The day started off with a haircut. I was nervous. My friend Savannah and I had planned to dye my hair blue so we bleached it and then I chickened out. So at that point my hair was yellow. I went to the barber shop to cut off as much of it as I could. He did his best, but he’s a barber not a miracle worker.
I’d seen Bill a few days earlier in PA. He saw me and said “Hey Asher!” then a shoutout on stageit the next day… Needless to say I got my hopes high that it would happen again.
I found my way to The Studio at Webster Hall. I was on a mission to make him feel as important as he made me feel. I wasnt sure how, and I was thirsty for more attention.
So when I finally spotted him outside the venue I waved. I don’t know if he saw me or not but he didn’t wave back. I was kind of like derp.
So then early entry was let in and reality set in. I might not be able to even speak to him for more than a second. We were finally let in and the concert started. He didnt make eye contact with me on stage. Well, not completely true, there were a few maybe-it-might-be-me’s. So at this point I’m thinking back. After all the stress he’s going through, starting over, the legal stuff he mentioned on stageit I REALLY wanted to make him feel special. I didnt know how to put it into words.
I took a step back. How has he affected me?
Bill is one of the MAJOR reasons I stopped cutting. Thats something. But I had to word it perfectly. So as everyone else got their turn a band started playing, bad news. NO ONE could hear a word the other was saying. So I took out my iphone and opened the notepad and started writing down my heart. I didnt even think about it when i handed him my phone as he smiled. Fearful I may chicken out. This is what i wrote:
Bill-
I wanted to tell you this after hearing what you said on stageit about the lawsuit troubles… This time almost exactly last year i was a serious cutter. I have been hospitalized 3 times for suicide attempts. I stopped cutting so you wouldn’t have to see scabs on my arms at fbr15. You recognized my name and that was when I decided, even after the show that I wouldn’t cut ever again. And I haven’t. There were other factors too of course, but you were a major one. I want you to know you helped change my life. No matter what happens, know you are reaching people, and that we’re behind you every step of your journey.
-Asher
His smile faded as he finished reading and looked at me, clearly unsure of what to say. I pulled him into a gentle hug, but he grabbed tight once he knew we were hugging. He didn’t let go. He started rubbing my back. His heart was so sincere and it was clear in his grip. We took a step back and didnt say a word to each other. My friend Samantha had her turn and took a picture with him while asking him about the “playbill” and if it was a pun.
“Didn’t you want a picture?” Samantha asked.
“Sure.” I shrugged casually, heart racing.
I stood next to him as Samantha got the camera ready, “Asher thank you. You’re such a sweetheart.” He said putting his arm around me.
I nodded, not sure how to talk.
Samantha’s picture was foggy so I told him, hoping for a second chance. Gladly he posed a myspace angle with me. He pressed is forehead against my own.
He looked over my shoulder as I checked the picture. “Hang in there.” I yelled over the music.
“I will.” He looked at me seriously. I started to walk away out of nerves. He touched my shoulder and I turned around. “I’ll be fine Asher. We both will.”
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