remembrance —

Shim Changmin. Lawyer. 25. ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.

[lartista-e-povero]

[massintimeofwar]

[shimchngmn-blog]

ii.

12th november (4:13pm)

I went down to an orphanage this morning. Of the many changes, this was one habit that stuck even after all these years. The principal had been kind enough to be understanding of the irregularity of my appearances (seven months was the longest…I remember), always warm and welcoming.

Matching names to faces proved to be an easy task every time despite the constant new additions, but there was one whom I remember of too vividly from today. She was seven, born with diabetes type 1 and she was an optimistic little girl with one of the brightest smiles I'd seen in a long, long while. The insulin pump that she carried with her didn’t seem to bother her all that much, in fact it didn't even come close to the disappointment regarding her ban on candies. I could only imagine the pain she had to endure though. When I asked her if she had anything that she wanted to do or be, she replied me eagerly -- eyes wide with pure excitement, that she wanted to be a doctor so she could take away this pain from others.

And I saw you in her.

I remember when you stayed up every night for a month, preparing for your entrance exam to be a medical student. The dark eye circles were evidence, not to mention you were dozing off at the oddest hours through the day and we barely spoke much (if at all. not that i minded. or maybe just a little). The way you’d explain and recite medical terms to me (and I would always nod as though I understood them, at one point I think I actually did…from the repetition), and the way tears welled up in your eyes while you hugged my neck and jumped in joy, whispering “I did it” over and over; I could tell then the passion driving that motivation inside of you was strong, and it steered you towards success and the goal which was your own dream. And I couldn’t have been any more grateful to be able to share this passion of yours with you.

But it dawned upon me that I could no longer do that, and probably never would be able to.

I told her to never give up on her dream, to keep striving because as long as she kept her passion I know she would get there one day, and because I knew a girl who did.

scm.

[simply-quotes-deactivated202002]

Missing someone is a vague, unpleasant sensation, like gnawing anxiety. It isn’t as concrete as grief, but it’s just as pervasive and there’s no escaping it.

Sue Grafton, C is for Corpse.

(via unrxly)

[hztr]

有沒有那麼一張書籤　停止那一天　最單純的笑臉和　最美那一年 男孩和女孩都有吉他和舞鞋　笑忘人間的苦痛　只有甜美 — 如煙

[seoxjoo]

[ f l a s h b a c k ] 1 ` of hellos

[shimchngmn-blog]

seoxjoo:

{ ’ she bites her lip, almost tempted to laugh as she sees him bow haphazardly, nearly dumping his bag on the ground before grabbing it and saving it from crashing. she’d reached forward out of instinct to try and help ( though he hadn’t needed it ) but as a result she’d stepped closer and her hands, which had been reaching for the bag strap - had been pulled to his arm. her eyes widened and she coughed, stepping back and soon her cheeks have flushed to a color that matches the burning of his ears. ) a-ah yes. { ’ she stutters out a confirmation; head ducking down as she clasps her hands together tightly behind her back, much of her former bravado lost. the underlying nerves take over as embarrassment crashes over her and she starts to return to how she normally is when she isn’t trying to make an impression or stubbornly get something done. as it is, though, she’s still somewhat miffed that he forgot about athletic day. } Didn’t know what? { ’ she asks curiously - somewhat confused as to why Changmin suddenly seems so…dazed. Almost as though he’s thinking of something else entirely, like his mind is preoccupied - so different from the ‘cool, calm, charismatic changmin’ that she always hears about from her friends. she must admit that that’s likely the reason she hadn’t forgotten and he did - after all, she’s nothing exciting and the second she said her partner was going to be him her friends nearly broke her eardrums with their shrieking. not exactly a memory that’s easy to lose. she doesn’t carry a watch and her phone is buried deep in her bag so without even thinking about it she peeks over at his watch, leaning over to check the time before humming in consideration. technically she should be going home - her parents haven’t given her a curfew for the sole reason that she’s not allowed to go out at all in the first place - and in the distance she can see someone she distinctly remembers visiting her parents a few days ago, hidden in the shadows. it’d scare her if she wasn’t used to it already. smiling apologetically, she shakes her head } I’m sorry. I have to get home, my parents will worry. But uhm - I can give you my phone number? so we can arrange a time to meet later. 

( `he feels his body tense up upon contact -- even if it was a brief one when her hands grabbed onto his arm instead -- and he lifts a hand to muffle a cough spluttered against the back of it, swallowing thickly after; god knows the reason for this overwhelming nervousness that's infiltrating his system and affecting his reactions and coherency, and while these seem all too unfamiliar to him, changmin doesn't dwell on it too much (for now at least). it takes him by surprise when he lifts his head to see that she has leaned closer for a glance at his watch, and his gaze settles on her features, briefly taking in a couple of distinctive details at such close proximity and he's a little dazed. thankfully her attention is directed elsewhere or it would have been awkward, and he catches himself before she does, grateful for the bit of self-control that has returned to him. ) ah.. ( `he can't say he isn't the least bit disappointed -- because he felt his heart sink and he knows he is very much so -- but he settles for the suggestion she proposed, hand slipping into his pocket to fish for his phone almost instantly in response and handing it to her. ) no, no no that's perfectly fine, too. i'd text you, and we could discuss this further, and meet another time ( `he's a little too hasty in his reply to notice that he has basically just echoed her words, his gaze focused on his phone instead while he waits patiently for her to key in her number; it seems a little too unbelievable that she is going to be his partner for this event and they will be working together for the next month to come )

[wordsnquotes]

Certain kinds of knowledge rob people of their sleep.

Murakami,Haruki, 1Q84 (via yominokuni)

[shimchngmn-blog]

RULES:

Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. Tagged by: vivaxeric

• WHAT WAS YOUR: Last Beverage: apple cider Last phone call: client  Last text message: jongin Last song you listened to: ♫ Last time you cried: cannot recall.

• HAVE YOU EVER: Dated someone twice: no. 
Been cheated on: no. Kissed someone and regretted it: no. Lost someone special: unfortunately. Been depressed: i don't think i had control over this, i plunged straight in. Been drunk and threw up: too many times, hasn't happened as of late though.

• LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: black, red, brown

• LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU: Made a new friend: yes Fallen out of love: no. romantic attachment is a very...distant concept and i'd rather not. Laughed until you cried: probably Met someone who changed you: everyone you meet shapes you in a way or another though. Found out who your true friends are: i've always known who they are. Found out someone was talking about you: yes and they do it with little intentions of hiding what they've said, considering the fact that they are aware of your presence in the room. it's inevitable though, especially when you're opposing sides of the same case. anyone on your FB friends list: yes

• GENERAL: How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: every one of them

• FIRSTS: First surgery: 5 years old,  near the hairline above the left side of his forehead (got four stitches for it) First piercing: earlobes First best friend: high school First sport you joined: badminton First vacation: family vacation before he started senior high First pair of trainers: high school

• RIGHT NOW: Eating: nothing Drinking: nothing I’m about to: get in the shower Waiting for: her

• YOUR FUTURE: Want kids: probably Get married: used to want that Career: achieve success in this industry

• WHICH IS BETTER: Lips or eyes: eyes Hugs or Kisses: hugs Shorter or Taller: shorter Older or younger: younger Romantic or Spontaneous:  either Nice stomach or nice arms: uh Sensitive or Loud: neither Hook-up or relationship: hook-up (though preferably neither) Trouble maker or hesitant: 

• HAVE YOU EVER: Kissed a stranger: no Drank hard liquor: too often Lost glasses/contacts: yes  Sex on first date: yes but it wasn't a date, i don't go on dates Broke someones heart: doubt that Arrested: no Turned someone down: no Cried when someone died: everyone i know of is very much alive Fallen for a friend: yes

•DO YOU BELIEVE IN: Yourself: at times and selectively Miracles: i would like to Love at first sight: yes Heaven: probably Santa claus: maybe, it adds to the festive atmosphere Kiss on the first date: is this really something to believe in Angels: probably

‹ Tagging › ━ Just going to tag a couple of you i see on the dash right now actually:

seoxjoo, jonginstretto, vnidentified, hxyeonsoo, jxniel

[shimchngmn-blog]

jonginstretto:

I only have people like you to thank for my inflated ego, hyung. Hmm, fine. Since you’re so keen on risking your life for my coffee, I’ll do you the honor and learn to make it— Only if you pay for the lessons. [ / nods firmly to himself. ]

maybe it's because you're taking everything as a compliment ( `narrows his eyes briefly ) nice try but no to ripping off, unless you're willing to learn from me in which case...i'm not a willing teacher. ( `pursed his lips slightly before breaking into an amused grin ) sharing is caring my dearest jongin, so we'll both be sharing the coffee that you'll be making.

[shimchngmn-blog]

jonginstretto:

Wow, you’d risk your life just to get a taste of my coffee? Why are you so enamored with me huh? Tell me, would you drink it if I filtered it with my underwear too?

on second thoughts you need lessons on what to do about that inflated ego of yours, before anything else. but for the sake of settling your (in)sanity i'll answer your questions and it's a no for both. i'm just curious and i guess i like a challenge once in a while. challenge aka your coffee.

[seoxjoo]

"Do you trust me?"

the question comes abruptly in the course of their conversation and normally under typical circumstances, joohyun would simply say ‘of course’, in a sort of incredulous tone because there is nothing more obvious to her than the complete trust she places in the man she is currently leaning against. 

but there’s something somber in the way his voice has turned deeper and his arms have tightened almost imperceptibly around her waist and so she turns her head, twists her neck around to look at him as best she can with her lips just barely skimming across the curve of his jaw, pressing a kiss to the skin there as she whispers, “yes, i trust you. in everything. why do you ask?” 

and it’s true, she muses, as she waits for him to answer  - it is true that she trusts him in everything. There is likely very little actual basis for this trust - but then what is trust if not faith? She doesn’t need to know for certain what kind of person he is or his track record or anything - trust is just trust, plain and simple, and there is nothing as certain to her as the knowledge that should she fall, he’ll always be there. she is fully aware that he’s likely gathering his thoughts in order to present his words in the best possible manner, he’s extremely deliberate with what he says and she’s used to their conversations slowing into a sort of lazy, second-thought, exchange .

as such, she simply sighs and leans her forehead against his neck in order to wait comfortably, breathing in the faint smell of laundry detergent ( theirs now, not just his - she’s used his washing machine enough that her clothes started to smell like his ) and the warmth coming off his skin melts into hers and she shifts to get closer, eyes falling shut contentedly. 

he breaks the silence a few seconds later, lips parting and he swallows before murmuring something about wanting to take her somewhere on a trip, just the two of them, somewhere nice and warm and sunny - but it has to be a surprise. joohyun’s joking when she whispers something back jokingly about it being like a honeymoon but the way his eyes widen and his fingers clench against her stomach prove she’s actually right and she cannot help the little gasp of surprise - “are you…do you mean…?” 

she’s not entirely sure what she’s asking, but as always, he knows what she means and simply smiles, slow and knowing, before leaning forward and kissing the corner of her mouth. “maybe.” 

[seoxjoo]

[ f l a s h b a c k ] 1 ` of hellos

[shimchngmn-blog]

seoxjoo:

[ joohyun stares up at the other student - marveling for a second just how tall he really was. she’d seen him around, of course, but only from large distances and within crowds of people. for someone so used to being the tallest within a group, to actually have to look up at such a sharp angle is honestly something she isn’t used to at all and it staggers her for a second, throwing her off. she’s so left in her own thoughts that she hardly notices he hasn’t replied in the longest time but it is something that occurs to her eventually - her lips parting into a little gasp of shock when he suddenly stumbles closer to her at his friend’s push - and she barely has the presence of mind to step back a little. she looks back up at him expectantly, waiting for acknowledgement now that her head was back where it should be. although she does feel a little trepidation at the notion that perhaps he won’t acknowledge her as an equal, that is overshadowed by her own assurance that even if it happens she’ll just prove him completely wrong. they’re going to have to work together regardless, so her worries are unfounded - at least, that’s the logic she uses to try and push them out of her mind. when he finally, finally, replies to her ( it felt like ages in her head ) she sort of laughs, hiding her wide smile behind her hand - ] It’s nice to meet you, Changmin-ssi. Please take good care of me. [ she cannot help but bow slightly once again, polite mannerisms bred into her very instincts ; it is the only reason why she was able to hold back the voice in her throat that waned to say that of course she knew who he was already, she’d found him on her own, hadn’t she? she isn’t entirely sure what to say next - so she broaches the subject of their project once more - ] we really do need to plan athletic day, though. when can we meet? 

( `he seems completely oblivious to the fact that she probably already knows his name, given that she approached him in the first place; taking half a step back, his gaze drops, following as she bows slightly in front of him; dipping his head forward, his body leans in an exaggerated manner in his hasty attempt to return the bow, and his bag slips off his shoulder, in which his other hand reaches out of reflexes, grabbing the strap before his bag hits the floor; with a quick tug, the bag's slung over his shoulder once again and an almost sheepish smile is on his features, tips of his ears burning a darker shade of pink at the embarrassment that creeps on him half a second late; at least he's finally managed to snap out of the slight daze he's slipped into, though...what did she say her name was? changmin lifts a hand, scratching lightly at his cheek while he attempts (at the very least) to recall the brief introduction she gave a while ago. joohyun-- ) seo joohyun? ( `he echoes the syllables out loud, and it takes him a couple of seconds to realize what he has done before he clears his throat against a balled fist, nodding in response ) ah...athletic day, yeah it almost slipped my mind, i knew i was assigned a partner but i didn't know-- ( `didn't know he'd be this mesmerized; this time he catches himself before his thoughts slip again, and he masks his awkwardness for his seemingly incoherent sentences with a quiet hum; a quick glance at his wrist watch tells him that he has approximately an hour before he needs to get to the cafe for duties, that should probably be enough (although he has half the mind to call in for the day off), for now ) do you have time now? i have some time to spare and we could probably just, work something out first, start somewhere? 

[uglypnis]

I’ve got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts -you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.

D.D. Barant

[seoxjoo]

"I’m in jail."

x 

The call comes when she’s studying, and she writes out the last equation with her hand as she flips her phone open and answers it absently, “Hello?”

“I’m in jail." She pauses for a second at that sudden reply, a little breathy giggle escaping her - he takes himself much too seriously sometimes. 

"Oh, are you?" she replies, her cell phone cradled against her ear as she pushes herself away from her desk, her chair spinning wildly in a circle. "This is about that hypothetical, isn’t it." She isn’t expecting a serious answer, so it is a statement, not a question - after all it had been something they’d discussed not too many days ago…what she’d do if he ended up in jail. She isn’t entirely sure how the conversation happened, but that’s true of a lot of their talks, it just seems to be one long flow of thought that both of them understand but neither of them are able to explain to others. 

“No, I’m really in jail." That’s an expected answer, Changmin is nothing if not enthusiastic, after all, especially when it has to do with his own pet research projects. And though she should be worried when he’s so insistent on the truthfulness of his words she knows it isn’t serious - if it were, he’d be telling her to do something instead of wasting time on debating his own honesty. He’d have said ‘bail me out’, or ‘call my parents’ - as it were, he’s fishing to try and see what she’ll do and say. 

She tells him as much. 

"You know, this surprise roleplaying thing doesn’t really work when we know each other this well," she murmurs into the mouthpiece, laughing to herself when a very resolutely serious "I have no idea what you’re talking about," vibrates against her ear. 

"I can see you pouting all the way from my dorm, Changminnie~" she teases, the pen in her hand twirling between her fingers and tapping against her lips as she considers the unasked question he wants her to answer. She’s well aware he isn’t going to stop until she does what he wants, but it isn’t something she really minds. After a few moments of companionable silence, the sort where it seems that time stretches on forever in the seconds between breaths - she hides a smile and replies. 

"Well, honestly I’m disappointed you landed yourself in jail in the first place. You should know better, as an aspiring lawyer and all. I could just leave you there - if it’s because of something serious and you have to go to trial you’ll just get even more experience in being a lawyer, right?" She laughs, crossing her legs lightly, "But I think I’d miss you too much, and I kind of need you to fall asleep - so obviously I’d just bail you out, it’s the easiest way." 

"Now hurry up and get over here, it’s almost time for bed. Besides, you still haven’t told me what you’d do if I went to jail.” 

[heedictate]

█║ [ frozen au ] the snow life 。

                                             • • ( ft. King Heechul & Prince Changmin of Arendelle. )

"Do you wanna build a snowmaaaaaaaan?" Little Heechul would sing merrily, every hour, every day to his younger brother (and it wasn’t even during winter, since Heechul could simply blast ice and create snow easily with the tip of his fingers). Changmin wasn’t much of a cheery person to say the least, in comparison to Heechul himself, and so the answer he received was a constant and distasteful ‘no’. It frustrated Heechul to no end, because the castle they lived in was huge, like a large playground waiting to be explored and his parents were much too busy ruling the kingdom to play with him, and so he was determined to have Changmin play with him.

After months of blatant rejection, Heechul had had enough. He finally made up his mind—it was going to be the last time he’d ever ask for Changmin to play with him. His little brother was walking by and Heechul didn’t even bother calling out to him before he breoke out into the usual song. He supposed Changmin had been fed up as well, because this time it wasn’t just a flat-toned ‘no’, his rejection came in the form of a very, very frustrated yell.

Heechul simply did not understand why Changmin turns down every single one of his attempts to connect. Was his brother not as lonely as he was? Does he have some other playmate that he did not know about? They were brothers after all, weren’t they? So why did Changmin seem to hate him so much? Biting back angry tears and balling up his little fists, Heechul screamed in response, “Fine! Since you don’t wanna build a snowman, you shall turn into a snowman!” And with that, he aimed a digit at his brother before rage overflowed from the tip of his finger and ice was blasted in his direction.

Fortunately, Changmin did not suffer any fatal injury other than that streak of white hair which was possibly ugly enough to blind anyone—oh, and of course he had to have his memory erased by magical trolls to prevent trauma. Despite that and the news of their parents’ accidental death years later, it did not seem to faze his solid detest for Heechul. Finally retreating in silent defeat, Heechul practiced his powers within the four walls of his room instead.

Years have passed and Heechul is now eighteen with his coronation party waiting to begin. It was one of the biggest days of his life and he wouldn’t let anything dampen his spirits—not even that god-awful outfit that he was designated to wear. Whoever let people pair purple with teal? But with all due respect for his dead parents, he supposed there wasn’t any harm in wearing it. He could easily distract everyone from his outfit with his plans to show off his powers anyway.

Once the castle gates were opened, he calmed his nerves as he waited patiently in the main hall for the guests to fill in and greeted them with his best smile. But the sight of his brother had his grin growing wider than ever, and with his arms opened wide, he suppressed all his urges to sing the song again and opted to approach him with a somewhat normal greeting instead, “My beloved brother, you’re here!”

[shimchngmn-blog]

If there's anything Changmin dislikes with his entire being, it's the cold. Why must there be four seasons, why can't there be just spring, summer and autumn? Why must winter be so painfully cold that he always has to be wrapped under layers of clothes and left to waddle down the long hallways in the castle? In all honesty he loves his brother dearly, and he reckons they would have been much closer if not for the fact that his dumb brother is an enthusiast of ice and snow and everything cold (and something tells him that the random strand of white hair is his brother's doing, but he has no recollections of it happening). For some reason unknown to Changmin, there is an unexplained fear stirring at the bottom of his guts whenever he sees a snowman, and in a distant impression in his mind it seems as though he knows of a song that involves snowman.

Either way, despite the goofiness and childishness of his elder brother, they only have each other to depend on after a horrible accident robs them of their parents. Time spent alone in the empty castle can get slightly unbearable, but he gets used to it after years of the same daily routines. No one seems to be willing to enter the castle for they have all heard of the quirkiness of Heechul -- the man who is to be king of this kingdom when he hits the age of eighteen, and so little Changmin grows up with the company of his butler, two chambermaids and his teddy. 

And today...today is his brother's big day. It's his coronation ceremony, and as much as Changmin has tried hard to be interested, he isn't. But in accordance to the laws of the kingdom, he is to witness the ceremony alongside his brother. So here he is, clad in a pink outfit as he makes his way over down the hallways, stepping into the main hall only to be greeted with that annoyingly cheeky grin of his brother's and that's when he realizes his outfit is made to match that of Heechul's (though he thinks he'd very much prefer the one he's wearing). Changmin breathes a quiet scoff before sidestepping to avoid that hug, giving a light hum in response instead to acknowledge Heechul. 

"I'm here for the chocolate fondue, there'd better be five of them as promised."

[seoxjoo]

[ f l a s h b a c k ] 1 ` of hellos

[shimchngmn-blog]

seoxjoo:

[ joohyun was so excited, she could hardly keep still. her friends were almost at the brink with how often she brought up her impending duties, but it wasn’t as though she could help it - she finally had been given the opportunity to do something, to make a difference, and even if it was athletic day and everyone was going to enjoy it no matter what she wanted to make it special. it was a  breathless gift of responsibility, the thought of it bringing a flush to her cheeks and a pound with each beat of her heart, her feet tearing out of the classroom the second the bell rings, skidding to a stop a few hallways over. Her books are clutched to her chest, being in such a hurry she’d just grabbed them instead of sliding them into her bag as she should have - she couldn’t risk the chance of missing him! She rocks onto her tip toes to try and peek over the heads of the students spilling out of the small doorway, and lucky for her the person she’s looking for is taller than average, and she spots him quickly. she proceeds to edge her way over, squeezing between others before tapping on his shoulder, clearing her throat and introducing herself with a bow ] Hello! I’m Seo Joohyun, class leader to 10-B. [ to be honest she could continue - an explication of ages is always helpful and she might need to explain how she knows who to look for - but that’s something for another time, because this is urgent! ] We need to talk about athletic day. 

( `with his bag slung over a shoulder and a hand stuffed in his pocket, changmin is standing by the door and having a brief conversation as to where they should head to after the dismissal bell, waiting for the crowd of students flooding the hallways to clear; in all honesty, organizing athletic day is the last thing on his mind -- all until the partner (that he was unaware of) gives him a tap on the shoulder, like a prompt reminder that this is a pressing issue at hand, at least more urgent than hanging out with his classmates. his own introduction left forgotten at the tip of his tongue as his gaze settles on the girl who's at least a head shorter than he is. love at first sight is a far-fetched concept, honestly. in his seventeen years of life there has never been once where such an idea of romance registers itself in his logical mind; he has always been about all things rational and barely any of emotional matters, all until now, and his thoughts are wiped, mind a state of blank so all he does is to stare. maybe it is the way she carries herself, maybe it is the way her eyes seem to be glistening with a hint of anticipation. His lips part around a quiet inhale before his friends give him a light shove on the shoulder saying they're leaving first, and he snaps out of his reverie ) uhh ( `he presses his lips taut into a thin line as he meets her gaze once again, blinking once, then twice when realization dawns upon him that she seems to be waiting for a response or an answer of sorts from him ) I'm class 11-A..I mean, I'm Changmin, Shim Changmin.

[shimchngmn-blog]

ii.

26 july (1:14am)

I have seen far too many family disputes gone wrong, too many of them forced apart (albeit most are for the better because the weak are now protected), but today’s the first case that I’m taking up, the first that I’m actually involved in. Something feels vastly different from when i was an onlooker, an irrelevant outsider, a law student studying cases to broaden knowledge for future references.

I took her from her parents. They were vile, though — ripped of morals and left with nothing but indecency. It was how she was born but it will not be what she grows up to be. We saved her from those people who were far too undeserving to be parents, and I thought we saved her from what could’ve been a tormenting fate. But she’s an orphan now; homeless, and alone. It’s ironic, it’s that awkward landing of the flipped coin where you get neither heads nor tails. I felt thrilled, actually, about winning this case with much ease. But now I don’t think I’m as happy as expected about the win.

Remember those frequent trips to the orphanage about an hour’s train ride from where we lived? I was reminded of those days. I thought of how happy you were with the kids, how it warmed your heart to be able to love them and see those bright smiles in return. But I also remember the way your fingers clutched onto my shirt, repeating over and over through the sobs and tears how it was unfair and cruel that these lovely children are homeless, bound to grow up in such a fate. It pained you, but it pained me more to see you upset.

..is this why you chose what you did? You would’ve been a great lawyer. Then again my account is heavily biased — you excel in everything you put your mind in. It’s heartbreaking. And being exposed to the ugliest realities on a daily basis where emotions are twisted and rules are manipulated in your favor…all of a sudden everything that you’ve learnt no longer applies, and the negativity accumulates. It gets suffocating after a while. (then again the suppressed emotions have always been weighing down on me.) I don’t think I want that for you. I never did, and I still don’t. So maybe pursuing that other dream of yours would’ve actually been a better choice for you. But, what would I know now?

As upsetting as it may be, this will pass and she will grow up and move on when life swings into full motion for her; it will be a part of her past, a milestone in her journey just as how this will go down as a record in my book of victory — something that doesn’t matter all that much in the end.

Moving on, though, often easier said than done.

scm.