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It is not arrogance or insecurity. It is just being uncomfortable, a desire to keep shrinking and shrinking untill you disappear Because it's hard to find a way to be. It's an existential dread that was for so long compensated by a delusional abstract world in your little distorted mind.

It was not some sort of unresolved trauma that find its way to the surface in response to recent triggers, it was an undeniable reality that kept chasing her no matter how much she liked to think it's different now. But life has its ways of reminding her that it only got worse.

I am utterly horrified every time I confront myself with the great distance between how I wish things to be and how they really are.

What can we do here? I'm afraid to say that sometimes we just have to leave. It's only by letting go of what we had we'll be able to see that we never had it at all.

My feelings are not valid. They are irrelevant. They fit into nowhere. They are nothing but the product of my messed-up perspectives on the way things were and my deranged visions on how things should've become. I'm letting myself down by simply being me.

There are seasons in my heart and they're not as the typical seasons of a year. My seasons constantly shifting, constantly drifting me away from the shore to a deep blue ocean. And in this ocean, it's always stormy and dark and I cannot breathe, but somehow my seasons manage to pull me away from the ocean and throw me in a wide dusty land, where I feel the sands entering my nose, carrying the painful memories of my past, memories of me always lonely always scared, to remind me that wherever I go I cannot escape my seasons

I've always felt things with an intensity beyond my capacity to comprehend. I cannot put my feelings into words or express them in a way that would resonate with others. My feelings only pulled me away from my surroundings, making me withdraw to a never ending loneliness

I guess I was desperately yearning to be chosen that I became a too much of everything to please people, but somehow I was just giving them too much of what they never wanted in the first place.

I still remember you calling me a drama queen for confronting you with what you did to me. I see you now calling me heartless for doing to you the same exact things you did.

Perhaps you're thinking about all the times your world had ended and renewed itself. Yet here you're still the same person carrying the same old pain until you forgetton who you are without it.

I hold my hand to check if it exists. I look at my thoughts floating all over the place. Sometimes I feel I am about to vanish into nothingness. But I'm not sure if nothingness is a place or if nothingness is me.

I say things about myself or the way I feel that aren't true. I don't do that with the intention of lying or hiding. I don't do that to be someone I'm not either. They're just ideas that come to me and I feel the urge to express them. Sometimes i forget that I'm a person and not a vessel for ideas.

Do you feel it? when you're gradually and indeliberately slipping away from someone's hands. When you're slowly walking away towards the path of no return and you don't even know why. Why can't you talk freely as you used to be? Why can't you longer be yourself? Well, I know you know why but you just don't wanna believe it

Autumn is when you feel everything you've ever felt

We were here before, you and I, dreaming together about a future that belongs to us. But here I'm now at a present that was once our beloved future. And it doesn't belong to us and you are not here anymore.

I wanted to be honest, but how could I and a thousand words could never describe what I thought or felt?

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