceptable-but-not-that-good parenting, child soldiering (in Gladio’s capacity as Noct’s Shield), panic attack mention, fainting in public, and eating disorders (probably an anorexia subtype) for the warnings on this one.  It’s set in the Brotherhood era, and I hope you like it!

[nat-20s]

[friendraichu]

attention! the male ace trainer in pokemon masters is autistic. i've claimed him as one of us.

[porygon2]

you forgot the most #relatable line he has

[autasticanna]

Autistics: one of us

A thousand clown ass allistics in the comments of this post, predictably: um actually autistic people are not allowed

[shortwave-audio]

STUART SEMPLE FOUND THE PINK NARC.

God this is the greatest art feud of our time.

Read the conditions of settlement. It’s gold.

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

Captioned because even I’m having trouble reading this:

[A screenshot from snapchat of a document that is cut off on the extreme edges, erasing the first and last two or three letters from each line. Doing my best to correctly transcribe]

Breach of terms of service: culturehustle.com Illegal acquisition on behalf of Anish Kapoor of the World’s Pinkest Pink

Dear Sirs,

I am aware that you represent Mr. Anish Kapoor, and I write today not to dob him in so that you can tell him off but rather to try and resolve this matter. Unlike Kapoor I am not one to ‘point the finger’ however on this occasion it has become important to do so. 

I hold your gallery in the highest esteem, I am a fan of several of your artists, but on this occasion you have been extremely naughty. You have been part of a conspiracy to obtain my PINK and provide Mr. Kapoor with it.

We have now finished fully researching this situation and it has come to your attention that you have been part of a conspiracy to obtain my PINK and provide Mr. Kapoor with it enabling him to exploit the substance against my wishes. Further, this juvenile behavior made much of the wider artistic community sad thanks to his extremely petty and childish post on Instagram. 

The terms of service on my site CultureHustle.com are incredibly clear: Quote: By adding this product to your cart you agree that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this product will not make its way into that hands of Anish Kapoor. 

In direct violation to the above, on 10th of December 2016 a person by the name of Mr [Blanked out] placed an order via the culturehustle.com website, for one jar of PINK at 5:36 am. This order was placed on behalf of your gallery and was delivered to the Lisson Gallery in London at 11:38 am on the 13th of December. Shortly after which your gallery provided Mr. Kapoor with the substance and on the 23rd of December 2016 Mr. Kapoor posted a photograph on Instagram showing he was indeed in possession of the substance, he also included the caption ‘Up Yours’. The comments on this post clearly demonstrate the negative impact such a gesture has had upon a wide community. He needs to say sorry for hurting everyone’s feelings.

I remind you, hoarding colours and stealing other people’s colours without asking nicely isn’t big -rd it’s simply bad. 

I said I think it would be best to resolve this matter amicably without this silly business escalating any further. However, if we are unable to resolve this in a timely and grown up way I am fully prepared to take further action which will no doubt become stressful and expensive. 

Therefore I would appreciate it if: 1. Your gallery would say sorry for giving my pink to Mr. Kapoor.  2. Mr. Kapoor would give me my pink back. I don’t want him to have it.  3. He will write 100 times, ‘I will be nice, I will share my colours’ and he will post the same to his Instagram.

Failing the above, an agreeable settlement would also be: 1. The reimbursement of $3.99 (the cost of PINK minus shipping) 2. And Mr. Kapoor to void his exclusive agreement to the use of Vanta Black in art.

If you were to settle as above I will be more than happy to share all my colours with him, so he doesn’t feel left out and can join in with the rest of us.

I look forward to resolving this matter. 

Yours,

Stuart Semple

[troublesomegay]

Thank you for captioning this! I’d seen it before but never been able to read it.

[heydocverdant]

Alright this is hilarious because

Since they broke contract, he can sue them

To avoid getting sued, they need to humilate themselves publicly AND convince Kapoor to do likewise

If they don’t want to humiliate themselves and avoid getting sued, they need to convince Kapoor to give up his color copyright

[residesatshamecentral]

Stuart Semple everybody!

[verdanturf]

im in a group message with a bunch of straight guys and i have no idea what's going on. for example one of them just shared this meme which is simply enlightened:

[dirty--diary]

I have never related to something more in my LIFE

[valtsv]

but if i don’t hyperfixate i’ll get depressed and die

[valtsv]

*runs out of hyperfixations* oh god oh fuck *lies in bed feeling empty and useless for 48 hours*

[grendelmenz-deactivated20200929]

I have a really complex relationship with religion, but here’s something positive

[autisticadvocacy]

The Autism & Employment Experiences Survey

Take this survey powered by surveymonkey.com. Create your own surveys for free.

This autistic led research project is looking for participants to talk about autism and employment.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Q9TDB93

[autistic-punks-unite]

Hot take but nonverbal autistics should be valued as people and their inability to speak with their vocal cords is not a flaw nor is it tragic

[autistic-reptile]

“speak with their vocal cords” is a great way of putting it. because they can communicate. they’re speaking to you, whether it’s with a machine, a pencil, their actions, etc. fuckin listen

[eggzbian-deactivated20191126]

orange juice is the superior beverage bc it makes ur tongue feel like u ate a bunch of ants which reminds me of my childhood when I would put ants in my mouth and eat em except this time it tastes good too

[tlirsgender]

Hey op I think you’re probably allergic to citrus?

[eggzbian-deactivated20191126]

is. this not what oj is supposed to make ur tongue feel like

[grimehands-deactivated20200111]

[darkersolstice]

Did you know that if your mouth itches when you eat kiwis, it is not from hairs left over on the fruit after you peel it? I didn’t until I was about 26 or so!

[solarpunkarchivist-deactivated2]

Confusingly, pineapple is supposed to feel like that, the damn thing is attempting to digest you right back.

[justketerthings]

Numb lips are not part of the intended experience of peanut butter, apparently

[demonsgold]

yALL

[plaguedaddy420]

Are we just gonna ignore the part where op says they ate ants?

[bubuliotheque]

[sistertaxon]

types of stard

mu

ba

[brunhiddensmusings]

this is oddly close to real ‘ard’ is a real suffix in the english language just like ‘ly’ or ‘ify’, it just isnt common enough for us to notice its usage. ‘ard’ means ‘too much’ or ‘too easily’ so ‘mustard’ is something that is ‘too pungent’, just as ‘wizard’ is someone who is too wise, ‘coward’ is someone too easily cowed, and ‘drunkard’ is someone too often drunk

this implies that ‘bastard’ is someone who is too ‘bast’ and this needs experimentation and research

[sistertaxon]

Are you fucking serious omg

[necromancy-savant]

This is pretty much correct. According to the OED bastard is from Old French and the bast- part means “pack saddle” which was used as a bed by mule drivers, giving the phrase fils de bast, a child conceived on the pack saddle instead of the marriage bed. In English it becomes bastard, the -ard being a pejorative. It is the same one as wizard and coward and drunkard.

[iloe]

do the spiderverse kids all have. slightly different meme cultures

[iloe]

miles: look I can fit my whole fist in my mouth

gwen: freaky flexing. but alright

miles:

miles, through his fist: I’m sorry what did you just say

[muchymozzarella]

ok but remember Peter B’s world is most like ours

 so both Miles and Gwen would have slightly off memes and distress him when he has a hard enough time remembering his own world’s memes

[brawltogethernow]

I WAS HOPING SOMEBODY WOULD POINT THIS OUT.

[brawltogethernow]

Miles: It’s “strange flex but cool beans.” Peter: Am I tripping on something? Is this a stroke, is this what a stroke feels like?

[dontworryimdis-arm-ed-deactivat]

Miles: *makes a mistake* This is distressing. Siri play Take on Me.

Gwen: you absolute heathen. It’s ‘This is tragic, google play All Star.’

Peter: whAT the fUCK

[nazyalenskey]

THAT’S IT THIS ONE IS THE BEST ONE

[mangomorales-blog]

noir: strange flaunt, but alas

[genderjester]

spiderham: that’s unfortunate, jukebox play What’s new Pussycat

[she5los]

I started playing Monster of the Week and my character is The Wronged.  Only, nobody died.  She’s a suburban mom named Gayle Argent and her child, Chrayeseigh, was Turned into a werewolf and likes their pack more than they like her, and she’s taking it really hard.

In our first session, she was wearing Lululemon yoga pants, a North Face vest, I’d-like-to-speak-with-your-manager sunglasses, and Rothy’s sneakers.  My group collectively lost their shit.

[trulyvincent]

Arkady Alexandrovich Rylov (Russian, 1870−1939)