Home Of Bad Mechs HC

horrible asks and submissions catalogued by us -- run by Mod Wil @crow-of-ohio , Mod Pippin @mothman-stolemyeyebrows , and Mod Ismene @riveracheron -- icon by @pandoras-tupperware

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Hi there, everyone!

Welcome to the @shitty-mechs-headcannons blog! We are open for asks and submissions at this time (though we prefer asks, because I need to get to an actual laptop to answer submissions.)

This is home to headcanons ranging from good to bad to downright horrible, and the worse, the better!

We have a rule against overtly sexual stuff, but most anything else is on the table!

Run by the stunning Mod Wil @crow-of-ohio , the soldierling Mod Pippin @mothman-stolemyeyebrows, and the stupendous Mod Ismene @riveracheron

Thanks for joining us, dear stowaways! 💛✨

-Mod Wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Dude……who was gonna tell me you died………..

sorry man I got burned out :(

-mod wil

[kandicon]

The brain is a wonderful thing. You can picture Jonny d'ville in cute pink dresses in there did you know

[gizm0-gadgetz]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Writes that down

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

resurrects this blog for one reblog just to remind everyone what the pfp is

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

the toy soldier bites people. nobody knows why. it just bite

Well you see its teeth are always growing. Like a beaver. So it needs a way to keep them from getting too long

-mod pippin

[brookreader]

Hey, Mechanisms fandom, the tag “tbi” is for Traumatic Brain Injuries, we should probably not be using it for The Bifrost Incident

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

oh jeeze, that's pretty major. Won't be doing that from now on, thanks for calling attention to it!

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Jonny is the shortest/smallest of the crew and loves being carried and manhandled, but he will fight anyone who openly mentions it.

Sometime they toss him around back and forth to each other. For enrichment.

-mod pippin

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

About Fluffy Jonny:

Carmilla loved to rub any piece of fabric on him to create static electricity. For Science. Of course. Totally not because it made him extra fluffy and an adorable fluffy ball of angry furr.

little fluffy guyeee

-mod Wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Afab Jonny. Used his be really strict on people using he/him and masculine terms for him but after a few millennia he stoped caring so much as long as the person ain’t being a dick about it he actually quite likes using some fem terms now

gender gets more loose goosey over time man

-mod Wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Do you ever thing that when it was just nastya and jonny who were mechanized they would hide together and seek out each other just for a vauge sense of familiarity in something before? Hidden safe with Aurora around them where nothing could hurt them again. They didn't know each other before they died but they still find the other holds a sort of nostalgia for each other. Even after the other mechs came around I think the two of them would always seek the other out if it all became to much but needed someone there for comfort in a way being alone with Aurora couldn't fix, they needed just the three of them alone and safe.

(Written with polymechs/nastya x jonny x aurora in mind but 1000% CAN be read as them being plantoic)

Ooooough that's so good

-mod wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

I'm still on my sad Out phase so there's this

Nastya still has the dress she was wearing when Camilla mechanised her. She keeps it in the bottom of her closet and never takes it out. Jonny knows it's there and never brings it out

She leaves it behind when she goes Out and later Jonny throws into the heart of the Aurora and burns it.

FUCK. OW. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

New Texans are direct ancestors of the ghouls in hnoc

you. Keep talking

-mod wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Jonny used to be really into animals as a kid but after being mechanised for a few centuries it was crushed by the reality that any animal he gets attached to is going to die

even by the standards of mortals, animals have such fleeting lives. If a human life is a blink, what about a pet? What is that?

-mod Wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

It’s the Jonny no bones anon again

Just saw someone submit that Jonny will like, sleep on the other mechs and attack if disturbed so I would like to add this:

Jonny decides to sleep folded up on a shelf in someone’s closet. unsuspecting crew member is just trying to get some clothes out, opens the door, Jonny slips sideways and immediately goes on the Attack.

This results in Aurora having a saved video of a mech opening their closet door and being greeted with a very hissy fightball of their first mate who has seemingly fallen from the ceiling and is Not Happy about being awoken

Oh my god. Little rubber hose guy folded like a shirt

-mod Wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Jonny became an urban legend on new Texas after he left

oh my god yeah. So this kid, One Eyed Jack's attack dog, who kills anyone Jack points him at, even his own father, goes missing for a few days. When he comes back, he's raving about the doctor who "fixed his heart," kills Jack, and burns down the casino; any stories from survivors who made it out of the blaze would describe him as hell's avenging angel, finally getting back at Jack for all those years of mistreatment. They still tell stories of him sometimes, about Jonny Vangellis, the Doctor's Devil, who will rain hellfire on anyone who grows too greedy and corrupt

-mod wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

We need more Scuzz headcanons! So here is one:

Scuzz is as old as Carmilla and is more a wine aunt than anything else: doesn't care about the bunch of random kids Carmilla had adopted on impulse, watch the ambiant chaos for her own amusement, appear on show only if Carmilla forces her and will talk only in japanese just to mess with the kids.

Scuzz is the wine aunt of the mechs family and I will die on this hill.

AWA I LOVE SCUZZ THANK YOUUU!!!!!! WE NEED MORE SCUZZ

-mod wil

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

in 'alice', it says 'nearby, she saw soldiers in all manner and colours of uniform'

my hc is that TS was here, for funsies, and it also gave them a bunch of tea - as it also mentions earl gray later on in the song

Oh TS was THRIVING throughout Alice

-Mod Pippin

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Ok so my shitty headcanon is that at some point the Mechs decided to get some of those shitty plastic kid's food toys to give to TS so that it could pretend to eat with them without wasting food or feeling left out.

They argued about getting the silly kids kitchen for the lols, but that idea was vetoed. They ended up making a fake kitchen for it anyway, because TS accidentally melted some of their plastic food in the SpMicrowave.

(pictures for reference)

It wants to be involved!!!

[thekaygeee]

I will say as an addendum, when they voted on getting the tacky plastic kitchen, Aurora had to be the final vote because She Is The Ship and she didn't want the random bright pink plastic kitchen in the normal kitchen, but she was happy to have a semi realistic fake kitchen when they realized they needed one so TS didn't burn everything down.

Also at least 3 Mechs have absolutely put their food in the fake microwave while sleep deprived (Jonny more than once)

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

oh my god yeah. All of that is. So real

-mod wil

[justpent]

jonny, after like three beers, slamming the door of the fake microwave for thr fourth time: wwhy isbnt it vworkign

ivy, who's been filming the whole interaction (for archival purposes): the answer might surprise you!

jonny: [looks at ivy, with a camera]

jonny: [looks at microwave, fake]

jonny: [looks at his mac'n'cheese mix, cold]

jonny, leaning on the counter and looking for a gun he left in another room: make peace with whatever gods you have becuse when i get you

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

JCIFIRKRBNDJFISKRHWKSJS

-Mod wil