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As is the Madonna, so is the Whore
A voluptuous figure sits on a chariot fashioned out of a large shell, resting on a body of water. Much like a pearl she radiates beauty, barely clothed but for some panties to preserve her modesty. She exudes divinity, her chariot supported by two dragon-like sea creatures below and cherubs surrounding her above. Unlike a pearl, she is black. Her skin glistens in onyx hues and her hair crowns her head in a short jet-black afro. This woman in question is the focal point of Thomas Stothard’s illustration titled ‘The Voyage of the Sable Venus, from Angola to the West Indies,’ which draws inspiration from Sandro Botticelli’s fifteenth-century painting ‘The Birth of Venus.’
The Voyage of the Sable Venus, From Angola to the West Indies by Thomas Stothard (1794) Source: Wikimedia Commons
Venus is the Roman goddess of love. Amongst other things, she is the epitome of beauty and has been the subject of many works of artistic expression. In Botticelli’s painting, Venus has pale white skin, long tresses of strawberry blonde hair and a slender physique – with a soft and supple looking belly. This reflects what was considered beautiful in fifteenth century Europe and in many ways mirrors ideas about beauty in contemporary society, despite a few variations here and there. Stothard’s piece becomes an interesting point of departure into the conversation of how black beauty is viewed in contemporary popular imaginaries. The illustration was produced as a companion to Isaac Teale’s 1765 poem, “The Sable Venus: An Ode.” The irony of the poem and illustration is that they were created during the height of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, a time when black people were subjected to the most egregious and inhumane conditions. One of the core justifications of the slave trade was that black people were inherently inferior beings. Therefore, the dehumanization of black people was justified. How then, does an inferior being become the object of a white man’s desires?
The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli (1482-1485)
Regulus Allen writes that “the Sable Venus poem and painting attempt to rationalize white men’s attraction to black women by situating it in the realm of base desires instead if idealized beauty and by insisting that these immoral urges originate the African woman.” Aside from the reduction of black women to simply an object of sexual desire, this poem can function as a Segway into exploring how the Madonna/Whore complex plays out in society. During the slave trade, many biracial children were born as a result of the rape of black female slaves. To understand how this phenomenon is possible given the vitriol slave owners possessed towards their slaves, it is important to dissect the position of women in society.
Sandy's transformation from Madonna to Whore in the film Grease Source: Ed Times
Most societies across the globe are patriarchal, meaning that men are at the top and others below them. Colonization has had a huge impact on how the patriarchy manifests in formally colonized countries, and in many places indigenous patriarchal ideals intertwine with the doctrines white supremacy. Therefore, in many societies proximity to whiteness and masculinity affords you privilege. Men are leaders and women are followers. Men tend to view women as objects, rather than counterparts. Wojciech Boryszewski describes the Madonna/Whore complex as “a kind of sexual/personality disorder which affects the way men perceive women.” A man with this complex only sees women in two ways; the Madonna, who is pure, chaste and honorable; and the Whore, who is dirty and sexually promiscuous. Boryszewski further writes that “the main problem for the sufferer- and the reason why the complex should be treated as a serious disorder-is the man’s inability to combine love and sex in relation to a single female object.” While Boryszewski limits this complex to an extreme condition faced by men, the reasoning of the Madonna/Whore complex arguably permeates into popular-cultural thought. If a woman in a male-dominated, white supremacist society is less than a man, a black woman in said society is less than human.
An illustration of the Stepford Wife, who embodies the Madonna. Source: Teacups and Couture
In “The Sable Venus: An Ode,” the attraction expressed by the white man to the black woman is simply an exercise of phallic power. The black woman is the Whore: she is extremely irresistible and deliberately charms the white man. She is the exotic, the oriental – just as the forbidden fruit is to Eve. The current manifestation of said views can be seen via the varying experiences of different women in heterosexual relationships, as well as fluctuating beauty trends. An interesting case study to look at is the choices that prominent black men (particularly athletes) make when it comes to dating. A comprehensive look at the romantic choices made by black NBA players would reveal that most players tend to partner with white women. However, they have increasingly begun to partner with biracial women or curvaceous (slim thick) white women. This shift can be linked to the increasing acceptance of black features. While not all black women are curvaceous, this is an indicator that the stereotypical body of a black woman is ideal - not the skin. A preference for light skin amongst indigenous communities has long been a factor in how heterosexual men select their romantic partners. Aside from an indicator of proximity to whiteness, lighter skin is sometimes regarded as an indicator of class. A person with lighter skin is thought of as not having to spend as much time labouring in the sun, because they have the means to do so. In this way, black women (especially dark skin women) are continuously pushed into the peripheries of desirability. A black woman’s desirability is thought of as erotic and devilish. As the Whore, she is good enough to be sexually desired - but not enough to be a wife.
Sex positive rapper Meg Thee Stallion embodying the 'Whore' Source: @theestallion
It would be crass to limit the classification of the ‘Whore’ to skin color alone. Factors such as; clothing choices, expressions of sexuality and deviation from traditional ideas of what constitutes a ‘good woman’ also contribute to the categorization of the ‘Whore’. Based on the banishment of the whore to the depths of the immorality, one would think the ‘Madonna’ is in the privileged position. However, this is far from the truth. The ‘Madonna’ is thought of as the perfect mother and wife, which is where her importance ends. Just as the ‘Whore’ is exploited sexually, the ‘Madonna’ is exploited for her domestic and emotional labour. She is expected to ‘hold down the fort’ while her partner enjoys the follies and vices of the world. The traditional socialization of women tricks women into thinking that if they opt for subservience to a man, they will secure a partner that treats them well as a reward for their virtue. While this may be true in some instances, in most cases it primes women to accept many forms of abuse from their partner. Contemporary phrases such as ‘ride or die’ are used to praise women for enduring disrespect from their romantic partners. The disrespect is often infidelity, with men engaging in sexual escapades with the ‘Whores.’ The same ‘Whores’ that are chastised by society at large. In retrospect these phrases perpetuate the subjugation of women. Therefore, the Madonna/Whore complex reveals the ways in which women are continuously objectified in male-dominated societies.
A Twitter user critical of the of 'ride or die' culture Source: @Haedyn_Simone
The Sable Venus is emblematic of the problematic history of the classification of black women’s beauty. Sara Baartman’s tragic life story is a testament to how this lens of viewing black women is harmful. Racism and sexism intersect to inform how black women are treated in their quests to find romantic partnership, as well as in said romantic partnerships. Furthermore, factors such as sexuality, class and gender identity influence this treatment. As society progresses and individuals continue to speak out against oppressive systems, positive strides are being taken towards changing the objectification of women. However, the current position of women in society reveals that as is the Madonna, so is the Whore.
Illustration of Sara Baartman Source: BBC
"Love and hate: same-same" : A review of Patchwork by Ellen Banda-Aaku
I have to admit that in my desire to read more fiction written by Zambian writers, I did not anticipate that I would find a novel like Patchwork by Ellen Banda-Aaku. I was looking for a book by Warsan Shire in the Stellenbosch University library when I stumbled across Banda-Aaku’s novel. I had previously come across her name whilst doing research for my honour’s long essay. Although her name came up in my search for critically acclaimed Zambian writers, I did not bother to look up her work. I am grateful for this chance encounter, because it gave me an opportunity to read one of the most engaging novels I have read in a long time.
Patchwork won the 2011 Penguin Prize for African Writing and was shortlisted for the 2012 Commonwealth Book Prize
Set in Zambia, Patchwork tells the intergenerational story of three women whose lives are affected by the presence of a wealthy and powerful man. The events of this novel occur in two parts; the first in 1978, and the second in what seems to be the early 2000’s. As the title of the novel implies, the story is indeed a Patchwork – weaving together the stories of Pezo, her mother Totela and Grandma Ponga as they navigate love, loss and betrayal. The story is focalized through Pezo or Pumpkin as she is affectionately referred to. Although she is nine years old in the first part of the novel, I was struck by her self-awareness. She is only a child, yet in some instances she perceives the world the way an adult would.
Pumpkin’s father is Joseph Sakavungo and from the prologue of the novel, it is evident that he is the cause of the tensions that exist in the three women’s relationships with each other. Joseph is a serial womanizer, having been married when he fathered Pumpkin with Totela. The severity of Joseph’s womanizing is revealed as the novel progresses, with subtle referrals to it throughout the story. 1978 is an important year for Pumpkin for various reasons. It is the year her mother’s drinking problem implodes and her father takes her to live with him. It is also the year she experiences a loss that pushes her into silence.
Ellen Banda-Aaku
The strength of Banda-Aaku’s writing in Patchwork comes from the deafening silences. She is able to highlight the effects of trauma on the various characters through their adoption of silence as a trauma-response. The silence that characterizes these women’s relationship is juxtaposed by Joseph’s mannerisms. Although his behavior has damning effects on these women’s lives, he is a generous man and a responsible father. At first, Joseph’s Achilles Heel only affects the people around him. However, the consequences of his actions eventually implode on him.
Aside from the intricacies of the three women’s relationships, it is interesting to note how Banda-Aaku uses the events that occur in the backdrop of the novel to critique various issues affecting Zambian society. These issues include; rape, women’s reproductive care and the HIV/AIDS pandemic. Patchwork is a brilliant offering from Ellen Banda-Aaku that tells an insightful story of the consequences of bad behavior, and the importance of personal responsibility. She reminds the reader of how impactful and intense human relationships can be, astutely citing that “love and hate: same-same.”
Buy a copy of the book here
Transit
As I progress into the scary and unpredictable journey that is adulthood, I increasingly crave some form of consistency. Recently, I’ve been trying to follow a little routine. Wake up, turn on geyser, brush teeth, shower and so on. I figure that if I get a routine going, it’ll be easier for me to work at accomplishing my goals. In my pursuit of productivity and consistency, I can’t help but notice how I am in a constant state of transit.
On a plane from Johannesburg to Cape Town
Transit is essentially movement from point A to point B. I’ve been fixated on the idea of transit for the past couple of months. For one thing, I am in a constant state of movement. When I’m at home in Lusaka, I mostly travel by mini-bus. Oddly, I have come to enjoy these bus rides. Now let me preface what I’m about to mention by listing a few negative aspects of travelling by mini-bus, which includes but is not limited to; being squashed on the bus, “five ku backseat” (eish), being made to sit ‘pa bondix’ and having to remind the conductor about your change (social anxiety gang stand up). The joy I get from being on the bus by myself comes from the opportunity I get to sit and observe what is happening around me.
A stationary bus at Kulima Tower bus station
There’re two buses I can use to get home from town – Bauleni direct and Woodlands/Bauleni. Bauleni direct is my favourite because as the name implies, it’s a direct route with very few stops. By the time I’m making my way home from town, my phone battery is usually dead. This gives me the opportunity to focus on what’s going on around me, sans distraction. Perhaps it’s the journalist in me, but I like to observe how people operate in society.
Somewhere in Kamwala on the Burma Road/Bauleni bus
The ideal bus ride starts like this: Nestled in the window seat in the middle row of the bus, I watch as the bus starts to fill up. I also have liking to street food, so sometimes I’ll be eating chikanda, maize or tu nshaba. Different people start to enter the bus. A man in a work suit, two school kids in uniform, a woman with a baby on her back – all settling into various seats on the bus. Occasionally, I spot a ‘traveler’ who has lots of bags and has to negotiate with the conductor to put their stuff in the boot. I have also noticed that the front seat is associated with a certain kind of importance. Though not expressly implied, the preferred occupant of this seat is usually an older person – either a middle or working class professional. Sometimes the bus conductor will guide this person to that seat. When the bus is full to capacity, the journey begins. Sometimes the journey is quiet, albeit the conductor asking for payment and distributing change. Other times there is a lively conversation amongst people on the bus, with topics ranging from politics to marriage and day to day issues in society.
A candid of a bus conductor on the Burma Road/ Town bus
During these various transits, I am most intrigued by the convergence of the most random people for a singular purpose – movement from point A to point B. My fascination extends beyond this end goal. When we get on the bus, we all want to get to point B. But what happens when we get off the bus? Our point B suddenly becomes point A again, sending us back to square one. My understanding of transit has moved from being a journey with an end goal, to simply a journey. A never-ending journey can mean different things for different people. For some, it presents an exciting opportunity to discover new things and experience different faucets of life. For others, it’s living in constant fear of the unknown and having to adjust to new environments (which can be such a daunting experience). It could be that my consciousness has been preoccupied by the idea of transit because of how my sense of personal responsibility has increased. I often jokingly remark to my friends that I cannot believe that I’m a real person. When I critically unpack this statement, I realize that it’s an expression of my coming to terms with my growing independence – and the responsibilities that come with it.
Shoes for sale on display in the Lusaka CBD
Transit in this context could be regarded as a synonym for life, like a ladder with only two steps. As you move to the next step, the bottom step becomes the top step. You cannot move up one step without the other. Similarly, in life you cannot skip a ‘step.’ You need a point A to get to point B. The irony of craving consistency whilst being on an unpredictable journey is not lost on me. Perhaps it stems to have some control in the midst of uncertainty. Out of 118 posts on pjt.365, a little over 60 pictures were taken as a result of or during transit – that is movement outside of my home. In a way this project serves as a record of my transit. I look at certain pictures and remember where I was, how I felt in the moment and how much has changed since then. My fixation with the idea of transit has allowed me to reflect on my past ‘journeys’ and see how they inform my current state of being.
Walking to the Stellenbosch University main campus
For me, the idea of transit transcends physicality. It encompasses all aspects of life – our inner and outer being, as well as our relation the world around us. Observing people on the bus has given me an appreciation of communion and kinship. We are all on our own ‘transits’ but at some points our interests align and we get to share the journey. When I watch people get off the bus with me, I wonder where they will go and what they do when they get there. Where do they get their sense of purpose? What motivates their transit? I can never truly know. However, what I can say is that I am uncertain of the end point but I wish to be conscious during the journey.
Five ku backseat : When five people are made to sit at the back seat of the bus, on a space made to fit four people. This is usually on a bigger bus.
Pa bondix: The inner engine part of a mini-bus. In some cases, the bondix is a stool that is attached to the side of the first row.
Tu Nshaba: Some groundnuts.
Black vintage pin-up girls.
Mussels, Linguine & Spinach in a creamy white wine sauce.
Yōko Wanibe ph Masahisa Fukase
Tidy
A short essay on beginnings
The book of Genesis in the Bible opens with the line “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” Fairytales often begin with “once upon a time.” This project,on the other hand, was unceremoniously started around 11pm on 1st April 2022. A far cry from the grand introduction I was hoping for.
I had been stalling the project for three months and decided that April would be the month I would finally start. I worked frantically to make my inaugural post and write something poetic. Nothing went according to plan that day. My first shot was supposed to be of a bottle of ama sip sip maheu (my favorite maheu). I would have bought if I went to the katemba on time. Had things worked out in my favour, I’d have had my aesthetically pleasing shot, a cool caption and a snazzy introduction of my recent undertaking to the world. Instead, I posted the picture into the late hours of the 1st and proceeded to post a supporting article the next day.
This abruptness (and sometimes disorganisation) has characterised much of my experience with this project so far. Last year, I volunteered to be a social media manager for an academic cohort I was a part of. At some point, I and the other person I shared this responsibility were slacking. We were given a stern talking to by our cohort principal and I distinctly remember her saying something to the effect of “it’s simply uploading a picture on Facebook and adding a caption, how hard can it be?”
I asked myself this question on day 58 of the project, when I realised that I forgot to post on day 57. I suspect it’s the reason people sometimes delete all their pictures on Instagram after years of sharing - the pressure to be tidy.
My Space and Facebook are platforms that many credit for their entry into online social networking. However, the earliest social media platform was a site called Six Degrees, that was launched in May 1997. The goal of early social media sites was actual socialisation. People got online to communicate with their loved ones and make friends. The same thing happens now, only that it’s more curated.
To exist in society is to perform. We embody an identity that is partially ascribed to us and partially curated by us. Social media heightens the curation aspect of this ‘performance.’ Although it is possible to embody a persona that is different from our own when we physically interact with others, this cannot be compared to the self-curation that is possible on social media. For example, I cannot pretend to be 7ft tall in real life even if I tried. However, on social media I can just edit my appearance to make myself look taller.
A lot of self-curation happens on Instagram, owing to the fact that it is a visual based application. Unlike Twitter, where individuals are likely to tweet everyday, Instagram users are less likely to share an image daily or weekly. I believe this is so because people what to present their best images to the internet. It is difficult to look our best everyday. It takes a lot of courage and confidence to visually present yourself to the world daily - at your best and at your worst. The whole premise of my project is rather audacious if you look at it from this perspective, yet here I am.
Despite my desire to be authentic in my posts, these two months have taught me that it is impossible to escape the desire to be tidy. By ‘tidy’ in this context, I mean aesthetically pleasing. I was in Lusaka for the first 50 days of this project. 35 out of those 50 days I was at home. Ideally, I could have taken a selfie everyday when I woke up, posted it and be done. However, I had to engage my audience. In many ways, this project is a representation of my interactions with the world. Because being an artist is a prominent aspect of my identity, it reflects in most of what I have posted on PJT 365 thus far. This has led me to conclude that as long as there is an audience (assumed or otherwise) there will always be an element of performance.
Does this take away from the authenticity of my project? Not entirely. It does, however, explain the challenges I have faced with posting everyday. I have posted everyday, except once - which I quickly reconciled a few minutes after midnight. Despite wanting to look perfect on social media, people are far from perfect. The average individual cannot work meticulously everyday. That would be a superhuman skill. I am also not the most organised person. The last two months have me realise how much energy goes into posting on social media. It’s difficult to put images out on the internet, even when you do not feel your best.
The beginnings of stories are so neat and perfect because they are stories - fabricated or dramatised occurrences. The reality of life is that sometimes beginnings are messy, disjointed and shoddy. It’s important to remind ourselves, especially those of us that are hyperactive on social media, that we can’t always be tidy.
*Kantemba - local corner shop
Project 365
Project 365 is an immersive digital project that seeks to question self-representation practices online. The media is a space where different aspects of society are represented. It could be said that the media shapes our perception of society. Media production has traditionally been governed by the ruling class of society. In the case of print media, editors decide what and how certain information is published. Publications such as Vogue have maintained an air of superiority by establishing themselves as a credible and exclusive voice on all things fashion and beauty. However, the creation of the internet has created a shift in how people consume media.
“Whose voice matters?”
The creation of the internet and the digital media platforms has given individuals the ability to participate in the production of media texts at an increased rate. Although large media houses still retain their credibility and power, individuals can respond to the texts these media companies produce in real-time. Stuart Hall, a cultural studies scholar, conceptualized the “circuit of production.” In this circuit of production, Hall suggested a relationship between the media and society where the media produce texts, the public reacts to these texts and this reaction is reflected in the new texts produced. In the digital age, this means that media companies are forced to respond to the reactions of the public quickly. Enhanced participation by the public also means that media houses are held accountable at a higher rate. This raises the question “whose voice matters?”
Media production has largely been governed by white patriarchal ideals. These ideas have been reflected in the content that Western media has produced over the years. This has led to the exclusion of people who do not fit white patriarchal standards. Digital media platforms have led to the disruption of these ideals. Because of enhanced participation by the public, individuals have begun to challenge patriarchal norms and assert their own ideas on aspects of society.
What am I trying to do here?
By self-representing online, individuals are curating how they are viewed by others, as well as the kind of content they would like to consume. This curation is carried out across various platforms. However, for the purpose of this project I will be exploring my self-representation practices on Instagram. Although most people are on the internet every day, the average person does not post content every day. Instagram is a visuals-centered platform and usually people want to present their best versions of themselves. In this project, I plan on posting a picture on Instagram everyday for 365 days. April is an odd month to start with, but beginnings are beginnings.
My objective is to explore the kind of content an individual (myself) will produce when forced to share a photo and some words on Instagram every day. The pictures will not be restricted to self portraits but will also be of things/people I will be interacting with. I seek to question how authentic my self-curations will be given my frequency of posting pictures. At the end of this I intend on carrying out a survey amongst the followers of the account I will create to see how they respond to the work. This project is a hybrid academic and art project. It is informed by my experience as a media studies student and artist. As such the wording may be all over the place, but the vision is there. Introducing Project 365!
A Tango with Tambudzai : A battle for one’s sense of self in This Mournable Body.
I first encountered Tsitsi Dangaremba’s writing in 2018, whilst doing first year English Lit. We had to read Nervous Conditions, a book I had encountered all throughout high school but never bothered reading. I wish I had read the book now and not then, with the analytical skills I have acquired now to fully appreciate Dangaremba’s writing. I will nonetheless offer my takeaways from the third instalment of The Nervous Conditions Trilogy, This Mournable Body.
I must confess I only realised that This Mournable Body was the last book in the trilogy when I was almost done with it and that I had skipped the second book, The Book of Not. However, I have found that you do not need to have read the previous books in order to follow the plot of This Mournable Body.
Upon reading the book, I was immediately struck by the perspective from which it was written. Where its two predecessors were written from a first and third person perspective, This Mournable Body was written from a second person perspective. This perspective creates the presence of an authoritative voice dictating the story to the reader. As noted by Anastasia L. Hawke, the second person perspective “draws the reader into the text whilst simultaneously expelling them” (3). In further reading the novel, I realised that this change in perspective is indicative of Tambudzai’s mental health.
Tambu is the protagonist of The Nervous Conditions Trilogy. Although I did not find her likeable in Nervous Conditions, in This Mournable Body she is much more insufferable. The novel starts with her looking for accommodation as she needs to move out the hostel she is lodging at. She seems to have hit a stroke of bad luck, being unable to find work after quitting her job at an advertising agency. Dangaremba’s skilfulness as a writer is shown in her ability to discuss serious issues in the most mundane interactions in the novel. A scene that stood out to me was when Tambu picked up a stone to hurl at her hostel-mate, Gertrude. Tambu wrestles with the decision of whether or not she should throw the stone until Gertrude glances at her and she decides not to. From Tambu’s actions in this scene, Dangaremba critiques patriarchal aspects of Zimbabwean society at the time the novel is set, through Tambu’s rationalisation of her behaviour.
“Dangaremba’s skilfulness as a writer is shown in her ability to discuss serious issues in the most mundane interactions in the novel.”
Throughout the novel, Tambu battles to control her sense of self. She fights for herself rather than with herself. This a very important distinction, because it isn’t a battle between Tambu’s good-side and bad-side, it’s a battle for her sanity. She eventually finds lodging with Mai Mayanga, an elderly woman who rents out rooms in her yard. There Tambu falls into a deep depression, which is signified by her visions of a hyena laughing at her. She is further haunted by her past with the appearance of a woman from her village, Christine. Christine or Kiri arrives with a bag of mealie meal for Tambu from Tambu’s mother. Tambu struggles to collect it from Mainini Kiri. The mealie meal serves as a motif for Tambu’s past, haunting her until she eventually confronts it.
“She fights for herself rather than with herself.”
Despite finding a job as a teacher, Tambu’s mental health worsens and an incident at her school ends in a three month stint at an asylum for her. After this, she ends up living with her cousin Nyasha and Nyasha’s husband and children. Owing to the semi- autobiographical nature of Nervous Conditions, one cannot help but draw parallels between Nyasha and Dangaremba’s own life. Both women attend film school in Germany and return to Zimbabwe to work, even though many would expect that they would stay in the diaspora. Nyasha’s husband is a particularly insufferable character. I was amused by how Dangaremba’s descriptions of him were critical without being critical - the undeniable talent of the author. After an excursion with Nyasha and her family, Tambu meets Tracey Stevenson, an old colleague who eventually offers her a job.
In This Mournable Body the devil is in the detail. Aside from Tambu’s tumultuous battle with her mental health, there is a lot happening in the backdrop of the novel. Tambu begins to work with Tracy in 1999, a year before Mugabe ordered the forced removal of white land owners. This is slightly alluded to by Tracy in her conversations with Tambu. The fallout of the Chimurenga as well as xenophobia is also alluded to. The novels’ climax is reminiscent of Tambu’s refusal to attend her parents wedding in Nervous Conditions, and is indicative of Tambu’s strong resolve.
This Mournable Body is a masterfully written novel. It discusses an array of socio-political issues, ranging from xenophobia and the patriarchy to Zimbabwe’s turbulent political history. Perhaps the most noteworthy aspect of the novel is how Dangaremba is able to do so whilst focusing on the life of a middle-aged woman who struggles with her mental health. Despite being unlikeable, Tambu is also extremely relatable. Her struggle for autonomy is like a mirror being held up towards the reader, forcing us to reflect on the parts of ourselves we struggle with. The battle for one’s self makes for an interesting contemporary African novel, given the current shift towards de-stigmatising mental health issues. This novel was a heavy but brilliant read.
Hey everyone, welcome to my blog. I’ve decided to start writing again and what better platform than Tumblr loool. Anyway, I’ve decided to start off with something light, so here’s 21 things I learnt in 2021:
1. The only thing you can control in this life is you.
2. Things get better, I promise. When will they get better? I can’t tell you for sure but they will. Even though the wait is long.😂
3. Get into a routine!!! It makes completing tasks so much easier.
4. Listen to your intuition. That gut feeling is right more than half the time.
5. Set Boundaries! Setting boundaries leads to you communicating your needs and dictating how you’d like to be treated. I got this from TikTok don’t sue me.😂😂😂
6. Friendships are relationships. You need to work on your platonic relationships just as you do your romantic ones.
7. There is romance in friendship. Being loved for who you are by people who just want to see you win?? Bliss.
8. Communicate your feelings.
9. You have to actively work towards achieving the things you want. That beach trip? Organise it. Girls night? Text your friends. The only person that can give you experiences is you!
10. You have to find happiness in yourself before you go looking for it in others. It sounds like a cliche but trust me.
11. You can’t do this life thing alone. You need people.
12. Ask for help, you don’t know everything.
13. Take people at face value.
14. We do not experience life the same. Eg. your very kind and conventionally attractive friend telling you to “put yourself out there” in terms of dating. It’s not the same mamas but thank you.😩
15. Engage with socio-political and economic issues. Vote at local and national government level. Political apathy isn’t ‘cool.’
16. Wear a mini-skirt.
17. Do not be afraid to be yourself. You hate something all your friends love? It’s okay speak up! Wear the print you love but everyone hates. As long as it brings you joy.
18. Allow yourself to feel everything. You cannot run away from your emotions. Trust me I tried.🤣😩
19. Do not be afraid to confront people. Unsettled emotions lead to resentment.
20. Better things are coming your way. DO NOT SETTLE.
21. “You cannot pin joy like a moth.” Don’t postpone your happiness, celebrate the good things. It’s so easy to dwell on the negative we forget to enjoy the things we worked towards that materialised! Live life today!
Happy New Year everyone! May this year come with good things for you all. God bless you.❤️❤️
22things I’ve learned at 22, As A kid that’s been through somethungsss.
I’ve been stuck in the spirit of post birthday reflection since the 30th and honestly think it’s because I needed to write this:
1. Music is everything. I already knew this but every year I’m reminded just how important it is to me.
Alfa Mists’ music carried me through the year
2. Cultivating a relationship with GOD literally saved my life. And like any relationship it requires devotion.
3. Your thoughts become You.
4. Being a black woman means constantly having to fight for your peace.
5. Money brings Peace. And it Also Takes Your Peace.
6. Allow yourself to change your mind, and never apologize for doing so.
7. Keeping your inner child alive will ground you in the simple pleasures of life.
8. My mom was right, like literally about everything, but mostly that I should wake up and immediately make my bed.
9. Associating your worthiness to your level of productivity can be very destructive and honestly, I’m still stuck in this mindset.
10. Writing your goals down is like making a vow to yourself.
11. Journaling by the ocean is the perfect cliché because it actually works.
This piece is about finding peace in the stillness the ocean brings. Being raised in the Western Cape meant that I took this life force for
12. Yes I’m impatient with a short temper🥴 blame it on spending 4years in a small town— -
13. Being a prisoner to the past will only result in repeating old mistakes.
14. Say it with me — IFHEWANTSTOHEWILL x
15. Hyper-independence is a result of broken trust.💁🏾♀️
16. I no longer aspire to be a strong independent black woman, because honestly, it’s exhausting. I prioritize comfort and convenience.
17. Ask for help even if it makes you feel stupid—- [Adopting this sooner would’ve saved me so much time]
18. Love will always find me, wherever I am.
19. All relationships are complex and truly require two committed individuals.
20. No one will ever truly feel nor comprehend your traumas, so give yourself more grace.
21. Love those that love you, wholeheartedly.
22. In conclusion calm down you’re only 22.