the shOemon chronicles

"Life is a song" - Patrick Park

[shoemon]

Lessons from (constantly) moving

In the last 18 months, I have moved 9 times and lived in 7 places.

Why? Maybe it is a lit bit of not being ready to settle, a little bit of not having found exactly what I want, and also people I love being in very different places.

Routines make us feel at home.

I had to quickly learn how to be adaptable with changing homes so frequently. The #1 thing that I did was to figure a routine that works in the place I was in and the situation in my life. Some things I would try to fit into my daily schedule were - meditation, journaling, work, workout, socialising, nature-time and learning something. These components bring me joy and fulfilment, and I weaved them into my every day. This shifted the concept of home inwards, where it became about experiences.

People are are often afraid of routines, as they are scared of getting bored. However, if the surroundings are always changing(the variable) - one needs some constants to feel grounded. Routines can bring a sense of control when everything else seems unpredictable, and they can also add a blanket of safety.

Things are not as important as we think.

For most people, the concept of home is very much connected to their “stuff”. From art, books, furniture and cutlery. The idea of being “at home” is often ascribed to things we own, but what if we let go of that?

Out of the 7 places I have lived in, the first one was completely mine (sort of) and I had a lot of stuff. I took pride in my transparent coffee cups, bamboo table mats and 3 types of candles. I moved to my parent’s for the first 3 months of the pandemic, and realised that I was able to live with just a shelf of clothes. Once I went back to my own place, I became conscious of my belongings. I also discovered minimalism and essentialism during this time, and started to be intentional about my purchases. The true test came when I had to move to a flat-share which was already (very) well-stocked and furnished. I decided to let go of a lot of my belongings, and live more minimally. I didn’t want to become mono-coloured-minimalist, but rather more Mary Kondo-esque “Does this piece of clothing spark joy?” kinda person.

Long story short, I was able to fit everything I own into 2 large suitcases. 1 for clothes, and the 2nd for everything else. I realised it doesn’t “really” matter if my cup is transparent, as long as what I am consuming from it, is something I enjoyed.

Since then, I have been able to live with 1 suitcase wherever I go. The 2nd suitcase stays at my parent’s place and I access it between the moves. Having less stuff has helped my brain be more organised, and stress-free. I don’t judge people who have a lot of stuff, as I am able to borrow from them when I need something :) . However, I will highly recommend trying it, for you never know what it does for you!

People are very kind.

I have had the luck to share living spaces with a lot of people. The first few days are almost always a little inconvenient for me. Having to set-up my work space, and build habits can take a toll. But here I would like to acknowledge the people whose spaces and lives I was “crashing”.

It was my family, close friends and my partner - who welcomed my into their homes and showed incredible patience while I figured how to live. I am sure that it wasn’t always easy for them. And that’s how I learnt that people are really very kind and giving. I would often joke that I am “homeless”, but in all honesty - I felt at home in each of the places I lived in. So very grateful for all of these lovely people!

Cheers-

P.S. - In case you are curious, here’s the list of places I have lived in, since March 2020.

March-May 2020 Andheri (Mumbai)

June-Sept Chembur (Mumbai)

Oct-Dec Santacruz (Mumbai)

Jan-Feb 2021 Mariatorget (Stockholm)

Mar Andheri (Mumbai)

April Bengaluru (India)

May Andheri (Mumbai)

June - Aug Radmansgatan and Zinkensdamn (Stockholm)

Sept Andheri (Mumbai)

[shoemon]

Stepped out after 60 days

I finally stepped out of my house. When the lockdown started on 24th of March in India, this was not something I wanted to attempt. For one is naive to think “how long could it possibly last? 1 week? 2 weeks?”

Well, you see, last 60 days my father took the sole responsibility of all outside-home essential shopping. Whenever I asked to go, I was told that “the situation outside is very depressing and it will make you sad”. Sticking to my mental contract to not argue with my father, I decided to stay-in. That was also the government mandate. Everyday, for around 2 hours I would go to the rooftop for workout and chilling. But except that, its been an in-casa time.

So what’s the occasion for why I decided to leave my building compound? My father went back to work in Hyderabad today morning. And voila, I got to step out after 60 days of being in exactly one GPS coordinate.

Adorning masks, me and and mom set out to buy some stuff from the pharmacy and the grocery store. The first few people we came across were not wearing a mask. Was it no longer mandatory? I knew I should’ve been checking the news more often. Maybe I look stupid with my mask when everyone else is chilling. A few minutes later, almost 90% of people did indeed have a mask on. Phew. 

I had a purpose in my steps. “Head to the pharmacy” I told myself, as that was what I thought I was supposed to do. But people around me seemed to be, for lack of a better word, “chilling”. They rested their rears on parked bikes or bicycles, or now-closed store gates. 

The last time I was down was the first day of the lockdown, everyone was wearing masks, and had a sprint in their feet. Like they are preparing for the end of the world. However, today things were different. There was an air of adaptation, boredom, and acceptance. People had let into their lives, the new normal.

After looking for juice in 3 stores, and almost labelling it non-essential in my head, I finally found it! In the same store, I saw 3 guys buying packaged water bottles. I wondered why. My curiosity was answered as soon as they asked for plastic glasses, and peanuts. On walking a few feets ahead from the store, there was a small party happening on a vegetable cart. Men with alcohol, having a good time. On gazing at the street, it looked like clusters of picnics happening in their own decided magnitudes. I wasn’t sure to feel appalled because of the clear lack of social distancing, or to understand the plight of people with such small living spaces in the surrounding slums.

Another thing I saw, or rather - didn’t see, was women. Except my mom, there were rarely any women on the streets. I concurred with various articles that I have read lately on how the lockdown has affected women’s freedom and agency much more than men. And I was seeing it live. A pandemic like this definitely increases all the inequities our society hides.

We decided to cut our rather exploratory walk short, and turned back towards home. Walking through the still-lock(ed)down neighbourhood was not as scary as it was 60 days ago. There was almost an air of solidarity.

Everyone on the street, including us were bound by one common feeling - and it was “We are done!”. The last 60 days have been super challenging mentally, for everyone in different ways. COVID-19 has taken away a lot things from our lives, but the number one thing it did was to take away our ability to plan and control our immediate future. I hope we are able to believe again that we are the shapers of our destiny.

[shoemon]

Depression.

Here’s my attempt at normalising conversations about depression and anxiety, at a time when many are feeling not their best.

There's some beauty in the paralysing feeling of depression. If you have dealt with it before and have a certain level of self-awareness, it starts with one day when you wake up and feel “Oh shit, this feeling is familiar. Ah, its depression.”

About 2 months ago, I decided to make a big life change, something that completely threw me off my course in life. It shook my core and everything I believed in. It was very unfortunate, and painful, and just “sucked” in every non-literal way of the word. As any big event goes, I landed into the 5 stages of grief. The first few weeks were pure bliss of denial. Logistic and rationale directed me, and I went ahead with a black-and-white task list. I was doing alright, and then few weeks ago COVID-19 hit. It has only been grey ever since. I will call it “what-must-not-be-named” in this writing. Not because I am afraid of it, but because I could’ve become a millionaire by now if I got a $ every time I read/wrote/said/heard the word.

Now, I have dealt with mental health issues in my life earlier, and I have a large toolkit of activities and to-dos in case I felt “sadness is coming”. So, I pre-emptively hiked up those activities. Work, workout, and talking to close people are the top 3 things on that list. What-must-not-be-named took away (going to) work, and it also closed working out (at the gym). In the pre-lockdown days, I could still go run outdoors and so I did that.

Then struck the hammer of loneliness. It was me, in my new apartment, by myself, trying to keep sane. I spoke to my friends and family as much as I could, but that didn’t reduce loneliness. That’s when I sensed - sadness was coming.

Upon talking to a friend, who insisted that I have handled this whole life change in a reactive mode, I decided to observe my feelings - and let the sadness in.

Here’s something amazing about sadness, you can feel yourself - feeling it (if you pay attention). As I stopped fighting the sadness, I surrendered to all the negative feelings I have resisted for more than a month. It was almost like cold mercury flowing through my body. It is engulfing in the most beautiful, and merciless way. Now, I am aware enough to know the difference between sadness and depression, and this was sadness. 2 days went by with sadness, and being completely functional in life. 3rd day is when I woke up with the expression of “ Oh F@#$!”. Theres certain level of awareness that you get from meditating and journaling every day for months - and that is the ability to sense your brain’s serotonin level.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am always smiling and happy. I love that part of me, and that is the real part of me. But here’s the thing, when you are depressed - you do not recognise yourself. You see someone having captured your real self. You are ashamed of that state and you don’t want anyone else to see or hear from you. I was still trying to be accepting of the sadness in the depression.

Slowly the feeling of dread took over. It is almost like paralysis, when you stare at the ceiling-fan not able to move. Anxiety starts playing with your head, and you are just sick of feeling that way. I spent one full day not moving, and staring at the ceiling. I knew that I had to do something to break out of this, and I did what I could. The first day of lockdown, I made a choice to go running for my mental health.

I ran in a sports ground with police van driving outside the periphery “requesting” me to go back home. But I fought with the urge to comply, and fought for my brain. After 5kms, my brain was able to come from minus 10 to 0, and that was the huge achievement for the day.

0 is great. 0 is when you can feed yourself, call up your friends. The journey of minus 10 to 0 is what takes medication, or insane amount of self-awareness and push. Everyone might not be aware of how to get from minus 10 to 0, but there are professionals to help you with it. I have seen many mental health professionals in my life, and each one has been helpful in more than one way.

Another learning that came from this was I was trying to jump from being sad to being happy directly, and it doesn’t work like that. One has to first work on going from minus 10 to 0, and then to 1,2,3….and so on. You have to work on being “okay” first, and then on happiness once you are completely “okay”.

It has been a week since then, and anxiety has replaced depression. Now good thing about Anxiety is - it is more manageable that depression. You can go about your regular life with it, and it pokes you sometimes here and there. I personally find it much easier to live with. Now, I have not experienced anxiety before. So I believe a cocktail of personal life and what-must-not-be-named, that has caused it. There’s an HBR article doing the rounds on how what we are feeling is grief, that  you can read here. https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief.

To end with, I am living with my family, and seeing a therapist(God bless Skype), and am doing okay :) 

My next writing (more fun, I promise) will be on some ways to manage anxiety, in the times of what-must-not-be-named. I am also committed to talking about mental health, recommend professionals, or anything you need. So, please reach out if you want to talk!

[shoemon]

Habits I built in 2019

I spent a lot of 2019 doing what I spent a lot of my early 20s, cringing - “Self-help”. As I get close to turning 30, I have reduced my idealistic angsty self - and tried becoming a simpler, practical, efficient dreamer. The dreamer bit is important because I think there is a way to aim high, but be smart and balanced about it in terms of lifestyle.

So here are some habits I built in 2019 that were really impactful for me. I try to share what I did and the impact it had.

Podcasts

I listened to a whopping 869 minutes of podcasts this year. I consistently listened to 5 shows, all aimed at shaping my mind/brain/intelligence about how to grow myself and navigate the world better. I tend to listen to them on my daily commute to work, which is around 25-30mins one way. I started doing this as a way of productive entertainment, with some popular and well reviewed podcasts, and soon it became a habit. I was no longer listening to music but to these, every day. Podcasts were super useful for me! Not only I built habits and changed the way I thought about many things, I was able to make sense the world slightly better. I became a more efficient & stronger leader, got more control of my life. Below are the podcasts I really recommend.

Meditation

I have played with meditation many times, for almost a decade. But always ended up giving it up because it either got to “I don’t have time for it today” or it felt too much to do. In 2019, I discovered and then invested into this app called Headspace. It lets you pick simple 10 or 15 minutes meditations on a daily basis, and works wonderfully. You can pick a course, where they guide you through meditation technique that is focused on a purpose. For example, currently I’m doing a 10 session course on building Patience. I usually do it as the first thing in the morning right after I wake up, as I find it calms my mind and let’s me start my do with an achievement of some sort. I know that some people like to do it before bed, which is absolutely fine. It is important to find a time that works for you. I am also aware there are many apps out there, and honestly I tried only this and loved it.

Language learning

I have always wanted to learn languages, and I discovered Duolingo Sometime in 2019. I initially was doing it all the time, and due to this would end up skipping many days. I learnt from podcasts and books that you need to make it a habit by doing it at the same time every day! I liked that idea of starting the day by learning something new, and then started spending 3-5mins every day morning doing this. I have set a small goal of 10XP everyday and it doesn’t take me more than few minutes to do it. I do it also sometimes middle of the day as an extra. I have just above 4000XP as of now. I have been able to learn some of French and Italian through Duolingo, and I highly recommend it.

High Intensity Interval Running

I spent most of 2012-2018 with running as my main workout, with it peaking in 2016-2018 as I started running (half)marathons.  After the last mumbai marathon in Jan 2019, I found myself in extreme pain. A lot of doctor visits, physiotherapy, and body science research later - I realise that just endurance training isn’t the smartest way to ensure fitness long term. I had to put on some muscle and build strength, but long distance steady runs actually inhibits muscle growth. Months of only strength training later, I discovered something known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These are exactly what it reads like. When you do steady state cardio, your body burns glycogen stored in muscles, but during HIIT - your body burns fat, and keeps burning fat till upto 48 hours after. Read more about HIIT benefits here 

What I tried out is, interval running. Same concept of HIIT but in form of running. So I’d run 20-30 seconds at my Max capacity, and then walk for 30-40 seconds. Not only is it super hard, it makes you out-of-breath and drenched in no time. 

The results were great! I stopped losing muscle, and started losing more fat. I was able to get back to running without compromising on strength.

Intermittent Fasting

Essentially, this technique limits your eating in the day to only 8 hours, and just water/black coffee/tea for the rest. I have developed an amazing relationship with food after exploring this. The idea that we need 3 meals in a day, and we must eat all the time was just not working for me. I have felt so much more fresh, energetic and overall - well after I built the habit of fasting. Read more above.

This is probably my favourite discovery of 2019. I have written an entire post about this that you can read here

Please try one or more of the habits above, and let me know what you think.

[shoemon]

Intermittent Fasting is the answer?

I have been trying the (arguably) hottest trend in fitness world, Intermittent fasting for over a month now. And I was surprised by the experience. Here are my lessons:

Stubborn fat I joined a gym 2 months ago that let me measure body fat %.- which was 19% . Some research later I realised that by all ranges, I was considered really fit and away from dangers of heart diseases etc.(corroborated by blood tests of cholesterol etc.). The gym trainer gave me a goal to lose 4Kgs of fat and gain 3kgs of muscle, which would put me in 14% body fat composition. If you check out this visual estimate, you will see that 14% is quite aspirational.  A lot of research later I found 2 things to consider - Diet and Exercise . Losing fat is faster - the more fat you have. The more you lose, the harder it gets to lose more. For example, if you maintain the same diet and exercise in June and July, you may lose 2 units of fat in June and 1 unit of fat in July. Lesson: You have to keep changing your diet and exercise based on where you are at. To go below 19% body fat % means you have to increase the rigor of the workouts and continue cardio. I started doing heavy weights 3 days a week, and yoga for 2 days. And throw in a day of running and a day of rest.  

Diet This was slightly difficult to figure out. I am very against a super restrictive diet - the kind that doesn’t let you enjoy life. Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE healthy food, but sometimes you need your beer and fries. So I began researching techniques or tricks that would help me keep my moderate balanced calorific diet, and here enters Intermittent Fasting(IF)

What is Intermittent Fasting? In very simple terms - IF is when you restrict your eating to only a fixed period of time and eat nothing for the rest. For me, I adopted the eat for 8 hours and nothing for 16 hours routine. It sounds scary at first but this is how it looks like - you just skip breakfast. Say you have lunch at 1pm, snack at 4pm, snack at 7pm, dinner at 9pm - and then 16 hours gap, then lunch at 1pm.

Tips to get-by 16 hours:

Water water and more water. Your body uses fasting period to flush toxins, clean up your food passage, cells repair themselves, and insulin level stabilises. You NEED to drink a lot more water during fasting time than you would normally. It also helps to sip water when you feel hungry. 

Green/black tea or black coffee. No milk or honey or sugar. Basically no calories should go into your body. 

Get full 8 hours sleep! I look forward to morning coffee and feeling light till lunch.

Tips on what to eat in those 8 hours:

IF is not about eating less, it is about eating right, and the right time. So you have to fulfil the calorific and nutritional requirements in those 8 hours. I tend to eat lunch, a snack in 2 hours, then another snack in 2 hours, and dinner in 2 hours.  Workout is usually between the two snacks

Vegetables and fruits should make up for 50% of your intake, and rest 25% for carbs and proteins, each. If you are used to Indian food, half your plate should be filled with sabji, a quarter with dal/meat/fish, and a quarter with grain. I try to have millets or wheat based stuff over rice, as they have higher fibre content.

Below is how a snack might look like

Working out while fasting

I did a lot of research on this and apparently, working out while fasting is very beneficial! It is counter-intuitive but you can do some digging yourself to find out more

When you workout on fast, your body learns to use Fat for energy, in place of carbohydrates. This process is called ketosis. In simple terms, you are training your body to burn more fat!

Till now I have tried an upper body+HIIT of 30mins, and ran for 30mins. I don’t recommend doing more, just because I felt quite drained. And any further, body would break down muscles to fuel the workout.

You must eat immediately after working out during a fast. So I strategically would exercise towards the end of the IF like at 14th hour.

Below is the end result of a run. Slow, but fulfilling. I

Tips on what NOT to do when IFing:

Do not overeat or eat junk during those 8 hours. Your body will take the sugars and store them as fat, as it knows it won’t get food for 16 hours. Thus, defeating the purpose.

Be lazy and don’t do any activity. You will experience placebo effect for a few days where you’ll think you don’t have the energy to do things, but its just your brain doing its thing.

Just “try” a spoon of something. Nope, IF is not about just creating calorie deficit. It is about “fasting” and the benefits that brings. A spoon of food will break the fast and your body will get confused.

My Results: 

I lost 1% fat in a month, so went down from 19 to 18%. Turns out this is safe and doable  Doesn’t seem much, but if I continue this - should be getting to 15% in 3-4 months. 

I have also dropped an inch-ish on the waist(from 30 to 29)

I felt lighter, fresher, and not bloated. The body get’s to completely clean out in those 16 hours.

I also feel much more aware of my body. IF has pushed me to constantly look inwards, analyse how I am feeling, how the body is functioning, and be in control!

Who should not do IF:

When sick or unwell

People newly into fitness

Anyone with any diabetes or blood sugar issues

Pregnant women

People with Food disorders 

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a nutritionist. Just sharing my experience, and you must do your own research and consult the right people before trying it out.

[shoemon]

I quit Instagram for #30days

At some point in late June, I realised I was using Instagram way too much. Not posting content, but rather consuming the life of others.

I often caught myself open up the app whenever I had few minutes free. Like sitting in the auto, sitting on the pot, sitting on the couch, waiting for the water to boil, waiting for a conference call, and other such scenarios. I have a good amount of reflection and self-observation skills , and I wasn’t enjoying what was seeing.

I also wasn’t a person who hated Instagram or social media, and I certainly didn’t think its evil in anyway. I established within myself that there is something in me that is using this as escaping method. Upon a lot of thinking I narrowed down on the fact that I wanted to share my journey, and support others in theirs.

I have made a lot of changes in my life in last few years. From changing careers, to choosing a path of fitness, making healthy food, and general wellbeing hacks. I find joy in sharing my learning, to support people. The consumption angle of Instagram was more of a byproduct for me. I would open the app and then get sucked into the lives of others, and forget what I wanted to share.

A few months ago I had tried to be intentional about using Instagram, but it hadn’t worked. So this time, I thought of trying a new technique. Complete abstinence. I wanted to stop using the app, and see how it impacts me.

Soon I realised that there’s a gap in my life, with all the time I was saving from IG usage. I felt withdrawal almost instantly. I was traveling to Kolkata, and usually I share the little random fun I have when I travel. But this time, I could not share. I also saw the benefits, instantly. I spent more time staring out of the window, observing life. Soon I realised that I like sharing, and I can do that with quality.

You see, I have written blog on anything I found worth sharing - for many years now. I used to be more picky about what I shared of my life. With instant gratification clouding my head, IG became a quick source of joy. But at the core, what I enjoyed was sharing. All I needed to do was to go back to writing blog posts, and that’s how I would be able to undo my IG problem.

Fast forward 30 days, and here I am - having not used Instagram for a month! I summarise the things I learnt, below:

We use IG(or other social media) for a larger reason. It could be a need to know what’s happening in others life, or a need to share, or a need to have self-accountability or we are just bored, something in that sphere. We never use IG, just because we want to use IG. We need to dig deeper and be aware of what our reasons are.

We care about much fewer people than we think. Often we think we need to be on these mediums as they are great to know what’s happening in our friends’ lives. Although this IS true, it is often unnecessary.  I found that not knowing what’s up in other’s life REALLY pushed me to question who I cared about. Eventually people who I wanted to know more of, I called or connecting with them on other communication mediums. It was interesting to note who I really missed.

Creativity grows when accumulated. I swapped small and frequent outbreak of creativity with rarer and bigger outlets. I wrote one blogpost a week, did a creative art project in my house, wrote a gratitude journal everyday etc. You never know what your brain seeks out to express itself when you cut one of your mediums like IG.

Decrease Anxiety and increase patience. If you have stress and anxiety in life, this could be a good experiment to try. I wouldn’t say IG was causing stress, but it definitely was unnecessarily accelerating my brain when it was least needed. I looked at IG right after waking up and before going to bed, where my brain needs to calm down. I was using it between 2 work meetings, when my brain needed to decompress and reorient itself. I was using it when I was bored in middle of a group-conversation, in place of trying to involve myself in the conversation. I really got a grip back on my brain after this.

Time to do more things. Even though we think we use social media when we have free time, mostly it takes away our time from something we could’ve done in its place. I used a lot of the free time in making a call to a friend, listening to a podcast, or laughed to a standup comedy video.

Lack of fitness motivation or accountability. In all honesty, I do find looking at fitness instructors’ and models’ posts on IG a valid way of motivating myself. A lot of them share their journeys, and how they were able to discipline themselves into following a life of fitness. I definitely missed this aspect during this month. I made up for it by browsing websites like Men’s Health, or various youtube channels like Athlean-X. However, they weren’t as instant as IG. It is interesting to note that my going to the gym or eating healthy only got better. I went almost everyday of my planned workout(minus a few days of sickness), and tried out stuff like intermittently fasting - which much more commitment. Maybe I didn’t need IG’s motivation to begin with.

Value yourself. This wasn’t necessarily my experience, but something I always reminded myself is that people only put their best life up on IG. Even when I was obsessed with the app, I made sure I posted both the successes and the challenges I faced in daily life. We need to value our experiences and ourselves, before using any mediums like this. A lot of people are not able to remember this, and look down upon themselves as others seem to have a cooler life. I highly recommend sharing both side of your life.

So after 30 days of abstinence - will I get back to using Instagram? Lets just say - I am not in a hurry. I invite you to try this experiment with yourself!

[shoemon]

RAINS in Mumbai | Gift from heaven and hell

Growing up I liked rains. Sleeping would be more comfy under the blanket, a slight chill in the air that gave us relief from the horrible heat of the summer.

I never really understood the bad/side/unwanted effects of the rains. We would have a Navy school bus that would ferry us from our fortified, self-sufficient residential colony to the school and then back. We would spend evening playing hide-and-seek in the colony, or video games at a friends, or watching a movie on the large-screen TV in the officer’s mess. Monsoon was fun. So was privilege.

It was in grade 11, when I started going to a tutor - that I first faced having to navigate the city during monsoon. The auto would sometimes get stuck, the bus would be delayed, and that’s when I started to learn that the rains can have some “side effects”.

It wasn’t too bad though, because sometimes rain meant that we got to hang out with friends more. Walk those pretty pavements in Powai, and look out of the friends’ balcony while the rain lashed the skyscrapers. To top it off, Vada-pavs and panipuris tasted better with rain drops…

In college, my life became harder as I had 3 hours total commute time everyday to college, which involved changing 2-3 busses each way, and a 15mins walk. And when it rained, it became 4 hours at least. One day I remember very clearly was the first day of placements(on-campus recruitment). It was a late July in 2011, and we all the 4th year engineering students wanted to get a job! So when it decided to (literally) pour from the skies - people came to college anyway. I did a combination of buses, autos and taxis and somehow reached. Head, shoulders, ankles, socks and shoes were completely wet.

The waiting area became a drying room with everyones socks and shoes hanging from desks. The stress levels had peaked so high that it was mostly amusing. People laughed and joked, as we waited for the process to begin. So basically I did (most of) my first job selection process without shoes and socks.

My exposure to rain in work-life has been slightly bipolar. My first job had cabs picking us from home and keeping us in a glass corporate tower, my second job needed me to walk through knee-high sewage water to get to the school AND teach for 7 hours after that, then there was “no rain”(compared to Mumbai) in that year in Boston.

The last almost 3 years has been quite a balance. There are days(like today), when I choose to walk through the rain so that I skip traffic, and days when I can work from home. At most, the inconvenience rains causes is interrupting my plans to go for a run.

But this is not true for most people who live and work in this city.

“…the city was bad enough for the rest of the year but was truly unbelievable during the monsoon when the city whirled in a slurry of rainwater and sewage, gifts from heaven and hell”       - Amrita Mahale, Milk Teeth

The reality for most people looks like this - stress of getting to work by using multiple public transports, privileged bosses not understanding why you can’t organise yourself to get to work, diseases such as malaria and dengue due to breeding mosquitoes, food poisoning because a lot a people sustain themselves on cheap road-side food, lack of sleep as the roof of their home is leaking, electrocution in various places due to wet electric wires, and the list goes on.

As much as I like romanticising monsoon, the fact of the matter is - till the time the educated privileged don’t stop celebrating the monsoon - no one will have enough incentive to make India’s financial capital - safe in monsoon.

Monsoon isn’t bad, but how we prepare and handle it IS. Like most other social structures, it expands the inequities that already exists. The privileged ignore or overlook the issues, and therefore the underprivileged have to manage things themselves. Unfortunately the people in position of power, need to call a problem a problem - for it to be fixed. Celebrating the “mumbai spirit” cannot be the only action we take to make this city liveable. Next time you are sipping on that up of chai and munching on bhajias from your couch - while watching the rain, think of what you can do to help.

(Yes, monsoons are very useful so we get water in our taps from the lakes, and for us to get electricity for the city to work. We have that clear, and therefore I haven’t spoken about the benefits in the writing.)

[shoemon]

Grandmothers, moving on…Kolkata diaries #6

Kolkata doesn’t change very much, every time I visit. This is the first time I am here, after both the grandfathers have passed, and it has become the normal in the grandmothers’ lives.

For the last 28 years, I have been coming to Kolkata and having a great time. Lots of food, love and family has been part of the journey. This weekend, my brain has spent in reflecting on how the lives in the house of my grandmothers has changed.

My didun(mom’s mom), from my earliest memory, is a super-charged, disciplined poet who kept busy keeping up with dadu’s(mom’s dad) schedule. She would wake up early and do everything before we were awake. Then we would be fed tea, a plate of various fruits, read news to and encouraged to roam on the terrace in open air. 

As I grew older, she started reciting deeper and more personal poems to me. She became more human, as she told me about childhood romances, the struggles of her marriage, and fears.

Few years ago, she suffered a cardiac issue. After which, the doctor mandated 1 hour walk everyday. This walk has now become my favourite part of time with her. Every sunset hour, we put on walking shoes and go around a nearby lake multiple times - talking about a lot of things we have always spoken about.

Since my dadu passed 2 months ago, Didun has found herself completely incharge of her own time - probably for the first time in her life. Alone in a mansion, she divides her time between errands, music, writing, cooking and walks.

My thamma(father’s mom), has always been (insanely) selfless, intelligent and hyperactive. As a child, she would spoil me with all the food, attention and gifts. Honestly, not much changed through the many years. My dada(dad’s dad), wasn’t a very demanding man. He spent most of his time with his plants, newspaper, naps and the TV. Majorly, my thamma has been the boss of the house and everybody abided by her rules. But slowly her kids (and their kids) got older. She still kept serving all of us, as we grew more independent. She used to take us out and around in Kolkata all by herself, but slowly that stopped. With her worsening arthritis, she chooses what she does with the limited ammo of walking she has - and she invests it in going to the bazaar everyday for the fresh produce.

After dada’s passing 2 years ago, thamma has pretty much continued the same life - looking after my uncle and his family. She has also taught handloom classes, and she continues to do that 3 days a week.

For me, life in Kolkata has always centred around my grandmothers and seeing their changing lives works as a marker for my life as well. In what ways do you connect with your grandparents?

[shoemon]

why i loVe sunSets

What power does the orange sky have over my mind? Is it the birds chirruping, often in unison like the chorus of my favourite songs But mostly independent, like a conversation with myself in a room full of people

Or is it memories of countless sunsets with the friends, walking by the seaside, dreaming of dreams that haven’t been dreamt of, singing songs that have always been written for us, making jokes about little nothings, with only love in our hearts

Is it the colours that paint the sky into a muse, delicate-dense-divine, the artist who is hidden from most but amused by all, And it gradually melts its hues, smooth enough for my eyes to see into something extraordinarily simple,

Can it be the reminder of all the truths of life, beautiful and alive, where each day I strive to make beautiful, gently, sometimes wondering how it came to be this, and mostly just making me smile

[shoemon]

More than “Sex-Education”

“I am very smart sir, just got unlucky in the family department”, - Maeve WIley

I just finished “Sex Education” - the popular Netflix series. In many ways it is the the follow-up to the Netflix’s (now familiar) teenagers in high-school with problems storyline - whilst making comments on larger issues that we face in general.

My dinner companion was the season finale, in which one of the lead characters Maeve - was circumstantially accused of dealing drugs. She is a teenager who lives by herself in a trailer park, left alone by her entire family. However, she is extremely smart and hides her talents to put forward a tough-girl face.

While she faces the committee that might expel her, she decides to finally stand up for herself with a very simple statement. She was asked “Why should we keep you in the school?” to which she replies “ I am very smart sir…just got unlucky in the family department.” By this time in the story, we have seen how her character lives a very hard life full of no-love and in poverty. She also goes to say “I receive no support from my family”, to which I shed many tears.

So here is my problem with education systems all around the world. We pick and celebrate everyone that does well, and reprimand and punish kids who make mistakes or are struggling in school. Basically, we are implying that education will serve people who are already doing well, and there is little we can do for people who are not able to cope up, or their families aren’t supportive, or need more resources.

All the “best” schools, colleges and jobs do their best to only take the people who are “the best” amongst the applicants. Basically, taking the most successful people and then making them better. Whereas, some may argue that the focus of the most well-resourced institutes should go to people who need it the most. Or is the resource designed to be only accessible by the intellectual-elite?

Will we ever look deeper into why so many students struggle through their educational journey? We must remember, no child or student is doing badly because they want to do badly. They are struggling or failing or making mistakes because something else is causing it. In some way the parents, teachers and other adults in their life are not able to provide them what they need to succeed. The system isn’t adequate to handle the inner genius inside the kid.

Our goal should be to look at every classroom and find the children who are not doing well and find how we can make them shine! Our goal should be to ensure that the education institutions serve any and every student.

[shoemon]

Dreamcatcher, with wishes from my closest friends and family. This year for my birthday, @abhinayj coordinated with many people I care for, and asked them to send me Irish blessings. These beautiful wishes now form part of this dreamcatcher, which hangs over my bed. According to native american cultures, the dreamcatcher will keep away the bad dreams(negativity) and send all the good ones(positivity) into my sleeping self. Thank you for this incredibly precious, thoughtful, creative and magical gift. You are the my real dream, Abhinay. (at Mumbai, Maharashtra) https://www.instagram.com/p/Br4kjKDDuLP2q6zowuR6-i_XayYSxM-zXkIeeA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=s4cj63m0mkqk

[shoemon]

Letting go..of things

I was a hoarder, my father is a hoarder, and my late grandfather was the champion hoarder. Valuing things and saving things for later(to be resourceful, when the need arises) is a tradition we have followed in my family for generations. When I was in college, I had a phase where I saved every single receipt I got. I collected all the bus tickets for the 4 years, and neatly arranged them in a box - in order of value.  I saved every single card/letter I have ever received from anyone. I kept all school magazines, certificates in small events, and absolutely anything that had any memory attached.

For the longest time, I believed that things hold emotions and saving them is what shows you respect them. I believed that saving things to later feed nostalgia is what I like to do. I was convinced that external things give us happiness. I first faced the question of “What really matters?” when I was moving to the US, and didn’t know when I would get back. I had to be super selective because of space constraints. I asked myself “What would I not survive without for a year”, and to my surprise - it wasn’t a lot of things. This exercise led me to discard a lot of old stuff. After I returned, I had become slightly conscious of what I was buying and storing. In the recent few months, I have been exploring deeper questions - all of which are taking me towards a less materialistic route. Yesterday was my 2nd clean-up exercise in 3 months and below are a few things that left.

Harry potter pillow: An 8 years gift, completely faded. I hold the franchise very close to my heart, and the person who gave it to me was very special too. I was holding on to it as it reminded me of my childhood. I let it go because I hold inside of me those memories, and people close to me know that as well.

Teach for India shirt: A 5 years old gift. Whoever knows me, knows that Teach for India was the single most transformational experience of my life - and I wore the t-shirt to commemorate it. It had become tattered and almost grey(from black). I let it go, as I know in my heart what it means to me.

Sam Adams glass: From the brewery tour in Boston 3 years ago. This one was interesting because, jus a day before - I was telling my cleaning auntie to be careful about this glass as it was very special to me. And a day later, when I was in letting go mood, she shows that the glass was broken. I thought I’d feel angry, but I reminded myself of what I was trying to do. Reassured that how I feel about Boston, does not change by the presence of a glass.

I also let go off many clothes I was saving in the hopes of wearing someday. Essentially, my wardrobe is 30% of what it used to be 3 months ago, as I gave away 70% of it.

I wouldn’t say I am a minimalist, but what I’m trying to get to is “Have very few, but high quality things”. It is actually a thing I am consciously working towards. This means that I will look the other way when a “Buy 2 get 1 free” sign pops up, it means that I will be conscious about every object in my space - and make sure that it has earnt its place to be there. It also means that, I will continuously evaluate whether I am keeping something because I am attached to it emotionally, or what it represents.

Why do I need external objects to feel secure and reassured? Do I definitely need them, or is it just my conditioning? How much of who I am is social conditioning and how much of it is my authentic-self? Let me know if you are in search of answers to these questions as well.

[shoemon]

6.5 cities in 4 weeks

(Delhi, Raipur, Kolkata, Bhubaneshwar, Chennai, Tirupati, Mahabalipuram)

I received a lot of flak from friends and family for my sort of rampant traveling the last month(fairly so). However, it was a very affordable and interesting trip. Here is how I travelled to 4 corners of India in 4 weeks.

My trip started with a work trip to Delhi(City 1) for 2 weeks. Everybody was worried about the crazy smog and pollution levels in the city, including my friends there. The first half hour were the hardest when I stepped out of the airport and the first breath felt like I was in a chemical factory. It took a few hours to acclimatise to the air but it soon felt better. My favourite part of the time in the city was the perfect temperature. The kind where you need a sweatshirt/light jacket and need to stuff your hands in the pocket while walking about in the evening. To add to the delight of Delhi, I had a lot of baked sweet potato(Sakkar Kandi), tandoori momos, and chai. I also got to visit Lodi gardens, some quaint cafes, and many friends.

After Delhi, in place of returning to Mumbai- I took a flight to Raipur(City 2) and began my 2 weeks holiday. Going to non-metro cities in India is something I started only last year when adulthood events like weddings started happening. These cities are super fascinating because not only the pace of life is slower, but also things are much simpler. One doesn’t need to plan the entire day to the T because of simple commutes, the cabs are super cheap, and people mostly nice. I stayed at my friends house and ate a lot of yummy Marwari food. I never knew Khakra with fresh butter and this red powder(hing) tasted so good. I also visited historical school called the Rajkumar College where the princes of royal families in the eastern British provinces in India would come to study. Ended the trip with a drive in Smart City of Raipur.

After this, I took an overnight train(Just Rs.1000) to Kolkata(City 3) to see my extended family and chill for a few days. I was greeted by the familiar chill that I had experienced in Delhi, and also sunset at 4:30pm. I did a couple of runs to and from from my dadi house to nani house(parents’ parents’ houses) and ate a LOT of yummy bong delicacies.

Next I headed to Bhubaneshwar(City 4) for a wedding(6 hours train, Rs. 600). That was 2 nights of partying and fun. Going to Indian weddings are an incredible opportunity to see a new place and meet new people. So we hung around a bit in the local markets, and enjoyed some local restaurant. The fish preparations in Odisha are to die for! I also realised that wedding buffets are wasted on me. Being on a careful food diet for a long time now, I am automatically drawn to only fiber and proteins. So my plate basically had a lot of salads and chicken, mutton, fish, prawn etc. I enjoyed them a lot!

I have this thing I tell everyone “Choose your calories!”, because you cannot say no to all yummy food but you can to useless staples like rice and rotis. They are rarely “yummy” and just give you pointless calories which can be spent on awesome desserts, for example.

I headed back to Kolkata for a day and then took a really long train to Chennai(City 5) which costed Rs. 1700 for a 29 hours ride. This was in the prestigious “Coromandel Express” which traverses the entire east coast of India. I was traveling on this route for the first time so this was very exciting. The new train stations and people who joined and left the train on way was a great sight. The first hour in Chennai was a very pleasant surprise. I was impressed about how clean the city was. In terms of people, everyone seemed to follow public orders and there seemed no traffic anywhere. Roads were broad and beautiful as well. I spent 3 days in a wedding of a real close friend so there was a lot of work to do and events to plan. To top it all, there was the best grand south Indian meals 3 times a day, served on a banana leaf. This was the one time I completely forgot about the diet and enjoyed every grain on my plate. Each dish(there were around 15-25 each meal) tasted different in terms of texture and temperature as well. There was an intense desire to take a nap, which had to be countered with tonnes filter coffee.

The fourth day day we went to Tirupati(City 0.5, because it was just a day trip) with the newly wed couple. As the car climbed up the hill, the winding way and forest reached deep into our souls preparing us for the spiritual experience. We experienced a mini-miracle when the 2 hour queue was shortened to 30 mins when a priest suddenly appeared and let us in through a shortcut secret gateway skipping most of the queue. This is important because most people were leaving from Chennai that night and were about to miss flight, if we had stayed in the queue for 2 hours. I personally LOVED seeing the early 14th century inscriptions on the stone walls of the temple. It was almost symbols but you could see resemblance to modern day script of Telegu and experience language development. I really enjoying going to old temples or religious enclaves because you get to see culture and traditions in their purest forms. Sometimes they are stressful, but we can look beyond that to the honest human submission in front of a superpower.

After relaxing that night in Chennai for a much needed rest day, we headed to Mahabalipuram(City 6.5). Evening was spent in checking out the local stores and a long dinner at a beach shack. We started early morning to check out the beautiful shore temples, constructed in early 7th century! It is eroded a little bit, but it is unbelievable how beautiful the work is. Such craftsmanship was only possible in that day and age. Being a coastal town in the southern part of India, the temperature got really high as noon approached. The town has a very Goa-like feel but much fewer people. A lot of french people and cafes due to the proximity to Pondicherry, the once french colony. I could’ve spent a few days there chilling but we had to make our way to Chennai to take a flight to Mumbai(A ticket on JetAirways miles) for work next day.

I was gone from 12th November to 10th December, making it a month of traveling. But all in all, it was a very affordable trip. Of course I had to plan very early, rough it up a little in train journeys, smartly build miles using airline co-branded credit card etc. but the efforts were totally worth it. Smart planning for travels is something I have learnt over the years and hope to continue.

[shoemon]

turtles all the way down/ book review

John Green published recently his new book, after 5 years of completing “The Fault in our stars”. Turtles All the Way Down explores anxiety and mental health issue, as a narrative.

What started as a simple story of a teenager dealing with loss of her father, becomes a spiral of highly personal and intense episodes that makes the reader feels part of the protagonist, Aza’s brain. Honestly, nothing about this book is simple. It is a highly complicated life of a girl suffering from severe anxiety, who lives within herself most of the time. What the story does really well is it doesn’t waste time in putting out characters like random teenagers and friends who show their judgement of this girls’ problems. We spend most of the book looking at the world from Aza’s eyes, which is very powerful.

“The thing about a spiral is, if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tightening, infinitely.” - John Green

Our brain, the home to our emotions, actions and decision making powers is also a part of ourselves we take least care of, and mostly because we are all expected to be in perfect brain conditions at all times. The slightest misaligned action and we casually shout out “Are you mad?”, “Don’t behave like a retard” and “Pagal!”(Hindi). As human beings, we look down upon any mental health issues. It is a stigma in society and often something that makes everyone uncomfortable. But imagine how bad that is for someone who needs support and help.

In the story, Aza’s anxiety issues causes her to perceive herself to be not in control of her body but just feel like she is a host to the millions of microbes inside her. She is convinced that no matter how much she tries- everything outside of her decides her story. She is panicking about a small cut in her hands(which she makes to prove to herself that she is real), whether it is infected or not. She can’t have a healthy relationship with her boyfriend because intimacy involves millions of microbes being introduced in her system. She still is trying to deal with her father’s death by flipping through photos in his old phone and regretting how she wouldn’t hug him when she could. She is also upset about how her best friend blames her of being too self absorbed- which is knows is true. A combination of all of these feelings add to her anxiety and she describes it to be a never ending spiral. It is pretty much the analogy of the world resting on a turtle, which is on another turtle and so on. Turtles all the way down. If you have experienced this, or seen someone go through it- it is probably one of the scariest thoughts ever. It makes you feel that there is no way out of the misery, or worse - you don’t want to get out of this misery.

“Spirals grow infinitely small the farther you follow them inward, but they also grow infinitely large the farther you follow them out.”

The story has a positive message though. Mental health is something that you can “fix” in terms of getting better. Support of friends, family and right help can take you a long way. The book also shows how everyone(children, teenagers and adults) goes through emotional ups and downs, and “whether it hurts, is irrelevant”. What is important is to know how to deal with the pain.

My favourite part of John Green books is that it is never a happily ever after. Very rarely in real life will you find yourself amidst a happily ever after when you are 16. What makes that age so interesting is that you THINK that you are supposed to find your happily ever after. Even though your life is small, it is over-encompassing.

Finally, John Green shows us how he knows exactly how to capture love through words, and leaves us with a brilliant quote

“You remember your first love because they show you, prove to you, that you can love and be loved, that nothing in this world is deserved except for love, that love is both how and you become a person and why.”

[shoemon]

weekend in Amdabad...allergy, Food, etc.

Originally what was supposed to be a trip for adding another half-marathon to my belt, became a weekend full of eating, hanging out, and a lot of sneezing.

Here are the 9 things I did over the last weekend in the city known as the “Boston of India”

Allergy:

As I got into my non-AC sleeper train to Ahmedabad, I was super ready to go to sleep and wake up once the train was entering the old capital of Gujarat.

Every year in October, for the last decade, I become supremely sneezy when traveling in busses and trains. I hypothized it to be dust allergy for all those years till it started in March after spending 4 hours in Central Park, New York City. Pollen allergy(seasonal allergy) is what I am calling it now. Usually it is no big deal(besides annoying the people around me) and is suppressed after a cetrizine tablet hits my system. I also always carry the antihistamine in my work bag so no worries, at all. But of course I booked sleeper tickets to go to Ahmedabad and also forgot to shift the tablets to the trip bag.

So there I lay at 2am in the train, sneezing continuously. Slowly the eye itching set in and I used to handkerchief to itch them so badly that I bruised them and peeled the epidermal layer of the area surrounding the eyes. Without the medicines my nose, eyes and throat were on fire but I had no option but to just, wait it out.

On way from the station to my friend’s place I stopped, bought medicines and eye drops and slept for a few hours. I would be on cetrizine for next few days because Ahmedabad is super dry and dusty. Never am I ever traveling in trains without cetrizine again.

Thali, Coffee, Food trucks

I am one of those annoying tourists that only want to eat local food when traveling. To satisfy my urge for Gujju food, I dragged BB to a popular Gujarati thali place- Atithi. What followed is a lunch of size I have not had in a really long time. Lots of farsan, roti, puris, sabjis, sweets etc later I was satisfied and wanted to spend the afternoon in a cafe reading my book.

 I discovered a cute café called Soul Square where they understood my need of supremely simple but customized order(black coffee over ice and soy milk on the side). The cetrizine and abundance of carbs made me drool over the book even after the coffee, and I caved in to go home and sleep.

By the time I woke up, it was time for dinner :D

Ahmedabad has a beautiful food truck area where you get JAMUN SHOTS! Yes, your heard it right. Intense jamun juice in shot glasses with salt in the rim. I imagined the elixir of life would taste like it. And of course you have to end with waffles with dark chocolate and strawberries. Originally by this time we were to be getting ready to run 21kms, if only the Midnight Pink Marathon would not have been cancelled.

Mocha, Haunted farm, Escape room and Kailash Parbat

We started the day with brunch at MOCHA, one of my favorite places growing up in Mumbai which shut down 3 years ago and now is only there in Ahmedabad. “Chocolate Avalanche”, one of their signature dishes, has a lot of sweetness and memories attached to it.

Somehow I agreed to go check out a supposedly haunted farm near the city. We reached when it was nearly dark and started walking on rural roads with no light but only dust and creepy structures. We had conversation about how humans are scarier than ghosts and we should’ve got the Swiss knife with us. There was an eeriness in the area and we decided that it was a better idea to come back in the day-time. 

We then headed to an “Escape room” where we got an hour to solve a bomb-scare and diffuse it to escape from the room. My first time to one of these, and a really fun one. We ended the night with a delicious dinner at Kailash Parbat and yummiest Nolen Gur ice-cream at this Bengali place called Pabrai.

MICA, Swati snacks and Riverfront

The last day I spent catching up with VG at MICA, a place I has earlier visited in 2015 to see SA in action :) Grad schools are fascinate because these are students, but also fully grown adults. Ideally, they need to adult while also chase after academic and future dreams. That means, maintaining your room, your appearance, hobbies, relationships, and also working super hard to get good grades and jobs. It was great to see so many people doing all the above and more. I tried to draw parallels to my time in grad school and was hit by many thoughts.

Before leaving for Mumbai, we went for Patra and Handvo to Swati Snacks and walked for hours around the Sabarmati Riverfront (I see why the city is called the Boston of India)

Thanks Ahmedabad for showing me a good time, every time.

[shoemon]

why I run/ Half-Marathon reflections

When I was 15 years old, I weighed 80Kgs and sported a waist size of 38 inches. Having set the context of my being, I ran a half-marathon 1 week ago and here is how I feel about it.

After a week long recovery after running my first half-marathon in life, it is time to reflect and talk about why I did this seemingly big but actually small deal.

I started this calendar year kind of, lost. The previous few months had brought in major changes in my life, and a lot of my personal being seemed to be pointless. I started looking for goals that are achievable and need dedication and hard work. I have been running for a really long time, but now more than ever I needed it to bring positivity and stability to my mind. I registered to run the half-marathon in June, and after a lot of work- I did it.

Running is a very intriguing activity and very hard to explain to those who don’t indulge in it. Physical exertion actually is not what is fascinating about running, but the mental part of it is. As I started the 21.1km half-marathon in BKC, I remembered how I should not start running at a high speed. Distance running is about connecting with every cell in your body and analysing 1. How you are feeling, 2. What energy is stored 3. At what rate you should be spending this energy. You keep answering these questions throughout the run.

I ran proudly, chest out, staring into darkness as the sun was still shy of rising at 5:30am. It felt like I was meditating. There was a sense of solitude even if I was in the middle of thousands of people. There were runner from all demographics. Different races, genders, age groups, and other diversities. But you know somewhere all of them are going through a similar meditative brain process. At that moment, you feel united in mind even though you have different bodies.

Rain gods decided to be generous on this particular Sunday morning and it came down heavy. After getting over the initial “omg, why cannot Apple make waterproof phones?” and “my shoes and socks are soaking up all the water - feet will hate me forever!” panic, I started enjoying the rain. The water had a natural cooling effect and I felt far more relaxed than I feel during my usual practice 10ks. I found myself smiling and  painting this picture in my head- early sunday morning, pouring rain, running in Bandra Kurla Complex. You at some point realise that the source of ultimate happiness can only be somewhere inside of you, and you embrace it.

A suggestion I got from all of my friends who have done this before is “nutritioning”.  One trap is that runners wait till they are tired before taking their first energy replenishment from the stands. Simple logic is, it takes a while for energy to get converted from the liquid that you sip to the calories that you burn. Therefore, I started sipping on Enerzal from 4kms point. One sip every 2-3 mins. In 2.5 hours of running I went through 4 small drinks. It also has essential electrolyte that maintains hydration and your muscles don’t cramp. Distance running is great to make your realise and actually feel how your body deals with nutrition.

As I overtook the 2hours 30minutes pacer, my right leg started to twitch. There was only 1.5kms left and I knew that if I stop now, it’ll be a really hard “last mile”. That is when you start talking to your body and go like “just a little bit more. You can do this”. And the twitching stopped. Crossing the finish line, was almost unbelievable because I couldn’t believe that 1. I has been running for 2 hours 21 minutes without stopping; 2. I was not as tired that I imagined I would be. 3. I did it. First time ever ran this much distance, and kept it under a good time.

This post does not get over before admitting how long the process of fitness has been. From a 80kgs-38inches waist- 15 year old who just watched TV and ate a lot, to 69Kgs, 30inches waist- 26 year old who can run half-marathons, it has taken a lot of work. This is not to say that one form is better than other, but the purpose of me highlighting this is- if you choose to live healthy, nothing is impossible. I started running 1 km back in 2011 and now can do 21kms after 6 years of intermittent running. Never feel small or low looking at fit people in the gym or in marathons, because everyone started really small. What makes you “cool” is not when or how you begin, but how willing you are to stick it out, the hard work you put in, and sincere commitment- to yourself.

Cheers-

Suman

PS: Always on the lookout for running buddies.

[shoemon]

shantaram...”No love, is no life”

As I try to gather my thoughts around Shantaram, I stumble upon having to deal with my own life as it changed through the book. I technically started reading it almost 11 months ago when I was still in the U.S. as a sort of “prepare to work in Mumbai’s slum” guidebook. Anyone who has read it knows that it is almost a non-guidebook.

I took a almost a year to read it, not because I was lazy but it was just very overwhelming. Shantaram is one of those books that sends on a whirlwind journey where you question multiple philosophies in your life, explore the human relationships you have had in the past and question what is important to live a happy life in the future.

The story begins simply, and the protagonist is always projected to be a complex character. Swaying between being the ideal “man” and a criminal in denial, Lin is everything you’d expect a foreigner to be and also not. The author has a style where he without fail mentioned the most trivial information, and Lin was the agent of it. He would describe the smell of soap when he hugged his best-friend, the expression in the eyes of the father-figure, and the dashboard idol in a cab. Readers who enjoy visualising, this book is a treat for them.

So what is the fuss about this book? One of my very old friends recommended this back in 2010 and sold it as an important read, and I 100% agree. This book is very real and unreal at the same time. You are led to believe that it is a true story, so you read it imagining the author going through everything but then you question is when things happen that just seem to movie-drama-esque bordering on fantasy. However, at times Lin’s life changes very quickly in a way you can relate to. Parts of the book that are relatable make for a lovely read, and other parts are very skim-able. Personally, I have not been a big fan of books that change pace throughout but I found it quite refreshing in this. I almost skimmed 15% of the book after reading 600 pages religiously in-depth.

Lin’s character growth kind of stops at some point in the book. And also of other characters to a degree. Karla annoys me after about 30% of the book, and other characters who are sold to be interesting don’t have much screen time later. I do think that the book could’ve used some more editing. It was evident that the story was written over 13 years and the author must’ve changed a lot through the time but the change in style and pace is almost off-putting at times.

I do actually like the book very much, and some quotes are very powerful(“No love, no life”). It missed cohesiveness though. I do believe that you can have an epic large novel, and still make it cohesive. In my opinion, A Suitable Boy and Order of the Phoenix are examples of good large books that are still well-built together. Another option probably was to have modules that compliment each other well, which also this book does not do well.

My absolute favourite character from the book has to be Khader bhai, and his theories/teachings. They sort of form the backbone of the book, quite clearly, but they also form the external validity. What Khader teaches is applicable to everything outside the book/story and makes the reader connect well with. The universe has been going towards the ultimate complexity and  “A universal definition of good and evil” is the aspiration he sets, and I am sure that is something I will find myself going back to again and again.