Staying out of the "Friend Zone" for Men
I was asked a few times today to think about the opposite of my last post, how to not be platonic with someone.
This question makes me raise my brow, because well, if you're asking it typically means you have a "platonic" relationship with someone but you have feelings. Then it's no longer platonic.
I think we can write many books on this topic, but tonight I will focus on the friend zone.
This is such a difficult question to answer because everyone is different. How I show and receive love may be different from yours. I'm going to take this topic and spin it differently.
We will focus on what men can do to stay out of the "Friend Zone" tonight:
Start by understanding your love language, and their love language: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
If you can't get them to take the test (it's kind of a weird ask right? though you can try being nonchalant about it), then familiarize yourself with all five so you can watch out for clues
Now, once you know their love language, here's what you can do to stay out of the friend zone:
Physical Touch: this person is very affectionate and hugs everyone. To stay out of the friend zone you:
Give them long tight hugs, somewhat bear like. Avoid patting them on the back as it is less intimate and on the "friend side"
Touch their hair (in a non creepy way, ie: if its in their face, lightly brush it to the side)
Guide them when they walk very slightly by putting your hand on their mid to lower back
Words of Affirmation: this person likes to be told you love and care for them, and think they are beautiful. To stay out of the friend zone you:
Pay them compliments, specifically how beautiful you think they are
Tell them you enjoy spending time with them and why
Flirt with them and make them blush
Acts of Service: this person likes action, do things to show them you care. To stay out of the friend zone you:
Remember the specific way they like their coffee/tea and have it ready the next time you see them
Pay extra attention to the little things they mention: upcoming appointments for example, and offer to either drive them there or meet up with them afterwards
Pay attention to what stresses them out, and see if there's something you can do to help alleviate it. For example, she has to go grocery shopping, offer to pick up her groceries for her. Then of course, cook a delicious meal together.
Quality Time: this person like one-on-one time, the best way you can show her you care is by devoting your time to her 100% without distractions. To stay out of the friend zone you:
Invite her to go walking around a lake or somewhere fairly quiet and peaceful, then have a good conversation. Ask her real questions you want to know and get to know her. Showing how invested you are in her at that moment speaks volume. Don't be preoccupied with your phone or what's next, just enjoy your time together.
Gifts: this person likes to give and receive meaningful gifts. To stay out of the friend zone you:
Have a flower (not a bouquet) for her when you see her. I remembered my Dad telling me once how he never met a girl without having flowers for her and her mother.
Same thing as acts of service, know their coffee/tea order and have it ready.
Pay extra attention to her interests: what is she currently doing? What are her hobbies? If she mentioned for example how much she misses Italy (like me), go to Amazon.com and find a photo or picture or book you think she would enjoy, just so she wouldn't have to miss it so much. The point is most gifts should be meaningful and resemble your knowledge of her.
Most people have two main love languages, however, we all need components of each. Use the examples as a guide on what to focus on, with the understanding that each love language should be met.
Of course, using these tips should be a prereq to you actually asking her on a date and making your intentions known. Yes, you do need to verbally let her know you would like to get to know her with romantic interest. If she's not interested, then spend some time apart and reevaluate.
I hope this helps! Let me know your thoughts, I'm definitely not an expert in this specific subject and my writing may be slightly biased towards Physical Touch and Quality Time ( my love languages ). I can tell you personally, one of the quickest way I "friend zone" someone is when quality time is not quality time. When a boy is constantly checking their phone, checking email, texting, Facebooking, basically not paying attention etc.., its an unattractive quality and doesn't make me think of them as a potential partner one day.