tips (¿) on cleaning for nd people
Point in case, my adhd makes it really difficult to do house chores (especially the dishes) and more often than not, i'm unable to clean properly and the house ends up a mess.
However, since my mom is gone, and both my big brother and my dad are pricks who refuse to help me clean because "lmao gender roles", I have the responsability to take care of the housechores on a daily basis.
I wont go on about how hellish the first weeks were, but I'm managing to get a hold of it and I'll share with you what I'm doing to make the tasks easier.
I'm not sure if this will work for all of you, but it's worth trying it out.
Thanks to our fucking best buddy executive dysfunction, if the mind is bored and the task that needs to be completed is also boring, our body will absolutely refuse to do it. And if we force ourselves to do the task under those conditions (more often than not, we will fail), we might end up emotionally exhausting ourselves to the point we wont be able to do anything else for the rest of the day or, in worst cases, cause a panic attack or a meltdown.
So we have to work around the executive dysfunction to avoid those situatuons, which means, entertaining the brain while doing the boring task.
For example, if I have to wash the dishes, I'll get up, get my gloves on (i have latex gloves for sensory issues. Super recommended) and stand next to the sink (if you got here, you're already doing fucking awesome and I'm proud of you. I know how much it takes me and It's not easy. But we're all in this together, ok?).
Just then, on my phone, I'll search for a vídeo that catches my interest (long enough so it wont finish while I'm midway into the task). It's important that
1. I search for it only when I'm in front of the task (in this case, the sink) or I'll end up watching the video on the couch or something. And
2. I place it as directly in front of me as I can (in my case, I use the cupboard that's over the sink and equilibrate my phone in it's border. Yeah, it has fallen a few times already. I broke the screen. Not recommended but it's the best place i have kaksksj).
Then, my brain will focus almost entirely in the video i'm watching while I start doing the task. My hands will move almost like a background animation: I'll be doing it, but my mind wont be there. Thanks to this, most of the time I wont even notice the process and I'll be surprised once I'm already done. Cons of this: more than once I have become too distracted by the video and I've broken five (5) cups/plates so far. But still!!! It works!! I'm fucking finally doing the dishes!!! And if a few broken cups are the price, then so be it. (...OR you could buy plastic glass-like dishes and boom. No cons.)
This works for me on most tasks, be them to fold clothes, sweep the floor, or hang up the clothes... All i need is to 1. Get myself in front of the task and 2. Distract myself by something else so I wont notice as I do the task.
See how the first step of the first section is "getting in front of the task"? Well, that itself can be a fucking hassle.
Sometimes i know that I have to do the dishes, and I know that if I don't do it they will pile up and it will be worse and I know that if I don't do it before dad comes home he will nag at me and I'll sulk the entire day like last time. I know these things. And in my mind i'm like "move. Please move. We have to do the thing. Please do the thing. C'mon. Move. Move. Move" while, of course, I'll be on the couch looking at the ceiling not. moving. (And crying. It depends on how much time I've been there).
First, let me warn you that these are an emergency exit for when the task must be done and you can't get yourself to do them. Please don't take it too far and self harm. Please don't do it. If you don't i won't, ok?
So, what do i do? I'll make myself uncomfortable. If i'm in the couch, I'll throw myself to the ground. It could be slowly slipping from the seat or harshly hitting myself face-fist in the floor like a sack of potatoes (it depends on how much energy i have to perform the action). At some point the flatness of the floor will hurt my body or It'll get cold enough to provoke a response from me: getting up (Or crawling. Be patient).
Once we are up, get as far away as posible from comfy places QUICK. If you already sat in the couch again, don't worry, repeat step 1 until you make it.
Now, go grab the first thing you find that's related to the task you have to do. If you have a lot of tasks to do, just pick the one that's closer. Grab a dirty plate and hold it. Grab a bunch of those clothes you have to fold/wash. Etc. This is your objective.
It's absolutely important that you hold on the object and not let go. Don't put it away, don't leave it in the table, no. It stays in our hand. And don't sit down. We stay up.
You can take your time, maybe pace a little. At some point it will be a nuisance bad enough that you instictively will want to get rid of it, so go where the object belongs and stay there. And you did it!!
I know this works for me because it makes my brain process the task at hand (no pun intended) but slowly enough that I don't get overwhelmed. It does help as a bridge to change from one activity to another, hence fights the dysfunction. And it assigns a motivation of pure spite to finish the task (after 30 minutes of holding a pot and heavy wrist cramps later, I was pretty much angry at the dirty dishes and I wanted to clean them as soon as possible so I didn't had to hold another dish for more time).
Now you can do the thing with the videos to start doing the task. Good job!
Assign rewards. I guess we all know this one already. But things like candy don't really work on me cause I'll eat them all in one go or i don't have the money to buy me stuff that I can give myself on the daily.
So, try easy things. Something that you know will give you those molecules of serotonin. That thing that will give you a itty bitty feeling of joy. Like a cup of your favourite tea, or put on your favourite socks, or a rewatch of that one movie.
And state them as facts. Something like: "we will sweep the floor and then we will investigate about that one pokemon we were thinking about"
So you have the certainity that a good thing will happen after you complete the task.
However, I know sometimes this doesn't work. The thought "why do i need to do the task to be able to do this thing i like, when I could do the thing I like right now?" Is sadly very common when we are feeling our worst, and it does nothing but rob us from our motivation.
It is hard to counter, especially when the task we face is one we hate or have been avoiding for a long time.
What I do is obey the thought. If I'm thinking like that, is because I'm way too understimulated to perform the task. So I'll do the thing that makes me happy first, and I'll assign another reward to the task, repeating this process until I feel well enough to do the thing.
For example, I need to do my bed, and the reward i first assigned to it was listening to a podcast. I couldn't get myself to do the task, so I listened to the podcast first and assigned a new reward: painting my nails. "Once I finish this thing I like, I'll do the task, and then I'll do another thing I like". And if I couldn't do it, i'll do the thing I like now, and do another thing I like later.
It is also important to try and downplay the task in your mind. "You know, maybe it wont be too bad". "Maybe it wont take too long". "My teacher/family/friend will be proud of me if I finish it today". "I'll be proud of myself if I finish it". "I want to have this clean". "I'll show others that I, too, can do this".
Until you feel ready enough to do the task.
And I can't stress this enough. Even when you couldn't clean today. Even when the house looks like a mess and you couldn't do it. Even when you couldn't even get out of bed today.
It's ok. You'll have tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. You might not feel in control right now but you will, someday soon.
It's important that you tell you this. Do not punish yourself.
I, most days, can't get myself to clean properly. Somedays i can't cook, or I can't get bath. I try to, but I fail. Or I don't even get myself to try. But, I understand that this doesn't make me any less of a person. I respect myself, and I acknowledge that it's hard to function as I should. But I'll get there at some point. Even if I pile up dirty dishes all my life.
Mental illneses can hurt your self-steem a lot. But someday, you'll love yourself. Just try to aim for that and allow yourself to fail.
Tell you nice things. Treat yourself. Stop you when you self-deprecate. Look for a positive solution. Celebrate every acomplishment.
And, I don't know if it will help, but think of yourself as a team. You know, your inner voice? Make it a "we". "We can do this". "We'll be ok". It will help you remember that you are not alone in this, that we're all in this together.
