My Friend John is Magical

My friend shares some awesome weird shit from time to time. I will share some of my friendship with you people. May be NSFW, Probably a bit gay. Just as we like it.

[scienceninjaturtle]

[bogleech]

so uh this is the real opening logo bit for the mortal kombat animated movie

[smiledog15578]

[shit-john-shares]

Oh my goooods

[deadgravity]

I grew up on the Tobey Maguire Spiderman movies, so this past year in cinema has been a real treat.

[urocy0n]

Bat-Eared Fox (Otocyon Megalotis)

[gravewithinagravewithinagra-blog]

how do i unlock this dog

[sidneyia-deactivated20210826]

that scientific name means eardog bigears

[g0at-reich24-deactivated2018060]

if you’re irish and you complain about britain “erasing culture” but can’t even speak the language/ don’t know shit about ireland before 1910 then just shut your cakehole nobody cares

[gruene-teufel]

Them being Irish and not being able to speak the language/not knowing shit about Ireland before 1910 is a direct result of Britain erasing culture, you goddamn Vitamin D-deficient circus clown

[hungrytundras]

Today’s eldrich horror of the day is

You

[thewolfprospers]

[paper-mario-wiki]

if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.

[shitload-of-muses]

this is an oddly specific post are you ok

[flicker-parker]

Guys

Radioactive was a song written about Spider-Man, right?

The very first lyrics of the song are “I’m waking up to ash and dust”

[psychicpinenut]

that song aged good like a fine wine

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Not to……comment on witch blogs bc that ain’t my scene but……I saw a post that was like “new witches are learning not to put up shields and protective circles during summonings because it insults the person of summoning and they might not come.”

And I can’t stop thinking about how this is literally the spooky equivalent of a guy on a first date getting mad at you if you want his last name and plates number to give your friend before you let him drive you somewhere.

Don’t get in a demon’s car without turning on your location for your friend’sphone’s come on guys

I’m losing track of this post as I go

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Some Horror Terror from another dimension: Don’t bother summoning me if you have protections up it bums me out when I can’t Eat People on a Whim

Me, doin a summoning in my uncle’s yard barn: No that seems totally reasonable

[shit-john-shares]

“If they’re not telling you, they’re selling you!” is what my old mentor’s voice is admonishing in my head.

[haru-desune]

Flower shop AU

Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?”

[weezley]

Omfg

[may-apple]

MY TIME HAS COME

so you’d need a bouquet of geraniums (stupidity), foxglove (insincerity), meadowsweet (uselessness), yellow carnations (you have disappointed me), and orange lilies (hatred). it would be quite striking! and full of loathing.

[cupidsbower]

The “fuck you” bouquet.

(Not to scale. Sources: geranium, foxglove, meadowsweet, yellow carnation, orange lillies.)

[captain-acab]

*Lemony Snicket voice* The word ‘poison’ here can mean many things. ‘Poison’ may literally refer to the presence of an unwashed llama in a stream from which a nearby village likely collects its drinking water. Likewise, it may figuratively refer to the effect of greed and isolation on the priorities of a young ruler, or the machinations of a villainous royal advisor on the health and wellbeing of said young ruler. In this case, however, ‘poison’ most literally refers to the poison, the poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco’s poison… That poison.

[ohifonlyx33]

i feel like i was just rick-rolled

[shit-john-shares]

Godric: Guys, where should we put the kitchens?

Rowena: How about a little ridd-

Godric: Godamn it Rowena, the children are not answering riddles to get into a kitchen

Salazar: How about a nice simple door?

Helga: No, it'll be behind a painting of a fruit bowl

Rowena: Okay, fair enough but how-

Helga: You have to tickle the pear to get in

Godric: Tickle the pear...?

Helga: Yes

Salazar: Helga, in the nicest possible way, how high are you?

[prokopetz]

A clock whose face goes up to 13 is a total cliché at this point - If I walked into some Hell-dimension and saw that, I’d just think they were trying too hard. You know what would really unnerve me? A clock whose face stops at 11.

[bonnettbee]

Especially since “The Eleventh Hour” is generally used to refer to the Last Possible Point BEFORE everything goes horribly sideways, so this would suggest that you are in a place perpetually stuck at the terrible and fruitless moment just shy of impending disaster.

[prokopetz]

See, she gets it.

[shit-john-shares]

DUN dun  Nothing is scarier than the thing you fear coming at you  at the count of 2.

[hyenatown]

[chlamydia-trachomatis-deactivat]

when will the kinkshaming stop

[shit-john-shares]

LORDT

[king]

u know that thing where an animals grow in a far off place and some idiot introduces him to a new habitat and it turns out its characteristics that help them in their own sometimes are too helpful in the new one and they become like an invasive species yeah thats the word i was missing anyway back to my point i think i saw a human version of that just now i was driving in tonights snow storm and i saw a man wearing a big ass cowboy hat to keep the snow off him and a bandit red bandana to keep it off his face and a big ass pancho to keep him warm and nice ass cowboy boots to keep his calves dry and he was prancing along while everyone on the road looked miserable and frozen solid and idk i guess the point im trying to make here is i feel like cowboys would have taken over russia if given the chance or something

[kontextmaschine]

think OP just reinvented the Golden Horde

[radiotroph-deactivated20180625]

one of my favorite weird history moments has got to be when american agents tasked with nixon’s security while he was in the soviet union as vice president under eisenhower detected unusual amounts of radiation in his hotel room so they discussed it loudly to each other to make sure the soviets knew that they knew since there were obviously bugs everywhere and the next day it just mysteriously went away and they never learned any more about it

[radiotroph-deactivated20180625]

life during the cold war was just whatever

[tyrannosaurus-rex]

The Soviets: What if we irradiated Nixon to try and give him radiation poisoning

Secret Service Agents the room over: WOW NIXONS ROOM SURE IS RADIOACTIVE! I SURE HOPE WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHERE ALL THIS RADIATION IS COMING FROM. THE RADIATION IN NIXON’S ROOM THAT IS. THE ONE WE’RE MONITORING SO CLOSELY WE EVEN BOTHERED TO TEST FOR RADIATION LEVELS.

The Soviets: fuck shit abort theyre onto us abort

[shit-john-shares]

@NewDadNotes

God: you’re a cuttlefish. 

 Cuttlefish: yay I love hugs. 

 God: that’s not what I meant. 

 Cuttlefish: oh. 

 God: you have 8 arms and 2 tentacles. 

 Cuttlefish: for hugs? 

 God: [sigh] no not for hugs. 

 Cuttlefish: oh. 

 God: also you’re venomous. 

 Cuttlefish: [happy gasp] danger hugs!

-Oops!... I Dad It Again!  https://twitter.com/newdadnotes/status/1118341323290025985?lang=en

[nudityandnerdery]

On the spectrum of fae traps meant to lure in the unwary and fool them into being stuck in the Courts, the “open box of raspberry Zingers in the bathroom at the 24 hour Starbucks” seems to have a very goblin energy to it.