if i am to be so bold

half-lidded eyes, a glossy haze of slumber overcoming them. when they snapped open, they were full of gunpowder and stars. her mind was on fire, and so, she wrote.

[shimixuu]

k o b e

your gentle, warm sun cradles my back in its rays and beats down on my legs and face. heat blasts the pavement, rises from the gravel, and is extinguished in the wood-paneled doors of holy spaces and shelter from the stars. ice cream and calpico split three ways and paper fans couldn’t alleviate your heat, but they did help, and brought us together. even when you were grey and rainy, the companionship of all those with me warmed my spirit, my heart.

when i think of you, i think of laughter. grins that split my face, split ours, split theirs. hands - clapping, holding a fan, making signs that cross language barriers, entwined in another. the bright city lights stood out against the dark blanket of the night. do not follow them, children, for they will lead you to roads that you do not wish to go on. six-story malls and desperately trying to find a way to communicate with someone else, stores straight out of the wayback machine, stained glass against the moon and sun, a quick stop in a place i’ll never see again, tunnels and grimy bathrooms illuminated by neon spotlights; they’re all tinged with the soft warmth of the night, “shit, you know how to read chinese, do you know what that says?” - all signs of a friend.

i think, that if it was just me and you, i’d be fine, because you’re all i need.

but you, my darling partner, are a story for another day.

in my memories, too-hot water burns my tongue as my third futile try to even get one udon noodle yet again fails, but it’s okay, because i’m surrounded by my friends, both old and new. hot pot with six other people, asking her to get me noodles halfway through, beautiful photos and smiles so wide they hurt as one by one, ten people stand up and humiliate themselves for the sake of others. on another night, we are the first people to order sushi, because of a handsome boy and his english skills. it felt good, even when i was the mother of the group. brightly-colored cheap vending machines got me calpico for the first time. familymart, constantly surprising me with new and inventive snacks and drinks and everything i’d never seen before. there wasn’t much i could eat - i took g, a and m’s salad at least three times - but boy, was it good.

other times leap out. playing cards in the airport, that first hazy arrival in the osaka airport where we were so happy to just be there, the first time we truly saw kobe and how different yet similar it was to our home. the day out where our brothers and sisters showed us their city. our final night, where we came together as one. a tight feeling in my chest slowly grows and twists, because i’ll never see any of you again, no matter how much i wish it. nevertheless, i’ll always be so grateful for being under your sky for that week, because there is no way i’d ever forget what you gave me.

there are no cloud-colored glasses here. only the ones that show me the sun.

[darkwings-and-horcruxes]

“I tried being romantic and throw pebbles at your window but I accidentally threw a too big rock and now your window is broken, please don’t sue me.“

or, 

“I tried being romantic and throw pebbles at your window but I got the wrong house and hey you’re really cute and now I’m flustered“

or, 

“ I tried being romantic and throw pebbles at your window, but you opened it at the wrong time, and oh my gosh are you okay?? IS THAT BLOOD?“

[shimixuu]

home?

it’s strange that i don’t need space from you. i feel like i should be getting serious deja vu. small town england, living in a little house, walking to get almost everywhere and taking the tube when we can’t. and yet, it feels like a vacation, not home.

last year, when we went to manchester, i felt like i was coming back. that shouldn’t have been the case. we lived in the south, not the north, i’d never been to manchester before then, and yet everything felt so achingly familiar that it hurt. now we’re hanging out around old haunts (i vomited in that train station, and i remember that day distincty) but it still doesn’t feel like i’m in a familiar place. slang (tube, loo, quid) sits heavy on my tongue, and not in a way that rolls out of my mouth with practiced ease.

maybe i’m overthinking this (like i always do), but it just doesn’t feel familiar like manchester did, like york did. maybe i used up all my nostalgia then. even going to a pizza express or popping in an accessorize didn’t make me feel like a child again. i’m a little afraid of the 24th. what will happen when i set foot in my childhood town? will i remember? or will i feel nothing?

[shimixuu]

on the future, and who i used to be

to n.

there, in that fateful hour in the bio lab, i stood by the table as you told me that the person who asked you out was a girl. that wasn’t shocking. after i made a joke about a ratting me out (you laughed uncomfortably, i can’t blame you), i asked if you reciprocated her feelings. you said maybe.

boy, was that a shocker.

you told me you were confused. that she was cute, and you went on a date right after, and that you were questioning your sexuality. wonder burst inside of me. do you think you’re lesbian or bi? how long have you thought about this? you know you don’t need labels, right? what happened between you two? what else can you tell me? 

given the setting, you were very forthcoming. i would’ve been much more discreet. i told you that you could talk to me any time, because i’d been through what you had. and i have. i revealed something i didn’t really want to - and then 8th grade came, and c burst into my world and everything changed - but you said nothing. hopefully i won’t either. 

if this was two years ago, i would have been smiling through tears. i fell so hard for you, so deep, and you were so oblivious. then everything cleared up with j, and my feelings for you dissipated in the wonder of young romance. now, i enjoy being your friend more than anything.

if this was two years ago, i would have been jealous beyond compare. now, i am happy for you, and wish you luck. go for it!

to the girl.

make her happy. 

[shimixuu]

it’s “brunet,” you absolute fool

[shimixuu]

closure

the moment i wrote the letter to you was when i finally had the feeling that I had come to peace with everything. where we had begun, where we went, and how we ended. but you and i, we picked at the scab that was us, and i'd feel harsh words bleeding through my mouth and they would come out of yours too. we were unsteady, like a boat in the water that surround our home.

now, i am content.

this year, we've been getting along better - some teasing shoves and nudges, waiting for each other in the hall, even actively seeking each other out. the malice in my voice has dissipated. today, you threw your jacket over my shoulders when i fell asleep. even before we got together, you'd do that for me.

i never knew what to call you, after we broke up. now, i do.

you're my friend.

[nadiahilker]

i’m always a slut for a christmas au 

“i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”

“i got you for secret santa so i got you this really expensive but sentimental gift that you’ve always wanted, hoping you’ll never find out it’s from me - and that i’ve been in love with you 1234567 years” SNOWBALL FIGHTS

“hi we’re neighbours and omg are you alright i could smell cooking burning - whoaaa now that’s just embarrassing? step aside i’ll handle this”

person a seducing person b into taking a few steps back/backing them against the wall (”oh look, how did that mistletoe get right there????”)

“you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”

“YES I BOOBY TRAPPED THE PRESENTS BECAUSE YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING YEAR”

“i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW”

I KNITTED YOU A JUMPER

MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER

“we’re strictly ‘platonic’ but we’re snowed in omg we’re gonna have to repopulate the earth”

“i slipped on ice outside your house and you ran out barefoot to help me quick let’s get inside under a blanket”

“’it’s a wonderful life’ aww it sounds so cute babe sure we can watch it! *30 mins later* “YOU MONSTER”

“we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…”

“YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE”

TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you) 

“we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together” FRIENDS AU - “our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl” 

“we’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff christmas party and admitted your love for me i don’t know how to act around you now” 

DRUNKEN CAROLLING (”that’s not a thing” “oh yes it is”) 

TEACH ME HOW TO SKI (lol jk i know how you’re just so fucking cute)

“there’s a storm and omg i’m losing signal are you okay?? hold on let me drive 489432 miles to get you the night before christmas” 

PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF 

“i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”

[shimixuu]

graduation

i will tell you, someday.

i will tell you what i wanted, i will tell you what has been burning inside of me.

i will tell one of you the truth behind my twisted words, the half-truths i spat in front of you when my back was against the wall. i know you put those restrictions in place for my own safety, but i grew up in this new world and i have learned how to protect myself. i don’t know them, i said. well, i don’t. not in a conventional way. but i do know them (him) better than i wanted you to believe. i’ll tell you, in the very end. perhaps you already know.

i will tell one of you what you made me feel, what you awoke in me. what you lying on my jacket, on my shoulder, over my heart actually meant, all those years ago. you almost learned this year, but i was not ready, i’m still not ready. i wasn’t ready when a told n, but she and i worked through that. you? you’re different. your case was different. our relationship has always/is/will be different. but i’ll tell you, in the very end. perhaps you already know.

give me two more years. then i’ll be ready. 

but for the first one, when will i cave?

[shimixuu]

six miles high up in the airspace

A/N: keith knows that it’s not shiro. there’s a meta out there that says that. nobody else does, though. also i’m crying because of how good the team was wrt klance? and im feeling sad bc of the mess that was the room scene? so this is just a lil drabble idk

Before Lance notices the things that are off about Shiro, he notices the things that are off about Keith. For someone so dead-set on finding the man, he sure doesn’t seem to enjoy talking to him. There’s a scowl on his face whenever he looks at Shiro’s retreating back. It’s Keith’s thinking scowl. The “there’s something wrong here, and I should have a solution” scowl. Yeah, Shiro’s a little different, but Lance writes it off as an impact of being trapped by the Galra again. Once is already rough, but twice is probably enough to severely detriment a man, even one like Shiro.

That is, until Keith breaks into his fucking room and shakes him awake one night.

“Hey, what’s going - DIOS MIO, KEITH!”

It really doesn’t help that Keith’s Galra mode is partially activated. A little scuffle on a ship full of quintessence wound up with the red paladin doused in it, which led to Keith’s genes revealing themselves in a physical manner. After that incident, his eyes glowed yellow in the dark, and when he was irritated, he would growl and his canines would get longer. Lance is under the suspicion that Keith actually went full Galra when the container cracked on him, but that’s neither here or there.

“Lance,” he says, voice urgent. “Lance, you have to listen to me.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m listening, holy guacamole,” he replies, batting at Keith a little. The other boy is crouched by his bed, hands firmly clasping his shoulders, which he removes when Lance sits up. “Keith, what’s wrong?”

“That - that thing out there, that’s not Shiro.”

Lance is immediately intrigued. “What do you mean, it’s not Shiro?”

“I mean it’s not him, it’s some duplicate or clone or - “ Keith’s glowing eyes search Lance’s. “You don’t believe me.”

“No, Keith, I swear I do, this is just.... unexpected. Keep going.” Keith’s interpersonal skills weren’t the greatest - Lance had experienced that firsthand - but if he was this convinced about something, he had to have some solid evidence to back it up. 

“I’ve been suspicious ever since it got back. Its eyes aren’t right. It’s too soft to be Shiro, and the way it treats me when we’re out in the field is...” Keith trails off, frustrated. “I know I’m not a good leader. I know I have issues. But if Shiro really wanted me to lead the team while he wasn’t around, he wouldn’t tell us to do things that go against what we’re trying to accomplish. So I started asking it about stuff only my brother would know, questions about our childhood.”

“Wait, is that why you were talking to him in Japanese?” Lance, shoving aside the newfound revelation that Keith and Shiro are related, vaguely recalls an event where the black-haired boy was speaking very aggressively in another language to Shiro. He looked confused. At the time, Lance assumed Keith was telling him something odd. Clearly, that is not the case.

“Yeah. I called him Ta - a nickname I used when I was a really little kid. Shiro’s better at Japanese than I am, so he can respond fluently. That thing out there? It didn’t understand a word I was saying. That’s what sealed the deal for me. Lance, you can’t trust it. I don’t know why it’s here or where my brother is, but until we figure out the answer to those two questions, you have to know that it’s not the real Shiro.”

“I - I will,” He replies, still processing the information. “Keith, you know, I really appreciate you telling me this. But, um, why me? Why now?”

“Because you’re the best with people here.” Silence. “And I trust you the most.” Almost immediately after that, Keith stands and walks to the door. “Meet me on the training deck after lunch. We can talk there.”

[hwee-ing]

My mother sat us down. “The smog is from the fires up north.” My father agreed. “It has been pretty smoky lately.” My mother continued, “The city sent out an email to keep windows closed.” We all turned to look at the open door behind her.

[shimixuu]

by the end of my fic himuro tatsuya and nijimura shuuzou will be married i swear to god

[shimixuu]

you can tell how old my fics are by the capitalization of my titles

[shimixuu]

upcoming fics

i literally have over 200 wips throughout my years as a fic writer, but these are some of my major projects. i will most likely post snippets of them as i progress. i’m also dedicating a lot of my fic-writing time to twncu (wwbv) which i swear i will update. i’m writing chapter 3 as i speak. 

but i digress. without further ado, here are some works you’ll see from me in the future.

and the sun never sets; Khalomot + shimixuu

type: oneshot.

“I will love you until the end of time,” He whispers, and stands.

or: in which Simon lives for a long while, and watches all that remains of his old life crumble. But it’s not as if he gains nothing.

five moons in the desert; Khalomot

type: oneshot?

The desert’s not the greatest place. It’s too hot during the day, it’s too cold at night, and food is scarce. But it’s okay, because Iwaizumi-san’s really good at finding food. Bokuto-san keeps his spirits up, even if he does fight with his protector a little. Yachi, even though she’s scared most of the time, is a good friend. They’re the reason why he’s made it so far. 

(of course, it’s more likely than not that the three of them aren’t real, but that doesn’t matter, does it?)

INVINCIBLE, Khalomot

type: multi-chap.

A cruel king rules the lands, and the one man who could change his mind is gone. A party of four sets out to find him, but things are not as easy as they seem. Hopefully, they can reach Iwaizumi Hajime – but the forest of Aoba Johsai protects its own, and it is not fond of outsiders.

[to be titled], Khalomot + shimixuu

type: oneshot.

Kazunari’s got a lot going on in his life. He’s moving in with a new roommate dealing with feelings that might not entirely be unrequited, fighting for his life in the hell that are half of his uni classes, dealing with some asshole classmates, and, of course, suffering through the love he’s had for his high school basketball teammate. Which is obviously one-sided. Right?

[diaphanserarchive]

what we thought what our last days with you

tears drip down my face again. “how are you so calm?” i ask, through gritted teeth. “who says i’m calm?” he replies, tone light, and continues looking out the windshield. // i bury my head in your neck, threading my hands through your fur as i stroke your jerking body. “settle, calm, it’ll be over soon,” i whisper. tears stain your coat. he tells me later that it worked. // when you are dragged through the doors, i know it is not you. // the sun is going down, i am on the computer. i know that you will go today. i wait to hear the inevitable from her, but something he says makes her reply “one more day?” and i know it will not be the same. // a person approaches me. i am crying, sending messages to a continent who will not understand. they tell me “hey, i’m not sure what you’re going through, but you’ll make it.” it is the kindest thing i have heard all night. we talk for a while. they say that they hope they aren’t being a pain in the ass. i sniffle, smile, and say that they aren’t. // we walk to the car in the sun. as we sit in the front seats, she tells me he is taking you home. we don’t know how long you have. i wish he ended it. // you run into my arms, and i am glad he didn’t.

[shimixuu]

n - all the things i couldn’t say

you already know this, but at one point in my life, you were a lot more to me than just a good friend. without any hope of reciprocation, i wanted you desperately. you gave me all that you could without knowing what i sought, and i took it greedily, because i would absorb anything you offered. 

but when i was ratted out you found out, things changed.

i wasn’t sure what i did. you didn’t look me in the eye, didn’t seem to like talking to me, and i was afraid. what did i do? i asked myself. didn’t you already know?

i guess you didn’t. i never trusted her again.

when i signed your book today, i wasn’t sure what to write. i’m sorry i fucked up our friendship over the summer? i’m sorry for liking you? you already know that you have been more than a friend to me?

but in the end, i just wrote “you’re a great friend! :)” because that is how we began, and that is how we shall end. 

[hardfeelingsmp3]

my favorite underappreciated au idea is “everyone is affected by some sort of love spell and falls in love with person A but person B’s behavior curiously doesn’t change at all”

[shimixuu]

dreams.

i dreamed a dream,

of a far-off country where a

part of my heart lies

friends, known and unknown, were there

you were too.

 your body was pressed close to mine in the dream,

i didn’t know what it meant but i knew that

i liked it. in the dream, that didn’t

scare me. here, it does.

 i love hard and long and it sticks

with me, traveling space and time

but there’s something about

you that i can’t stay away from, and it

kills me inside.

 when i lean into your warmth in a fantasy, what does that mean about how i think of you?