Empress

the ignorant slut

[everythingfox]

[wickedwonderlandd]

Ok but why did I legit hold my breath whole watching her pull the second one out 😭😭😂

[anxietyproblem]

[shineeashley]

May 27th, 2019

7

[kammmars]

[wreckedvibez]

My default setting is assuming people don’t want to talk to me

[uglygreenjacket]

[shineeashley]

Tumblr is trash 🚮

[somecutething]

A cat waking up from surgery

[daco-broman]

I am losing my shit

[yeahiwasintheshit]

everyone trying to get me in the uber

[studentlifeproblems]

[pr1nceshawn]

The Best ATM Withdrawal Defense

[alexanders-archives]

I’m here for women with powerful dogs!

[urocyonfox-deactivated20210104]

My land lady is a 90lb 88 year old woman with 5 full grown Rottweiler boys. They sit around her when she gardens and watch her like the secret service. If you show up to pay rent they all stand up and stand between you and her.

It’s intimidating to have 5 pony size boys all staring at you until she stands up realizes it’a you and walks to you.

My favorite part is she wades through them like swamp water saying in her cute old voice ‘move’ ‘move please’ and each one she nudges to move wags his whole body at her touch and stumbles out of the way like he’s been knocked over by a truck. It gives me life paying my rent.

[the-memedaddy]

[luxlightly]

Someone: “I want a cat/rabbit/other animal that will be super openly affectionate, go for walks, play fetch, not mind being handled rough, never be shy, and also I don’t want it to claw me or the furniture(so I’ll probably get it declawed) and I don’t want to ever clean a litter box or cage.”

Me: “Hey there’s this great new type of animal you might be interested in:”

Someone: “I want a dog but I don’t ever want to take it for walks or exercise it very much or let it outside and I want it to be fine with being left alone for longer periods of time and also never bark.”

Me:

Someone: “I want a cat or dog but I want to only feed it a vegan diet.”

Me:

Someone: “I want to have a pet but I basically never want to interact with it.”

Me:

Someone: “I want to get my kid a cute pet for Easter/Christmas!”

Me:

Get a pet that fits your needs. Don’t get a pet then try to force it to fit your lifestyle. Just because you saw a person walking a rabbit once doesn’t mean you can expect a rabbit to just be a dog. Just get a dog!

[pyrogina]

my BF conceived of a cinnamon bun bakery stand made by and for Swinub.  I simply could not refuse!

[astrobro]

What in God’s name is business casual

[faketop-deactivated20201219]

[astrobro]

Thanks I got the job!

[labias]

Good morning

[rexrattorum]

Look my new friend!!!

But what’s this??

Oh?

OH??

OOOOOHHH!!!!!

[espurrellie]

HERE

COMES

A…

FRIEND!!!!!

[rexrattorum]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST ADDITION

[monstermonii]

Here’s where you can get it, since people only seem to be commenting links instead of reblogging them.

[dankmemeuniversity]