Scenes from the acclaimed, good & very funny TV

Oh Shelldory, what will you do next.

[shellfishandlendor]

'The Scientist' scene

**Sheldoven has a keyboard perched on his lap, clearly miming as he plays the tune to Coldplay's The Scientist. Lenzart walks into the apartment, stops in the door and listens as Sheldoven plays. Initially smitten, Lenzart stays quiet.**

Sheldoven: "Swinging my broadsword / clearing the dungeons / shooting some magic from my pa-aa-aalms / Finding the gold room / Oh no there's goblins / Dragging me back to the start...

Audience: {OHHHHAHAHAHAHHA I REMEMEBR THAT SONG HEPPPP}

Lenzart: Sheldoven, that's wonderful!

Sheldoven, stops playing, abashed: Thank you, Lenzart.

Lenzart: You make it look so easy.

Sheldoven: Nobody said it was easy, Lenzart. I was just guessing, numbers and figures, pulling the puzzle apart. No really - want to see my charts?

Audience: {gzgzgzgzgzgzffftwaaaaa}

Lenzart: No, no I don't but hey - you should join the faculty talent show!

**Scene continues ~ Lenzart tries to convince Sheldoven to join the talent show. You know where this is going**

[shellfishandlendor]

'Who was that guy?' scene

**Lunderd walks into apartment, clearly dejected. Rij, Hurd and Shelt are having a LAN party; explosions and Wilhelm screams clearly audible from individual laptops."

Lunderd: My date didn't go so well...

**Everybody ignores Lunderd**

Audience: {breyryeyreyyerye}

Lunderd: It's difficult, you know, putting your heart on the line only to have it trampled on.

**Three camera cuts to Rij, Hurd and Shelt, showing just how engrossed they are in the game. Hurd has his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. Shelt looks like a wax model. Rij looks like he's from a different country than you.**

Audience: {ffftffffgtftftfftftftft}

Lunderd: I'm going to bed.

**Lunderd walks into his room. After a couple of seconds, Rij looks up from his laptop**

Rij: Was someone just here a moment ago?

Audience: {awwwwwwwwww, Raj, how adorable, you're talking!}

[shellfishandlendor]

'The Flash' scene

Shekel: Lenin, have you seen my limited edition glass water fountain fashioned into the shape of 'The Flash'? Ah, nevermind, here it is.

**Shekel procures a long water fountain from underneath an enormous pile of Doritos packets**

Lenin: Shekel, that's a bong.

Shekel, thinking: Well then, Leopard, if that's the case then you're going to have to pass me over some of that oregano so I can start packing a fat bowl.

Audience: {Hihihihehahhahahhehheheheeh..... Hu}

[shellfishandlendor]

'A lick of paint' scene

**Raja standing high on a ladder, just finishing the last corner of a new paint job for the apartment. Tarps cover all the furniture and ornaments. In walks Lemdrum and Sheld.**

Raja: Oh, hey guys, I just finished painting our apartment. What do you think?

Audience: {ZPPZPZPPPPPZPPPZPZPPP}

Sheld: I didn't ask for this, Raja. I didn't ask for paint, I didn't ask for tarps. And I most certainly didn't ask for baby lavender.

Audience: {ploploploploploploploplop}

Sheld: How can anyone take us seriously with his particular hue looking down at us from all corners?

Lemdrum, thankful: Raja, I think it looks lovely...

**Lemdrum screws up his eyes; a smell most pernicious has control over his senses**

Lemdrum: Oh wow, we need to open a window. These fumes are intense.

Sheld: Now wait a second, Lemint. I have an idea.

Audience: {teehehhee}

**Hours pass and the three friends sit drooped over a couch, sort of stoned off the paint fumes**

Raja: I'm jealous of you guys, you know? You get to be whatever you want. I always have to be that Indian guy, you know?

Shelmint: I wish I was less a poster child for social incompetence and more of a rounded person. What about you, Lemon?

Lemon, thinking for a moment: No, I'm pretty good overall.

Audience: {bwa}

[shellfishandlendor]

'Quick cut before the gang shows up' pre-scene

**Sheldon64 sits alone on the couch playing Super Mario 64 on his laptop. Classic Mario sounds such as 'wa, woof, wahoo' can be heard.**

Sheldon64: Oh Mario, if only all problems in life could be solved by physics-defying wall jumps. Then I wouldn't have to use the stairs anymore.

Audience: {hhhhhhhhhhehhhhhhhhhh}

Sheldon64: Although, I must say, I'm certain my PA wouldn't approve of me grabbing him by the tail and swinging him into a well-placed bomb.

Audience: {eeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeee}

[shellfishandlendor]

'Protein Powder' or, 'Pertaining to Newton's 2nd law' scene

**Lanard walks into apartment to a sea of protein powder tubs scattered throughout. Some are open, some are empty, some are lying on their side spilling the powder everywhere. Shelbro is sitting on the couch spooning powder into his mouth from a tub nestled in his lap. Lanard has that 'oh god, no,' look on his face**

Audience: {sftsftfstfaaaaaaasaaaaaa}

Lanard: What on earth, Shelbro...

**Shelbro tries to speak but instead spurts out a cloud of protein powder like Puff the gym junkie dragon.**

Audience: {yfyfyffyffyyyfyyfyffyf}

Shelbro, trying again: You're probably wondering why I've just bought a tonne of protein powder.

Lanard: Enlighten me.

Shelbro, digging the spoon back into the powder tub: Well, you must be well aware of Newton's second law of motion, Lanard, pertaining to mass and movement. I suddenly came up with the rather inspired idea that were I to significantly increase my mass while keeping my acceleration constant, I could increase my total Force, thereby walking to work much faster.

Audience: {...}

Lanard: Shelbro, that's not how walking works.

Shelbro, confused: I was under a different impression from the fine gentleman at beefcakepros.com slash forums.

Audience: {Ohhhhhhhhhh, hahahhahahahahaasa}

**Lanard rolls his eyes and leaves**

Shelbro, calling after Lanard: And no, when I double my walking speed I'm not letting you ride on my back to work.

Audience: {h}

[shellfishandlendor]

'The Big Game' scene

Shelmint: Good news, Lemonard, I just reconfigured my router settings for improved performance. Now we can hunt down those Korean elves who decimated our precious gold reserves last night (online).

Lemonard: That’s great, but I can’t play tonight. I’m going on a date.

**Shelmint flummoxed by the change in plans**

Shelmint: Am I correct in understanding that you would rather spend the night in the company of a new and - let's face it - potentially lethal female companion –

Lemonard: – it’s Pennyton –

Shelmint: – instead of staying here with Raja and Howis, retrieving our lost gold like Vikings on a murderous, revenge-laden rampage?

Audience: {hrrrrhhrrrhahaphhppaphvvvvvvv….belhmbelmhl}

Lemonard: Yes.

**Lemonard, exit left, closes door a little too hard**

Shelmint: The devastation wrought by those elves must have really affected his sense of judgement.

Audience: {NEEEEEERDSSSS haHAHAHAhaaaaaaaa, more please hahahaha}

[shellfishandlendor]

'TV situation', or 'Does it come with a receipt?' scene

Penn: Hey guys, iiiiiiit's movie night! I bought over a pack of Skittles, let’s have some fun!

*Sees Lendrone and Shelmount on couch, wearing paper glasses with red and blue lenses*

Audience: {sneeeeenenenenenenenene}

Penn: Guys, why are you wearing old movie glasses?

Shelmount: Penn, obviously you are unacquainted or ignorant or perhaps both with the technology of three-dimensional spectroscopy as you see before you.

Audience: {huhuhhhhhaaaaaaaaha hhahaha ha haa?}

Lendrone, conciliatory: We bought a 3D TV.

**Camera pans to LG 3D TV playing blurry science-fiction classic Aliens with soundtrack removed and replaced by generic laser noises**

Penn: Yeah I see that. What’s with the glasses?

Shelmount: Well, the salesperson was most generous in giving us two complementary glasses.

Lendrone: Yeah, she was really nice.

Penn, jealous but calm: Guys, those glasses won’t work with that TV.

Audience: {bwghagahgahagahaohnoshedidn’t}

Shelmount: Well, that makes sense. I certainly don’t remember Ms. Weaver being this blurry. Or this red. Although time does ravage all beauty.

Audience: {yhayhaaayha}

Shelmount: I knew all along but didn’t say anything for fear of embarrassing Lendrone. Really, this is all your fault, Lendrone.

Lendrone, tired of Shellmount’s shit: I want a refund.

Shelmount: Lucky; I’ve kept the receipt.

**Shelmount pulls out a pocketfull of receipts all crumpled together. Shelmount plasters a look of self-satisfaction on his face.**

Audience: {shhhhhhhhhhlshlhlhhlhslhlsshlhshslhlshhlshahaaaahahaaaa}

Lendrone, still tired of Shellmount’s shit: No, the receipt for you.

Audience: {oooooooooooohhhoooooho ho ho ho ho oohooooo wowzers}

[shellfishandlendor]

'Nutella' scene

Leonard: Sheldone, what are you doing with that jar of Nutella?

Sheldone: Well, Leonard, I'd tell you but then you'd just tell Pennys. So, you had better...Nutella.

Audience: {WORDPLAY HAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAWAW}

Sheldone: Paprika.

Audience: {HE SAID IT AGAIN WAAAAAWAOAOAOOO Oooooo oooh ah}

[shellfishandlendor]

'Lipstick doesn't go there' scene

Landon: Shelville, we are almost completely broke from all these action figures you've been buying!

Shelville: Not to worry Landon, I have everything under control. Perchance, are you aware of mankind's oldest profession?

Landon: No....S-Shelville, what does that have to do with our financial situation?

Audience: {Preparative laughter, just a tad nervous}

Shelville: Well, Lebanon, let's just say that I'm going to need more lipstick.

Audience: {Pfffffffffbuhuhuhuehue he

he}

[shellfishandlendor]

'Box' scene

**Lendar walks into apartment, trips over empty brown box*

Audience: {HAAAAAAAAAAAAA}

Lendar: Shelfore, what are all these boxes doing in our living room?

Audience: {Maniacal laughter}

Shelfore: Well, Lendar, we had a lengthy lab meeting this morning to discuss the possibility of the existence of a Dirac Sea on the other side of a wormhole. I opined this phenomenon was impossible; one of the RAs in my lab group suggested I prove it. I said I couldn't. She said I should think outside the box. Trouble is, she didn't specify which one, so now I'm sorting through all of my boxes.

Lone Audience member: {hwephwepgeww}

Lendar: Shelfort, thinking outside the box is just an expression!

Shelfort: An expression of what, Lendar? An expression of interest? In me? Yes, that might explain the dozen boxes she dumped on my desk this morning.

Audience: {Absurd amounts of laughter}