Sherry at 25

Making 2014 the best year yet! Join me in making some great memories, taking calculated risks, applying those lessons learned, and having a great time.

[sherryat25]

Silliness = Attractive Before I begin, I will preface that this post comes after a glass (or few)… http://wp.me/s4po2w-183

Silliness = Attractive

Before I begin, I will preface that this post comes after a glass (or few) of some delicious Pinot Noir.

As I think about some of the reasons I fell “out of” infatuation with a boy, I realize a lot of it was a direct result of not laughing or being silly enough.

First of all – I am a very silly person. BUT, I’m only silly around people I feel comfortable with. I can…

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[sherryat25]

Women Who Stick Together

Women Who Stick Together

Ladies, we’re in a men driven world. It’s not a surprise that we women, make up a meager *17% of total executives in the US.

We need to understand how to play with the boy’s club, then CHANGE IT. I’d love to see more women in leadership positions, I being female have a personal bias, but I wholeheartedly believe there is so much to gain from having a greater female presence.

BUT - ladies, we…

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[sherryat25]

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We must guard and nurture our energy levels at all times. The more tired you are the lower quality your work becomes, the more miserable your existence (this is my friend sneaking in a picture of me as I passed out in her backseat).

I burned out.

Literally. For around a month I slept only...

[sherryat25]

Ugh this was a needed post for me. I haven't had very much rest for the past couple of months and I'm definitely feeling burnt out because of it. I ended up sleeping in on Saturday morning, my body actually slept the full 10 hours! And now - as I write this, it's nearly 2 am and I have to be up in 5 hours. Sigh - I'll start implementing some of these changes, and I suggest everyone does too! 

[sherryat25]

Embrace the Discomfort

Have you ever taken a fitness class, where the instructor is motivating you to keep going until your body struggles to a point where you have to stop? You're pushing yourself further, moving towards a point of discomfort. The next day, you wake up sore, but you know it was worth it because it will get you closer to your goal. 

Take this same concept and apply it to your work. 

"With ideas it is like with dizzy heights you climb: At first they cause you discomfort and you are anxious to get down, distrustful of your own powers; but soon the remoteness of the turmoil of life and the inspiring influence of the altitude calm your blood; your step gets firm and sure and you begin to look - for dizzier heights." - Nikola Testa

Embrace the discomfort. 

As a consultant, I'm switching from one company to another, one project type to another, one type of role to another, you name it, it can change. I don't even have a set technology I work with! Each time I get on a project, a part of me wonders if I'll be successful. Deep down, I know I will do fine because I have support in place that will keep me from failing. However, I always have some anxiety when I begin a project. 

I wonder if I'll do a great job. I wonder if I can meet expectations. I wonder if I will be able to grasp the concepts or perform the work with high quality. It's uncomfortable to enter into something you're not 100% confident about. But you have to do it to grow. 

A friend of mine told me she could do her job in her "sleep." I advised her it was probably time to look for other opportunities. 

There should be some level of discomfort when you start something new. Embrace it, its a beautiful thing. It shows that you're expanding your boundaries and moving past your comfort zone to grow. And if you fail? You will still learn, and that's a crucial part of our lives. 

Do you feel challenged at work? If not, ask your supervisor to plug you into other opportunities. Research your company, if you can't find an open door, make one open. 

Have your workouts become stagnant? Mix it up. Take a class, start dancing, do something beyond what you're doing now. I've started taking Krav Maga classes! 

Lastly - are you challenging others? I believe in active people development, develop others and develop yourself. 

Imagine the new ideas, innovation, theories, books, medicine, you name it..imagine what we can do when we keep pushing past our comfort zone. 

Think about what would have happened, if these people didn't push past their comfort zones, and embraced the discomfort: 

Rosa Parks: I can't even imagine how uncomfortable she must have felt when the bus driver told her to give up her seat. 

The Wright Brothers: They could have given up, where would we be without their feats in aviation? 

Embrace the discomfort. 

My example? I traveled to Hong Kong and Thailand by myself. I landed in Phuket and pushed past my boundaries, to a point of discomfort, made friends, and enjoyed this crazy night. I did definitely learn a lot, and those lessons learned, I've been able to take and write about. Teasers coming soon ;)

[sherryat25]

Imagine, Then You Can Fly

Children are wonderful, they teach us so much about the world. Some things we forget, and need them to remind us of. I love my little cousins, they remind me of how joyful the world is when we take a moment and appreciate everything, the big and small. 

They also have great imagination. I remember how much they loved the wrapping paper just as much as the gifts they concealed. How a plain cardboard box turned into a race car, a space ship, or a doll's house. 

"The man who has no imagination, has no wings." - Muhammad Ali

How is your imagination? 

There are so many benefits to increasing your imagination: 

Imagination can help with motivation

Enables you to see beyond circumstances

Increases creativity 

Helps you become more efficient

There are countless benefits, I'm going to stop here and let you use your own imagination to draw some more. 

Do something for me? Listen to one of my favorite pieces: The Butterfly Waltz by Brian Crain: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSJVuf2kB3I. 

Listen to it first, shut your eyes and just listen. Let yourself feel the music and pay attention to your feelings. Each time I listen to this piece, I am literally filled with so much joy that I can't help but smile. I use my imagination to paint a story, warning you this will be cheesy and representative of my overly "hopeless romantic" self: 

Imagine you're in a ball room, you as a female are wearing a lovely red silk dress, and your hair flowing over your shoulders and down your back, in large waves. The gentlemen look handsome too, they're in tuxes. The room is lit with a massive chandelier that hangs above the golden floor, the perfect touch to the already elegant art that drapes the walls. 

You walk in with your friends, and with your eyes, you spot someone, together, you hold each other's gaze and with a smile, he walks over. But you're shy, and your cheeks turn crimson. He's however, confident, and presents his hand to you. As you take it, he initiates the first twirl and together, you dance the waltz. You dance in circles around the room, spinning ever so slightly, and before long, the large room grows smaller until it feels as though you two are the only ones dancing. 

And as you dance, you both begin to feel something. As the music softens and the only thing you hear is the violin, you slow down and lock your eyes, until he tilts your chin, and your lips, meet his. 

Use this as an example, and go listen to one of your favorite pieces right now! Take your imagination greater than you've ever been able to. And if you struggle, go find some kids and ask to play, they'll teach you so much beyond your present world, if you let them. 

I see hearts everywhere sometimes <3. Enjoying some muscles in Lille, France. 

[sherryat25]

There will be moments when your past comes to the surface, when your weakness is around you... That's why it's crucial to be your own foundation, so that you can be the one to tell yourself "no."

[sherryat25]

IWD: Women Sticking Together

March 8th, marks International Women's Day. 

Ladies, we're in a men driven world. It's not a surprise that we women, make up a meager *17% of total executives in the US.

We need to understand how to play with the boy's club, then CHANGE IT. I'd love to see more women in leadership positions, I being female have a personal bias, but I wholeheartedly believe there is so much to gain from having a greater female presence.

BUT - ladies, we can't do this, when we fight, condescend, compete, compare, and bring each other down. 

We can't pave the way for greater equality, when we CONSTANTLY compare ourselves to one another. Comparisons can be a vicious poison that slowly spreads across your work, family, friends, and eats away your body, mind, and heart. Dramatic? Yes, because it is.

Think back at all the fights you had in high school, didn't it feel like your whole world was crashing down? Do you get a sense of jealousy when a new female enters the work space, do you want to be better than her? Do you start comparing yourself to her and wondering how you can set yourself apart?

It has to stop. What type of example are we being for the next generation? Any child has the potential to be a huge influence in the world, don't you want to set the right example?

There will always be someone smarter, more beautiful, stronger, more charming...name me the adjective, and there will always be someone who is better. That's ok, because we're not perfect.

One of the first steps in gaining equality with men, is by promoting equality within us women.

Instead of constantly competing, let's rewrite the rules. Let's aim to build one another up as a way to get ahead. People development is a huge part of my company, you cannot get promoted if you don't help others succeed. Let's all take on that mentality, that we get ahead by helping others reach their potential and success.

We don't have to push someone down to move forward, rather, we propel forward by bringing others with us.

Ladies - we're smart, beautiful, charming, loving, caring, full of intuition, and have  A LOT to offer, that of which the world has never seen. Let's do this together. 

Celebrate one another and bring to mine each other's successes. Let's be our own personal cheerleader while advocating the great work our peers do. As you see your coworker (male or female) do an incredible job, let them know and let others know. Celebrate the good and learn from mistakes. 

Men - we need your help too. Support us, so that we, can support each other.  

Link to International Women's Day: http://www.internationalwomensday.com/default.asp. 

*Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-leadership/wp/2013/12/10/where-is-the-female-executive/. 

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Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.

Or so said Solomon in Proverbs, the wisest man in the history of humanity. The answer had me gritting my teeth.

I don’t have any hard skills!

Are you a physician, accountant, carpenter,...

[sherryat25]

When your muse comes, you can't ignore it. Writing at 2 am, let's see how far this takes me.

[vadimnovo-deactivated20150626]

“I would like all of you to pause for a moment, you wretched weaklings, and take stock of your miserable existence.” (St Benedict)

Nigel Marsh has something of the utmost importance to share:

your life sucks.

Living well and enjoying a meaningful life is fundamentally incompatible in...

[sherryat25]

Wonderful - I like the day. I think I'd throw in: dance class, cooking class, language class - as a cultural moment. Then take courses via edx and coursera for career development. 

[sherryat25]

Silliness = Attractive

Before I begin, I will preface that this post comes after a glass (or few) of some delicious Pinot Noir. 

As I think about some of the reasons I fell “out of” infatuation with a boy, I realize a lot of it was a direct result of not laughing or being silly enough. 

First of all - I am a very silly person. BUT, I’m only silly around people I feel comfortable with. I can probably only count with both hands, the number of people in my life I am 100% silly around.

And silliness is so damn important. So - what is silliness?

Silliness is: 

that laughter that breaks the quiet.

the chuckle in that awkward situation that causes another chuckle.

being able to say anything and everything without thinking twice about how dumb it will sound.

running into the ocean with your clothes on.  

building a bonfire last minute, just so you can have a smore

building a bonfire last minutes, because bonfires are awesome - duh

dancing to 80’s music, and singing to songs you don’t even know

dancing, dancing all the time, rain or shine, in doors and out doors, you hear music and your body moves

singing - oh the beauty of singing

seeing how many marshmallows you can fit in your mouth

trying to spell marshmallows - wow, that took a while

spilling some wine on the floor, but hey it’s ok, that’s what tomorrow is for

swearing, then swearing for swearing

not knowing how to cut fish and hurting yourself in the process

eating a burrito at 3 am

thinking about how awesome it would be to make snow angel

remembering the last time you fell into a huge pile of leaves, then spending an hour raking leaves, just so you can relive it

drinking milk from the carton, and hoping no one sees

having a piece of chocolate everyday 

painting, then painting over your painting with white paint, since you didn’t like your painting

trying to listen to NPR so you’ll be “smarter” just to go back to top 40’s 

accidentally baking a knife onto your baking sheet, since well, you didn’t know the knife was there

sneaking into the top floor construction zone, illegally, hehe

making out at the traffic light, and waiting for the honk to get you going

pulling over just to kiss someone

When you can be silly with someone, then you already have something great. If you find that person you can be silly around, make sure guy keep them in your life. 

<3

xoxox- sherry

[sherryat25]

Staying out of the "Friend Zone" for Men

I was asked a few times today to think about the opposite of my last post, how to not be platonic with someone. 

This question makes me raise my brow, because well, if you're asking it typically means you have a "platonic" relationship with someone but you have feelings. Then it's no longer platonic. 

I think we can write many books on this topic, but tonight I will focus on the friend zone. 

This is such a difficult question to answer because everyone is different. How I show and receive love may be different from yours. I'm going to take this topic and spin it differently. 

We will focus on what men can do to stay out of the "Friend Zone" tonight: 

Start by understanding your love language, and their love language: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ 

If you can't get them to take the test (it's kind of a weird ask right? though you can try being nonchalant about it), then familiarize yourself with all five so you can watch out for clues

Now, once you know their love language, here's what you can do to stay out of the friend zone: 

Their love language is: 

Physical Touch: this person is very affectionate and hugs everyone. To stay out of the friend zone you: 

Give them long tight hugs, somewhat bear like. Avoid patting them on the back as it is less intimate and on the "friend side" 

Touch their hair (in a non creepy way, ie: if its in their face, lightly brush it to the side)

Guide them when they walk very slightly by putting your hand on their mid to lower back 

Words of Affirmation: this person likes to be told you love and care for them, and think they are beautiful. To stay out of the friend zone you: 

Pay them compliments, specifically how beautiful you think they are

Tell them you enjoy spending time with them and why

Flirt with them and make them blush

Acts of Service: this person likes action, do things to show them you care. To stay out of the friend zone you: 

Remember the specific way they like their coffee/tea and have it ready the next time you see them 

Pay extra attention to the little things they mention: upcoming appointments for example, and offer to either drive them there or meet up with them afterwards

Pay attention to what stresses them out, and see if there's something you can do to help alleviate it. For example, she has to go grocery shopping, offer to pick up her groceries for her. Then of course, cook a delicious meal together. 

Quality Time: this person like one-on-one time, the best way you can show her you care is by devoting your time to her 100% without distractions. To stay out of the friend zone you:  

Invite her to go walking around a lake or somewhere fairly quiet and peaceful, then have a good conversation. Ask her real questions you want to know and get to know her. Showing how invested you are in her at that moment speaks volume. Don't be preoccupied with your phone or what's next, just enjoy your time together.

Gifts: this person likes to give and receive meaningful gifts. To stay out of the friend zone you:  

Have a flower (not a bouquet) for her when you see her. I remembered my Dad telling me once how he never met a girl without having flowers for her and her mother. 

Same thing as acts of service, know their coffee/tea order and have it ready. 

Pay extra attention to her interests: what is she currently doing? What are her hobbies? If she mentioned for example how much she misses Italy (like me), go to Amazon.com and find a photo or picture or book you think she would enjoy, just so she wouldn't have to miss it so much. The point is most gifts should be meaningful and resemble your knowledge of her. 

Most people have two main love languages, however, we all need components of each. Use the examples as a guide on what to focus on, with the understanding that each love language should be met. 

Of course, using these tips should be a prereq to you actually asking her on a date and making your intentions known. Yes, you do need to verbally let her know you would like to get to know her with romantic interest. If she's not interested, then spend some time apart and reevaluate. 

I hope this helps! Let me know your thoughts, I'm definitely not an expert in this specific subject and my writing may be slightly biased towards Physical Touch and Quality Time ( my love languages ). I can tell you personally, one of the quickest way I "friend zone" someone is when quality time is not quality time. When a boy is constantly checking their phone, checking email, texting, Facebooking, basically not paying attention etc.., its an unattractive quality and doesn't make me think of them as a potential partner one day. 

xoxoxo-Sherry

[sherryat25]

The Art of Platonic Relationships

A "platonic" relationship, according to Urban dictionary, refers to a relationship (friendship) between a man or woman without a sexual element. 

I think its incredibly rare to have a purely platonic relationship after college. Think about it: you meet people and choose to spend time with that person because there is a part of you that is "interested" in getting to know them. I do believe that there comes a point when a relationships becomes platonic naturally.

Whether that interest is friendship or more than that, there is a spark between two people that encourages the connection. That spark can be an exciting one, and often make a platonic relationship difficult, but not impossible. I can only speak from a woman's perspective, but after speaking with multiple women on the topic (throughout the last 6 months), I've concluded the following Do's and Don'ts that women prefer: 

Do: 

Be a gentleman, open doors. Just because you don't see your girl friend as a girlfriend, doesn't mean you don't treat her like a lady. 

Be loyal, honest, and a good friend. This is a given. 

Be honest with yourself. Is it truly platonic for you? If not, you might want to reevaluate, otherwise, you can end up hurt when he/she start dating, or and maybe worse, you can hurt your friend and cause unnecessary drama.

Understand boundaries: this includes the type of support you provide. This can be tricky but I often advise my friends that women should confide in other women, and men confide in other men, especially for very sensitive and emotional topics. This helps reduce the probability of relying on your platonic friend as an emotional crutch, any strong emotions can escalate. 

Ok, let's get to the Don'ts: 

Do not: 

Overly verbalize your opinion of women around your platonic girl friend, women don't like it and find it annoying. If you think a girl is hot or beautiful, feel free to share your opinion ONCE In a WHILE - the platonic ladies in your life are not your "bros" - feel free to stare, look, whatever, but hold off verbalizing the beauty of other women for your guy friends. Yes, this does include photos and social media. Let me rephrase and add an equation: platonic girl friend is not equal to dudes, platonic boy friend, is not equal to ladies. 

Ditch your platonic girl friend for another girl last minute- that's just rude. She is your friend after all and no one wants to be treated that way. 

Be overly affectionate. I am a very affectionate person, I hug and kiss people (cheeks) all the time. Even if you don't have any sexual intent with your affection, hormones have a funny way of causing an extreme emotion/confusion. This is a special area I personally need to watch out for, and perhaps do a better job at. 

Flirt. Platonic means there's no sexual intent. You two are just friends. Flirting is the first step down a slippery slope, as soon as you flirt and "hook up", the very meaning of "platonic" has been lost. Now you'll find yourself in some awkward conversations, some confusion if not resentment, time apart to heal, then time spent to regain each other's trust - if, you can get back to your friendship. 

Get jealous. It can be easy to get jealous for any reason, something as small as not getting the attention you want. Be very careful of your jealous feelings, a platonic relationship shouldn't have jealousy. If you find yourself becoming jealous, take some time apart, even a weekend a part can be a good thing.  

If you have feelings for someone, and they think your relationship is platonic, it is necessary to spend some time apart. Either you will get hurt, or you will hurt them, and real friends avoid hurting each other. 

Hope this helps! Thanks to those who were able to shed some light on the topic and provide some great insight on past experiences. 

xoxoxoxo-Sherry

[sherryat25]

To be motivated, surround yourself with those who are motivated. And when you do, support them in their journey. Check out this amazing new site by a friend. : http://livelovemoda.com/.

sherryat25

[sherryat25]

Part 2: Distractions Becoming Addictions

I watched the following video and it made me think of another form of distraction that I think has truly become an addiction for many of us, including myself. 

Link: http://www.upworthy.com/4-ladies-get-the-cover-model-makeover-of-their-dreams-and-then-hate-the-results-11113?g=2&c=reccon1

The video portrays four women who desire to look a certain way: too old, too fat, not a great body, etc... Sometimes, that's how we see ourselves when we look at cover models as an example. The women participated in a photo shoot and were provided their final image, 100% photoshopped. Their reactions were refreshing: they realized that by removing all their flaws and uniqueness, they looked like a model, but they didn't recognize themselves anymore. 

Aspiring to a certain culture's ideal is another form of distraction, especially when the goal is extremely unattainable. You should of course eat healthy and exercise, so don't think I'm encouraging you to stop, but rather, I'm asking you to identify if your physical aspirations have become one of productivity to one of an addiction. 

The advertisements, online shopping catalogs, magazines, movies, etc...so many images of what beauty can look like. They can also distract you from realizing your own internal beauty. Then as you aspire to have a certain look, you become addicted to the thought. You obsess about the type of image you want to portray.

And you forget that there is no real life version of Photoshop, and that beauty is defined in many aspects.

Have you become addicted to an image? Have you looked at models and obsessed over your diet and exercise plan to become closer to their physique?

If so, you are not alone.

In the Oprah magazine, teens were polled to talk about their body image. Over 57% of teens were unhappy with their bodies. I'm shocked the percentage isn't higher. 

http://www.oprah.com/style/Body-Image-Statistics-How-Women-Feel-About-Their-Looks/7 

In tomorrow's article, I'll provide some practical guides on how to start thinking about this form of distraction, and maybe overcoming it. 

[sherryat25]

Distractions: Part 1 Becoming Addictions

Merriam Webster defines Addiction: 

a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)

an unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something

Sometimes, our past selves know us better than we think. When I was 16 years old, I did an hour by hour schedule of my life. I was adamant that I didn't have to choose one thing over something else, why? Well, there's 24 hours a day, and that's quite a long time. 

I've always had this thinking: 

10 years old: school, afternoon plays, and reading

14 years old: first job, writing books, afternoon plays, extra curricular activities

16 years old: school competitions, two jobs, extra curricular activities, full time community college and two Advanced Placement classes...oh and the Yearbook. 

Add 18 years old and well, my schedule just gets worse. 

Funny enough, each of those years, I divided my 24 hour a day period and committed to making the most of each hour. And 18 was probably the last time I did that, good 'ole 7 years ago. 

Should I do it now? I'll be honest, I'm not going too. I think I was a being a bit neurotic. So why do I think about this now? 

Well, probably because I haven't had any healthy sleep pattern. I've also been more sick now that I ever have, immune system down. And I think it's all related! 

Sleep is extremely important and I don't think I've prioritized it enough. Now this is interesting, because I can technically get a full 8 hours of sleep every night. But I don't. 

I spend some evenings doing the following: 

Looking at Netflix, browsing until I wasted 30 minutes and am unable to find something good

Looking at Hulu, for the same purpose

Looking at Facebook 

Looking at random Huffington posts

I spend 2 hours a day, wasting time. It's a waste. I wish I could tell you it's how I unwind and relax, but I can't say because I wake up exhausted the next morning. 

I'll spend the next month exploring what distracts me, and perhaps, we can relate. 

My question to you: has some of your distractions become an addiction? Do you even know its an addiction? I didn't know. I'll also admit that I think the word "addiction" might be a little harsh, but I think it's important to acknowledge how actions can snowball into something greater than one instance.

I don't need to look at Netflix, Hulu, Facebook, or Huffington Post to sleep. It's not a necessity...but without trying, my hand will just reach for my phone or my laptop and my fingers have a mind of their own and start typing away.

My issue I'm exploring is not sleeping enough because I choose to be distracted. Here are three small changes I'm incorporating to keep my distractions at bay:

Out of sight, out of mind. Laptop put away at least 1 hour before I need to sleep.

Condition my mind and body for bed by incorporating activities that mean its bed time: read for 20 minutes before I sleep and 10 minute stretches   

Get ready for bed an hour prior 

I'll keep you posted on how this goes for me. We'll explore more aspects of this complex area of life: what distracts us, why, how to keep it health.